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An introverts adventure at NordicFuzzCon - A Swedish Furry Convention

What's this about: I've just been to my first furry convention and in preparation for that I scoured the web for information. It helped but most posts regarding the topic were lacking in depth. I now seek to share my own experiences.

About the convention: NordicFuzzCon 2014 took place in Stockholm - Sweden, 27 February - 2 March. It's the biggest Scandinavian furry convention and had 268 attendees.

A little about myself: This was both my first visit to a furry convention and my first exposure to any furs in real life. I'm a rather introverted individual and I prefer to plan for the worst.

Who is this aimed at: This 'story' is open for anyone interested in an in-depth look at a first-timers experience. As a target group I'm aiming at people that...

Have never been at a con before.

Might have a hard time socializing.

Want a nuanced tale of hope and personal transformation.

Would like to hear about the hidden aspects that can make a con your worst nightmare.

Clarification: Introversion is not the same thing as being shy, you can be extroverted and shy, you can be introverted and shy. They are two completely different concepts.

As for myself, I happen to be both introverted and a tad shy =P

Disclaimer: What follows are personal opinions and experiences, not the one and absolute truth regarding all things.

Wednesday Afternoon: Waiting at the train station

Our story starts by a desolate train station in the middle of nowhere. The clock is about 15:00 and the air is crisp and cool, forests can be seen in the distance and the sun is starting to set as one would expect from this time of the year in Sweden.

The train is supposed to arrive in a few minutes and I look over my things. Inside my pockets there are tickets and a mobile phone, standing by my side is a large case filled with more than one would expect from a five day visit at a hotel.

Preparations are important and the con doesn't officially open until Thursday, that means that I'm a day early. This is actually rather common and it provides a fantastic opportunity to settle into the hotel before everyone else.

I've also made sure to make a few friends that are also heading to the convention, in my case it's a German and a Netherlander that I'm also going to share a room with. All three of us have ordered the Early Arrival Package offered by the hotel and convention.

I'm glad that I forged those friendships as it provided a foundation that turned what could have been a disaster into something that I'll remember and treasure for a very long time.

Wednesday Evening: Arrival at NordicFuzzCon

The journey to the convention took about 4 hours and by the time I stepped off the train it was dark and freezing. I proceeded to leave the station but soon realized that I had no idea where to go.

Thankfully my mobile phone was quick to point me in the right direction.

At this point I'm starting to wonder what the hell I'm doing, heading to a furry convention, leaving the safety of my home and a corporate world where emotion is frowned at.

It seems insane and it was a very strange and conflicting sensation.

The hotel comes into view and something wonderful happens. A guy comes running past and he's wearing a big husky tail that bounces with every step. The mere sight of it makes me grin as it dawns on me that I'm about to enter a place that has played an important though hidden part of my life for a long time.

I step into the hotel and I'm met by large banners and a welcoming smile by a guy near the reception tables. The guy starts asking me questions and I try to answer as I realize that I've encountered my first problem.

What's the problem? Well, at this point I realize that I haven't said a word in four hours and my body proceeds to inform me that I'm both tense, nervous, worried and tired. The total sum of it makes my brain slow to a crawl as I struggle to handle the very basics of human communication.

It is all made worse by the sudden realization that I've come out of the furry wardrobe. Living in anonymity on the internet is one thing but stepping into this place does something. It carries a certain risk as you can now be seen by others and be forever preserved in the vast amount of photographs taken at the con.

For the first time in a long while I am vulnerable and the realization creates a sudden bout of emotion that is far from pleasant. Some might think it silly but we live in a world that doesn't take kindly to things that are different.

It is customary at furry conventions not to refer to each other by real names, this could be one of those reasons.

There's a choice to be made but for me it was an easy one, furry is important and life is too short for one to shy away from the things you consider important.

I manage to get my badge and welcoming gifts before making my way to the elevators. At this point I'm surrounded by lively discussions and there are fursuiters running around. It's exciting but all I'm longing for is to get into the elevator so that I can shut out the world and take a breather for a moment.

The elevator brings me upstairs and I enter the hotel room, one of the friends I've made in the months leading up to the convention is there. He welcomes me and I do my best to act human, it's awkward, strange, and somehow I forget to shake his hand.

My friend leaves and I'm relieved as it gives me a moment to sit down and breathe as my thoughts are spinning. Why am I here? What do I hope to achieve? I feel so out-of-place that a frozen statue would fit better.

