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"Is your sister going to be home today?"

I pressed send, pacing back and forth in my small bedroom, already anxious for a reply. I was still jumpy from last night's dream. More forest, more running, but it was bright, like that first time, and overall just really intense.

And Sunshine Eyes still hadn't replied yet about my attempt to reschedule.

But it was still early. I always had to wake up early on school days, so maybe he just hadn't woken up yet. But then, he had said that he had to wake up early today too, so maybe he had_seen it, and hadn't replied for a different reason. Like maybe he really _hadn't been all that interested in seeing me, and that if I had the nerve to try and reschedule, then I probably wasn't really interested in seeing him either anyway .

Of course, it could just as easily be that I was being overly neurotic and maybe he was just figuring his schedule out, but...it could also not be.

My phone went off. I freaked out for a second, but it was just Max replying.

"I'll ask. Let you know at school."

Max's sister knew how to cut hair, even though she'd never had any formal training. She studied business at a university a few hours away. But I was familiar with her, so she was one of the only two people in the world who could cut mine, the other being my mother. She had done it twice before, but both times had ended with her being really frustrated.

I didn't lie when I had said I liked my hair long. I just didn't mention that part of the reason was because not being able to let anyone touch you meant getting your haircut was a stressful experience for everyone involved. Having it long was just easier.

"Okay."

Hopefully Max's sister would be able to do something about the mess I had made on my head. But every time I wandered back in front of the mirror, I doubted it more and more. There were various gaps and awkward variations in length that couldn't really be fixed in any way besides cutting it even shorter.

...Would he like me with...

Argh, I can't think like that right now. Right now I...oh crudge I really needed to start getting ready for school.

Somewhere between using too much tooth paste and not being able to figure out where I had left my necklace from the night before, Leah appeared in my doorway.

"What are you doing?" she asked, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

"Looking for my necklace," I answered. And then she smiled really widely. "What?"

"You mean the one around your neck?"

What, no I had been looking in the mirror and-"Oh." Under the shirt. Right. How the heck did I miss that? "Why are you awake?"

"Because you're being loud."

"Oh, sorry."

She leaned against the doorway and stared at me.

"What?" I asked.

"You seem different."

Oh crudge what was I doing? Was I being too fidgety?

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You're..." She thought for a moment. "More awake. Alive, I guess."

"Uh...Oh."

"Something good happen?" she asked with a conspiratorial smile.

"Uh...nope," I shrugged, pulling the box for my necklace out of the closet. "Max's sister might fix my hair today."

"That's good. I didn't want to say anything but, it looks terrible."

"Thank you, Leah. Always great to have the support of my sister."

"I do what I can," she laughed. "But seriously. Keep your hat on."

I said goodbye after I was packed up and minimally fed. They sky was completely overcast, so it was probably going to rain. As I waited for the bus I thought about what Leah had said. Not the terrible hair thing (mostly not that, anyway. Jeez, I was wearing the hat wasn't I?), but about being more alive.

I guess, in a way, I did feel more awake. I wouldn't so much say a spring in my step, especially since Sunshine Eyes still hadn't texted back yet, but we were talking again and I guess that just kind of made me feel...something.

I mean who knows, maybe today was off to a good start.

**********

And then today continued into an agitated middle.

It was Thursday, so I didn't have class with Max. He didn't text a response, and neither had Sunshine Eyes. I never really used my phone in class, but I must have checked it, no exaggeration, at least one hundred times by the time I finished all my classes. My thoughts spiraled around, considering all the possible outcomes; seeing Sunshine Eyes with my screwed up hair, fixing it only to find out that he didn't want to see me anymore, him just never texting back. And then further; would I be able to keep my cool, would we be able to work when I couldn't even hold his hand, would I be able to with time?

On a side note, I was really hoping for some sort of scholarship or grant to help get me through college, so not being able to focus in class added another layer of frustration. I needed to focus...but, it also had been awhile, so I needed to check my phone again too.

After several hours of this, my last class finally ended, and I bolted out to meet up with Max and Cynthia near the parking lot. They gave me questioning stares, clearly unsure about why I seemed so worried.

"Did you ask your sister yet?" I asked the Panther.

"Oh, yeah," he answered, now understanding why I had rushed over. Did he seriously forget? "No, sorry. She's staying this weekend for a study group."

My stomach dropped a few feet.

Great.

"Oh. Okay."

"Maybe she's avoiding you," suggested Cynthia.

I grabbed at one of the locks of hair sticking out from under the beanie, remembering the last time Max's sister had cut it. She may have been one of the only people able to, but that didn't mean there weren't any difficulties.

"Maybe," I sighed. "Oh, thanks for the hat Cynthia. It...really helps."

"Sure," she smiled. "And if you ever need to go someplace nice again, it matches the shirt you borrowed last time."

"I really don't see that happening." I noticed Max staring at me closely. "What?"

He scrutinized my face before asking, "Did you talk to your Wolf?"

My Wolf.

I couldn't help it. I tried to not to smile at the possessive pronoun, but even with all the anxiety, it slipped out. "Yeah. Last night."

"How'd it go?" he asked, relieved.

But then the smile slipped off. "Um...He said he wanted to hang out."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah...today though...I asked him if we could hang out tomorrow instead."

"How come?"

"Just...I mean I thought," oh jeez, I didn't want to admit this, "maybe I could fix my hair...you know, before he saw it."

They both smiled at me, but not the nice kind.

"Oh," said Max. "Sorry about that."

"Doesn't matter," I mumbled, red.

"Soooooo?" he pressed.

"So...it was really late, so I think he fell asleep before he could respond. But he hasn't texted back yet, so I don't know."

I felt some of my fears start to kick in again. Could that really have been a mistake? They both stared at me. I tried to keep my face steady.

Max watched me carefully. "Is that...I mean, are you okay?"

I was hoping they would assure me that he would text back. Nope. Instead they had to be more concerned with my well-being.

"Yeah...um, you know..." Max raised his eyebrow at me, unconvinced, so I had to think of something else. "I mean...if he doesn't..." Oh man what if he doesn't? "...then...he's not really, you know, someone worth me getting upset over..."

That...That was true. Could I live up to that? Probably not. Would Max believe that?

"You sure?" he asked.

"I'll be fine," I replied as assuring as I could.

He thought about it for a moment.

"...Okay," he said finally. Sometimes he gave me too much credit, but I guess that was a good thing.

He started walking towards his car. "Come on, we're going to go hang out with Roy."

"Roy?" I asked. I hadn't seen the Otter since that night at the club, although I knew apparently he and Max had been talking a lot more since then.

"So you can see what I have to compete with," Cynthia joked as we followed him.

I spent the ride staring at my phone, both at the time and the little picture of the envelope. I tried to will an answer from Sunshine Eyes to appear, but he remained silent. With every minute that passed I became more and more worried that he wasn't going to reply at all. Max and Cynthia tried to pull me out of my head like before, and this time I was a lot more responsive. Maybe I was more optimistic than I thought. Or maybe I just really wanted to be distracted.

And distraction came in abundance when we got to the place and my stomach did a little somersault. It was the burger place I was supposed to meet Joseph at for our...

...Any other time, coming here would have no further significance than just because we were hungry. Today though it seemed like...some sort of sign. What was I doing?

"Alright Todd?" asked Max.

"Huh? Yeah, sorry."

We found Roy sitting at one of the outdoor tables, with an almost finished burger in his hands. He waved over, smiling with ketchup on his lower lip.

"You ordered already?" Max asked with mock anger as we approached.

"I got here forever ago. If I waited for you I would have starved to death."

"Whatever."

"Hey Todd," he said to me. "Nice hat. You cut your hair?"

Right, Roy hadn't seen it yet. His face was politely impassive.

"Thanks. Yeah."

"Cool. So how you been?"

"Uh...Same, I guess."

Maybe it was too honest. The conversation skipped a beat before Max quickly suggested we go inside and get our own food. I didn't really feel like eating, but I promised Max I wouldn't freak out again, so I needed to act as normal as possible. Normal for me, at least. So after we rejoined the Otter outside I did my best to make myself chew.

Listening to Max and Roy talk, it was easy to see what Cynthia had been talking about. They really did seem to get along unusually well for two guys that had just met. Or maybe that was normal and I just wasn't used to seeing it. Or maybe it was just Roy. Something about him really did feel like he had always been our friend. Even I was starting to feel how easy it was to like him.

"Actually," said Roy, "I've been planning to go back."

"Yeah," agreed Cynthia. "It was really fun."

"Seriously?" asked Max, raising an eyebrow at Roy. "Even after you and Todd got chased by security?"

That night at the Kandy House had been weird. That weird Cat lady chased us through the crowd of dancing people, and then Roy and I had done this weird synchronization thing to get to the bathroom, and then Max saved us by pretending to use the toilet while the two of us balanced on top of him. And it wasn't until after all that that my body registered all the physical contact that had been involved. That was when I started thinking maybe there was a chance that my whole touching problem really was all in my head.

"We got away," said Roy. "Right Todd?"

"Only because Max saved us by taking off his pants," I answered.

"Hey," said Max, "it's what I do."

"Man whore," laughed Cynthia.

"At least you get to be my pimp."

Roy looked down at the remaining fries and shook his head. "Honestly, I just want to get some more of that candy," he said. Then we all stopped for a moment as our tongues craved in vain for a taste of sweetness.

The conversation flowed smoothly and naturally even for me, under the given circumstances, though I still periodically checked my phone.

This is the part where my phone starts to ring. I check the caller ID.

It's him.

I'm too afraid to answer it, but everyone's here watching me. I promised Max I wouldn't freak out, and I wanted to be normal. Normal people can talk on the phone.

So I answer it.

"H-Hello?"

"Hey Fox," he answers back smoothly, but with the slightest hint of nervousness.

I'm too excited to say anything else but "Hi."

"Having fun?" he asks, which confuses me.

"What do you mean?"

"Turn around."

I do. And then I see...

But then my phone actually goes off.

This is the part where my fingers clench around my pocket reflexively, pressing on the buttons through the clothes to quickly stop the sound. All three of them stare at me, though Roy looking more confused than worried.

"Who's that?" he asked.

The sound was for a text. I was expecting a text from someone. I wasn't quite ready to see if that's who it was from. "...Uh..."

"What's up?" he asked.

Maybe nothing. But maybe everything.

"Todd's nervous because he's having boy trouble," Cynthia answered for me, trying to keep her tone light.

"Right," said Roy. "Max said you had a Tiger and a Wolf both trying to get your attention."

Attention? Well one of them definitely had that,at least. The other...

"Um, yeah." I replied. "The Tiger..." I couldn't figure out the rest of the sentence.

"Todd has a date with the Tiger on Wednesday," Max finished for me. The tease was half-hearted. I knew he was watching to see how I was going to react. And there was something else in that sentence that sounded like an accusation. Not in the way he said it, just in the way I took it.

What was I doing?

"Oh, nice," said Roy.

"Yeah, um..." Come on, pretend you're talking about the weather. "We're actually supposed to meet here."

"So that's why you keep looking around?" Roy smiled.

Oh crudge. I hadn't even noticed.

"Yeah, I don't know. I'm kind of paranoid," I said, trying to laugh.

Still sitting in my pocket, my phone went off again, this time ringing and making me jump. My fingers jerked shut again, turning the sound off reflexively.

But wait, what if it was my family calling?

"Is that him?" asked Roy.

I dug the phone out of my pocket. It told me I already had a missed call, which meant he had hung up.

Him.

Oh.

Oh crudge.

"...Todd?"

I snapped my head back up. "Huh? Sorry, I um...No, it's the, Wolf."

Roy nodded. "So what's going on there?"

Great question.

What was I doing?

"...He said he wanted to hang out today." It really shouldn't be this painful just to talk about him. "I told him I couldn't...So I guess now he responded."

It was hard to pretend this was a normal conversation when everyone was staring fixedly on me. In an attempt to be casual I grabbed a fry, but to my horror felt a slight tremor in my hand.

