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A shorter piece involving that inner torment that a lot of us feel when we realise we may be something other than straight. The sex scene isn't as extended as in some of my other stories, but I feel this is more realistic when dealing with two questioning guys who are new to male-male intimacy.

Glimpses

by Colin Leighton

[Following is an excerpt from a memoir of gay youth]

It happened so quickly I hardly had time to comprehend.

I was pulling on some track pants, better workout clothes than the jeans I'd worn to class; bent over the bench in my university's rec centre locker room, when for no particular reason, my eyes drifted upwards...and I saw. Across the room, another canid bent, pulling on some Nike shorts, exposing.... A pattern of mottled black-brown-grey fur, rounded on the sides and topped with a evenly furred tail which wagged lazily.

That's a hot ass, I thought absently.

And then I remembered I was in the Men's locker room.

There were no girls in this room.

And in one moment everything I believed in turned up-side-down.

The problem didn't arise again for almost three weeks.

It wasn't entirely because of that first glimpse. I went to the rec centre only rarely - I was in no need of losing weight, and as I had grown up on a ranch, I already had more muscle structure than many of the city kids with whom I attended class. But because I was skinny, I'd decided that I should probably start working out at least once a week, so I could build myself up a little.

It was on another of those weekly workouts that I saw...him.

Once again I was in the locker room, this time getting ready to leave, when among the rush of guys entering and leaving the room, my eyes recognised a familiar colour.

I swallowed.

Don't let your mind go there again. Don't you dare. My mind screamed at me, but still I stared at him, a perfect example of why German Shepherds so often got jobs as actors and supermodels. He was tall, although not overly so, very fit, his multi-coloured fur glossy and shining...his ears were tall and rounded, his muzzle perfect in proportion to his head, and more than anything else, when I watched him pass and saw his tail swishing slowly above that hot, perfect ass, easily definable under his shorts....

What was I thinking?

I threw my workout clothes into my backpack, hoisted it, and left the locker room with my tail and ears low. My emotions were fruit flies trapped in a jar, flying all over the place without direction.

I had looked at a guy and been attracted to him.

But that was impossible! I wasn't gay!

And yet if I thought too much about the way the shepherd's butt moved when he walked, and imagined what was under those shorts....

I smacked myself on the head. What was wrong with me?

That night I spent an hour adding to my Cool People board on Pinterest, pinning endless photos of actresses I'd previously found attractive, wolves and foxes and coyotes and even a jaguar, although I usually didn't go for felines.

I quit after an hour, feeling I'd reminded myself I liked girls, but when I woke at midnight, straight from a dream, I stared into the darkness in the horror of realising that in the dream, I was making out with the dog from the locker room. He had his paw in my pants, and I had mine on his butt.

Something was really wrong with me.

Over the next month I continued to go to the rec centre sporadically. Somehow, though, I found myself attending two, then three times a week, and always at the same time of afternoon.

He was always there.

Some days it would be just a glimpse. He'd walk in just as I was leaving, or I'd return from the workout just to see the two rounds of his butt disappear into his shorts, before he adjusted his tail and pulled a tank top over his broad shoulders. One day he wasn't there at all, and I worked myself into a vigour, weightlifting till my arms ached so that I wouldn't be able to focus on wondering why he wasn't there.

I almost died of fear and shame and...something else, the day he came into the shower.

I didn't normally shower there. I'd worked out so much that day though that I felt I couldn't attend class smelling strongly of sweaty coyote, so I'd slipped out of my clothes and into the large community shower, which was empty, and better lit in comparison to the private showers. I was rubbing my fur down good when I heard toenails on the tile. I glanced over.

Crap. Of all the people who used this rec centre, of all the 12000 guys who could possibly walk in at that moment...It was him. Oh, and he was completely nude, all perfect fur and ears and muscles. Prince Charming in black-brown-grey. God incarnated in German Shepherd. Flawless like a Michelangelo sculpture.

