FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Picture a plump, heart shaped glass suspended in the air just a few feet above the cold, hard ground; it's beauty taken away by the many scrapes it bore, the gashes making it ugly and unwanted. Holes littered the places where love and happiness should be. Black splatters like ink were dropped down to where joy and ease should be. Cracks like ice clutched the glass heart tightly, threatening to shatter it at any moment.

It was weak, and tired of all the pain. It wanted to give up and let the suffering win. At the same time, it longed to be loved. It wanted to be happy again, to be at ease, and have joy, and beauty again. But most of all, it wanted...

To be wanted...

Jason McCray finished wiping down the previously used table. He stuffed the cleaning rag in his waist apron and carried the cleaning chemicals in his left hand. It had been a slow day at the diner that he worked at; not many people showed up, which was fine with him really, he didn't feel like talking to many people today, or any day for that matter. His coworkers (Jasmine, a perky, cheery squirrel with too much ambition and not enough brains, and Hayley, an equally perky, but not as cheery black feline who wanted o-so-desperately to get a different job) had taken most of the customers' orders throughout the day, leaving Jason to do most of the cleaning and serving of food. Greg (A Great Dane who had a big heart and even bigger muscles) had asked what was wrong, but Jason didn't feel like explaining himself. He appreciated Greg's concern, but Jason was just going through a period of depression, a long lasting one.

He walked back through the swinging doors into the kitchen, where he found Jasmine and Hayley whispering and giggling things into each other's ears. They peeked through the chef's window every now and then and started giggling again. Greg was rolling his eyes as he tried hard to stay out of their way, and even harder not to burn them with his steaming hot spatula. "What are you two laughing about?" Jason asked, looking over their shoulders to see what was so funny. He didn't really care what was so amusing to them, but he had nothing better to do.

"You see that guy over there? The German Shepherd?" Jasmine said through her fingers as she attempted to hide the obvious grin.

Jason looked over the girls' heads to see a muscular, well-trimmed German Shepherd sitting at a small, round table in the middle of the diner. "What about him? Who is he?"

Hayley turned her head to face Jason. "That's Kenny, he's a regular... well, kinda. He shows up every now and then. Anyways, Jasmine and I are fighting over who's prettier-" Jason rolled his eyes at the last sentence. "So we thought we'd have a race to see who could get into his pants first! But he doesn't seem to like either one of us..."

Jason grabbed his trey and notepad. "Maybe he just thinks you're both ugly..." he said as he started towards the door. Both girls glared at Greg when he breathed a laugh. "I'll take this one, I guess."

Jason made his way around the vacant tables and chairs to the Shepherd's table. He was reading the menu when Jason strode up and cleared his throat to announce his presents.

"Can I get you something to drink, sir?" Jason said, forcing his pleasant, smooth voice. Kenny looked up from his menu, muzzle open and ready to answer until his eye's met the husky's. He froze for a moment, muzzle open and eyes locked.

The Shepherd shook himself out of his daze and folded his hands over the table. He smiled widely, reviling purly white canids in his charming grin. "Just a water, please." Jason didn't bother writing it down; there was no one else's orders to remember anyways. "I'm sorry," the man continued. "I haven't seen you here before. Are you new?"

Jason forced a chuckle. "Shouldn't I be asking _you_that question?" Kenny, laughed a light, delightful laugh. "No," he said after a moment. "I'm not new here. I normally work the night shifts."

"Oh, I see, Mr." Kenny's eyes lowered to Jason's nametag on his chest. "Jay,"

Jay was Jason's nickname and most of the time preferred to be referred to as Jay instead. "What's your name? You must be a regular." Jason already knew the man's name, but it would be somewhat strange to address a stranger by their name on first encounter.

"Kenny," he chirped, holding out his hand in an inviting handshake. Jason slid his hand into the surprisingly gentle grasp of Kenny's hand in a slow handshake. "But everyone just call's me Ken."

Jason smiled again, a less forced one. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Ken," their hands untangled. "So just a water?"

Ken nodded. "Yes please."

"I'll be right with you." Jason turned and walked away back to the kitchen. He walked through to doors to see Jasmine and Hayley both looking at him with wide eyes and even wider grins. Jason looked from one girl, to the other. "... What?" he finally asked after a moment.

"Now we know why he doesn't like us!" Jasmine said.

"Why?" Jason asked, still convinced that it was because that the man thought the girls were ugly, even though he was just joking when he said it.

"He's gay!" Hayley said, giggling under her breath.

Jason rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure he is." He said sarcastically as he grabbed a glass cup and began filling it with ice water.

"It has to be!" Jasmine exclaimed. "He never looks at us like that,"

"Plus, he shook your hand," Hayley chimed in.

"Everyone shakes hands." Jason said, setting the glass of water on his trey and balancing it on his left hand. "It's polite when meeting new people."

"He looked at your ass while you walked the whole way back..." Jasmine said.

Jason looked at her, then past her to Greg. The Great Dane nodded in agreement. "He did." He said as he flipped a meat patty.