"Wait," said Roy, finally, "so you're going out with both of them?"

...Is that what I was doing?

"No," I answered quickly. And then, "...Am I?"

They all made noises with their mouths before Cynthia finally managed a sentence. "Well, what would you call it?"

She managed to say it in a way that sounded like the question really was neutral, but my mind turned it into an accusation anyway. I would call it trying to see both of them without telling the other. I would call it trying to keep my options open. I would call it being a horrible person.

"But I mean...with the Wolf, we never said..."

Never said? Did I realize what I sounded like? Well we never said, so it was okay. I sounded like an asshole. I buried my face in my hands and groaned.

"Come on Todd," said Cynthia. "It's not that bad."

I looked up at her to see if she really believed that. Because I didn't.

"What do I do?" I asked them.

They all looked puzzled. "Huh?"

"I mean...I don't want to be doing that, so ..."

My mouth struggled to figure out the right words to end that sentence with, but eventually Roy took over for me.

"Just be straight with him...er..."

And somehow, magically, Roy's ironic word choice actually made us all crack a smile and defused some of the tension.

"You know what I mean. Just let the Wolf guy know 'hey, this other guy asked me out first' or whatever. Or the Tiger, whoever you want to pick."

"Don't say pick," I cringed. "Pick sounds bad."

"Right sorry. But you know?"

"Yeah."

He was right, that was the only thing I could do, right?

"What does the text message say?" asked Cynthia.

And the tension was back.

I opened it below the table, so they couldn't see how bad the phone shook in my hands.

"I'm going back to school Saturday morning. My family wants to spend tomorrow with me. Can I see you in the morning? Around 9?"

A cold anxiety ran through my body.

He was leaving.

Tomorrow morning was the last chance I was going to get to see him.

Tomorrow morning. When I was supposed to go get my stitches removed.

And he was leaving.

"Todd?"

I had completely spaced out again. I pulled myself back, trying to pull myself together too.

"Yeah. He said he's lea-"

But my voice ran out.

Try again.

"Uh...he said, he's going back to school on Saturday, so the only time I can see him tomorrow is in the morning."

There were a few seconds of silence where I assumed everyone was studying my reaction. I grabbed another fry.

"Do you want to see him?" asked Cynthia.

Do I want to see him. Maybe if I weren't so neurotic word choices wouldn't be so hard to navigate. Of course I wanted to see him. That wasn't the problem. His sunshine eyes...if he was leaving...

"But I have my appointment at 11:45 tomorrow," I said, more to my thoughts than them.

"Appointment?" asked Roy.

I looked up at him. There was an initial instinct not to let him know about the stitches, but when I actually thought about it, there wasn't a reason to hide it. It seemed like he was quickly becoming a close friend anyway.

"Yeah, I have to get stitches taken out."

"Oh yeah," he said. "Max said you got jumped by some guy in an alley."

Arnold. He had been mercifully absent for a while now.

"Yeah..."

"You can't reschedule?" asked Cynthia.

"Um...I probably could."

"Do you want to?" asked Roy.

Want again. It wasn't about what I wanted, it was about what I could handle doing.

"...I don't know," I answered miserably.

"...You're already going to go out with the Tiger, right?" asked Max, and I realized how quiet he had been during this part of the conversation.

"...Yeah."

"And the Wolf's leaving."

"Yeah..."

Oh.

Oh. Right.

"I...yeah."

"So, you know," he began, "maybe it makes more sense for you to...go with the Tiger, if the Wolf's not going to be around anyway."

He wasn't speaking objectively. Max was worried about me, and he knew the Wolf was the one that was making me...act up.

But at the same time...everything he said, made sense.

Except...

"I-"

Let Him Leave.

Loud and aggressive.

But with equal force, the fear of never seeing him again.

My hands clutched at my head, and I made a sound I didn't mean to make.

"Todd?" said Max, a hint of fear in his voice.

"Sorry," I replied. "Headache. Um...I don't...I'll figure it out, I guess."

I didn't want to talk about this anymore. Not if it was going to lead to some public breakdown.

"Do you know when your sister might be able to..."

"I'll let you know," said Max. Then he smiled, "She might have stayed over just to avoid it." Roy looked lost, so Max elaborated for him. "Since Todd can't touch people, the only people that can cut Todd's hair are my sister and his mom."

"And my mom's...not that great at it," I added, glad for the subject change.

The conversation trailed off from there for a while. For the most part they let me be silent, which was great because otherwise they would have over-noticed how little I was paying attention.

Let Him Leave.

It just echoed around my head, but there was also this resistance I felt against it. It didn't feel like it was a conscious resistance though. It was just like a reflex.

I really didn't know what to do. Part of me felt guilty towards Joseph. Was it right to go out with him just because I wouldn't be able to see the Wolf? But that wasn't true though, was it? I had wanted to go out with him before. Sunshine Eyes had just made things...complicated.

But...he was...I didn't know what to call how I felt for him. It was strong, definitely. But, the dangerous kind of strong. And at the park...that was downright terror.

That's not...That's not how it's supposed to be, is it?

No, having feelings for someone, it's supposed to feel amazing.

This...it seemed, messed up somehow. But at the same time...I don't know...Joseph, he had been really nice. It wasn't...extraordinary, I guess. It had been simple. But not in a bad way though. Just, real. The kind of thing that could grow into something more, without needing all that flashy stuff movies told you about. Maybe I was just being a victim of stories setting expectations too high. I didn't need a choir of angels to suddenly appear and tell me I'd found the right person. I just needed to...let it happen...

So then, why was it that with Sunshine Eyes-

My head snapped to the side. I half rose out of my seat, but then...it was gone.

"You alright Todd?" asked Max.

My eyes searched the now empty parking lot.

"...Yeah...thought I saw something." I sat back down, satisfied that nothing was in the parking lot. I was seeing things again. Except, this time it sort of went away before I really got a look at it.

"So what else is new," teased Cynthia.

"Does that happen often?" asked Roy with a chuckle.

"Yes," answered Max flatly.

"...Oh."

I looked back at the table, remembering to try and act normal. So I looked at Roy intensely for a moment until he looked properly confused before cocking an ear up and pretending to listen to someone. "No," I answered it. "We can trust him."

Cynthia and Max both cracked smiles while Roy looked at me like he couldn't tell if I was serious or not.

Normal.

**********

Hours. It had now officially been hours since Sunshine Eyes had sent the message. And I hadn't responded.

I was back home now. Nothing to do but dread facing either the Wolf or the doctor. Because it was definitely or. I might have had time to see him before my appointment, but not much since we'd be taking the bus, and I knew by know that if I saw him in person again...

What could I even say to him? Hey, you terrify me but I can't stop thinking about you, partly because my brain keeps telling me to stay the hell away from you, and also I'm going out with a Tiger so if you could just wait until after to see how I feel that would be great.

That would be awful.

Logic told me to stay away from the Wolf.

My brain and my body were also telling me to stay away from the Wolf.

So just about everything was telling me to stay away from the Wolf.

So what was it then? Guilt over freaking out on him? Or was I really that pathetic and just thought he was pretty to look at? But that couldn't be it, could it? I mean, Joseph was definitely pretty to look at too, and I wasn't...

I know, the obvious answer most people would come up with was that I had those feelings for the Wolf but...But this...it felt like, something else. It wasn't just fluttery stomachs and sweaty palms, it was also full on nausea and panic attacks. First it was the most amazing thing ever, and then it was downright terrifying. I mean...when people think about finding their soulmate, they don't imagine being scared of them, right?

Suddenly something twitched in the corner of the room. I quickly turned to face it, but it was already gone. That had been happening all day now. I saw things that weren't there all the time, but today it was getting out of hand. And I couldn't actually see any of them. They kept disappearing before I could actually get a good look. It made the headache I got earlier worse.

I pulled out the fancy box from my closet and took out my red necklace. Sometimes looking at it made me feel better.

I lied back on my bed and weaved the chain around my fingers, holding it above my head. The sharp point that stuck out from the bottom of the red half-sphere twirled slightly. The rest of the bottom was flatter, but still littered with jagged points. Next to the main long spike was a hole, like a reverse version of the spike, which curled into the inside of the half-sphere. I twirled the chain with my fingers, making the bottom shimmer slightly in the light of my lamp. The bottom looked randomly jagged, but really they seemed like they were all vaguely pointing in a circle, the same direction the big spike curled. Almo-

On the desk next to my bed, my phone vibrated.

Another text message.

My stomach caved in as I reached for it and opened up the message.

"Are you there?"

I shot upright, my head spinning so fast it almost hurt.

Did someone just...Did I actually hear that?

And the room.

The whole room had...fluttered, or something, just for a second.

I stood up, tension running through my body as I scanned the room for signs of movement. Part of me knew that none of those things I saw were real, but the other part of me couldn't help looking anyway. And at least a little of it was probably because I didn't want to face the text message. But my room was small, and I ran out of looking space fast.

I took a deep breath as I faced my bed, my fingers fiddling with my necklace for comfort. Without picking it up, I swiped across the screen of my phone and read the message again. My hand was unsteady.

Are you there.

Of course, the actual question was why haven't you responded.

I didn't know the answer to either question. I still didn't know what to do. I wanted to see him, even if all I would end up doing was telling him I couldn't see him. I mean, just not answering him was a jerky thing to do right? But then, it definitely got the job done...

What if I did go to see him and then had another freak out? Twice in a row would definitely push him away.

Let Him Leave.

But if there was a chance...

I saw some of the books on my bookshelf shift from the corner of my eye, much more vividly than usual, but like with everything else, when I looked up there was nothing there.

"Would you stop that?" I groaned exasperatedly.

"Yelling at the furniture?"

This is the part where I turn around, and standing in my doorway...

This is the part where I turn around, and standing in my doorway are my mother and Leah. I hadn't even realized I didn't close my door properly. Leah walks in and sits herself on my bed while my mother leans against the doorframe.

"Huh?" I mumbled, mostly as a reaction to being surprised.

"You were yelling at your desk," continued Leah as I pulled out the chair from my desk and sat in it.

"Oh. No, I was yelling at my bookshelf."

"Oh," she smiled. "See now that makes sense."

"Are you ready for tomorrow?" my mother asked.

I glanced at my phone, worried that it would spring to life again accusingly. "Not really," I admitted.

"You'll be fine," she assured me. "Just close your eyes after they give you the anesthesia and you won't even know they're there."

Jeez, I hadn't even bothered to worry about that yet. There was a lot of surface area to cover, would the anesthesia still be enough? What if it wasn't and I freaked out and got myself stabbed or something?

...Again.

"Yeah...um." Did I tell her I wasn't sure I wanted to go? She'd know if I tried to lie about the reason, so that would mean mentioning the Wolf in at least some way. And this was something I definitely did not want my family involved in. ...But if I didn't, there was no way I'd be able to see him. "Um..."

"Hm?"

"I..."

Let Him Leave

"...nothing."

"What is it?" she asked, too observant to let it slide.

"Just..."

But I couldn't let him go. I squeezed my necklace for strength. "...a...friend, wanted to see me tomorrow morning."

"A friend?"

"Yeah."

"A boyfriend?" joked Leah.

I cringed. Thankfully it looked like distaste rather than pain. "Yeah, right."

"What friend?" asked my mother.

"I met him at the park," I answered, but she didn't seem content with that. Something else, oh! "Um...he's the one who walked me to Max's car when I...opened my cuts at the park."

That was the first time we had met.

Max had vaguely mentioned him to my mother when she arrived at the hospital. Hard to believe now, but that's all he was then. A vague mention.

I stared down at my tail twitching beside me, but I could feel her eyes on me, checking to see if I was lying. When she was satisfied I wasn't, she asked "You saw him again?"

But I really didn't want to be talking about him right now. So I tried to move the conversation along faster, with at least a little less cringing. "Yeah, but...he's going back to school on Saturday. And his family wants to spend the rest of the day with him tomorrow."

