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Kaeden's Commitment

by Draugr

Chapter XIII: Ask Us To Do Anything

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This work is licensed under aCreative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

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It was another three days before Kaeden finally agreed to try spending the night with Alex. He wasn't afraid of the Dane anymore, but sharing the same crib was a scary step that he wasn't really yet willing to take. The pink diapers and girly t-shirts were_really_starting to get on his nerves, however.

"You sure you're ready for this Kaeden?" the Dane asked, while the Shepherd was up on the changing table, getting taped into a clean dinosaur-themed diaper. Ashleigh had initially told him he could be a boy again_after_spending one night with Alex, but she wanted to set him up for success, and reward him for making the decision so soon.

"I trust you, Alex," he said, as Ashleigh was fitting him into his blue sleeper. "You've been really nice to me, and helped me work through a lot of stuff." Alex looked down, biting his lower lip.

"What's the matter, Alex?" Ashleigh said, laughing. "You don't want to share a crib either?"

"N-no! Wait, I mean, yes, I do... ah, not that, either, I... I just... it's something, you know... new," Alex stammered, uncharacteristically off-balance.

"Calm down, pup," Ashleigh said. "I know what you mean, and I'm sure Kaeden does too, don't you?"

Kaeden nodded. "You helped me get a little bit better, so... I gotta help you get better too, even if it's hard for me. Mommy told me this was part of you getting better, too."

Once she got both of them tucked in, with Ikici nestled under Kaeden's arm, she gave each a goodnight lick on the forehead. "Be good, and get some sleep. Don't stay up all night talking. If you need me, I'm right next door, okay?"

"'Night Mommy," Kaeden said, a little low-key.

"Goodnight, Ashleigh," Alex said.

A few minutes after the nursery was bathed into blackness, save for the night-light in the corner, Alex finally broke the silence.

"I meant to ask earlier, but... why do you call her 'Mommy'?" he asked, curiously.

Kaeden blushed, and wiggled a bit further under his blanket. "I... I never had a mom growing up, and... Ashleigh... "

"She's been there for you... and she's raising you as her own. Makes sense," Alex said.

"Yeah. I'm still not one hundred percent on board with being treated like this... but it's nice to actually have a mother."

"Why not? What part of this stuff hasn't helped you?" Alex asked.

"You mean none of this bothers you?" Kaeden replied, incredulously.

"No, not really. You couldn't see me the way I was before, but when I first came to Sarah - my caregiver - I was a wreck. I couldn't have gotten better without this program. Not without her or the puppy stuff."

"Even the... the diapers?" Kaeden asked, in a whisper.

"Especially that. If I couldn't give up something that simple, how could I give up everything else?"

"You almost sound as though you like wearing diapers," Kaeden said, wrinkling his nose.

Alex blushed, although Kaeden couldn't see this. "It's not that. I don't like having to use them, if that's what you mean. It won't make a lot of sense to you, since you haven't gone through what I have, but while I was getting over my neophobia, Sarah was really good about comparing the protection my diapers offered me to the protection I needed to face the world."

"A diaper isn't going to protect you against new things."

Alex stifled a laugh, not wanting to be punished for being too loud after bedtime. "I told you it wouldn't make much sense. You have to experience it. It's more of a metaphor."

Kaeden shook his head. "No, I get it. You like wearing diapers because they make you feel safe. They're protection, even if it's protection of a different sort."

"Not exactly, but, that's pretty close, yeah."

"So what are you going to do when you graduate?"

"Hmm...well, I've never licked a spark-plug, and I'm not too good at ping-pong," Alex said wrly.

"What? What does that have to do with...," Kaeden laughed, shaking his head. "No, I mean, eventually you're gonna have to be potty-trained again."

Alex blushed again. "How did you know... "

Kaeden turned over and gave him a friendly lick to the nose. "S'okay, you don't have to be embarrassed around me. I'll be wet when Mommy wakes us up tomorrow. I'm pretty perceptive, though, I noticed that you were having accidents during playtime. I asked Mommy about it and she said I'll be like that before long."

"That's funny," Alex said, "because the only time I don't have accidents anymore is when I'm asleep."

"I guess Ashleigh is right when she says all her puppies are different."

"That's probably not what she meant, Kaeden, but, yeah, we all are."

