FSE

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formerly SoFurry search engine

For the first few years of our lives, fear is an entirely different beast then when we grow and mature. As a child countless things frighten us, even the most mundane item sitting around your home is a predator prepared to rip your throat out, to end that happy little bubble you call your life. However, when we begin to age and see the world for what it really is, that view changes. That numberless list of creatures begins to diminish to a select group, calming the fears we carry with us each day.

However, it's only once we begin to grow up, and see these predators and monsters for what they really are, that we begin to truly fear them. One day you could be walking down the street before a car suddenly slams into your body and ends your life, or an escaped lion pounces upon your back. As adults though, these aren't the moments we fear, nor the antagonists we fear. No, at one point in your life you begin to realize the only thing to truly fear in this world, is the person in the seat beside you in the lecture hall, or across from you on the train.

We begin to learn that death may appear terrifying, but it's far from the worst thing that the world can throw at you.

Chapter 3

"Ow." On Sunday morning, that was the first thing Gabriel could drag from his lips. With every breath or shift, his entire body throbbed in pain, countless bruises hidden under his fur as he lay in his bed and looked up to his ceiling. In truth, he was struggling to even remember why his entire body hurt, the events of the night before just a blur, images of darkness and mud filling his mind. In the end he really didn't care why it all hurt, and figured that it didn't matter, all he cared about was getting out of bed and enjoying the one day he had left before he stomped off to school again. But, since every single little shift of his body sent a massive throbbing pain through him, he realized that might be a bit harder than originally envisioned.

So like all children, Gabriel decided that the time was right to resort to the most time honored and respected of kid traditions. He took a deep breath, and proceeded to shout at his door. "MOOOOOOOOOM." Waited a moment to see if he could hear a sound beyond his door, before screaming again. "MOOOOOOOOOM" After giving it another break, the cub just huffed and dropped his head back. "Darn it! I'm in pain! I need help! It hurts to mo- fine! I'll show her I don't need her!"

Wiggling around underneath his covers, Gabriel did perhaps would could be ranked as the dumbest thing he ever thought to do that week, throwing his body from the bed onto the floor below. Of course, this didn't go over like he had planned, and as soon as he hit the floor, he let out a massive yelp of pain. But with pain comes adrenalin, and he'd throw his body up like he was in the Olympics, his body putting his aches to the side as he looked around with an almost hyperactive jerkiness. "Ok!" he'd mutter to himself, voice shaking. "Ok just- where is mom!?"

Running out of his room, Gabe peered around the house curiously, his ears perking when he heard a soft giggle from downstairs. There she was! So she was ignoring him!? Well two could play at that game, even if it was a game that Gabriel tended to be terrible at, unable to keep his mouth shut for even a few minutes on average when his mother was around. With every step closer to the kitchen, the noises coming from it grew clearer and clearer, picking up random words after a minute.

Pressing himself as close to the wall as he could, Gabe slowly started to inch along the wall, nose turning up as he caught a whiff of- well, he couldn't really explain it. A heavy scent, not like anything he was use to in the house, and it definitely wasn't from food. Pondering it, Gabe returned to the task of 'spying' on his mother, no longer interested on actually ignoring her, the very last bit of urge to do so leaving as he heard a second voice, a much deeper voice.

"Yeah, I enjoyed it." The voice grumbled with a deep, throaty sound. "For someone who hasn't been married in five years, I'm surprised you still have enough practice to do that-"

"Oh stop." His mother interrupted, giggling still.

"I'm serious! I didn't think that you'd be able to bend th-" stopping mid-sentence, the voice was replaced by a heavy wet sounding sniffing, the sound of a chair pulling out a second later. "Is someone else here?"

After a short pause he heard his mother again, a depressed sound to her voice. "Yeah- oh god this is going to be the part where you run isn't it? It's my son-"

"You didn't mention you had a son." Pointed out the voice. "I mean, I don't care, but you could hae mentioned it!"

Peering out from around the corner, Gabriel would finally lock his eyes on just who was speaking to his mother. At first, he actually thought his eyes were deceiving him however, because there was no way that what he saw was a person! No, what stood in front of him looked like a living tank, with a frame that looked like it could fill an entire doorway if it decided to! Covering this creature was fur just as dark as Gabe's own coat, shining off of the low morning light, making him look almost like the shadow to an even larger creature. Before Gabriel could speak however, the beast spoke first, his short muzzle cracking open to let out that deep sound Gabe had been listening to only a moment ago.