She looked at me thoughtfully for a moment before simply asking. "Do you want to see him?"

I guess I should have been glad how easily accepting she was, but I really didn't want to have this conversation.

"Do you like him?" jeered Leah. I tried to ignore it.

"I...I mean I don't have to. I can just text him..."

I could just text him. There was an idea.

"If you don't mind keeping your stitches, we can schedule a new appointment."

"Um..."

I could, or I couldn't. I wasn't ready to make this decision right now.

"...No. It's fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'll just...I'm just going to work on some assignments right now."

She took the hint.

"Alright, if you change your mind just let me know alright?"

"Okay."

"Okay, come on Leah."

Leah made a face, but then followed my mother out the room, closing the door behind them.

When I was alone again I looked over at me phone. Almost alone, anyway. Somehow it seemed to be taking a lot more space than was physically possible for a seemingly small piece of plastic.

Are you there.

Was I?

I could text him. Calling was definitely out, since I knew by now that once I heard his voice I'd lose any resolve I had. Just hearing it in my head was already...yeah. And it was way better than just not answering. So I sat down on my bed, a safe distance away from my phone, and thought about what I was going to say. I needed to tell him about Joseph, obviously, but...what if I really was interpreting this all wrong? What if told him that and then realized that he really was just being friendly and I just sounded like an idiot?

Did I actually believe any of that? Or was I really just afraid I'd lose him if I tell him?

If that was the case, I absolutely needed to tell him. Just the thought of trying to keep him like a backup plan sent a whole new type of disgust through me.

Resolved, I reached for the phone...

Let Him Leave

...and then stopped.

Maybe it really was just good old fashion fear that was stopping me.

My phone twitched. I was already half-expecting it to disappear, thinking it was just another hallucination, when I heard it buzz.

And then start ringing.

The sound made me jump, and I didn't come back down. The screen showed me who was calling.

Park Wolf.

This is the part where I struggle with myself, trying to decide whether to answer the phone or not. I'm afraid to, but I needed to talk with him eventually. So maybe now was as good a time as any. Nervously I grabbed my phone and answered the call. "Hello?"

This is the part where I struggle with my breathing, trying to keep it steady. I'm afraid, paralyzed and unable to do anything but sit and wait for the sound to stop until finally, mercifully, it does. I wait, scared it's going to ring again. When it doesn't, I take a breath, relieved.

Sort of.

What did I just do?

This time was different, he didn't hang up halfway through. I officially ignored his call.

Suddenly I felt awful. Not answering was definitely going to get the job done. I mean, what could he possibly think of me now? I wasn't replying to his messages, I was ignoring his calls, and he already knew from before that I was a complete mental case. I mean who the heck was scared of answering a phone? Like so scared you hold your breath scared?

I cursed at myself for being so stupid. If the Wolf knew what was good for him he would avoid me like the plague. I was just a neurotic psycho.

My body sagged in the chair, my fingers tracing over the surface of my necklace. It felt warm, almost comforting. I just...No, I couldn't just sit here and feel sorry for myself, right? If I didn't want to be a psycho then I had to stop acting like one. The Wolf...I mean I really needed to say _something_to him. So I reached for the phone again. I think the warning in my head went off again, but I wasn't sure, and I wasn't going to let it stop me. What did stop me was a little notice telling me I had a voicemail.

Voicemail?

It took me a moment to process it. When I did my hand started to tremble. Oh. Oh crudge a voicemail. Why a voicemail? Text, not voicemail, I can't...I can't handle a voicemail.

My phone felt hot, almost like someone touching me. I let it slide out of my fingers and rubbed my hand on the cooler surface of my bed sheets. My heart was beating faster. My phone shouldn't have felt like that. It was stupid, but just knowing his voice was on it made it feel like I really wasn't alone in the room. Was I supposed to listen to it? I really couldn't tell if I wanted to or not. If I heard his voice...

But despite the fear and the heat, my hand reached for it anyway. I had to keep telling myself that it was just a phone, it wasn't him, normal people didn't have this kind of trouble picking up a phone. I could get over this. I could get better.

Let Him Leave

I clutched my necklace like a charm against the warning. It made the room flutter again, more than before. I jumped a bit, but nothing changed, except my head gave a painful throb. My hallucinations felt like they were becoming...whatever hallucinations became when they became more.

My hands closed around the phone. It wasn't as hot anymore. Good. Was speaker a bad idea? I didn't want anyone to hear whatever he said, but just as soon as I thought that I realized there was absolutely no way I could put his voice to my ear. So I lowered my phone's volume as low as it would go and accessed the voice mail.

A message from Park Wolf.

Oh crap.

I lied down on my bed, legs hanging off the edge, and brought the phone just close enough that I could still hear it without it actually being too near my head. I let it go, and with a finger pressed play.

...

Almost.

I will press play.

Just give me a minute.

I can do this.

Breath.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

I pressed play.

Static. Breath. "...u...u-um Alex..." his voice. "...um hi. It's...um, you know. It's...me, yeah, um...I um...I don't know..." A pause. Static. "...I don't know if...you want to see me or not or...I um...I uh...I'm going to wait for you...at the park, the north entrance, u-um..." Voice unsteady for a moment. "I...I promise I'll be there by nine, if um...uh...I can stay until one so...so I'll wait for...I'll wait, until then...um, one. If...if you don't...I mean, you don't...you can ignore this, if you want...but um...yeah, I'll...I'll be there and, if you want...um...I mean, I just wanted...to...to say sorry...about anything, or everything or..."Rustling. Static. "...just...I didn't mean to...upset you or...just..." More rustling. A longer pause. Breath. "...Um...so...so yeah, I'll be...um...I'll be at the park tomorrow. Uh...north entrance at nine and...um...yeah..."More rustling.

Silence.

The sound cut off, leaving the room painfully silent.

Except my breathing.

It was loud, and heavy.

Through the entire message my body had been withdrawing into itself, recoiling from every word, until I was just a small, tensed up ball of guilt, confusion and horribleness. I didn't know what to do.

He was...going to wait for me?

Whether I went or not?

But I hadn't even responded...Why?

It didn't make sense. Was he...

...no. I knew what I wanted to believe. But I was smarter than that, wasn't I? This wasn't...that. How could it be? We had only spent one day together. And wait...hadn't I just told myself I was going to tell him I was going to go out with the Tiger? But just like that, hearing his voice had thrown all that out the window, and now I was trying to think whether or not he was...

He had sounded...

...What was going on with me? I was curled up on my bed, struggling to breathe normally, with the voice of someone I barely knew ringing around in my head. All from one little voicemail. I was going to have another panic attack, just like that night when I had cut off all my hair.

Why?

Why did it affect me so much? It wasn't like this with the Tiger, thinking about him didn't tear me apart.

Just the Wolf.

It was like I was...obsessed, with him. It didn't matter what this was doing to me, I felt like I was ready to destroy myself over him. I mean, it would be one thing if I actually knew who he was, but I had only actually known him one day. This level, this intensity over someone I barely knew, I just...it wasn't normal.

But...was it supposed to be?

Let Him Leave.

Stop it!

It sure as heck wasn't supposed to be like this. My mind wasn't supposed to be telling me to stay away from him, and I wasn't supposed to be falling apart just because of a stupid voicemail.

I just...I hated it.

I hated all of this, and I hated myself, and I all the stories and movies and songs that made me think something special was supposed to happen when you met the right person. Because now I couldn't see what was happening. My mind just kept looking for someway to convince me that this was more than it was.

And that's what I kept trying to convince myself of, wasn't it? That's why I felt this way, this sure, when I barely knew him. I was trying to believe all this meant he was the one.

But I knew that there was no way I could possibly know that. Maybe that was why everything inside of me felt horrible, why my head screamed for me to get away from him. Because it knew what I was setting myself up for. This could all just be hormones and loneliness, but I was ready to risk a heart attack just to see. Hadn't I just told myself earlier that he had barely been mentionable the first time I met him? But now it was all getting foggy in my head.

I don't think I told him about hearing obtrusive thoughts in my head either. Last time I had made a big fuss because he had accepted me, but I hadn't even told him everything. Did I tell him I sometimes thought I saw things too? He had accepted my touching problem, but not those. Maybe he wouldn't be able to.

Suddenly I realized I felt a pain in the palm of my hand. My fingers unclenched, and I realized I had been squeezing the point from my necklace against it. Somehow though I always managed to avoid breaking the skin. I sat up, unravelling the chain from my fingers and setting it aside. My palm still hurt. It gave an ache just as the warning entered my head again.

Let Him Leave

... Even the voicemail I had just listened to. Really, leaving a message like that didn't have to actually mean anything. The hesitating, the sound of his voice, all of that could be faked or misinterpreted. I mean...desperation to see someone again could sound exactly like desperation to get into someone's pants. Or maybe he was just lonely, desperate to be loved, and I just happened to be available. He didn't even have to know that that was what he was doing.

He could even actually be there tomorrow, waiting for me. The only thing it meant for sure was that he was desperate enough. It wouldn't even matter if it was for the wrong reasons or the right, and it wouldn't matter if he knew it or not. It didn't mean there was actually something special between us.

So...so if I knew all of that, why couldn't I believe it? Why did I keep thinking that maybe there really was? I mean, shouldn't I at least give him the benefit of the doubt?

But then I heard the front door of our apartment open. I heard my mother and my sister greeting my dad as he came home from work. My hand reached up, and felt the hairs I had mangled.

...What if I snapped again?

What if I did something worse to myself?

You could tell me I had trust issues. I did. You could tell me maybe I was just afraid of relationships. I definitely was.

But I couldn't deny that his touches hurt more than anyone else's. I couldn't deny that I had freaked out that night I was with him at the park, or that because of the way I reacted to him I had cut off all my hair. And I couldn't deny that just thinking about him was stressing me out and pushing me to my limits.

Maybe some of it had more to do with me than him. But the truth was that that didn't change anything.

My throat tightened, and I felt my eyes sting.

I could get better, I know I could. But I wasn't yet. And with the way I was right now, the Wolf and I couldn't...

I mean, if there really was that one person out there, finding them...it wouldn't feel like this, would it?

And...he was leaving anyway...

...

I could text him, but some part of me knew that talking to him would...

...make me lose my resolve?

Because...

...Because I already knew what I was going to do.

...what I thought I had to do...

...

...

And I already hated myself for it...

...

...I'm sorry Sunshine Eyes.

Three a.m. lying on my bed in the dark, trying to think of nothing. Especially not a Wolf, who was out there somewhere, in a house with a backyard.

And a phone.

Messages unanswered.

**********

...where was I? It was raining. I could feel my heart racing in my chest, my arms and legs driving me forward. So cold. So unforgivably cold. I couldn't stop running. I needed to hurry. I was afraid. I was so desperately afraid. My eyes were frantically looking around me as I ran. There were too many trees in the way. I was running out of time. I was going to be too late. I ran faster. I couldn't be too late. Where was he?...

**********

I woke up.

And wished I hadn't.

What time was it?

Nine.

It was nine.

_ _

_ _

Maybe I would have had time, if I had tried. I didn't, though. Maybe it wouldn't have mattered anyway.

The rain had finally come.

And I never responded.

He probably never even showed up.

_ _

_ _

Eventually I got up, brushed my teeth, took a shower, starred at my stitches in the mirror for the last time.

No breakfast though.

An hour passed. I wondered if he really was waiting. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel guilty, knowing that if he was, it was for nothing. He would probably give up soon anyway. I put on the sweater my mother had bought me to try and keep away the trembling.

More time passed. It was still raining.

At 11, my mother and I got on the bus to the hospital. We had meant to take an earlier bus, but I was having trouble getting myself mentally prepared for the doctors. She asked, of course, but I mentioned the rain, and said that there probably wasn't even a reason to go, because there really wasn't.

The ride was cold.