Oh God. I had to stop, or I was going to start getting hard. That had happened a few nights at home, when I hadn't been able to control my thoughts. Think about something else. Anything. Anything but that he's - oh, he was in the shower with me, and he was soaping himself up and keeping his eyes to himself, mercifully, but my eyes couldn't keep away, and I kept looking over - he had his back to me know, which was just as well cause he couldn't see me but I could see him, could see that bushy tail and his oh-so awesome ass, and I wished he would raise his tail so I could see underneath and oh, I wondered what it would be like to push my muzzle up between those rounded cheeks and lick, lick, lick...

Something was really, really wrong with me.

Thinking about putting my tongue of all things on a guy's butt? I really was going insane.

With my mind a blur of anguish and hopeless lack of understanding, feeling guiltier and more self-conscious by the second, I fled the shower without a backwards glance. Now I'd really screwed up. Had he seen me looking at him? Would he be sharing a drink and a laugh with his dorm buddies, laughing it up about that faggy coyote who couldn't keep his eyes were they belonged?

I burned with shame.

I avoided the rec centre for two weeks after that.

When I did go back, he wasn't there the first day, but I was so nervous about seeing him, and how I'd behave if I did, that I left after only a half-hour. So I came back the next day...and there he was.

Except this time he noticed me.

Or maybe he had before. I don't know, just that again, as I was packing up to leave, in he came, and as his eyes drifted across the room, they caught mine, and we gazed at each other. I looked away, but when I glanced back, he was still regarding me, expression sombre. It was the first time I'd really looked into his eyes, and I saw they were green, deep green like the crème de menthe my grandma liked to drink. They were beautiful eyes...but I couldn't think that, not unless he was a girl, which he so plainly wasn't.

I looked away and by the time I looked up again he was getting dressed and had his back to me. My eyes instantly focused on his ass.

I went home and hooked my iPhone up the surround sound and turned the music on shuffle, high as the volume would go, trying to drown out the bewildering thoughts in my head. I was shaking my tail around crazily to the sound of Cyndi Lauper screaming "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" when I realised exactly gay I was acting, or at least by some people's definition anyway, so I shut off the music and collapsed on my bed, hating myself.

I couldn't focus on school. Homework went undone, friends were neglected, classes forgotten. My life was a mystery to me, all my plans gone out the window. What if I was gay? Sure, I hadn't seen any other dudes who had the effect on my of that shepherd, but when had I ever felt this way about a girl? Sure, I'd had crushes on them numerous times, but never like this, never where I couldn't stop thinking about his face and his square muzzle and green eyes and furry tail and muscled belly and that ass I just wanted to kiss....

I was a mystery to myself.

The day he confronted me, I wanted to die.

It had been the usual arrangement, I was already dressing to leave when he came into the locker room, giving me the typical glimpse of his butt, staring at his back as he dressed. I left first, but I'd paused in the hallway, paw-pad on my phone, going through the Facebook notifications which had appeared since I'd last checked it.

The door opened and closed me, but I didn't think much of it. Not until I saw a fur pattern I knew all too well. He was wearing a leather jacket, and looking perfectly dazzling in it, and the fur on his head was wet and slicked back. I glanced at him as he passed me...

And he saw.

And paused. I froze.

He turned around, muzzle open just a crack of an inch.

"Dude..." It was the first time I heard his voice, and it was smooth and sexy, like a movie star's voice, even and controlled.

"Hey" I said in a small voice.

"Look, I don't know you, but...you're always staring at me." His green eyes were earnest and he had his paws stuck in his jacket pockets. I tried not to stare at the way his muscled chest filled out the jacket. "And not just like at my face...I've caught you with your eyes on my ass I don't know how many times."

"I didn't...I haven't.." I didn't know what to say. My tail was as far between my legs as it would go and I felt my ears flattening against my head.

"Hey, I don't have a problem if you're...gay...or whatever...but it's a little creepy having you stare at me constantly."