These aren't the thoughts of an introvert but rather ones of stress and insecurity coupled with a hefty dose of sudden shyness. I refresh myself in the bathroom and simply stare myself in the mirror for a moment.

I'm here on my own volition, I want to grow and become more than what I was before. This mantra makes the thoughts settle so that I can ready my badge and summon up the courage to leave the room once more.

I make my way out of the room, head down the lobby, and find friend #1 seated by a sofa. His presence provides a relieving anchor in a world of furry that has gone from an internet phenomenon to something very real and physical. The fact that he seems pleasant and rather cute is a nice boon.

At this point a rather scary but relevant thought descends, it is the question: Now what?

What does one do at a furry convention when you've gotten seated and you're surrounded by music, a few fursuits, and a load of people that look like they're about 20 years old? To make matters worse everyone seems to know each other and are gathered in tight groups.

I'll be returning to this topic but this is one of those things that I think decides whether someone leaves a furry convention with a smile or disheartened hatred.

All of a sudden someone calls out, "Raedwulf!?"

I hear it but at this point my mind is still wired to recognize my real rather than furry name, still, I find it interesting to hear the name and I look up. To my surprise there is another guy looming over me.

He looks surprised at my lack of reaction while my own mind is experiencing the equivalent of having a wrench thrown into the gears. Moments later it dawns on me that this is friend #2.

Friend #2 wants a hug and I get up while asking myself how long it's been since I last hugged another male. I can't remember and the realization is a scary one as I'm reminded that the cold professionalism of the corporate world has sunk its claws deep into my very being.

Still, I manage to give the guy a hug, it's a strange but pleasant experience.

We sit down, talk a little, and the question from earlier returns once more: Now what?

Some time passes and we manage to end up with a group of Germans and the famous EZ Wolf. I order a drink as well, Rat Poison. It is a sickening sweet drink with a hint of mint (mentha), it doesn't seem bad at the moment but it turns out to be outright disgusting compared to the other drinks offered by the bar.

Lively discussion breaks out at the table though I don't join in, at the moment I am still shell-shocked but I enjoy myself simply by listening.

The conversations provide a lot of enjoyment and I finally begin to relax. It's a good sensation and it feels nice to be surrounded by people that aren't heterosexual males with wives, two children, and a house they're in the process of refurbishing.

The hours pass surprisingly quickly and it is at this point that someone pokes me and wonders why the hell I haven't said anything for three hours.

Humans build mental walls to protect ourselves and we deal with bad memories by either burying or learning to cope with them. For some reason this furry convention has crippled those defenses and it leaves me vulnerable as I feel a sudden flash of emotion that I'd describe as irritation and a tad of heartache.

For a moment it becomes a painful reminder of something long buried.

Fortunately the alcohol hasn't affected my rationality and I take the comment as it is intended. It is a friendly pondering and an invitation to join with the conversation. There's nothing bad hiding behind it and my impression of the group so far has been nothing but positive.

The vast majority of furs are friendly folks, at least that's my impression of those I have met so far.

I explain as best I can and go for a friendly smile, "I'm enjoying myself by listening, don't mind me."

The adventures end somewhere around 02:00 in the night and I along with my friends return to our hotel room. We're tired and bed soon follows, sleep turns out to be difficult but I eventually get pulled into the world of dreams.

Thursday: Welcome to NordicFuzzCon!

The human body and mind is a wondrous machine but it can also be outright hell to deal with. I'm reminded of that as I wake up and experience the following array of sensations: A thumping headache, nausea, exhaustion, even my jaw feels tense as I must have been clenching my teeth while I slept.

At this point I can't even blame the alcohol as I only had one drink, rather it is that nervous and shy part of me still rattling my mind.

I get up hours before the others and I set my sights on healing myself. A headache relief pill, plenty of water and a nice cool shower helps as I start planning the activities for the day.

The elevator takes me to the lounge and I start to look through the hotel. Exploring is fun and sometimes the most basic of instincts can help one feel at home. There's that crack in the wall, a strange sound in the corner, the view from the windows, a broken lighter on a table. It helps to touch and feel as you leave something akin to an imprint on your surroundings.

In just an hour and with the help of some fresh air I'm feeling a lot better.

The lounge is sparsely populated and I force myself to sit down by a few loners in an attempt to make new relations. I try to inquire about favorite artists, writers, interests and so on. I even try to slip in a hint that I'm an aspiring writer, both to keep the discussion going but also for a chance to introduce myself as a fur.