The bus stopped, like it always did, at the park. Not the north entrance though. Still, I couldn't help it, I found myself looking as the bus stopped and the doors opened. The entire park flickered in the rain, and this time I almost saw it. Without actually changing, it had the impression of a forest.

This is the part where I know I can't contain myself anymore. Just as the bus doors close I get up and quickly ask for them to be opened again. My mother tries to say something, but all I can do is apologize as I run out of the bus, out into the rain. Maybe it's a bad idea. But as I sprint across the wet grass of the park toward the north entrance, I know it's the right choice...

This is the part where I know that I'm not getting off the bus.

I shift in my seat to placate the urge to move, and that's it. The doors close. There's no big flashy gesture. The bus drives away.

...

Goodbye stranger...Park Wolf...

...Sunshine Eyes.

...

I felt hollow, but as I watched the park disappear around a corner, I reminded myself that this, at least, I could survive. The alternative would have been much worse. That's what I told myself anyway. As much as I would have liked to believe it, and as horrible as this felt, there really would not have even been a point to me getting off the bus, not after all this time had passed.

So it was really hard for me to comprehend why exactly I found myself lying in the mud. I mean, I knew why. I had slipped while running on the wet grass. But I didn't understand why I had just run several blocks to get back to the park in the first place. Probably because I was an idiot. Or crazy. Yeah, those sounded right. I picked myself back up, careful not to slip again.

There had been a feeling, like something was being pulled out of me. Or, no, that wasn't quite accurate. It was more like all of sudden my body started to crumble into this bottomless void that had suddenly appeared. I felt myself becoming hollower and hollower, until my mind started to panic and the air started to become thin. Thoughts started going crazy in my head, pulling me every which way, and eventually my mother noticed that I had started squirming in my seat.

When she asked, all I could manage as an answer was that I wanted to see him. As soon as the bus stopped I got up and started running back to the park. I guess she was used to this kind of thing, because all she called out to me as I left was to be safe. I called back okay, hoping she heard it. So it looked like it didn't even matter what I did. The Wolf was going to make me have a panic attack anyway.

And now I was wet, freezing cold, and muddy. I could have at least changed my mind sooner, not two whole stops after. I had run for as long as I could in the cold rain, but I had still lost over another half hour just getting here. Which again brought to mind the question why the hell was I here in the first place? Seriously, what was the point? He wasn't going to be there. I really should know that. And yet I kept walking, step by step across the wet grass. I couldn't run anymore, but there was an urgency flowing through my body that kept me going at a hurried pace.

I knew what was going to happen didn't I? I would show up, look around, and find no one. Why was I setting myself up for that? I should be getting these stitches finally taken out of my body. But no, I'd rather make sure I was completely destroyed mentally before facing the doctors.

Great.

My phone went off, and my heart leapt up into my throat as I tried to keep my phone dry while I pulled it out and read the message. But it was from my mother. "Call me if you need anything. Be safe. I love you."

Wet, freezing cold, muddy, and guilty. All mothers worried about their children. But I seemed to go out of my way to make sure mine really had something to worry about. I wondered again how different it would be if I had been normal, if she didn't have to give me so much space because she was too worried about damaging me or setting my craziness off. I texted back, telling her I would and that I loved her too.

In the distance I saw the north entrance to the park.

I was also scared. Don't forget scared. Terrified, anxious, all were appropriate words.

Especially since it looked empty.

Maybe he was waiting in his car to avoid the rain, I thought to myself. And then wished I hadn't. Because now the closer I got the more exposed I felt. He could be on the other side of the trees, or behind the bushes that lined the chain-link fence. It was raining though, so that didn't make sense, he would be in his car.

Except that there were no cars in the tiny parking lot. But sometimes people parked on the street, and chunks of it were obscured by the bushes. So he could still be here somewhere, right?

I felt my stomach tighten as I got closer. I still didn't see him, and I was becoming more and more sure that I had made the wrong decision. Even if he had been here, he would have left already. So how long was I going to wait, before I let that fact sink in?

I didn't even realize I had heard a sound through the rain until the impulse went of in my head.

Turn Around.

This is the part where I instinctively spin on my heel to face whoever is behind me. But when I see who it is I feel my heart stop. The first thing my mind can process is the color.

Sunshine yellow.

It's the Wolf...

This is the part where I instinctively spin on my heel to face whoever is behind me. But when I see who it is I feel my heart stop. The first thing my mind can process is the color.

Snowy white.

It's the Ermine.

I suddenly became hypersensitive to the feeling of my scars against my wet clothing, and the stitches that I was supposed to be getting rid of. I also became aware of the fact that there was absolutely no one else around. I was alone, out of view and earshot of everyone. Except Arnold.

He wasn't especially close to me yet, so for a moment I considered running. But he'd probably catch me, so instead I stood there, waiting for whatever inevitable fate was coming to me.

As if I didn't feel horrible enough already. I was such an idiot. I shouldn't even have been here. Had Sunshine Eyes even been here?

He stopped a little further than expected, not that I was complaining. He didn't look happy though. After a short stare down he growled at me.

"What are you doing here?"

"Walking," I replied steadily.

"Why?"

He didn't have an umbrella either, just his hoodie, making him seem just as ill prepared for the rain as I was.

"Why are you here?" I countered.

"Why are you?" he asked again, with an odd edge to his voice. But maybe not as angry as I expected.

Still, he really was one of the last people I wanted to confide in right now.

"I'm just walking," I said again.

"No you're not."

The tone of his voice was off. He still seemed angry, but also...less sure of himself.

"What?"

"I saw you running," he said. "You didn't look like you were running for the hell of it. Tell me why."

"Why do you care?" I asked. My voice was starting to shake.

"Just fucking tell me," he growled, frustrated.

"None of your business," I replied, now with an edge in my voice too. Maybe it wasn't the smartest thing to say, but I was already getting tired of this conversation.

He walked up closer to me. I think we were both surprised when I didn't flinch back. "I'm going to beat the shit out of you if you don't tell me right now."

"Why do you hate me so much?" I asked, frustrated. I didn't want to be doing this right now.

He stared at me, angry and confused. Then he clutched his head and made a pained face. "I don't fucking know!" he shouted at me.

Now I backed up. He was crazier than I was.

"None of my friends are talking to me anymore," he told me. He lifted a hand, and I thought he was going to grab me, but instead he just pushed me back roughly. It left a stinging burn on my chest.

"Augh!" I cried, clutching the spot he had touched.

"They think I'm crazy because of you!"

"Because you attacked me!" I pointed out angrily. The pain was letting out all the emotions I had been trying to keep inside over the past few minutes. I looked away, turning briefly to look back toward the entrance behind me.

This is the part when suddenly I see the Wolf emerge from behind a bush on the other side of the fence. He looks over, having noticed our voices, and sees me. He smiles widely, glad that I did come, and starts running over to my rescue.

This is the part when I still don't see anyone, and I know exactly why.

But to keep it out of my head just a few moments longer, I turn back to Arnold.

"Because," he starts angrily, but then he stops like he really doesn't know why he did it. It confused me, but it wasn't as distracting as I wanted it to be. Because everything was starting to build up, and it was about to peak. Where was the Wolf?

"What do you want from me?" I asked him.

"I...I don't know," he said angrily. Another time I might have tried to figure it out, but right now it was getting hard to breathe.

"Just leave me alone," I shouted over the rain as I turned to walk away.

Turning my back on him probably wasn't smart either, but I knew what was coming and I just wanted to get away from him.

"Hey!" he shouted at me, and I suppose I could have guessed what he would do next. I was just sort of hoping he wouldn't.

He came up behind me and pulled on my shoulder to turn me around. The touch burned, and I cried out, turning to face him while taking a few steps back to keep him from touching me again.

"Leave me alone!" I yelled again.

And then I know it's happened.

I'm all out of moments.

The sudden expression he got let me know that the rain did nothing to hide what was happening on my face. Good. I hoped he felt as uncomfortable as he looked. It took him a moment to think of what to say, giving me a chance to let out a choked whimper to make him feel even more awkward. When he did finally speak it wasn't what I expected.

"...Are you..."

Something in his voice told me for certain that he had been going to ask me if I was okay. He must have realized how weird it was too, because he dropped it. "...Whatever," he said instead, starting to step away. He growled in frustration before adding, "Freak."

And then he just as quickly as he had showed up, he walked away, but I didn't feel any relief. I didn't care anymore. Instead I just turned around and started walking toward the empty entrance again, sniffling and whimpering as I rubbed the different waters from my eyes.

Where was he?

A cold wind blew, cooling off the smarting on my shoulder and chest, but freezing the rest of me painfully. At this point my sweater was almost soaked through, rendering it basically useless. My shoes were soggy, and my jeans were pretty wet too. And despite the weather I was pretty sure I still had mud on me. The only advantage of the rain was that no one was around to see how pathetic I looked. I was a wet, shivering, whimpering mess.

A small, miserable wail forced itself out of my throat. And no one was around to hear it, so I let out another one, louder this time.

And then I crumpled down onto the floor, because I just couldn't hold it back anymore, and started crying. I sobbed and wailed, rocking myself back and forth, holding myself as the world started to close in around me.

Because I had actually believed he would be here.

But no one was out here at the park.

No one had been waiting for me.

**********

Eventually my biology started to take over, so even though all I wanted to do was stay down in the grass forever, my body's dropping temperature eventually compelled me to get up before I froze to death.

I felt dead. Empty, and hollow. Maybe later I could feel bad about disregarding Joseph again, but there wasn't any room for it now. All I could do now was lift myself up and try to get out of the rain.

I couldn't stand to be anywhere public right now. I wanted to go home. I didn't want to face my family, but I'd have to eventually anyway. And it really was freezing cold. So I started walking.

I wasn't taking the bus. I couldn't. The worst of the sobbing was over for now, but I was still whimpering enough to attract unwanted attention. And maybe the added time would give me a chance to calm down enough before I got home. Or at least freeze to death.

When I reached the sidewalk another freezing wind blew past me. The almost warm tears on my cheeks turned to cold streaks. I wiped at my eyes to clear my vision.

While my eyes were closed I heard a skidding sound. I opened them again to look, and saw a white leaf blowing past me.

...

How should I have felt?

I know I wanted to feel angry. Repulsed. Even just annoyed.

I probably should have felt hesitant, or wary.

I even hoped, though it was just a small part of me, that I'd feel eager. Even if it was nothing else than an eagerness to be distracted.

Instead, all I felt was resigned. I knew I was going to follow it. So as it started to skid away, I did.

The Wolf wasn't here, and I didn't know if he had ever been. I couldn't text him, because at this point I knew there was no way he'd want to talk to me again. And after today he'd be gone forever. I suppressed another sob. I needed to accept it. I needed to get over it. But right now my mind was teetering on a very dangerous edge, ready to tip over into insanity at any moment. I wasn't trying to hold myself together, it was too late for that. I was trying to make sure there would be something left among the wreckage.

So right now I was going to follow an imaginary leaf.

The problem that came sometimes with following things that weren't there was that they didn't follow the laws of the real world. They would sometimes disappear, only to reappear somewhere else, like on the other side of a fence. Or, as in this particular case, they would cross streets without waiting for traffic. I'd had enough near misses to know to look both ways before crossing, but there was an urgency that would rise whenever the leaf got too far, so I might have fudged a bit when deciding how much time and space was enough to cross. It was dumb, especially in the rain, but I wasn't exactly in a state of mind to be thinking clearly. Do as I say, not as I do, all that jazz.

And it didn't move in a nice neat grid for me. It ran across streets at angles and would disappear around corners. Also, my eyes still kept tearing up, so that and the rain were making it hard to see. Sometimes I would think I lost it, but then I would find it again in the corner of my eye. I chased after it for a good few minutes, but it generally went slow enough that I just needed to walk briskly to keep up with it.