"Hello there." It said as he began to kneel, lowering his head to Gabe's level as a huge smile was plastered over his feline face. "My name is Paul!" he spoke slowly, as if he was talking to a child with a mental condition. "What's your name little guy?"

"Gabriel." Replied the cub, his voice coming out in a deadpan un-amused tone "My name is Gabriel L. Grayback. Why are you in our house Paul?" Already, the wolf cub didn't like the other male, he seemed dangerous, and too large to be nice! Or that was what his little mind was telling him, unsure of the real reason it was unsettled by him.

"Well ya see." Paul began. "When your mom went out last night, she went out with me! We hit it off so I came back with her."

"You came back with her?" the wolf questioned, starting to feel like the slow drawn out words might be an insult to him in some way. "You came back with her, and you're still here, when she got home at ten? What, did you sleep on the couch?"

"On top of her." The panther's response was quick, and followed by a heavy snicker, and only got a mortified look out of Gabe's mother. "No, no- I um, yeah, I slept on the couch kiddo! Figured she might wana give me a goodbye kiss before I left!"

Gabriel was young, but he already knew _exactly_what the panther was getting at. Furry society had never been too secretive about sex, and although it was common not to directly talk about it in front of a child, more than enough parents educated them at a young age, and Gabe's mother was one parent who subscribed to that idea, seeing it as better to explain it when he was young, then wait until he was a teenager not knowing why he couldn't pee right for an hour. "I already have a dad Paul. My mom shouldn't kiss you, because when my dad decides he wants to live here again, you'll have to go away."

Letting out an exhausted sigh, Jenny pressed both of her fingers to her temples, rubbing around before leaning back against the counter, shooting Paul an apologetic glance as she looked back to her in confusion. "I'm sorry. Gabriel harbors the illusion that his father and me are going to get back together. Gabe, sweetie, I've told you, even when he comes back from the war him and me aren't going to be together again! I loved your dad, but he left us, I can't just- oh god, never mind ok? Gabe, please be nice to Paul."

Huffing, Gabriel stalked through the kitchen, jumped up into a chair at the table and inadvertently displayed a obvious flinch of pain, his legs screaming out as the bounced off the chair legs. This went unnoticed by his mother, but not by Paul.

"Oh hey, still in pain?" the panther questioned. "Heard your sitter tellin' your mom about how you got hurt or something. Got in a fight with some kid and ran away or something like that?"

"No." Gabe grunted, furrowing his brow and began to glare straight at Paul. "My friend said my voice is funny and he doesn't want to be my friend because of it- or something."

With shrug Paul stood back up, his voice finally picking up in speed as he shook his head. "Eh, it is funny. Sounds like a darned dog trying to talk, can't blame the kid for noticing that. Scares a lot of people, isn't normal."

Gabriel was speechless, and he continued to stare at Paul with his jaw slack, eyes wide and ears pinned to the side. This man had not only come into his house, made a comment about sleeping with his mother, but he had the audacity to say his friend was right? The mere thought alone was enough to outrage Gabriel, causing him to dig his nails into the edge of the table, looking at his mom for some support, only to realize she hadn't even been paying attention - and was eyeballing a magazine. "Mom?" he questioned, a touch of shock on his mangled voice. "Is he right?!"

"Yeah, yeah," she murmured absentmindedly, waving her hand at Gabriel. "Paul wouldn't lie to you sweetie, he isn't a liar." Jenny was well beyond the conversation taking place, lost in the delicious looking cake that lay on the front of her magazine.

When he turned back to look at Paul again, the oversized cat was just grinning like he had won the lottery, like the entire comment had been some big joke at Gabriel's expense. "See? Just be happy you can talk at all kid, eh? The first gen feral kiddies can't even talk at all sometimes!" Lowering his hand, Paul gave Gabe a hard pat on the arm, intentionally smashing his massive hand right over the bandaged wound, causing the cub to tear up.

"Now look at it this way, ok? Sure, it sounds a bit messed up, but you can apply for that college scholarship they have for kids who have that feral disability thing! Ya just gotta act like talkin' is a bit hard, and only in front of the guys giving it out." It was actually impressive how quickly Paul had lost the wolf's respect. Granted, he hadn't really respected the feline too much in the first place, but after commenting about how Gabriel was disabled? Well that was the last straw for him, and to make matters worse his mother wasn't even doing anything!

