My story
This is my story. I wrote it. Any similarities to existing stories, or real events, are entirely coincidental. All characters, organizations and/or social groupings belong to me. Well, except for Romeo and Juliet and their families. Obviously, those don't belong to me. But other than em, they all belong to me. I ask that you don't use them without my permission. * * * SUCCESS! What you are looking at right now is my first officially official story. It took many months, lots of procrastination, and a lot of waffling. But here it is, the first of what I hope will be many such stories. I hope you enjoy it, and if you see any problems feel free to point them out so that I can hunt you down and gut you. I mean take your criticism and apply it so that I might get better. Yeah. That's what I said. I didn't threaten you. Not at all. *whistles innocently* So yeah. The title sucks, and the description looks like I just threw a bunch of random words together. I hate them both. Without further ado, I hope you'll enjoy!
- * * I've got a story to tell you. It might not a very interesting story by most accounts, but it's my story and I'm going to tell it to you whether you like it or not, so now's your chance to leave. Still here? Then let's continue. I'm sure you've heard of the story of Romeo and Juliet, it was written by a Human whose name escapes me. This story is kind of like Romeo and Juliet. Except for the parts where it's not. Which is most of them now that I think about it. For one thing, Romeo and Juliet were a male and female rather than two males. For another Romeo and Juliet were Humans, I and my would-be amor are of the race of Nojin, the Animal People. The grudging families of the Montagues and the Capulets are instead the warring clans of Tigris and Jubatus(Cheetahs for the unaware). Romeo and Juliet were both high-born and while my could-be amore would certainly qualify as such, I most certainly do not, being of House Acinonyx. Servants, soldiers, but never royalty. This is the place of House Acinonyx. The major decisions in the lives of Clan Jubatus members are dictated by the Clan elders, more so for House Acinonyx than House Jubatus. The most major decision that is dictated thus is that we are forbidden to fraternize with any Clan Tigris member. My should-be love is most decidedly a Clan Tigris member. And because things are never bad enough that the universe can't dump more problems on me, my almost-love-interest happens to be my best friend. My name is Eli of Clan Jubatus and this is a story about me and my woulda/coulda/shoulda-been lover, Cormak of Clan Tigris. * * * I still remember my first battle. It was terrible and I'm sure I hated it. Hated the noise and the death and the killing. But at the same time I loved it. Loved the feeling of the skin opening beneath my claws, the sound of the bones cracking in my jaws as I bit down on an arm or a leg. Loved the taste, the smell of the blood that just drove it on. A queer double sort of feeling that I definitely did not like. I somehow managed to make it through the battle in one piece. A large flare flew through the sky, signaling an armistice and everyone stopped what they were doing. Those warriors still standing kept their agressive stance, not willing to drop their guard even as they bent and retrieved the wounded and the dead. They backed slowly away, not willing to turn their backs on the other side, lest the armistice suddenly fail to be honored, something that had never happened in hundreds of years of war between our two clans. In the ensuing confusion I managed to slip away unnoticed, into the forest. I made a bee-line for a small river that I knew was in the area. It was some way away from the battlefield, but it was quiet and secluded. A place where I could wash the blood out of my fur and sort out my conflicting feelings for what had happened. * * * 'Not So Different'. If there was one thing that my people heard in reference to Clan Tigris, it was that we were not so different from them. We are felines, two of only three feline clans(four if you count Clan Hyaenidae). We worship the same gods, follow similar ways of life. Both of our clans value martial prowess. We both value justice greatly. But Clan Tigris and Clan Jubatus have been at war for longer than anyone can remember. It seems that every few decades some new "peace negotiation expert" shows up, nearly always a Human, and tries to get us to reform our warring ways, to 'kiss and make up', always with the same tired old argument "You're Not So Different from eachother so why do you fight?" Here's the thing. We know we're Not So Different. Over seven hundred years of war has taught us that we are Not So Different from eachother. But we fight anyway. Why? I don't know. Mostly I always figured that we were still at war because we've always been at war. A kind of vicious cycle or something. We couldn't imagine a world where Clan Jubatus was not the sworn enemy of Clan Tigris, so we kept it that way and somehow managed to completely avert any lasting peace. The best we could ever hope for was a brief truce to regroup, to heal our wounds and prepare for a counterattack. Maybe something will happen some day and we won't have to fight anymore. Maybe. * * * After I had gotten all the blood out of my fur, and checked to make sure none of my wounds needed immediate attention, I sat on the banks of the river and waited for the sun to dry my fur, and tried to reconcile the hatred of killing with the joy of battle. I must have sat there for some time because when a voice startled me out of my reverie, the sun had changed position. Looking around I was considerably suprised to see a Tigris sitting a few feet away from me, idly flicking rocks into the water. I was rather nervous, even though there was an armistice in effect there was no way I could know if it still lasted or if he would ignore it or anything like that. Still, even though I was rather scared I couldn't help but think he filled out his clothes very well, for his shirt was stretched over well-built muscles that rippled whenever he threw a stone. When I