"It's not constantly" I choked. "And I'm not gay. I'm just working through some issues, and I don't know what's wrong with me, but I will fix it. I'll never look at you again. I'm sorry" I was spitting words and explanations that I didn't even understand myself, feeling like I was going to start crying, and at that moment, if I had had the opportunity, I would have ended my life instantly. How could anyone live while at war with himself the way I was?

The shepherd, still looking so controlled, got the strangest look on his face, shifting on his feet...almost like he was about to hug me, and then he stepped back, and said "I know I'm not queer" rather sharply.

"And I'm not either" I said with as much confidence as I could muster, which wasn't much.

He was still looking at me with a twisted expression on his muzzle when he muttered "see you around" and walked away without looking back. His tail wasn't swishing the way it usually did.

I stayed away for so much longer after that.

I missed the workouts. It was good to feel that burn in your muscles after a good workout, good to see the added definition in the mirror every morning, but my fear of....everything, everything involving a certain German Shepherd, whose name I didn't even know.

I watched every movie I could think of which featured an actress I'd had celebrity crushes on before. I talked to the few friends I'd made in class about dating girls. I read up on dating advice websites on how to impress girls and how to show off that I wasn't the average guy. Everything meant to convince myself that I was still the same person I'd been before....him. Before everything changed.

But maybe I had always been the same person? Could there be a part of myself I hadn't discovered yet?

The day I finally went back to the rec centre, I didn't go at the normal time. I went in the evening, when most people had gone home or to their dorm rooms or off to noisy parties. I had the place mostly to myself. I worked my muscles good, I felt the burn, and I tried to calm my ever-frantic mind.

I was humming softly to myself in the shower when I hear the familiar sound of claws on tile.

I looked up.

He looked for all purposes identical to that first encounter in the shower, flawless as ever, although this time, rather than being cast downwards, his eyes were focused on me.

I swallowed again and opened my mouth.

The dog bit his lip, then spoke.

"Look...I can't explain why I feel the way I do...but I haven't been able to think straight the last few months, and I think you're to blame."

"I'm...sorry?" I said helplessly. What was he getting at?

"I saw you one day and something clicked in my head, and since then, I can't get you out of it. And then when I realised you were watching me too, it just got worse. I've always thought I was perfectly straight as an arrow but now I really don't know."

He met my eyes and sighed. "Fine...I was honest...your turn."

I took a deep breath. "I've never looked at guys before either, but from the moment I saw you, I couldn't forget you. I think you're gorgeous and sexy and I can't stop thinking about licking your butt."

His eyes widened...but then, was that a hint of a smile I saw around the corners of his muzzle?

"Well, I did ask you to be honest" he said finally, taking a step closer. "So...this feels really, really weird, but...I guess what I'm saying is...I'm willing to give it a try if you are."

As if listening to another person, I heard myself saying "I can't believe that we'd both be feeling so much attraction to each other without a reason behind it...could this be meant to be?"

Instead of answering, he grabbed me to him and kissed me.

And instead of protesting, I kissed him right back.

It felt wonderful.

I put my paws on his firm butt and he had one of his at my side and the other holding the side of my head as we locked tongues and licked and ate at each other's faces like starving hyenas. We were pressed tightly against each other and I could feel his hardness against my leg and his mouth tasted just fine and oh, why wasn't I protesting?

Because it felt so great not to.

His tongue was in my mouth and it was warm and slippery and tasting like him, and the way his paw went around my head, pulling my to him, made me feel like I belonged.

He stopped kissing me.

"I'm all for going on with the making out," he grinned at me, "but do you want to take this up with that licking you were talking about?"

And oh, God, when he turned around and lifted his tail for me, I thought I would die with need, my cock harder than ever before, my mouth watering with desire.

"Oh, yes," I cried thankfully, "please yes."

He didn't answer, just hiked his tail higher.