To my dismay the conversations are slow and hackneyed, it is all made worse as I tell them that I'm a writer and I'm met by a strange and silent look of fear.

I'm still unsure what was going through their minds at the time, perhaps they feared that I was going to start lecturing them about My Little Pony Tentacle Porn, or Anal Vore perhaps?

No matter the case none of those I approached showed much interest in anything I had to say. It is at this time that something else begins to dawn on me. It is a thought that has been growing stronger ever since I started listening to the conversations around the furry convention.

It is the realization that the furry community in real life is vastly different from the one you encounter on the web. Most discussions have nothing to do with furry and if it wasn't for the fursuiters and banners then you would think that you had entered Generic Nerd Con #0451.

This was a rather jarring experience as my own relationship with furry goes a lot deeper than just a cute alter-ego and an appreciation for furry art.

To me furry represents something philosophical, non-human, vivid worlds of fantasy, a way to blend the human condition with something more primal while augmenting it with something... different.

Furry also represents a unique look into the human psyche and most amazing of all is that we've managed to create an environment where the differences of others are welcomed or at least tolerated rather than shunned.

It's strange that the only furs willing to reveal their interests were the babyfurs. Personally I find all fetishes rather interesting and I try not to judge lest I myself be judged.

My hunt finally bore fruit as I settled by a group of swedes and listened until my friends finally woke up from their slumber. Any further attempts during the con to introduce my writing were unsuccessful and the words 'Walls' or 'Everwinter' weren't uttered a single time.

Following breakfast and the official opening the events of the convention finally got started. One of the first and rather funny events were the "Fursuit Charades" with plenty of humor and excitement.

The fursuiters truly bring the convention to life and it is difficult not to keep a constant smile as you see them act and play. Kudos to those of you that dare get on the stage and breathe life into the fandom.

Later on was the first of three events held byBryan Talbot, author of the Grandvillegraphic novel. He was a pleasant man with a lifetime of experience that he used to paint a vivid picture of the golden age and fall of comics. I've never been one for comics but his presentations awoke a tingle of interest and I can say that I left the con with his graphic novels in my bag.

At this point I'm starting to get rather comfortable, the events keep me busy and I'm soaking up the experiences like a sponge. It's exciting and fun to be here.

A whole subsection of the hotel was dedicated to games of all kinds. I now regret not having spent more time there but the lot of us were kept busy by events.

One gaming event did catch my attention though, "Once upon a fuzz" a furry version of the card game known as "Once upon a time". The room was small and filled with 6-8 people, far smaller than I had expected but I guess storytelling card games isn't a big hit among furs.

A shy and introverted personality can be tempted to withdraw in times of stress, we fear mistakes and the thought of being judged and caught in the spotlight can be a scary one. The important thing to realize is that life in general is a series of mistakes and learning experiences.

The same applies here and it is exposure that is the key to wisdom. So I joined the group with few expectations while trying to kick my creative thought processes into gear. In the end I didn't contribute much but damn if I didn't laugh a lot, these guys were outright amazing and wove tales that still make me smile as I think about it.

It was also something of a relief to see that others were struggling as well, one in particular was shaking so much that his hands were starting to blur.

The game finished up and the need for sleep soon beckoned, another day had passed.

Friday: Busy! Busy!! Busy!!!

The human fight-or-flight response isn't just something applied during mortal danger, it's a biochemical retooling in response to sudden stress. This reaction to stress will last until the body either collapses or the 'threat' goes away.

It is a complex reaction with a load of benefits and side-effects that among other can inhibit sensations of exhaustion, hunger, thirst, and even pain.

It's easy for someone to say, "Get over yourself, grow up." It isn't that simple in execution because in most cases we aren't truly in control of our own state of mind. There are ways around it though and one can manage to keep the body healthy while remaining productive and still being able to have fun.

The 6-2-1 rule is one such thing, 6 hours of sleep per night, 2 meals per day, 1 shower per day.

Another rule that I never encountered during the con is the following, stay hydrated! It's not just important for fursuiters but for everyone in general. The con will have you running about and you will drain your reserves even if you can't feel the thirst. Keep in mind that alcohol, even weak drinks, isn't a substitute for water.

The color of your urine is a good indicator of how well hydrated you are, and if you don't urinate, well that's rather telling, isn't it?

Do not forget about your everyday addictions such as coffee or tea, the withdrawal symptoms will manifest and become another burden that threatens to make you grumpy or tired.