With tears still brimming in his eyes, Gabe shot his mother a look, then at Paul, before hopping down from the chair. He may be a kid but he wasn't going to just sit around and get trash talked to without his mother even realizing it. So off he went, stomping through the house as if on a mission, dragging his feet up the stairs and straight back to his room while trying his best to ignore the surges of pain shooting through his body. "Stupid cat." He'd mutter to himself, kicking a small toy car on the ground as he got into his room. "No one likes stupid cats. Big worthless men who only hurt people! Even their wives hate them-"

"Everyone hates me huh?"

Gabe felt like the entire world had just been doused in a bucket of ice water, his growling stomach dropping straight down to his feet as he stopped in his tracks and even mid word, slowly turning to look behind himself. It wasn't really too surprising that the cat had found a way to follow the cub without getting noticed, after all, Gabriel had been stomping around like he was playing Godzilla, disconnected from the sound of someone just walking behind him. "I-" he tried to start, but was interrupted with he felt a sharp sting to the back of his head.

Taking a minute to process what he had just felt, his eyes bugged out as he stared at the panther, raising a hand to stroke the back of his head, where the feline had cuffed him. "Did you ju-" Again, another sharp open hand blow to the back of Gabriel's head, causing the wolf cub to topple over onto the ground below, his mouth hanging open in shock for the second time that day.

"Listen ya little shit." The panther began. "I don't like you. You're a rude little brat who needs to learn to keep his mouth shut. Your daddy? He ain't comimg back. If he doesn't die over there in that giant shithole they call a country, your mom doesn't want anything to do with him. So you know what that means? That means she needs to find a new man- and judging from what she did last night? Yeah. She found a new man alright." Crouching down, he struck Gabe again, this time on his bandaged arm. "Now you fuckin' listen and you fuckin' listen good, ok brat? You walk away from me like that again when I'm talkin to you? I'm gonna make sure that you and me get a nice chunk of bonding time after I take her out again. So either straighten up, or I swear to god that little swat to your head will seem like a loving kiss. Got it?"

Unsure of how to react, Gabriel would just slowly nod his head, his eyes wide as his entire body started to shake in fear. This man had just threatened him- wait, where was his mom? Why didn't his mom know this was happening? Had she really just let a stranger walk through their house without being watched? What would he do if she actually DID get together with this guy?! Taking a few quick deep breaths, Gabriel gave Paul a small nod, trying his best not to cry, terrified of what the feline would do if he made even another peep.

"See?" he questioned. "That's a good little retard. God, I almost feel bad for you, havin' that stupid voice? Your granny or someone musta' been really drunk when they banged a damn wolf! " Standing up, Paul walked straight out of Gabriel's room as if nothing had happened, before yelling out down the stairs. "Hey, Jenny?" he called. "You said straight up the stairs first door on the left, right?"

A confused "What?" came up the stairs from below. "No, Paul, bathroom is PAST the stairs on the left! First door on the left up there is Gabriel's room!"

"Thanks babe!" Paul yelled back, before shooting Gabriel a grin. "Remember Gabey. Don't be actin' like a little shit anymore, unless you wanna spend some more quality time, ok?"

After Paul pranced down the stairs, Gabriel just continued to sit on his floor as if he couldn't even lift his arms, his entire body still shaking like a leaf in the breeze. As he tried to lift himself up, Gabriel became painfully aware that he suddenly felt a lot....warmer, than he had before. Looking down with a small bit of fear, the cub let out a soft whimper, realizing his pajamas were now a much darker shade then they had been moments ago, as was the floor below him. All he could do now was stand up, and strip the soiled clothing from his body, praying his mother would stay downstairs with Paul for the moment as he walked over to his hamper and threw the pajamas into dark abyss before desperately searching his clothes drawer for another pair of underwear, whimpering in embarrassment as he pulled them on.

He almost couldn't believe that he had done that, couldn't believe that a 'mighty' wolf could stare that creature in the face and just piss himself! In the letters he got from his father there were always comments about how brave he had to be, how strong their kind was supposed to be, yet in the blink of an eye he had not only submitted to the older male, but wet himself like, well, a child! It made the cub feel sick to his stomach.

Walking back across his room, Gabriel quietly and slowly closed his door as he listened to the sound of his mother giggling still like a young girl, the words the two other furs were speaking too far away to catch. This wasn't the end of it all. Paul wouldn't go away, his mother wouldn't see this man for what he was, she'd just continue to zone out if he wasn't talking directly to her, like she had with her boyfriends in the past.

In the end however? Gabriel would make sure Paul never got to see his mother again.