I wasn't getting any drier though. I sniffled and shook my tail to throw off some of the excess rain. My tail felt cold enough to fall off, and I had it tucked between my legs to try to keep some of the water off. My ears were already plastered to my head under the hood, my hat not strong enough to keep this much rain from penetrating it. Moving wasn't keeping me as warm as I hoped it would either. The cold made me shiver violently sometimes, and my whimpering would mix with my clacking teeth

But I didn't stop going. I probably deserved all of it anyway.

Then the white leaf suddenly skidded to the side, and disappeared underneath a car parked against the sidewalk. I stopped and stood there confused, unsure of what to do. I knew it was under there, but I didn't know why. I looked at the car, but it was unfamiliar. Did it have some sort of significance? Was I supposed to hijack it or something? I quickly glanced around, worried that the owner would somehow hear what I had thought and suddenly appear to chase me away.

Leave.

Another whimper escaped my throat. My lungs tightened up, and I knew I needed to get away from here. I began to step away, and the wet sloshy sound of my soggy shoes on the wet concrete almost made me miss the skidding sound of the leaf under the car.

It didn't want me to go.

I hesitated, and then stepped back. What was I supposed to do?

Leave.

I shivered again. Except, this time it didn't feel as urgent as before. More like thunder than the actual lightning. Maybe the danger was passing? Or it hadn't been as bad as I thought. But I still didn't know what I was supposed to do, so I groaned in frustration.

I just wanted to go home, but I needed to figure this out first. Maybe...was I supposed to look under the car?

I stared down at the cold concrete. It didn't look inviting. But I was tired, and the sooner I was done with this the sooner I could actually try to get out of the rain like I was supposed to be doing.

With a grimace I lowered myself onto my hands and knees beside the car. It didn't really work that well. The car was too close and the sidewalk too high to see under it properly. There were cars parked on either side of it, so the only option left would be to look from the road. Was I missing something?

I sat back on my knees to think for a second. I didn't even want to be here. The wind blew, making me shiver. A stray sob escaped my throat despite my best efforts to suppress it. I had messed everything up.

Between my thoughts and the rain, I didn't notice that someone had come up behind me until I heard their voice.

"Hi, are you alright?"

This is the part where I look behind me.

And see Sunshine Eyes.

My mind goes blank, and the only thing I can think is that now I know why the leaf led me here. I try to speak, but all that comes out is another sob. The Wolf doesn't even care. He just bends down and hugs me, glad that I was there.

This is the part where I jump, startled by the sudden sound. My body swivels quickly and awkwardly to look behind me.

It actually was a Wolf. But just a Wolf.

This was probably his car. "Sorry," I started to say, but I lost my balance and almost fell over.

"It's fine," he said. "Did you drop something?"

"Yeah," I answered automatically as I pushed myself up. My voice still wasn't as sturdy as I hoped it would be by now. "I-I think I dropped my quarter under it."

He had a hood on like me, but he was also using an umbrella, so he was a lot drier and smarter than I was. But something about him was blurry. I wiped at my eyes, but it didn't help.

"A quarter?" he asked unsure.

"Y-Yeah...I was going to take the bus later, and I don't have any more quarters."

"Oh," he replied as he reached for his pocket. "I have some quarters if you need some."

"Oh..." I sniffled, fighting the urge to wipe with my sleeve in front of him. Instead I wrapped my arms around myself. "...Uh, yeah."

He looked up at me for a moment. "...Are you okay?"

His voice made me wince a bit. Something about it rang in my head.

"I-I'm fine," I answered simply. Talking about it wasn't going to help. I wiped more rain out of my eyes. He was still kind of blurry. It felt like I needed to keep moving my eyes around or he would start to fade into the background.

eav

I didn't really get it though.

He pulled out a wallet, switching it to his umbrella hand so his free one could pick the coins out. "How many do you need?"

Great. Now I was going to steal a quarter from someone

"Um...j-just one."

"Alright," he said as he fished one out. He held it out to me with a smile. "Here."

Hesitantly I stuck out my arm, palm facing up so he could just drop it without actually touching me.

But when he put it in my hand his fingers grazed one of mine.

"Ah!"

I pulled my arm back quickly, clutching it to my chest.

My whole hand was on fire.

His flinched back too, startled, letting the coin fall to the concrete.

"What?" he asked anxiously, putting his wallet in his jacket pocket to free his hand. "What happened? Are you alright?"

I looked up at him.

And then the rain stopped.

Even though it kept falling all around me.

His eyes were sunshine.

This is the part where he notices me staring at him. He looks closer at me, and then the recognition spreads across his face as he realizes who he's looking at. We both freeze, but even in the rain the world becomes a little bit warmer.

This is the part where he just keeps watching me expectantly. But he doesn't know who I am. I wait for him to recognize me.

Sunshine Eyes.

I kept waiting.

He kept staring.

It wasn't happening.

But something else was.

My brain was screeching. Or was being pulled by a wire. I don't know how to describe it. But it hurt. The pain in my hand was nothing. The sucking void in my chest eclipsed it. I was suffocating.

He noticed, but he still didn't know me.

"Are you okay?" he asked again concerned, and now his voice was painfully too familiar.

I wanted to touch him.

I needed to reach out and shake him until he recognized me.

Instead I reached up and pulled down my hood. And then I ripped off my hat. Do you recognize me? Do you know me?

I waited.

I couldn't lose him again.

Was it enough?

I waited so much.

But he still didn't see me.

"...What's wrong?"

Everything.

I was tipping.

I was falling over the edge.

I was losing him again.

"...I-I..."

I had cut my hair. He couldn't recognize me, I looked different. And now I couldn't speak.

I could still cry though. My eyes welled up and spilled over instantly. I didn't want to cry in front of him, even if he didn't know who I was. I tried to clear my eyes as my mouth closed around a whimper.

And then when I could see again he was watching me. Carefully.

My breath hitched.

He didn't stop staring. He looked at me, confused. At first. Then his eyes twitched. I wasn't breathing.

His lips quivered.

"...A...A-Alex?"

My heart stopped.

This is the part where he takes a step forward, stops himself. So instead a smile starts to appear on his face. "Alex!" he says again, and his voice rings with happiness.

This is the part he takes a step back. It hurts. I can't move, so we're just staring at each other. There's an expression on his face, but it isn't a smile.

I was scared. Terrified. It definitely wasn't the reaction I thought he would have. But I hadn't really been thinking at all. Nothing beyond this point. So what did I do now? I wanted him to recognize me, and now he did. And now I was shaking. My eyes brimmed over, but I couldn't look away. My body felt literally stuck between running away and never leaving. I didn't know what to do.

Get Away.

Oh.

It was a reaction, I started to step back.

"W-Wait!"

...Stop just, wait!...

My whole body flinched, both from the memory and the sound of his voice. It drowned out all the other noise in my head until there was just the one pleading word left.

Wait.

So I waited.

His lips quivered like he might say something else, but nothing came out. And my throat had seized up completely.

He searched my face, like he couldn't believe it was me. He looked confused. But every part of him looked completely familiar. Why had it taken me so long to recognize him? Was I really that distracted?

Another cold wind blew passed us, making me shiver.

He tried again.

"I-I..."

It died out. Instead he grabbed at his hair, breathing out a pained sound while his eyes sort of moved like they were looking for the words he wanted to say.

My body felt frozen. I wanted to say something. Apologize for not texting back, for ignoring him without giving him a reason. But why would he want one from me? The more I thought about it, the more I thought that he probably hated me. But, I needed to say something.

I wasn't sure what I was trying to say exactly, or what I was trying to accomplish. I just know...I wanted him to at least know that I tried, for whatever ever it was worth. Even if it wasn't worth anything.

"I-I...I went..." Pause, breathe, "...I went t-to the park..."

He looked at me, surprised. "...You...you did?"

I nodded, unable to do anything else. His face contorted, like he was in pain. My heart was hammering so hard I could feel it in my tail. I opened my mouth to try and say more but he cut me off.

"I waited," he said, like he was trying to convince me. "I promise, I did...I...I just thought...you...you never responded...and it got later and..."

And then he couldn't wait anymore.

I felt it. Guilt, rising up like bile in my throat while my heart started sinking deeper and deeper beneath it. Because it was exactly what I wanted him to say, and exactly what I didn't want him to say.

Sunshine Eyes had been waiting for me.

But I was the one who didn't show up.

Something...something about it made me hate myself. It made my stomach turn, like I could actually throw up. My tongue twitched, but it took me a few seconds to figure out the words. For a moment I couldn't breathe again, until finally I managed to whimper out "...I-I'm...s...s-sorry...I..."

Damn it.

Damn this stupid crying.

"N-No," he replied quickly. His voice was choked. "I-I'm...I should have..." Even though it was raining, I could tell. The sunshine in his eyes sparkled, and then tears fell down his face.

"N...N-no, I..." But the words were stuck, so instead I shook my head, because it was obviously my fault, and also because I couldn't stand to see him do that. His eyes weren't supposed to look like that. And it was my fault.

I sniffled and wiped roughly at my own, trying to wipe off some of the guilt along with the tears. It didn't work. I heard myself breathing harder, trying not to break down again.

"A-Alex...don't..."

I tried not to, taking a deep breathe to steady myself before meeting his eyes again. They were staring at me, dancing over my face. My breathing didn't get any easier.

"H...H-how did you...?"

How did I get here.

"I-I-I..." But I closed my mouth, and a harsh shiver ran through me. It was becoming too cold to talk.

He looked over me again, taking in my appearance. "I-I...H-Here," he said, taking a step toward me, extending his arm to cover me with the umbrella.

But I hadn't expected it. I flinched back, my body going rigid reflexively. He froze too, and we both just sort of stopped moving for a second.

"S-Sorr-"

"No," I interrupted him quickly. "Sorry. I...I'm..."

I was a total wreck. I needed to get a hold of myself before I shattered completely.

He was half-holding the umbrella out, so it just sort of uselessly floated between us. The hand that held it was trembling slightly.

"I-...I," My voice was still unsteady. I glanced at his hand, indicating the umbrella, and shrugged. "...I-I'm...already wet."

"O-oh..." he said as he looked at it, like he had already forgotten it was even there. I saw him take a breath, as if he had forgotten to. Instead of covering himself again he just sort of let the umbrella fall limp beside him. "...Yeah."

Neither of us knew what to say next, so for a moment we just stood there. I concentrated on breathing, trying to calm my nerves enough so they wouldn't be so sensitive to every little thing he did. My mind was struggling to make sense of what was going on. Everything felt too surreal. Like at any moment I was going to wake-

It was a bad thought. Fear instantly spiked in my head. "Um," I began, not actually trying to say something, just trying to drown out the panic. But the emotion beat me to it, and my eyes watered over again. At this rate I was going to pass out from emotional exhaustion. And then probably freeze to death. Another wind blew, painfully pushing my wet clothes against my fur.

"Are...A-Are you okay?" he asked.

I couldn't even begin to understand the question. I didn't know what okay meant anymore. But out of habit I nodded.

"Um..." He looked over me again. I was shivering pathetically, and was probably still muddy too. "I...I have a heater in my car."

It took me a moment to process what he was saying. "...O-Oh..."

I tried to shake my head but he was already fishing out his keys from his pocket. Then he made eye contact with me again, moving forward with deliberate slowness to unlock the door. I knew he was trying to be considerate, but it felt like I was some feral animal that he was trying not to set off. When the door was unlocked he pulled it open for me.

"I...I'm wet," I protested.

He shook his head. "It's fine."

"I..."

So he thought for a moment, and then signaled for me to wait as he moved to the trunk of the car. He opened it and pulled out a large beach towel, closed it, and came back and set it on the chair for me. "Better?" he asked when he was done. He held the door open for me again, motioning for me to get in.

...Can I give you a ride?...

We were right back where we left off.

I wondered if he was thinking the same thing. I glanced at his face, unable to keep eye contact now that we were actually talking. I wanted him to have attempted a smile, just for my benefit, but the whole sum of his expressions so far was apprehensive.

I guess mine were the same way though.

"Um..." Don't get into the car with strangers. But screw it, I knew what I was going to do anyway. "...O-Okay."