"So, what_are_you going to do when you graduate, for real?" Kaeden asked, repeating his earlier question.

"They wouldn't let me graduate with emotional crutches, or if I was still dependent on the program at all. I don't need any... 'metaphors' to handle new surroundings."

"Is that why you don't have a plushie with you? Or did you not get one?" he asked, clutching Ikici more tightly to his chest.

"I think they figured you could be my plushie," Alex laughed, hugging the much-smaller dog from behind. Kaeden squirmed a bit, but his antics were all in good fun. "Sarah said they had to make sure I'd be okay without something that reminded me of home. And her. Drake - that's my stuffed dragon," he explained, "could be an emotional crutch, still. Just like the diapers."

"But how do they know? I mean, I get how they'll figure out if you need Drake or not, but if you still gotta wear diapers all the time... "

"Does Ashl... your mommy know things about you that you don't even know?"

Kaeden thought a minute, then nodded. "Yeah. All the time."

"Sarah does too. She knows I'm not relying on the feelings of physical protection anymore to handle my neophobia. Coming to stay here with you two is kind of my last test, I think. I don't know for sure, but... it's just a guess."

"So you'll be leaving soon," Kaeden said, glumly.

"You sound sad about that."

"I like you. You've been a really good friend. I... I never had any of those."

"Good friends?"

"Any friends at all. You didn't judge me at all when Ashleigh brought me in dressed up like a girl that first time. Lots of people would have, even good people."

"The only thing Rashid really told me was that you had some self-image issues. When I first saw you I didn't know if you wanted to be a girl, or if you were being punished, or if it was some kind of lesson. Sarah put me through all sorts of unusual lessons so I could learn to be normal again."

"Really?" Kaeden said, looking back over his shoulder. If his tail hadn't been trapped between him and Alex, it would have been wagging. "I've got a lot of problems, I guess. I was really horrible after Rashid kidnapped me. How did you react?"

"I was neophobic. How do you think I reacted? I wasn't angry and uncontrollable, I was_terrified_and uncontrollable. And I'm a lot bigger than you are. But... you said you were abducted?"

"Yeah, you didn't actually volunteer for this, did you?" Kaeden asked, incredulously.

Alex shook his head. "I didn't volunteer for the... well, all the puppy stuff. All they told me was that it was an 'intense, specialized therapy.' They were deliberately vague on the specifics, and by then, I was so desperate for help that I didn't press them for details... or read the fine print. But the way I am now, I don't regret it for a second."

Kaeden sighed, and rolled over to look Alex in the eye.

"And now that you're normal again, you'll graduate, and leave."

"I don't want to be a puppy forever. As much good as this program has done me... I do need to move on."

Kaeden looked down at his stomach, having trouble expressing his feelings, but Alex knew what was going on. He'd had similar attachment issues with another charge that was present at the beginning of his stage.

"I'll come back to visit you, Kaeden. Promise."

"You... you will?"

"Absolutely. Sarah doesn't live very far from here, and I will definitely want to see her again. When I stop by to see her, I'll stop to visit here, too."

"That could be fun! I like building things with you."

Alex laughed. "I don't think I'm going to want to be a puppy again after this, but adults can play with puppies, too. We should try getting some sleep, though."

"Yeah, I guess so. G'night Alex."

"Goodnight, Kaeden."

Kaeden laid awake for awhile - he found it difficult to fall asleep with the large Dane in the crib with him. There was room for both of them, of course, but he was still in very close proximity with another charge. A few months ago he'd have been screaming to get out, terrified. He looked over at his friend - and was surprised to see that he was sucking his thumb.

The Shepherd's gasp must have awoken the Dane - his eyes popped open, and he saw where Kaeden's gaze was directed. He removed his thumb, and grinned.

"You should try it. It's very comforting. Not better than a pacifier or anything, or worse, just... different."

Kaeden didn't know quite what to think, but before he could respond, Alex's thumb was back in his muzzle, and his eyes once again closed. Kaeden reached for his pacifier, something he hadn't sought the comfort of in quite some time, and popped it in his own muzzle, nursing at it. With soothing feelings washing over his body, it wasn't long before the Shepherd, too, fell asleep - even with a puppy nearly twice his size sharing the crib.