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Kaeden's Commitment

by Draugr

Chapter XII: It Just Takes Some Time, Little Girl

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This work is licensed under aCreative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

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Over five months had passed since Kaeden agreed to stay in the program. Despite agreeing to commit to his rehabilitation, he'd shown very little progress since that time. He was cooperative, and there were token improvements - most notably in his self-confidence concerning his masculinity - but he still didn't trust anyone other than Ashleigh, and more recently Rashid. When the Rottweiler wasn't otherwise occupied, he sometimes visited Ashleigh and entertained the 'puppy.' Kaeden had fallen into a very comfortable routine, and while his desire to get better hadn't gone, his level of commitment was slipping. Ashleigh was growing more and more concerned for him, and after an unexpected event one morning, knew she'd have to do something drastic to show that Kaeden could still be helped. After a few phone calls, she had a plan in place. It was a bit risky, and had the potential to backfire, but she hoped it would help.

Walking down the hallway toward the playroom, she knocked on the door twice to let Kaeden know she was there, then entered.

"Kaeden, please put your toys away and come to the kitchen. I need to talk with you."

The Shepherd looked up abruptly, having been very engrossed in his creation. The past few months had settled into a degree of normalcy. Kaeden couldn't help like feeling he was going nowhere, that this was just like everything else in his life - but rather than being depressed about it, he simply accepted it. Ashleigh was nice, and although he still wasn't quite used to being her puppy, it was coming much easier.

He cleaned up the playroom quickly, and walked out to the kitchen. "Mommy?" he asked very uncertain, seeing her at the table. Something felt wrong, almost as if Ashleigh was upset. "Did... did I do something wrong?" he asked, voice quavering.

"No, honey, no. You're my sweet puppy, just like you've always been," she said, getting up to pick him up and give him a hug. "I love you bunches, okay? And I'm here for you, and I won't give up until you're better." The Shepherd nuzzled into his caregiver, the close contact cathartic for Kaeden.

When she let him go, she cleared her throat, and explained. "Kaeden, I know progress has been a bit slow for awhile, and I'm afraid you're getting too comfortable with where you're at." He knew better than to interrupt, so he held his tongue until Ashleigh was finished. "I want to try pushing you just outside your comfort zone. You've shown a lot of progress in getting over your masculinity issues, and I'm really proud of you for trying. But we need to try more, and the little things aren't working."

"But... b-but I really am trying, Mommy, honest! You said I had to take things at my own pace... "

"I know, puppy, I know, but sometimes mommies know best and need to nudge their puppies in the right direction. Does that make sense?"

Kaeden nodded, and Ashleigh continued. "Now, please don't protest until I'm finished. I want you to hear the whole story before you react."

"We have a new charge arriving in a few minutes. His name is Alex, and he is very sweet and compassionate. He's been in the program for six months trying to work past something called 'neophobia' - that means he's terrified of new situations, pup. He's shown a lot of progress, and he's going to be staying with us for two weeks as one of his last tests."

"But... where will he stay? I'm already in the boy's nursery."

"Sweetie, please, hush. I need you to listen right now. That's what I wanted to talk to you about, pup. I'd like you to be my 'girl' puppy for a few days, until you're ready to share a crib. I think that kind of trust is too much to ask of you just yet, but I think you've shown enough progress on this issue to really try something different. You'll spend a couple days living in the girl's nursery, wearing the clothing and diapers I have stocked there, until you think you're ready to trust the new puppy and share your crib. Then you can be a boy pup again.

"B-but... but why can't_he_stay in the girl's nursery? He hasn't been here as long as I have... " Kaeden said, beginning to tear up.

"Because this is something that will help you, Kaeden. I'm not giving you a choice in this, it's something you_will_do, for me. I promise I will be there for you, and if I feel like it's hurting your treatment, I'll stop it right away. Now, take my paw, and follow me to your new nursery."

Kaeden tried and failed to stop the sniffling, but he obeyed. Ashleigh had to tug a bit to get him to enter the room, which was decorated in soft, pale pinks and yellows, with ribbon and flower patters adorning the wall. The room wasn't overbearingly pink, just like the boy's nursery wasn't overbearingly blue, but it was definitely a place where a girl 'puppy' would sleep. She helped him up on the changing table, and gently laid him down, where his sniffles were escalating into an occasional sob.

"How is this supposed to help?" he wailed.