Jason scoffed as he pushed out the door and walked back up to the waiting Shepherd. "Here you go, sir." He set the chill glass on the table in front of Ken, who smiled his charming smile in return.

"Thank you," he said happily, taking the glass in his hand.

"Are you ready to order?" Jason asked. Ken took a sip from his glass before setting back down on the table.

~*~

Jason closed his apartment door behind him. It had been a long day, the company of Ken earlier in the day had helped speed up time though. The Shepherd was a sweet man; always smiled whenever he saw Jason, had warm eyes and seemed to enjoy the husky's company as well... maybe he really was interested in him?

Jason shook his head. It didn't matter if Ken had the hots for him, Jason wasn't looking for a relationship. Sure, Ken seemed like a nice person, but after all that had happened with Jason's last companion... he just wasn't ready to go through another possible heartbreak.

He walked over to his land phone to see a red, digital four flashing on the screen. He pressed a button and the phone began speaking in it's automated tone. "You have four messages. First message; Hey Jay, it's m-" the voice was cut off by Jason hitting the delete button. The phone continued. "Second message; Hey bitch! It's Hayley, so were you able to get his number or something, you know, Kenny?" Jason deleted that message too before it could continue playing. "Third message; Jason," Jason's heart skipped a beat as he heard the males voice. It was him. "I know you're there. Listen, we need to talk-"

It was cut short from Jason hitting the delete button as he mumbled "Fuck you," before the phone continued.

"Fourth message; Hello," Jason listened more intently now. The voice sounded familiar. "It's Kenny, from earlier at the dinner,"

Jason looked at the phone. "How did you get my number?" he asked the phone.

In reply, the phone continued. "One of the waitress girls gave me your number before I left," his voice chuckled as Jason thought of several ways to murder his coworkers. "I hope you don't mind... so uh, anyways, I was calling to see if you were busy Saturday night. I know it's kinda straight forward, seeming how we just met a few hours ago, but I just thought I'd ask." Jason banged the phone against his forehead several times as the message played on. "and uh... yeah. I guess I'll talk to you later, maybe... hopefully? Um, bye." And with that the message finally ended.

Jason's head was throbbing when he finally stopped assaulting himself with the butt of the phone. He looked at the calender hanging on the wall on the other side of the small living room. It was Thursday night. "... maybe I should kill myself right now," he wondered. "Save me the trouble of doing it on Saturday..."

~*~

Jason grabbed the last item on his shopping list and tossed it into his cart. Milk, eggs, sausage, cereal, baking soda, lettuce, and peppers, all had a safe position in his cart as he made his way for the checkout line. He was nearly there when he felt a hand grab his shoulder. "Jason," the all too familiar voice said. The husky turned to face a tall, lean panther.

Jason twisted out of the panthers grip. "What the hell do you want?" he asked coldly.

"C'mon, please don't be like that," he soothed, reaching out to touch Jason's shoulders only to get slapped away. "I just want to talk."

"It's not happening, Henry." Jason resumed walking towards the checkout line with a quickened pace.

"I've changed, I swear," the panther said, following Jason with a matched pace.

"Like hell," Jason was pulled to a stop again by Henry's hand.

"Please, just listen to me,"

"No, you've had your chance, you've had hundreds of chances. Now, I'm not listening anymore, because I don't have to, I'm free of that. That's the magic of divorce, Henry, now get your damned hands off me." He slapped the panthers hands away again.

"I'm trying to explain-" he began, but was cut off by a third person clearing their throat.

"Is something wrong?" the familiar voice said. Jason and Henry both turned to see Kenny standing tall with a grocery bag in his right hand.

"Everything's fine buddy," Henry said. "Just carry on." He looked back to Jason and was about to speak when Ken spoke again.

"Is he bothering you, Jason?" His voice lowered in a more threatening tone.

Jason looked back to Henry, who was glaring at the Shepherd. "I don't know, are you bothering me, Henry?"

The panther looked from Ken, back to Jason. They stayed there for a moment before finally, Henry back away, his hand up in surrender. "Fine, you win this time, but we're not through with this yet, Jason." He turned on his heel and walked off.

Ken walked up beside Jason and stood, looking in the direction on where the panther had just been before letting out a breath and turning to Jason. "Sorry, I kinda butted into your conversation there..."

"No, no, it's okay, you saved me, actually." Jason laughed. His nerves were over shot and he couldn't help his body from trembling; seeing Henry again and being that close to him... many bad memories flooded his mind and clutched his stomach.

"You okay?" Ken asked, clearly seeing the husky trembling where he stood. "You don't look so good..."

"Y-yeah, I'm fine." Jason sighed. "Hey listen, about Saturday,"

Ken held up his hand. "It's okay, you don't have to if you don't want to."

"No, I do want to," Jason smiled. He didn't really, but he felt that he owed the Shepherd at least this much, he did help him out a few minutes ago...

"Really?" Ken asked, looking shocked.

"Yeah, what time?"

Ken scratched his neck. "Gee, I didn't think I'd get this far... um... how's eight sound?"

"Good," Jason took out his shopping list and a pen and began scribbling on the back before he handed it to the Shepherd. "My cell number and address... see you Saturday,"