I cringed at the way my shoes seemed to leak water when I put my weight on them, but the Wolf didn't say anything about it. When I was settled in he closed the door for me and then went around to the driver's side.

I took the small moment I had to myself to try and settle my breathing, but it wasn't working. My mind was too disoriented and I couldn't make sense of what was going on. Just like last time I was being assaulted by emotions that were too much to be normal.

Like anxiety, made evident by the way it shot through me when the Wolf opened the other door and sat down next to me. After he closed it there was one horribly awkward moment were we sat in silence before he reached over and turned the heater on. I tensed a bit on accident, but this time he just pretended not to notice.

The heater came to life, very slowly driving away the cold. Any comfort I might have felt from finally being out of the rain was purely physical though, and even that was drowned out by the tension of being in a confined space with the Wolf right next to me. To make it worse, I was shivering really loudly.

But even between that and the humming of the heater and the pattering of the rain, there was a definite silence.

At first he didn't say anything, and I couldn't think of anything to say, so we just sat there for a while, letting our bodies draw as much heat from the air as they could. I kept my eyes forward, with my arms wrapped around me for warmth, among other reasons.

"...Um..."

His voice startled me, actually making me jump. He stopped talking, and then let out a sigh that sounded slightly pained.

"Sorry," I mumbled quickly, knowing my ears were a guilty red.

He sighed again, but more normal this time.

"Um, you...You cut your hair."

My hair.

Oh. Oh jeez my hair. Suddenly I felt humiliated. I had lost control of myself and showed him what I had done to my head. Quickly I put my hat back on, ignoring all the excess moisture, and gave him a half-hearted shrug that didn't really mean anything.

He shifted awkwardly, realizing he had made me self-conscious. "I-I didn't..."

"It," I replied shaking my head, and then just shrugged again.

That didn't work, so he tried again. His voice was unsteady too.

"...Um...why were...how did you find, my car? Or..."

My mind flashed back to the night before. I hadn't told him about seeing things. All the fuss I had made before about him accepting me, and I hadn't even told him about that.

I could feel his eyes on me.

"It...I didn't know...I mean, I was...f-following something..."

"...Like the animal, you followed before?" he asked.

I...oh, that's right. I had told him about following an animal to the tree I had climbed, and then trapped myself on.

"Y-yeah..."

"...What were you following?"

My own personal demon, if I had to guess.

"A...a leaf."

Even without looking I could tell his expression was unbelieving.

"...A leaf?"

"Yeah...I saw it at the park."

He shifted in his seat, but he didn't sigh exasperatedly like I thought he would. Instead he asked, "...It led you here?"

"Uh-hu..."

"How?" he asked, but I just shrugged. So then he asked, "...Why?" It was such a complicated question, but he saved me from answering by adding, "I mean...why did you follow it?"

I glanced quickly at him. His expression wasn't upset or judgmental like I thought it would be. Just, well, still confused, but also, something else.

"...Because I...had to."

He sighed out a single laugh, though I was pretty sure he didn't smile. Still, something about it, I mean, it was kind of like a relief. That he could still do it, given the circumstances.

"...That's...what you told me last time," he said, "about the animal."

Jeez, last time.

"Oh...yeah." I replied. We stayed silent for a while, and I thought maybe he was thinking about it. I was trying not to.

"It wasn't real," I said suddenly.

"Huh?"

"The leaf, I mean," I clarified. "It wasn't really there."

"...What do you mean?" he asked.

"Um..." Great. This thing again. I couldn't keep my mouth shut around him. "...I mean, I saw it, but...I think, it might just be...in my head."

He didn't say anything, so I kept going. "Sometimes...I-I think I see things...like the...animal before. And then some of them...they move and...I just, have to follow them...But, other people can't see them, so I think I...just imagine, them..."

I wasn't really sure what I was doing. Maybe I was trying to see if he really would accept me for all my faults. Or maybe I was trying to drive him away. Maybe it was both.

This is the part where he shifts in his seat. When I turn to see what he's doing, I find him smiling kindly at me. "Hey," he says softly, and shrugs. "Everyone's different."

This is the part where he still doesn't say anything. I don't know what to do with that, so we sit in silence for a while longer, my insides churning with anxiety.

What did I do? Why did I tell him that?

Outside the rain seemed to lighten up a bit. I glanced over at him.

He looked confused, like he was trying to figure out what I meant. Finally he said, "Is that why...I mean...is that, why you came here?"

I felt the knots in my stomach bunch up even further.

"I...I was on the bus," I began, "with my mom...I had a, doctor's appointment...and then the bus stopped at the park and...and then it left, but..."

I could feel it again. That horrible feeling that started taking over me as the bus rode away. I held myself tighter, trying to keep it out of me.

"...The further I got...I started...getting scared, I thought...what if you were really there?" My face felt hot after saying that, realizing what it could sound like. What it kind of did sound like. "So then...I got off...and I went to the park but..."

My voice trailed off. But then no one was there, because I had gotten there too late. Except for Arnold, but I didn't need to or want to mention that part.

"I...I waited," he said again. "I waited but, it got later and...I thought-"

But I shook my head. "I...I didn't even leave my house 'til eleve-" And then my voiced choked out, because now I knew he had been waiting that whole time, and I hadn't even bothered to wake up until nine.

I hated myself.

"Alex," he said quietly. "...It...It's fine. I mean..."

I rubbed the moisture out of my eyes. When he stopped talking I glanced over at him again. His face had that kind of lost look again.

"...I mean...I guess, it was...I just, I don't know...there wasn't really...a reason...for you to think that I would be there anyway...I just..." He looked at me for a moment, then looked away. "...I mean...it didn't make sense, for me to wait...but..."

But.

But he did, just like I did, even though I had even tried not to. Even though we barely knew each other. What was happening to us?

"But..." And then he looked at me again. "...But we found each other anyway."

Found each other.

We did.

I looked at him.

"...A-Alex?"

"...Huh?"

He said, "I'm...I'm glad, I found you..."

Found you.

I felt my chest tighten. A flutter rolled through me.

"...Me too." I said quietly.

And then he smiled, just a little one.

And, maybe it was still really cold outside, and my clothes were still wet, and I was even still scared of whatever was happening.

But...I mean. I was, warm, too, a little.

I smiled, a little, back.

Something weird happened, and we just stared at each other for a bit. His eyes were sunshine yellow.

Familiar.

It wasn't until the rain started pouring hard again that we snapped out of it. He straightened up and grabbed the steering wheel with one hand.

"I...I have, an hour, left...before I have to meet up with my family."

I nodded, heart pounding in my chest.

"Do you...wanna...hang out?"

Hang out. It was a nice, normal word, that didn't feel like it fit at all. But I was glad he used it, because it was probably the least threatening word for whatever we were about to do.

"O-Okay."

"Cool," he said, and then this time I smiled first.

So maybe, this wasn't as complicated as I was making it out to be.

He smiled back, then faced forward and started the car, giving the engine time to heat up. "Um...Do you, want to get something to eat?"

"A-Aren't you eating with your family later?"

"It's fine," he said. "Um, we can get something warm, to help with the cold."

I knew I couldn't eat anything. My stomach had shrunk down to a tight little ball and there was no way I was going to manage to get food in it. But getting warmer seemed like a good idea.

"Okay," I replied.

"Okay. Uh...are you, in the mood for anything?"

"No," I answered, shaking my head. "Just, anything warm."

"Okay," he said, and started pulling away from the curve.

We drove for a little while in silence. It was slowly becoming more comfortable now, especially since the heater was finally starting to penetrate through the soaked fabric of my clothing. And because my mind wasn't constantly registering him as dangerous anymore. Well, not an active danger anyway.

"So..." His voiced pulled me out of my head. "...I mean, you don't have to answer if you don't want to." He glanced over at me, and I made eye contact for a moment, raising my eyebrows for him to continue. "Um...why were you going to the doctor?"

Oh.

Crudge.

But the answer didn't flow out of me like I thought it would. With everything else, words poured out of my mouth like liquid when he wanted to know something. The stitches, however, only tingled uncomfortably under my sweater.

"Um...just...a checkup," I answered. A checkup, and then some other things I didn't want to think about.

"Oh," he said. He didn't sound convinced.

"It...It's nothing."

"...Are you sure?" he asked. I looked over at him, and he glanced back. It almost sounded like he was worried about me. That wasn't so farfetched, was it?

"Yeah, I'm fine," I assured him. "Um, don't worry."

"'Kay," he said quietly, but then he smiled at me, making my cheeks feel warm. Outside the rain seemed to be going back and forth between middle and heavy. I was glad I wasn't out in it anymore.

It was my turn for conversation, right?

"How's...um...your family?"

"My family?"

"Y-Yeah. I mean, since you're..." leaving tomorrow. I didn't need to say it, he knew what I meant.

"Oh," he replied quietly. "Um, fine, I guess. My parents especially, they get all worried and sad whenever I leave. But I think they're mostly just, you know, happy that I'm going to school."

I nodded. "So, what...are you guys doing today?"

"Out to eat. Probably, you know that Western Barbeque place? My dad really likes that one. Then..." he trailed off for a moment, thinking. "Then I guess, go home...finish, packing.

Because he was leaving tomorrow.

"How are you getting there?" I asked, just to keep us talking.

"...Driving. In this actually," he said, tapping his steering wheel.

"Is that why you had a beach towel ready?"

"Yeah," he laughed. "We were thinking of going to the beach one of these weekends. When the weather's actually nice."

"...Are you, going by yourself?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Not really, I'm picking up my friend Kyle along the way. We're just back for spring break, so neither of us really has that much stuff to pack, so we fit..."

"Oh..."

"...Yeah."

Just breathe through it, right?

He asked, "Have you...heard back, from any schools?"

"N-No," I answered. "Not yet."

"Um...well," he shrugged, "you know. If you hear back from Dawnlore...I'm..."

Something inside me cringed.

"...Yeah."

Maybe this really was more complicated than I thought.

We drove in silence for a while more. Most people probably would have turned the radio on or something, but I was glad he didn't. The rain was easier to listen to right now. Just a constant hum that didn't try to push your emotions to any sort of extreme. My emotions were unstable enough as it was.

"What about your family?" he asked eventually.

"Huh?"

"How's your family?"

"Oh." I thought of my mother, who was probably at home checking her phone every five minutes in case I needed her. "...The same," I answered honestly, guiltily. "Um...I think I freaked my mother out when I left the bus."

He threw me a questioning glance. "Freaked her out?"

"Yeah..." I answered. "It...was kind of, sudden."

"...What did she do?" he asked.

"She...she just told me to be safe."

"Oh," he replied simply.

Another moment of silence. I pulled out my phone and sent my mom a text to let her know I was fine.

"So...Your birthday's coming up, right?" he asked.

"Huh? Oh...yeah."

"You guys doing anything for it?"

"Hm, usually someone buys a cake and then we all sing happy birthday. Our parents usually get us something."

"That's sound nice," he said.

"Yeah," I agreed. "My friends usually show up to."

He nodded. "Wish...you know..." He shifted in his seat. "...Sorry I won't be here..."

"Yeah..."

Because he was leaving tomorrow.

I glanced over at him, but instead of looking sad, his ears were red. And then mine turned red too. Oh...

"...Hey...Alex?"

I could feel my nervousness coming back.

"Y-Yeah?"

"...What do you mean exactly...when you say you see things?"

...Oh.

"I...I mean, I just...see things. Like...lots of times it's just like, stuff in the corner of my eye or something. But sometimes...I see them completely, and then it's like..."

"...Like what?" he asked.

I thought about it for a moment. "Like...it'll be like, sometimes, if they move, I'll want to follow them. But other times, it'll be like, I just know I'm supposed to..." Is this something I was supposed to be elaborating on? He wasn't saying anything. "...I-I know it's, weird...I-"

"N-No," he interrupted quickly. But the tone of his voice left me unsure.

Crudge. What if that meant he really was starting to think I was a freak? Why did I open my big fat mouth?