"Hush, puppy. You're still my very special_boy_," she said, adding emphasis to the last word. "You just won't be dressed as one for a few days. I know this is upsetting now but I know you'll look back on this and be glad I made you do it. Okay?"

Kaeden sniffed, and nodded his head. "Y-yes, Mommy. I trust y-you. I don't understand, but... you've always been right before."

Ashleigh gently undid and pulled down the Shepherd's cargo shorts, exposing his diaper. She had him lift his arms up so she could get his favorite t-shirt off, the one with the tyrannosaurus rex. A quick check revealed that he was wet, so fortunately, his diaper wouldn't go to waste. Kaeden managed to keep it together - barely - as Ashleigh pulled out a diaper with a different sort of design from under the changing table - this one had a pink taping panel, and was adorned with floral designs and unicorns. When she got out the t-shirt, however, he burst into tears, sobbing.

"M-mommy, p-please! Don't make me d-do this! I'm n-n-not, I'm n-not, not a g-g-irl!" he heaved between tears. "I'm a b-boy!"

The offending item was a pastel pink t-shirt - but what really upset Kaeden was the lettering on the front - a really curly font that read 'Princess'.

She leaned down to kiss him softly on the bridge of his nose. "It's okay puppy. It's okay to cry. Let it all out," she said, hugging him. Ashleigh had to fight back tears of her own. She knew this was hurting her puppy, and hated to see Kaeden like this. Treating him as a girl at this stage of his recovery even carried a small risk of long-term harm, which scared her the most. However, the Shepherd needed to progress, and Ashleigh knew he was a puppy worth taking a risk on. If things did not work out of the best, she would be there for him, no matter what, to help pull him back up.

"No matter what," she mouthed, too silently for the wailing puppy to hear.

While Kaeden recovered, she slipped on the new t-shirt, and tied a pink ribbon in his headfur.

The sight was rather pitiful - a grown dog bawling his eyes out, and if indeed one did not know Kaeden, it would be pretty easy to mistake him for an oversized female puppy, even up close, save for being flat-chested. His small stature, petite facial features, lithe build, as well as the extra padding on his hips from his diaper only served to further the illusion.

"Mommy," he said, after a few minutes when he'd stopped crying. "Please, I-I'll... I'll try anything, but... y-you don't understand, they'll make fun of me! I can't handle that, please!"

"Kaeden... I asked you before to trust me. Can you please do that? I would never put you in a situation where you would be harmed. I'll be right nearby in case you need help, but I think Alex will make you feel right at home. Please trust me, okay?"

The shepherd sniffled, nodding his head.

"Good boy," she said. "I know you can do this. I'm going to regress you a little bit more than usual, Kaeden, to try and help you cope with this. I know it may not make a lot of sense, but, I do understand this will be stressful for you, and while I know you can overcome it, I think rolling back some of your privileges and relying more on me will help with this."

Kaeden said nothing for a very long time. "I... I-I'm a boy... " he said dejectedly, almost sounding as though he didn't believe it.

"I know you are, Kaeden, and I won't ever forget it, but for the next couple days things are going to be a little different. I promise it's only temporary, and you'll learn a lot from it."

Kaeden wiped his eye with the back of his paw. "How's he not gonna laugh?" he said dejectedly. "Everyone else always did, and I wasn't wearing...pink."

"Hey, don't write yourself off yet," she send, bending over to wipe his other eye dry. "It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on. Just do your best, do everything you can. And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say."

"O-Okay," Kaeden sniffled.

"Good boy," Ashleigh said, beaming. "Now, let's go meet Alex. I think he's going to cheer you right up. Rashid should have brought him to the playroom already."

Ashleigh took her charge's hand and led him to the playroom. He tried to curl his tail around to cover up his diaper. He'd grown used to wearing shorts, and although he was no longer normally embarrassed by the diapers, this was just an altogether stressful situation.

Sitting on the floor, playing with some blocks, was a Great Dane even taller than Ashleigh. He had a solid steel-blue coat, cropped ears, and sported a brown collar with a pacifier clipped to it, which he was currently nursing. He also wore a red t-shirt with a smiley face, and some cargo shorts that left him noticeably "puffy" around the crotch. The waistband of his diaper was peeking above the top of his shorts, but the Dane didn't seem to mind this. He had a very muscular build, and was unmistakably male, standing in stark contrast to the effeminate Shepherd hiding behind Ashleigh. He set down the blocks, took the pacifier out of his muzzle, and looked up at Ashleigh and Kaeden.

