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most people think they know what they want.

no, most people don't think about it, they just go with their feelings and live each day. they accept what they're told, they do what they 'should' and they go with them. you dare to think about what you want and don't want.

it's not a matter of daring, it's a matter of ---

don't make excuses for yourself. don't try to look for reasons or rationales, motives or memoranda. it's not about that. it's about what you are. what made you that way is irrelevant. you keep asking, what do I want? and it never ends. what you think you want and what you think you need are different, and so is what you'll accept, what you'll hope for, what you dream about.

tell me there's some good to all this. i'm tired of getting browbeaten.

i neither criticise, comment nor judge. i merely state.

how vulcan of you.

there's nothing wrong with a little vulcan objectivity from time to time. spock would be the first to say that the past cannot be changed, so it must be accepted, proceeding from the belief that the best attempts were made in the past.

i am what i am, i am my own special creation. here, come take a look, give me the hook or the ovation.

you're making yourself into something you've never been. and people like it. people like all sides of you.

except the dark side.

you growled at the wrong person in the wrong way at the wrong time, that's all. the issues are not merely momentary.

this is true. so who am i?

who do you want to be? there are so many of you. the writer, the teacher, the actor.

i want to be ---

if you say "i want to be like Kore ---"

well, i would. i'd like to be more like him.

you're working on the self-confidence. the looks you can't do much about without money you don't have. the money will come in time. and the boys, if that's what you really want.

maybe. i think it is.

give yourself time to find out.

you know, all this self-examination is all very well, but it propagates things I've been trying to get away from. all the things from the past.

and yet you joyously continue and proclaim your attachments. not least to -him-.

oh yes, him. well, he is a large part of me. or i am of him. or --- you know what i mean.

archetypically, certainly. that dark, unrestrained, powerful, demanding, lustful side of you. the one that does not fear. the one that demands great things.

yes, him.

don't worry about him. don't worry about any of them. including the new ones.

there are always new ones.

i think they're adorable. two aspects that haven't shown their face before.

there's a first time for everything.

so what are you going to do?

nothing. i'm going to enjoy what i'm doing, accept my mistakes and go forward. and not worry too much if things aren't perfect.

'the brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all'?

precisely. and a soul cannot be at peace with others until it has found peace with itself.

have you found peace with yourself?

no. but i think i've found the end of the string.

beware minotaurs.

oh, they'd better beware me. they can be damned sexy.

one day you'll make good on that sort of language.

yes, and if my old friend has anything to do with it, sooner than later. sex is...

go on?

it's not scary. just like everything else in my life, too much thought about.

mmm-hmm. you're learning.

i was always slow at some things. and still naive in so many ways.

perhaps. nothing wrong with the innocence of the fool, you know. a jester's motley is a good hiding-place.

until it's all they see.

you don't give them enough credit. they see much more than you think. if they didn't, you wouldn't be where you are; you wouldn't have done what you've done. and don't ignore those who don't help you, but merely don't dwell on them. you know what i'm talking about.

i do. it's frustrating, though.

yes it is. it just means you'll have to work harder, and give some things up for a while.

true. find time for the things you want to do.

yes. you always do. but make sure you do the things you have to do. be a good soldier for once.

and listen to my body? well, my mind, in this case.

yes. work. do what you must and what you want when you can. just be sure to do what you want and not simply think about it. in other words, the time to stop procrastinating is now. there's no time left any more.

so much to do, so little time.

so make the most of it. you can do it. it means ---

i know what it means.

i know, and that troubles you.

somewhat. but i'll live. it's been fun, these past years.

it still shall be. but it's not something you need any more, rather something you want. admit it, you don't enjoy it as much these days.

i confess i don't. several things like that.

paul was wrong, you know. putting away childish things is the wrong metaphor: it means you have them out of mind, you are hiding them. there's nothing wrong with being childish. if it had been me, i would have said to put the childish things aside. leave them in view, as mementos of what you have enjoyed and what you learned. steps along your path, if you will.

cherishing our past?

exactly. ... cherish your past. it's yours. whatever it was, it helped make you. cherish it.

'honour thy father and mother that thy days might be long in the land that the lord thy god hath given thee.'

more like 'we should cherish the love we have, we should cherish the life we live'.

i haven't thought of that song for years. kool & the gang. i can hear it now. it sounds so dated.

stuck in your memory, though. like so many other things. do you really wish you could forget things?

sometimes. it can be a pain, having a memory like mine.

a curse and a blessing.

like so many things.

yeah.

...

yeah. coffee time, i think.

you and your coffee. ... how d'you feel?

i feel fine. i feel good. i feel young. a little off my game but good. and those times are all right, too. these too shall pass.

enjoy what you have. i know how much you want certain things, but still, enjoy what you have. and who you have. while you have it. once it's gone, it's gone.

i know. i know. ... ... right, coffee.

talk to you later.

ciao.