"Sometimes I hear things," he said suddenly.

"Huh?"

"...I hear things," he said again. "Sort of...Not like voices, or, not exactly..."

My eyes were glued to him now. What was he...

"I mean," he continued, "sometimes it's kind of like voices...but sometimes it's just like...sounds, or...something..."

He was making fun of me.

That's what this was, wasn't it?

So why didn't I believe it?

"And...I know...I mean, I've ..." He shook his head, mostly to himself. "...Sometimes it happens when there's no one around or anything." The car slowed, and in a second we turned into a small rectangular parking lot "This is the place."

"Oh," I replied lamely, glancing around. I recognized this place, my friends and I had been to this area before. It was a small parking lot with various little restaurants sitting around it.

He parked the car in one of the few empty spaces left, but neither of us moved to get out. Then the car went silent, and the rain wasn't loud enough.

I knew I was supposed to say something, but my body was too busy pumping my heart while my mind tried to comprehend what he had just told me. He had...things, too. This was...unreal...

"How long have you heard things?" I managed to ask, remembering having been asked a similar question multiple times.

"Since...I was little, I guess," he shrugged.

I nodded, unable to think of another response.

"I...I wasn't going tell you," he went on. "...It didn't seem important...and I didn't want you to think I was weird..."

"I don't," I replied quickly.

I was familiar with that worry.

"Thanks," he said quietly. And then I had I thought.

"But...I told you about...having nightmares, and not being able to touch people...and, you thought I could think you're weird?"

His face managed to crack a smile. "I...yeah. I mean... I don't know. Just in case, you know?"

Just in case. Don't ask what.

"And I mean...It's never been a big deal, you know, something I could usually just shrug off. No one besides me would really notice. But, since you told me you see things, I just...I felt like, I could tell you..."

I knew my face was red. My whole body was probably red with how hard my blood was flowing. He trusted me...

"I get, impulses, too, sometimes."

Oh crudge.

"Impulses?" he asked.

"Yeah. Kind of like...commands, or, like words in my head. But I don't actually hear them, I just...feel them I guess. Like...when you touch something hot, and your body starts telling you to pull your hand away...but without the pain."

Usually.

"Oh," he replied. "Like...an instinct."

"Yeah," I said, maybe a little enthusiastically. I noticed his tail twitch next to him, and felt myself turn a little redder. I reined myself back in before continuing. "Um...sometimes it's stronger than others...and sometimes it just kind of comes out of nowhere..."

"...Is it...hard to deal with?" he asked, concerned.

I had to think about that for a moment.

"Uh...not...I mean," I looked at my hand. "The touch is the worst thing...usually. Seeing things...and, the impulses...they get, me in trouble sometimes, but...I'm used to it."

Except that recently they've been acting up too. "Except recently they've been..." Really? "...acting up too."

"Really?" he asked.

I actually almost laughed, but that wasn't what he meant. In fact, the way he said...something was off about it.

"...Yeah," I answered, glancing at him.

He looked confused again.

"...I...I mean, I feel like I've been, hearing things more often recently too..."

"...Really?" I asked him, surprised. And weirded out. And something else that I couldn't figure out.

"Yeah..." he answered.

"That..." My head was starting to hurt. What did that mean? "...That's kind of, weird..."

"Yeah," he agreed. "...Alex?"

Something in the way he looked at me.

Get Away.

My hand gripped the car door handle. He was looking at me, but he didn't seem to notice.

"...Do I-"

I lurched backwards, the sound of rain suddenly becoming louder as the cold air rushed in. I caught myself before I fell out of the open car door, but he had reached out and grabbed onto my other arm instinctively. The pain was immediate. I cried out, and at the same time that he let go I pulled back. I fell tail first into a wide shallow puddle.

"Alex!" he cried out. I heard him getting out of the car, but I was focused on my arm. It was on fire. I rubbed it into the puddle, trying to cool it off, but it could only take some of the edge off.

Some.

"Aaugghhhhhhhhh."

The Wolf appeared beside me.

"Shit! Alex, I-Sorry! What do I do?"

I shook my head, unable to answer, just waiting for the pain to go down. But it was fading slower than usual.

"I-Damn it! I'm so sorry!"

"It-uugh..."

I pulled my sleeve back, trying to let the rain get at it as I rubbed my arm into the puddle some more.

"I'm so sorry," he said again.

"It...It's fine," I said, cringing. "I...I was...stupid."

He looked over me with worry. But I didn't want him to. I was lying in a dirty parking lot puddle, practically cleaning the floor with my arm. All because he tried to stop me from falling.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," I lied, surprised I still could. At least no one else seemed to be around, though actually there were probably a few stares from the restaurant windows. "...I just...I wasn't paying attention..."

"I'm sorry," he said again, even though it was obviously my fault for opening the door.

I shook my head again. "...I'm used to this by now."

I meant it as a joke, but it fell a little flat. But he caught it, and smiled a little anyway. The sensation was finally becoming manageable, so I picked myself off the floor. My clothes and tail dripped copiously, all the warmth from the car undone. Shivering, I shook my tail to get the water off, and accidently splashed him with it.

"Sorry!" I said quickly.

"No," he said, trying to laugh, "it's fine. Um...I have another jacket in the trunk."

I would have protested, but it was really cold. "Can I..."

"Hold on," he said, already moving toward the trunk.

I let out a frustrated breath.

Nice one.

My sweater didn't have a zipper, so I had to pull it up over my head. I lifted the hem away from my shirt to un-stick it, and then pulled up, not enjoying the way the soaked fabric pressed against me. I tried to get it past my head quickly, not wanting the coldness to linger, so of course it got a little stuck there for a second, squishing more water into my face. I had to tug on it harder.

I felt the cold air run over the fur of my abdomen. And then I felt an even colder chill of fear run through me.

My stitches were showing.

My shirt had still been clinging to my jacket. In a panic I tugged hard on the sweater to get my arms free. When it was off I yanked my shirt down quickly, but it was too late.

The Wolf was staring at me.

This is the part where he looks at me with concern and worry. "Alex, how did-"

"I didn't," I interrupt him, "...I didn't want you to..."

"Alex," he says, walking toward me. "...what happened?"

"...It was an accident," I tell him. "I got into a fight..."

"A fight?" he asks, but then I start tearing up, and he drops it. "What's wrong?"

"I...I didn't want you to...see me..."

He stands in front of me, holding out the jacket, and smiles. "Alex, I don't care about your stitches."

"You...You don't?"

"No. I..."

This is the part where he looks at me. The only thing I can really think of to describe his expression at that moment is shock and horror.

"Alex," he breathed.

I felt my stomach turn. He...he was really looking at me like that.

"I..."

"What did you do?" he asked, staring at my side.

What did I do?

"I didn't..."

He face changed, turning more upset.

"Did someone do that to you?"

My mind flashed to Arnold. I shook it off. "I-It was an accident...I...I-I got in a fight a-"

"A fight?" He came toward me, lifting his free arm like he was going to grab me. "Why the hell-"

"Stop!" I cried out, backing away from him, his touch.

He stopped.

We both stared at each other, wide-eyed.

Then his expression sort of cleared and he backed up. "I...Sorry."

My heart was beating fast. My eyes were watery and my fists were clenched. So that's how Sunshine Eyes reacted to my stitches. I was trembling again, and not just from the cold. I hated them, I hated my scars. I wanted them to sink deep down below my skin so that Sunshine Eyes wouldn't stare at me like that again.

When he spoke again his voice was quieter. "I...I didn't mean to..." He started looking upset again, but it was self-directed. He looked down and remembered the jacket. "...Here," he said holding it out for me.

I was a little reluctant to move, but it was cold, so I took it.

"...Here," he said again, holding his hand out. "I'll put yours in the trunk."

I handed mine to him, and as he put it away the cold compelled me to put his on.

"Come on," he said quietly after he closed it. "Let's get inside." And with that he started walking towards one of the little restaurants.

So, do we just try and pretend that that didn't happen? Because, I kind of wanted to. I hugged his jacket around me for warmth, noticing the light scent it carried. I thought something like wearing his jacket would have made me feel giddy, but instead I was just confused. Still though, the scent was stupidly really comforting.

I followed him inside.

The restaurant was small, but while it seemed busy there were still a few free tables. Thankfully they had a mat to dry your shoes on, so I didn't have to worry as much about wetting their floor or slipping. A Skunk woman greeted us and sat us at a small table against the wall.

"Can I get you guys something to drink?" she asked as she handed us menus. Mine shook visibly when I held it.

"Hot Chocolate," he answered.

"Me too," I agreed, won over by the word hot.

"Alright," she smiled before leaving.

And then it's just us. I scanned the menu to avoid looking at him, resting it on the table so my shaking would be less noticeable. Did I even have any money on me? I felt for my wallet, trying to remember. I could feel his eyes on me, whether he was looking directly at me or not, but I couldn't meet his gaze yet.

Eventually, he said, "Um...you can get whatever, I'll pay."

I shook my head, still pretending to look through the menu. "N-No, it's okay."

"Let me pay," he said, "so I can apologize for...that."

"I-I'm not really that hungry," I said, honestly. "And...you don't, have to apologize..."

"...Yeah I do. I just...I don't know what happened. I got...worried and..."

He was worried about me. Well, that felt kind of nice.

"You don't need to be," I told him. "It's fine. I was...getting the stitches removed today, before..."

"...Oh," he replied. "...Is that what, the doctor's appointment was for?"

"Yeah," I said. And then kept saying, "The scars aren't supposed to be that bad."

He nodded. "...That's good."

"Yeah. And, the fur could still grow back so you don-..."

I hadn't meant to say that. Or not intentionally anyway.

"...So I?" he asked.

My ears lowered again. "...Nothing."

He looked at me, and then he got it.

"_Alex._I...I don't, care about...I mean, they don't bother me..."

...Really?

"...Really?"

"Of course," he said, like it was obvious. "I didn't mean to...make you feel..."

"Thank you," I said quietly, knowing my face was turning red. My blood was definitely pumping hard through my body.

It caught him off guard. He shifted a little, embarrassed. "Yeah..."

When the waitress came back with our hot chocolates the Wolf ordered a single plate for us to share. Since he insisted on paying, I didn't argue. I still didn't think my stomach was up to eating at all, but he assured me that it would help warm me up. After she left I sipped gratefully from the mug, my hands holding onto it like it was a life preserver. The heat poured into my stomach and then radiated outward to the rest of me. The sweetness was almost completely forgotten since I was just so happy for the warmth.

"Hey...Alex?"

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Can...is it okay if I ask...how you got the scars?"

"I..." Was it? Couldn't we just forget about them? But he said he didn't mind them, so I guess it was okay. I'd be curious too. "Um... Uh, yeah...It was, um...two weeks ago. It was at night, I was..." Oh, yeah, "...following a leaf." I sighed.

He smiled a little about it, at least. "A leaf?"

"Yeah," I said, laughing just a little back. But the topic sobered us quickly. "...It was, white. Like really white, uh...The one I followed today was white too."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Uh-hu."

"Do you...think it was the same one?" he asked, sounding genuinely curious. He wasn't really making fun of me for any of it, which I was happy about.

"Maybe...I kind of thought it might be."

He thought about it for a moment. "So...what happened?" he asked.

"Um...it went down an alleyway, and, I mean, I knew it was night but..."

"...You had to follow it," he finished for me, sighing.

"...Yeah."

My ears went down in guilt. At the time it usually makes sense. Explaining it afterwards, not so much.

"Um, so I went down the alley," I continued. "And then...these guys appeared, and then one guy, he..." I remembered the way Arnold had looked at me, just pure hatred in his eyes. "I don't know, he just kind of freaked out and jumped on me. He pinned me down and started cutting me with his knife until his friends pulled him off me." I could see the discomfort on the Wolf's face. He looked upset, but also like he was trying to control himself. "...They told me to leave so I just...got up and left, and walked home."

"...You walked home?"