"Hi," the Dane said. "You must be my new caregiver?" he asked, his voice wavering a little.

"Yes," the Pyrenees replied. "My name is Ashleigh, sweetie. You're staying with us for a couple weeks, to check on your progress. I've heard some very good things about you, Alex, and I'm looking forward to taking care of you."

"Thank you, Ashleigh," he said, looking down, seeming a little bit embarrassed by the praise. After a moment, he took a couple deep breaths, seemingly trying to collect himself, then returned his gaze upward.

"I trust Rashid explained everything to you?" Ashleigh asked.

"Yes, he told me a little. Who's he?" he asked, his ears perking in curiosity. Kaeden's ears perked as well. Alex didn't think he was a girl? He still felt embarrassed, but Ashleigh was holding his paw, and had promised he would be safe.

"This is Kaeden, my other charge," she said, pulling him out from behind her. The Shepherd whined, and turned to hug his caregiver, burying his face in her shoulder. "Why don't you two get to know each other while I take care of some paperwork."

"It's okay, Kaeden, you can play with me," Alex said, tail thumping on the ground. Kaeden tried to hold on to Ashleigh, but she gently pried his paws away and set him down by Alex, then left the room. Kaeden still had a case of the sniffles, and wouldn't look over at the Great Dane - he couldn't hear him laughing at him, but he was sure the other puppy found him entirely hilarious nonetheless.

"Come on, Kaeden, help me build this. I could use another set of paws," he said plainly, making no mention of his appearance. Kaeden didn't detect any hints of mirth or amusement in his voice - and managed to force himself to crawl over to the Dane and help him build his block tower.

They didn't speak while their creation was being built, but once it was done, Alex broke the silence by embracing Kaeden in a big hug.

"Thanks, I couldn't have done that without you. It looks great!"

"I... I-I... " the Shepherd said, unable to really respond, as he was released. He blushed a little at the close contact, but only a few months ago he would have fought to get out of the other puppy's grasp. He could at least try to trust, now, even if it didn't come naturally.

"You look like you wanna say something, Kaeden," the Dane stated, cocking his head to the side. "You're my little brother for the next couple weeks, you can tell me anything." The Shepherd nodded, his self-confidence bolstered by the Dane's insistence that he was most certainly a boy.

"You haven't... y'know, made fun of me at all, for bein' dressed like a girl."

"That'd be a terrible thing to do!" the other dog exclaimed. "Why would I do that?"

"Cause I'm a boy. Mommy thinks this is gonna help me but I just feel humiliated."

Alex nodded. "Sometimes we gotta do things we don't like, but our caregivers know more than we do. They know what's best for us. You gotta trust them and just believe it's gonna turn out for the best."

"I know. It's just... I got teased my entire life for looking like a girl, and having a girl's name, and now I gotta be Mommy's girl pup for a few days."

"My birth name is Alexis, and that can be a girl's name too, but I've never let it bother me."

Kaeden shook his head. "You don't know what it was like... "

"Maybe I don't, not exactly, but I know what it's like to be bullied. You want to know what I'm in here for?"

"Mommy mentioned it was something about being scared of new stuff?"

"I was so scared of what could happen to me that I couldn't go anywhere new. I stuck to the old and familiar. When I first entered this program four months ago I couldn't have done what I'm doing today. Could you have done what you're doing today, when you first entered?"

Kaeden shook his head. "I guess not," he said, sniffling a little again.

"So maybe this is your mommy's way of teaching you that you don't have to listen to mean bullies that call you a girl. I think you're a really nice-looking boy, even if you are dressed up like that."

"Th-thanks," Kaeden stammered, blushing. "You... you don't know what it means to hear that, from someone like you."

Just then the Pyrenees entered the playroom, announcing it was past lunchtime, and that they should come to the kitchen to eat. As Kaeden shuffled out, she stopped him to give him a quick diaper check, pulling out the seat to make sure he wasn't messy, and slipping a finger inside his leg band to see if he was wet. He was still dry, so she picked him up and carried him out to the high chair, leaving some cereal pieces on the chair's table. She then checked Alex's diaper, lowering his cargo shorts. Finding him wet, she led him off to his nursery, returning a few minutes later with a dry charge. Alex was far enough along he was allowed to feed himself and sit at the dining room table, although Ashleigh had cut up his food into bite-sized portions, and he was only given a plastic fork to work with. His juice was in a sippy-cup, while Kaeden's bottle was sitting on the table.

