Opium and Foreign Relations
#2 of Letters From the Jade Emperor
A Letter from the Jade Emperor of China, the dragon Yu Long, to his best friend Reno Blazefire the Imperial Emissary, Advisor, and his best friend. Of course Yu Long isn't the most dignified royal there ever was, but that's why I love his character so much. Reno also happens to be my primary fursona so it was so much fun to write about her. I hope someone likes it and finds it at least somewhat amusing.
Letters to the Jade Emperor: Opium and Foreign Relations
This correspondence comes directly from the Yu Long the Jade Emperor of China to Reno Blazefire, Imperial Emissary and Direct Advisor to the Celestial Dragon himself.
SAVE ME
Sealed with the imperial dragon ring for authenticity.
From Reno Blazefire regarding the Emperor's request.
Nice to hear from you too.
Sealed with the Imperial Lion's ring for authenticity.
To Reno from the Emperor himself regarding a request for help.
Please come back and save me from these idiots. Why did I let them in here anyway? Tell me I was sick at the time. I must have been sick at the time. Or hallucinating. Can you hallucinate from secondhand opium smoke? Remind me to enact new rules limiting the sale and distribution of that foul stuff. It burns my eyes and ruins the air for everyone.
Anyway, I've been stuck in the Forbidden City for nearly a month now listening to these foreign dignitaries ramble on about how necessary opium sales are for their economy and how much revenue it would bring in, primarily to line their own pockets while depriving the common peasants of the simple necessities they need in order to survive but I wasn't going to bother to bring that up. I fell asleep during one of their insanely long speeches as it was. Your father had to poke me with one of his claws and wake me up. It's a good thing he's here or I would have dropped kicked them out of my palace weeks ago.
Can I just burn all the opium fields and call it a day? Please tell me I can. I'm about to burn something down in frustration so it might as well be something I want to get rid of anyway. Two birds one stone.
Sealed with the imperial dragon ring for authenticity.
From Reno In Response to Yu Long
You'd probably fall out of the sky from the opium smoke inhalation before you were even halfway finished. Just tell them that you'll consider their request and then write a letter saying that you regret to inform them that opium exports for drug usage will not be allowed. Only opium that has already been refined for medical medical usage will be sold in and exported from China. That takes care of the dignitaries and will allow you to sign in a new law forbidding illegal usage of the drug. Problem solved.
And no I'm not coming back early. I am on vacation and I'm going to enjoy it. You're not the only one who needs to get out of the Forbidden City and take in some fresh air. I swear the spas here are to die for.
Besides you would have been rid of them weeks ago if you had actually done your job instead of throwing me at them and trying to deflect your responsibilities.
Sealed with the Imperial Lion's ring for authenticity.
From Yu Long To Reno, my So-Called Friend.
Is that anyway to talk to your Emperor? I'm pretty sure I could have you jailed for... um... something or other because of that tone of disrespect.
How did you get that name anyway? It's hardly Chinese.
Sealed with the... oh forget it you know who I am by now.
The following message comes directly from Reno Blazefire, Imperial Emissary and Advisor to the Jade Emperor. May the eternal wisdom of the Celestial Dragon continue to shine like the... OH MY GOODNESS. How do dignitaries in the palace do this all the time in every single letter??? You have way too many superfluous titles. My paws are cramping up just thinking about it.
How very royal of you. The Jade Emperor of China needs to stop whining like a five-year-old hatchling who didn't get his sweets then if he wants more respect.
Finish your business like you're supposed to and then make up some excuse about needing to make leave for a few days to meet up with me for a secret inspection of this area. Leave my father in charge with Xue Lin under him and everything will be fine. You can come here and let the stress soak out of your scales but only if you promise to play nice with the other kids.
Also you already know my Chinese name, the one given to me by my parents after they found and adopted me. Lions choose a new name and title for themselves after completing their hunting tests and being fully recognized as adults. I may have been raised by tigers and gone through very different trials for my adulthood recognition but I still kept that aspect. Reno is a reminder that I am different and that being different can be a source of strength and pride if you let it. The last part is supposed to represent the promise I made to protect those around me. May my passion and desire to protect others blaze like a raging fire and all that mushy stuff.
Not that you didn't know that already.
Sealed with the Imperial Lion's ring for authenticity.
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From Yu to You. Sorry I just couldn't resist. Actually no I'm not sorry. I'm the Jade Emperor I can do whatever I want.
Okay now you're just mocking me outright.
Yeah, I knew all of that already I just wanted to make you say it again. You're so sweet. Just a big ball of soft lion fluff.
Imperial dragon seal ring thing and all that jazz.
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From Reno your long-suffering BFF
QUITE USING ME AS A DISTRACTION AND GO BACK TO WORK YOU STUPID DRAGON.
Sealed with the Imperial Lion's ring for authenticity.
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From the Jade Emperor to cranky lion kitty.
My, my someone needs a good massage after all. Try not to strain a muscle.
Fine, I'll get it done, sign a new law, and send the idiots... AHEM, I mean foreign ambassadors... out of China with a few boxes of tea for good feelings.
See you soon.
P.S. Don't you get tired of adding in that whole sealed with the blah blah whatzit at the end of every correspondence?
Insert fancy seal and loopy signature here.
----
From Cranky Lion Kitty
Just make sure you do it right. If they come back here then you're on your own. No using me as a go between.
And I had a stamp made. Saves time.
Sealed with the Imperial Lion's ring for authenticity.
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From the five-year-old-hatchling.
Love you too.
P.S. Xue Lin has some explaining to do. I want a fancy stamp. With carved dragons and an emerald set into it.
Sealed with the imperial dragon ring for authenticity.