look back on that day I can't help thinking that in profile he really was quite handsome. "Er..did you say something?" I asked timidly. He looked over at me with odd half-closed eyes and smiled in a vague sort of way that made me feel better somehow. "Yes, actually. I was commenting that you look like a cub who needs someone to talk to. Would you like to talk to me?" he smiled again and I was rather unsure what to do. Here I was a young and stupid Jubatus sitting in nothing but my fur on a river bank in the middle of nowhere and there he was, a large, imposing, handsome Tigris was asking me if I wanted to talk. I got the idea that I might have waited hour and he would have sat patiently, waiting for my response, but after a few moments I decided that I had nothing to lose by talking to him. So I told him about the battle and about how I hated it and loved it and I found it so easy to just talk to him and have him listen that I told him everything else about myself. About how I was the only boy in House Acynonix from my generation that was old enough to fight and how I never seemed to get things right and even I told him about how always found myself thinking about other boys when boys my age were supposed to be thinking about girls. I rambled on and on, and he listened quietly, never interupting. When all was said and done I felt better, like some sort of weight had been lifted from my shoulders, but when I looked around I noticed he wasn't there. At first I wondered if I had somehow imagined him, but then I saw a small pile of stones where he had been sitting and there was still a small ripple from where the last thrown stone had fallen. I didn't have time to really explore the implications of this occurence as one the adults finally managed to track me down and fetched me back to the camp to help with the packing. * * * It was another seven years before I saw him again, that nameless Tigris. I never forgot about him even for a moment. So seven years of battle and travel were spent waiting and watching for him. During that time I managed to come to terms with my bloodlust in battles and accepted it, and had achieved a few other decisions in my life as well. I devoted myself fully to Clan Jubatus, training in whatever forms of combat that were available so I could better serve the clan, or, perhaps more accurately, the Elders, and I quickly rose to prominence. At only twenty years in age I managed to become the most highly decorated officer in the history of House Acynonix. I was the most highly trained warrior in the entire clan and rightly feared by the Tigris that knew me by sight. I also came to the realization that I was what Humans would call 'gay', which is to say that I have sexual and romantic attraction to other males, rather than to females. This put me in rather a tight spot. As the most powerful soldier the clan had produced I would eventually be expected to lie with a female and produce strong children to fight in the war. This was obviously not likely to happen and I had managed to dodge the issue whenever I made my reports to the Elders, though it was only a matter of time before they managed to nail me to the wall. I could never openly defy them. I still visited that little river whenever I got the chance, half hoping that he would be there, but still enjoying the tranquility. Another battle, in the same place as my first took place and again I managed to slip away for a much needed bath. Most of my people hate water, only bathing as a matter of course, and even then only when absolutely necessary, but I had always enjoyed the water. I stripped down to my fur and dove right into the stream, loving the brisk cold, and stayed under for as long as I could manage. When I finally surfaced he was there. The same place he had been all those years before with that same pile of rocks as before that he tossed into the water every now and then. He hadn't really changed all that much. Then he had seemed very large to a young confused Jubatus cub, but in reality he was rather small for one of the Tigris. "You know," I said "I had almost thought I imagined you." He smiled that vague smile of his and asked, "Are you sure you didn't?" I climbed out of the water and laid down on bank. I lay on my back and stared up at the sky for a long while, the relative quiet interupted only by the sound of thrown stones hitting the water. Finally, I had to ask. "Why?" He didn't seem to need any more context than that as he immediately replied, "I never really held that closely to clan traditions. My teacher always taught me that the war was a disease on our people, and that efforts should be made to counteract that disease. He told me that someone needed to make the first step, and that a single act of kindness could change the world for the better. What better act of kindness than to provided a sympathetic ear to a troubled cub?" "But don't you know who I am?" I asked. He looked at me for a moment, as if it were an odd question, like I had just asked if the sky were bright purple. "Of course. You're Eli of House Acynonix, Clan Jubatus' greatest warrior, the most highly decorated soldier in the history of your family. Thoroughly dedicated to your clan's ideology, or so the rumors say." I sat up and opened my eyes, "Then why do you sit there so calmly, knowing that I have every reason to attack you?" He smiled that smile of his that made me shudder slightly and said "Well, there are several reasons. For one, I know you're not like the rest of your clan, you won't attack me, despite having every reason to. You're not the kind of person to attack without provocation." For some reason that statement made me angry, and I suddenly needed to prove him wrong. In an instant I fell back and twisted my lower body, bringing my legs forward as I kicked out. My knee connected with his throat...and stopped. Finding myself in an awkward position, unable to maintain balance for even a moment, I fell over into his lap. He chuckled and continued, "For another thing, even if you did attack me, I've got nothing to fear from you." Reaching into his shirt, he pulled out a