Ashleigh put on Kaeden's bib - thankfully that hadn't been swapped out for something more effeminate, too - and began to feed him a couple jars of puppy food. The Pyrenees grinned, noticing Kaeden's jealousy over Alex's privileges.

"You'll get to eat like Alex eventually, Kaeden. When you make enough progress I'll reward you by letting you feed yourself and be a little more independent."

Kaeden simply nodded, not knowing what to say.

Lunch otherwise passed without event. When done, Ashleigh picked Kaeden up out of the high chair, balancing him on her hip.

"I'm going to feed Kaeden his formula. You can either come with me, or you can go to the playroom. I'll drop him off there when I'm done."

Alex indicated that he'd prefer to go back to building. Ashleigh let him in the playroom before taking Kaeden back to his new nursery, sitting down with him in the rocking chair.

"You haven't fed me formula during the day in over a month," he said, although there was no hint of rebellion in his voice.

"I know, pup, but remember what I said about about us spending more time together, and you being a bit 'younger' to help you cope?"

Kaeden nodded. "I don't mind. I always feel safer when you're around."

"That's right," she said, offering the bottle to him. "Mommy won't let anyone hurt her baby boy."

After Kaeden was done nursing, Ashleigh held him over her shoulder and patted has back, satisfied when she'd gotten a small burp from him.

"Mommy?" Kaeden asked.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"I... I'm sorry for not believing you. Alex didn't make fun of me at all."

"I knew he wouldn't. Alex is very sweet, and I thought it would help you to meet him."

"It did, thank you. I know you set it up for me, but... it still means a lot, and I did learn from it."

Ashleigh laughed. "And how do you know I set that up, Kaeden?"

"I may be your puppy, but I've still got an adult brain. I can figure things out. But you did kinda make it obvious when you asked of Rashid had explained things to him."

"I suppose I did," she said, smiling. "So what did you learn, Kaeden?"

"I... that some people are really nice?"

Ashleigh gave a good-natured laugh. "True, but that's not quite it. Any other guesses?"

"That I could have trusted him at first, without him being nice to me?"

Ashleigh nodded. "Not quite it, either. Kaeden, you don't have to worry so much about bad people calling you a girl. Don't you value the opinions of people like me and Alex more than your bullies?"

Kaeden nodded, furrowing his eyebrows. "Y-yeah, but... "

"Butts stay in your diaper, little one," she said, smiling. Kaeden couldn't help but laugh at the joke, before Ashleigh continued.

"I know you still worry about what other people think of you, but I'm trying to show you that's not something you have to be concerned about. Most people actually are like Alex. Yes, there's bad people in the world, and people who will make fun of you, but I want you to focus on how Alex treats you for the next few days. He's a good and decent puppy, right?"

Kaeden nodded.

"So," Ashleigh continued, "what he thinks of you should mean more to you than someone who is so insecure they have to put others down to feel better about themselves. And even though Alex was new to you, you could still trust him. He didn't let you down."

"Yes, but I didn't believe you... " Kaeden said dejectedly.

"That's okay, sweetheart. I forgive you. I understand this is hard for you. You're still learning and growing, okay? I don't expect perfection. If you were a perfect puppy you wouldn't need this program."

"Thank you, Mommy," Kaeden said, nuzzling into his caregiver. As she led him out of his nursery, and toward the playroom, he couldn't help but ask when he could be a boy puppy again.

"I'll tell you what, Kaeden," the Pyrenees said. "If you think you can share a crib with Alex, after one night, you can be a boy again. But if you're not ready to try that, then you spend another day as a girl puppy. I want to encourage you to trust, but I understand sharing a crib may be hard to do at this point."

Kaeden nodded. He didn't want to be a girl anymore, but he understood what Ashleigh was trying to do. He needed to learn to trust, and that trust couldn't just be limited to his 'mommy.'

"I don't think I'm ready to do that just yet... but I'd like to spend some more time with him, if that's okay? He makes me feel better about myself, just like you do."

Ashleigh beamed. "It feels so good to hear you say that, pup. You've really come a long way. Now let's get you back to the playroom."