This is one of the areas where I think I managed myself all right. I slept rather well this night and I made sure to get a good breakfast and a warm meal later on in the day. I kept my alcohol intake small and I made sure to take a few gulps of water at regular intervals, some fresh air and a walk around the block also helps clear the head.

It kept the headaches at bay and I can't say I was ever hungover, as a bonus I got more waking hours out of my day than many others.

Pakyto and Repo Fox

Some of the events for the day were things such as...

Fursuiting and Handling - A pleasant introduction to fursuiting and a great many examples of what to do, and what not to do.

Fursuit Zoo - Fursuiters gather in a room and play while allowing others to photograph them, it made me wish I had a better camera.

Ice Cream Buffet + Stand-Up Comedy - The Ice cream was a pleasant treat.

Grandville and the Anthromorphic Tradition - Another event held by Bryan Talbot, I already knew that anthropomorphic characters have been part of human culture for a long while. But this was quite an interesting look on how it was used for political caricatures. It's a shame that so few attended these events, barely three rows were taken in a room that could have housed every attendee.

Fursuiters got Talent - This thing was hilarious and the lot of us got the pleasure of listening to an interesting trombone player, a skilled beatboxer. As well as an impromptu dating show involving a gargoyle, the demon lord Pazuzumade by Clockwork Creatures, and a plastic pig. Unfortunately I wasn't sitting in a good spot and couldn't get any photographs.

The rest of the evening was dominated by disco activities and Fur-E-Okie, I myself avoided the heavier festivities as it doesn't appeal to me on a personal level. The disco requires ear-plugs simply to preserve one's hearing while the act of dancing is a weapon of mass destruction that I'd rather not unleash on my fellow furs.

Everyone are free to do as they choose but I did take note of a few things...

1: Alcohol is a social lubricant and it works wonders in moderation. Keep in mind though that the key is moderation. You do not want to be the guy who suddenly goes pale as a sheet and starts to slump as you struggle against the puke threatening to erupt in a cascade.

2: You're in love, your mate is beside you, you hold hands and smile at each other with cute glances. That's fine and no one is going to bat an eye at you.

But for fucks sake, do not stand in the middle of the lounge with your tongue probing another throat like a facehugger trying to impregnate its latest victim. You're blocking the path and no one wants to see it.

The fursuiters and audience were in agreement that foxy-butt is indeed quite interesting.

Another day had passed and the need for sleep beckoned once more.

Saturday: Up and down

As usual I found myself as one of the early risers at the convention. The hotel is at this point rather silent but a few people can be found in the lounge.

One of the more amusing aspects is to find a few of those that haven't slept for over 24 hours and spent the last night partying away at the disco. They can't remember much and are zoned out like zombies.

Following breakfast the events of the day kicked off with another presentation by Bryan Talbot. It was interesting as usual though people seemed eager to visit the art show that had already been delayed by a whole day.

This brings us to a concept that I think is referred to as Furry Time. Furry Time in effect means that if something can be delayed, then it will be delayed. Often the delays range around 10 minutes but on larger cons it has been known to be reach many hours.

Furry Time is unfortunate though understandable as the pressure on the crew must be immense.

NordicFuzzCon is a small con and the art show as well as dealers den reflected that. Still, I managed to get myself a nice necklace, bookmark, a few prints, and a small tail for my backpack.

Sweden as a country is used to using creditcards for everything, that doesn't work in the dealers den and it is therefore advised that you get smaller bills as well as coins. Most cons also have charities and the coins are a perfect way of making a nice cling while also providing an excuse to rack up yet another hug from one of the fursuiters.

One of the highlights was the event "Pawpets Revealed" held by Fairlight. It was an interesting look into the world of puppeteering and I also got a chance to violate,try out, puppeteer the little critter above that is known as Marcus Fox, good times were had by all.

Due to Furry Time the events became a bit chaotic and several interesting ones were missed while a few others turned out be rather unrefined. This in turn leads up to the low point of the con.

The main lounge of the convention also houses the bar and is a major gathering point, this is the spot where you will spend your time waiting for the events. Time usually passes with ease because there's always something to distract you, be it interesting conversations, friends, the bar, or some other activity.

But what happens when these distractions aren't there? When you actually sit down and look around without an anchor or the support of friends?

For me that empty corner in the sofa brought a sudden and sinking sensation that was made worse by being surrounded by people having the time of their life. It's a very uncomfortable situation and the urge to seek shelter in a phone is a strong one.