small amulet. "This little trinket protects me from physical assaults of any kind, as you just witnessed." As he spoke, I managed to scramble off his lap and gather together the remains of my dignity as I made my way over to my clothes. He was silent as I dressed, looking the other way as if to mock me for my failed attempt at attacking him. I know it doesn't make sense. Shut up. "You could have told me you were a mage." I said angrily. I knew that was unfair, but I was angry, damn it! If he was offended, he didn't show it, he merely laughed out loud and said, "Do you see? Any other Jubatus would have tried to take the amulet away from me the moment I showed it to them. For that matter, they would never have even entertained the notion of talking with me at all." I thought about this for several minutes, reviewing my life up to that point, and realized he was right. I am different, but I'd spent seven years devoting myself to my clan, obeying every command given to me by the Elders, even when it inconvenienced me, trying to convince myself that I wasn't. To convince myself that I truly wanted to fight the Tigris, that I wanted to kill them, because a good Jubatus always served the clan's interests ahead of their own. But having it pointed out to me, I realized that I was just going through the motions, that I didn't really believe that. I had never believed that, but the idea never actually occured to me till that moment, when this Tigris pointed it out to me. But he didn't give me time to ponder this discovery. "Hey, you know what?" he said as he held up a paw and pointedly extended then retracted his claws -a traditional greeting used when our two clans were forced to meet on neutral terms- and held it out to me with a friendly smile, "My name is Cormak, of Clan Tigris' Ak family, and this may just be the start of something great for both of our clans. What do you say?" Without much deliberation, I repeated the gesture, at least as best I could then took his paw and shook it, "Eli, Clan Jubatus' House Acynonix." * * * And so it went. Over the next three years I continued my service to Clan Jubatus, though not in the same manner. I retired from combat, much to the protests of the Elders, and instead took up the training of cubs for combat, and studying the history of our clan. I slipped away at every opportunity I could find to spend time with Cormak. He was always there waiting for me, without fail, sitting in the same spot, with the never ending pile of rocks that he would throw into the river from time to time. We talked about everything, from the current status of the war, to our families, to our personal interests. Cormak spoke often of his teacher, and of his work as an Organizer(a sort of police organization for the magical community). He talked of his love of magic itself, often with an excitement that always captivated me. Though I hardly understood half of the terms he used, I was simply happy to listen to him talk, his voice has an electric quality to it that never failed to draw me in. It took some time for me to realize what was happening, but when I did it hit me like a ton of bricks. The more time I spent with Cormak, the more I was sure that I was falling in love with him. Even more than just being gay when the Elders were pressuring me to take a wife, this provided an immense problem. For one, this would only increase the ever present threat of death for the crime of consorting with Clan Tigris. For another, Cormak gave no indication that he was gay himself. Still, as time passed I knew I had to tell him. 'No sacrifice, no victory' as the saying went. If I didn't risk it all, I would never know if he could have returned my feelings, and would have spent the rest of my life wondering what might have been. * * * Of course, even having decided that, it was well over a month before I actually got up the courage to tell him. And so, just under two months after the first realization that I was in love with Cormak, I finally scraped together the nerve to tell him. He was right in the middle of a lecture on teleportation magic, throwing around lots of big words, half of which I wouldn't have understood even if I had been paying attention. "I love you." I blurted as Cormak paused to take a breath. He seemed about to continue what he was saying before the words actually managed to sink in and he raised an eyebrow in that infuriating and sexy way only he seems capable of. "I'm sorry? Did you just say what I think you just said?" Not trusting myself to speak, I merely nodded, keeping my eyes on my paws in my lap. This was it. He was going to get angry. He was going to leave. He was going to kill me for daring to entertain the idea that he would ever have such feelings for another male, for me. But he did none of those things. He was silent for what seemed like hours, but which couldn't have been more than a second or two, then asked, "Are you sure?" I nodded again and he sighed. "Listen, Eli. I'm not...I don't feel that way about males. I'm sorry. If I were, if I thought for one moment that I...but I'm not. I'm sorry." I didn't cry. I shed no tear. Cubs cry. Children, young babies. Warriors do not cry, warriors guard their emotions at all times. Still, I wish I could have. It might have made me feel better when Cormak's amulet began letting out a soft tone. The Organizers needed him, work that was important to the world, which takes precedence over one heart-broken friend. I knew he wanted to stay, he wanted to do something to make things better, but he couldn't think of anything that wouldn't just make things worse. So he left. I lay there in the clearing for a long time, wishing I could cry, wishing my life would end. Wishing things had gone differently. Wishing I were dead might seem like an overreaction, and maybe it was, but I dare you to have your heart broken and tell me you've never wished the same. After awhile, I got up and I left, heading back to my home. I don't think I've gone back to that clearing since, but I know that if I ever did, Cormak would be waiting there for me, even if not as my lover, always as my friend.