I needed no encouragement. Three months of fantasising had me needing this moment desperately. I dropped to my knees and he braced his paws against the tiled shower wall and I leaned in, my eyes flowing past his balls, which with themselves gorgeous, although it was something else that really turned me on.

"You really do have a beautiful ass" I told him, hardly able to believe this was happening.

"I know" he said, sounding pleased. "It's one of the major assets of my species. Get it? Ass-ets?" he laughed at his own pun.

I finally let my eyes drift to the place I most wanted to see, that dark chocolate circle of skin just below his tail, inviting me to taste and smell it. Tentatively, I ran my tongue from the top of his balls upwards, through the crevice of his ass up to the area I most wanted to kiss. And kiss it I did. My lips met his asshole in a perfect kiss, and it felt so incredibly sexy and turned me on so much that my cock felt rock hard and my mind was running like crazy on this is so sexy and I wanted more, more, more.

"Oh" he said when I kissed him, tensing just a little. I could feel the muscle tighten beneath my lips. "That's a strange feeling" he said softly. "But please don't stop."

I kissed him again, and a third time, and a fourth, and then I just started making out with his butt, and just the thought of doing so was arousing enough that I worried I would blow it right there. I had my paws on either side of his ass and my muzzle thrust perfectly up between his cheeks, just like I'd fantasised about, and now I was making out with his ass no different than how I'd made out with his muzzle and I could taste male dog musk on my lips and feel him loosening, losing the tension under my steady barrage of kisses.

I was slobbering all over his hole and kissing it and teasing it with my lips and then I had the inspiration and I pushed my tongue against his tightness. He moaned a little, and not for the first time, as I pressed with my tongue, suddenly filled with an heightened need for my tongue to be inside him, to taste him completely.

"You're going to-" he said, kind of a question, and then he understood and was quiet and said "it feels so amazing when you kiss me like that."

I was too worked up to reply, moulding my tongue around his tailhole and pressing lightly here and there, wanting so much to taste him deeper, and then, oh, finally my tongue-tip was slipping past his barrier, and I was feeling warmness and heat and tight, tight walls, and musk, so muck musk and male taste, so different than anything I'd ever had on the palate before. He groaned a little as I pushed my tongue deeper, wanting it in up to the roots, and the taste was stronger and oh, I loved it. I loved licking him under his tail and sticking my tongue up his butt, and how could anything be sexier than this. My cock ached, but I ignored it, squeezing the two cheeks of the dog's butt with my paws, feeling him loosening slowly as I slide my tongue deep as it could go.

His passage was delightfully narrow, somewhat cramped on my tongue, but I licked around as best I could, tasting male and nothing else, the musk overriding my other senses. I bathed his channel with licks and rubbing, and suddenly he moaned deeply, and cried "Oh! Oh, oh, damn." Tentatively I licked again, repeating the motion. God, he tasted good. "Fuck. Yes, right there, again, please, please, please." His words stretched out into another moan, and I licked and rubbed and tongue-fucked him again and again, and he was so, so tight and it was perfect and the moans and whimpers were music to my ears.

"Oh, God, coyote, that is heavenly" he groaned as I continued to tongue-fuck him. "Being in giving position is nothing like this..." and I wondered, if my tongue was pleasuring him that much, having a cock in there would be like. But this wasn't the time for that. He was getting tense again, and muttering "Fucking hell, I'm going to get off and I haven't even touched it," the words chopped up by the moans he couldn't seem to control.

And then his passage was squeezing around my tongue and he groaned a final time and I knew he'd reached his climax, all because of my tongue up his butt, and then, ohhhh, my cock spasmed and it was just fine, each of us spurting out a load without even touching our cocks. I gave his passage one last lick before extracting my tongue from his hole, licking my chops and enjoying the oh-so-good feeling of the orgasm.

And it was over.

We stood and regarded each other, our dripping erections ignored. And then, ever so slightly, the corners of his muzzle turned up, into something that might resemble a smile.

He took my paw in his and together we walked out into what we had become.