To make matters worse is that by this time a new form of fatigue was starting to form. It's the kind of longer term fatigue that a single night of sleep doesn't clear out. It's the point where your brain is so shock-full of new experiences that it's going to take weeks just to digest it.

The fatigue left me too tired to seek out new relations and I ended up sitting in the sofa just waiting as the party kept going. That in turn made me aware that I wasn't the only one.

I've only been to one con but I would suspect that you can find this at each one if you take the time to look around. It's the people in the corners that are either staring into the abyss, their phone, or some inanimate object with an unmoving gaze.

Even more dreadful is the dawning realization that they look as if they've been sitting like that for hours upon hours.

This was without a doubt the low point of my con experience and I'm glad it was a short one because situations like this can permanently sour an experience.

If you don't have friends to accompany you or the drive and social competence to make new friends on the fly, then I would caution against going to a furry convention. Otherwise you run the risk of ending up with a lousy experience that in turn could scare you away from any future ones.

Furry Time came to an end and the events resumed with the Art & Charity Auction. Many things ranging from posters to a full fledged Rainbow Dash costume were either auctioned or given out in a lottery.

An interesting fact about the convention is that the Swedes only accounted for about 50% percent of the attendees, the rest came from around the world and a fair share likely arrived through the airport.

There are two important things to ponder and plan for...

Let's say you win a bulky costume, how do you get it home?

You've bought or won several posters, some rather big ones. How do you transport it without damage?

I still haven't figured out the best way for #1 but #2 can be solved by a common cardboard tube.

The evening ended with a wonderful concert held byChama the fox. It was a sweet moment to lean back in a chair while sipping a drink as you sing 'One Day' or rather 'One Neigh' as some would prefer.

The concert came to an end and it was time to return once more. While walking through the hotel I came to notice something in my surroundings. Runny noses, coughing, red faces, many of the attendees were at this point starting to sniffle and look a bit under the weather.

That brings us to another concept known as the con crud. The idea is simple, gather a bunch of folks from around the world and place them in cramped quarters. What do you get: Infection vectors, and loads of them.

From a single sniffle at the start of the con about a third of everyone were starting to look affected. Fortunately most diseases take time to incubate which means that you don't get really sick before returning home ^_^;

Another day was over and bed demanded my attention once more.

Sunday: All good things come to an end

Sunday morning caught me by surprise as the days had passed with surprising haste. It's a bit unfortunate but I had bought my train tickets with the idea that the last day would involve little more than breakfast and a check-out where you were expected to leave the hotel.

In reality the last day of the con didn't really end until after 14:00 - 15:00.

I left the hotel early and thereby missed the closing ceremony. It is at this point that it began to dawn on me how much fun I've had over the last few days.

The journey home is a long one and I pick up my dog along the way. My furry friend helps keep the mood up but there is something just awful about unlocking a door and stepping into a dark and lonely hallway.

You need to be prepared for this or you'll be quickly swallowed up by Post-con depression.

It doesn't take long after getting home that the body starts to wind down, the exhaustion can be serious and it is made worse if you need to prepare for work like I had to do.

Take another day off work and get a good night's sleep, you'll thank yourself for it.

Monday: Ratrace

Returning to work is like putting on a pair of old shoes. They are comfy and familiar but they can be damn ugly and have the effect of making years go by without notice.

For the others at work it is just another week but for me it was a rather surreal sensation. The others couldn't see it but something had changed inside me and the seed of something new had taken root.

The seed grows with every hour and it a brings a pained if rather conflicted sensation.

At this point you still have a choice...

You could rip it out and trample it as you forget and settle into old habits. The thought has an alluring prospect to it as the uncertainties, worries, and vulnerabilities brought out by the con isn't all pleasant.

Or, you can do something else...

The day at the office is plagued by wandering thoughts and I can't help but reminisce about the events that are still fresh in my mind. Eventually the day comes to an end and I find myself at home in front of my computer. On the screen there are train and flight schedules while an old passport rests on the desk.

It dawns on me that I've already made my choice and while it may hurt I nurture this new seed in hope of one day seeing it bloom.

My thanks go out to the hotel, the crew, the convention, my friends, the fursuiters and everyone else. You provided a wonderful time and you help keep our unique and fascinating community alive.

This is the end of my adventure and it's about time because I'd puke if things got any more sappy than this =P

By the way, is anyone heading to Confuzzled? ^_^