"Yeah. I wasn't too far, and I guess...I wasn't really thinking straight. Blood loss and all," I added, going for a joke. He didn't smile though. "...When I got home my mom helped me bandage myself up."

That hadn't been fun.

"...What did your family say?"

"I...just told them I fell...off one of the fences at the park...I don't think my mom believed me, but..." I shrugged.

He considered that for a moment before asking, "What do you mean, exactly...when you say one of the guys freaked out?"

"Um, just...I don't know. He kind of just saw me, and said he hated me, and then he jumped me. I've talked to him a couple times an-"

"You've talked to him?" he interrupted. Kind of loudly, a few people looked over, but he didn't seem to notice.

"I...I've just, run into him a couple times and..."

"Why would you talk to him?"

"I don't talk to him," I replied, starting to get defensive. "He just, shows up sometimes."

"You mean he's stalking you?"

Yes. No. Maybe? But instead I said, "It's fine. He doesn't...do anything. I'm not even sure he knows why he did it."

"Huh?"

"I don't know," I said. "He just...always seems confused about it...Maybe it was just a bad day for him."

"But still, that doesn't-."

"I said it's fine. You don't have to-..." Worry? Or be over protective? "...freak out."

"I'm not-..." And then I guess he heard the volume of his voice and stopped. "I...I'm...Sorry." He took a breath, resting his forehead on his hands for a second. "Sorry. I...I just, you know..."

He was just worried about me. "Yeah...It's fine, okay? He's not...I mean he's not going to try anything."

"...How do you know?" he asked.

"...I don't," I answered honestly. "But...I just don't think he will. All he does is...I mean he's more like a, grade school bully than anything."

"But, still..."

"Really," I assured him. "Like I said, he really doesn't seem to know why he did it. And I think, his friends are mad at him about it so...yeah. I just, really don't think he's going to try anything again."

He didn't look convinced though. "Just, don't worry about it, okay? I'll be..." probably not careful, "...fine."

"...Okay," he said, but I wasn't sure how much he meant it. He took another breath, and I took another sip for warmth. "...So then, when I...met you...and you were bleeding..."

"...I hadn't gotten stitches yet," I told him, looking down into the mug. "I um...I didn't, like doctors...you know, touching and stuff so...I got my mom to let us just see if they'd be fine on their own..."

"...And then you ran into me."

I cringed from the tone of his voice. "...Yeah, it...pulled on the scabs and opened the skin up more..."

He made a face, and sighed. "Why were you even running?"

"...I saw..."

"...Something," he finished for me.

"Yeah. The bushes...the sun was shining through them and I..."

He sighed again. The way most of the people around me did.

"Alex, you..."

Me. I know. I looked away, ears lowering again.

"I...just, you know," he said. "...I want you to be safe."

His voice sounded sincere at least, so that made feel a little better.

"I know," I answered. But I didn't promise anything, because I knew I couldn't. I drank from my mug again. It was getting cold too fast.

"I...don't want to have to save you from any more trees, you know?" he said, trying to tease me a little. It made me smile. "I think I still might have a bruise from that."

"Yeah, me too," I laughed, glad he wasn't so upset anymore.

"Um...you know," he said, changing the subject. "...I actually heard something. Last time, when you were in the tree?"

My ears perked up a little. "You did?"

"Yeah...when I was under the tree...I thought I heard something, and it made me look up."

Wait a minute.

"So...you, follow things too?"

"I...Yeah, that time I did," he said, smiling. "I mean, I guess sometimes I sort of do. It's never like, I have to, though. Just...sometimes, on a whim, I do."

A twirl happened somewhere in my abdomen, and the edges of my lips tugged upwards lightly. All this time I had thought my weirdness and my hallucinations would drive everyone away. But...but Sunshine Eyes, he had them too. And maybe his were more subdued than mine, but still, it...it turned out to be something we actually had in common. I mean, what were the chances?

...What were the chances?

"Actually," he continued, quieter now, "...today...when you...when I left the park, I was...walking and, thinking...and then...I thought I heard something behind me, so I walked back to my car...and you were there..."

That was...pretty, coincidental...

His face looked like it was starting to space out. He didn't say anything for a minute, so eventually I asked, "...Are you okay?"

He looked at me, confused. Instead of answering, he said, "...You said you followed a leaf...and it led you right to my car..."

"I..."

I did.

"...It's...kind of weird, isn't it?"

"It...yeah..."

It was, wasn't it.

"At the park that day," he said. "...When I found you in the tree...Um...I mean, I had been hearing things a lot that day...and then..."

I stared at him, slowly putting together what he was saying.

Because...it was strange.

"And then...you were there...just like today..."

et Aw

What?

"I..." My mouth had gone dry. "...I didn't recognize you...when I saw you, today..."

His face shifted, remembering.

"...I didn't either...but..." he looked up at me, eyes searching my face. "...But...I should have...I know what you look like."

So why didn't he?

"I...I thought maybe," I said, "...it was the rain."

Also because I was crying.

"But..." And then he shook his head, "...But, no..."

"...Huh?"

"...Alex," he said awkwardly, because it wasn't my name. "I feel like...like you're already, familiar to me but...we've..."

t A

...

What?

My breathing was getting shallow.

"We...we only met twice before." I finished for him.

"...Yeah," he said. Then he paused, like he was waiting for me to say something else. I didn't, so he went on.

"...But...but after you ran into me...I don't know, I started hearing things more often...I didn't think it was, related but..."

How...how could it be related?

"I mean..." and he was actually still able to turn red right now, "...I thought about you a lot, but, I just thought..."

"...I thought about you a lot," I admitted, "too."

We didn't smile at each other like we maybe should have. We just kept staring.

"...But then," he continued, "...at the park, when we..."

"Yeah," I said quickly, so he wouldn't have to say what.

"I just...I felt like...like I already knew you..."

But you don't. You don't, neither of us did. It's just hormones, or...

I shook my head. "...I barely know you..."

"...I know..." he said. "...but...does it feel that way?"

Does it feel that way?

What did I feel?

My chest was starting to hurt. How did I feel?

Like I was having a panic attack.

I knew the answer, but it scared me. Because how could it be real?

"I..."

I what?

"...you," I looked at him, at Sunshine Eyes, and I couldn't breathe, "...you feel...familiar..."

Get Away.

...

Get Away.

"...Alex?"

Get Away.

I can't.

"...Do I know y-"

"I have a date."

Silence, for a second.

"...Huh?"

"I...have a date." I said again. "...On Wednesday."

He stared at me, confused, and it took him a while to try and process what to say.

"What...what do you mean?"

"...At the park...before I climbed the tree...A Tiger came up to me, and he asked me if, I wanted to go out with him..."

His body had gone still.

"...You...you said yes?"

I nodded slowly. I wasn't...really sure what was happening. Yesterday, this was what I had resolved to do, right? I was supposed to tell him that someone had asked me out already, because that was the right thing to do, right? So why did I feel...

"But...but you're not...still going, are you?"

I...

I had to, remember. Think clearly.

"...I am."

"What?"

"...I'm going, with him."

"But what about..."

He stopped himself, and I used the opportunity to keep going, because I didn't know how long I was going to be able to keep this up.

"...We don't know each other," I said again. I tried not to cringe at the face he made. "And...you're leaving tomorrow..."

"...But...I thought...."

Don't.

"...I thought...you, and I..."

Please don't.

"I just met you," I said again, not knowing why. Because the pain on his face when I did made me hate myself. I didn't want to do this.

"I know," he said. "But...but I know..." His eyes stared into mine, and my chest hurt. "...I feel something for you...Don't you?"

"I..." Was I crying? "...It doesn't make sense..."

"But you do, don't you?"

"...I...I-I can't..."

"Why?"

"Because..."

Why?

Get Away.

...

Because I had to.

Because this was going to destroy me.

"Because...I'm afraid of you."

He stared at me. He was confused. "...What do you mean?"

"I...I don't know," I whined, my eyes stinging. "But...something, keeps telling me to get away from you..."

"You mean...your, instincts?" he asked. I nodded. "Alex...I'm not going to hurt you..."

Get Away.

"...How do you know?" I said quietly.

"...What do you mean?"

"I mean..." Last night, wasn't that the conclusion I had come up with? "...we barely know each other. So how can we be so sure how we feel? What if we're wrong?"

He didn't respond immediately, and then I could see it on his face.

He wasn't sure.

"We can't know," I said, trying to convince him.

Because he wasn't sure.

...Or...wasn't sure why...

He didn't move for a moment, lost in thought. I waited, scared, not even knowing what I wanted him to say.

"...No one does," he said finally. "No one knows for sure..." I knew that. I did. Except, with Sunshine Eyes... "...But...I mean...can't we try?" he pleaded.

Can't we?

Get Away.

Stop it.

"I..."

Get Away.

"...I can't. Not with you." I didn't mean for my voice to be so hard.

He looked like I had just slapped him in the face. So I guess it made sense when he stared looking upset.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, not with you," I said again, an edge to my voice.

He was trembling again. "Alex...you can't, go out with that guy..."

Get Away.

The Wolf wasn't commanding me. He wasn't telling me I couldn't, he was begging me not to. But I responded like he was anyway.

"You can't stop me."

And then I was standing up and headed for the door. I heard him call after me, but my body wouldn't let me stop walking.

I had forgotten how loud the rain was. When I stepped outside it was pouring, and I could barely hear my own sniffling. My shoes practically splashed on the concrete, and the roses on the bushes had been completely ruined.

"Alex!"

I turned around. The Wolf was walking towards me, his face almost angry. My mind flashed back to that night, at the park, when I had silently begged that he would call out for me when I left. But this wasn't that night.

"What?" I yelled over the rain. I sounded like I was angry too. But that didn't make sense. Maybe we were both just shouting over the rain.

"Why are you acting like this?" he asked.

"Just leave me alone!" I cried back.

"Alex," he pleaded, "you can't leave!"

"Why not?" I asked.

Tell me why, please.

"Because...Because I know you feel something for me."

I couldn't deny it, and there wasn't a point to trying.

"It doesn't matter," I responded miserably.

"Why not?"

"Because...Because you're leaving!"

"I'll come back," he told me. "I promise I'll come back."

I felt more tears pouring out of my eyes.

"I'm tired of waiting!"

Always waiting.

"Alex, please," he begged. "Don't...don't give up on me."

I wanted to stop.

Let me stop.

"You don't even know my name," I told him.

That slowed him down for a moment, but he wouldn't give up.

"But...it doesn't matter," he insisted. I shook my head at him, but he went on. "...You ran into me at the park, because you said you saw something."

What was he doing?

"And then I heard a sound, and it made me look up, right at the tree you were stuck in."

Wait, don't do this.

"And today, we missed each other at the park...But a leaf led you all the way from there to exactly where my car was, and a sound made me come back right when you were there."

It didn't make sense.

"That...That can't be coincidence, right?"

Could it?

What were the chances?

"I...I don't know," I cried.

It didn't make sense. How could it make sense?

...

Unless...

...

Unless, there was one person out there...

"Alex," he said, coming closer. "I...I don't know what it means, but...maybe...maybe we were supposed to find each other..."

Found you.

...But...

"...No."

"...What?"

"No," I said again, shaking my head. "It...We can't be..."

His voice was unsteady. "...Why?"

"Because...Because it's not supposed to be like this."

It was supposed to be everything I wanted, wasn't it?

"What do you mean?"

"I'm..." I looked up at him. "I'm not supposed to be, afraid, of you..."

"...I..."

"And I...I can't even touch you," I shouted. "I can't..."

Everything was right. Everything but me, and my hallucinations, and my impulses, and all my instability. And now we were standing out in the rain, yelling at each other because I didn't know how to cope with any of this. I could kick and writhe and scream, but I couldn't get passed my own mind, my own completely irrational phobia of him, my inability to even hold his hand.

My eyes glanced to all the people staring at us on the other side of the window. A few of them, the looks they were giving us...two males, out in the rain...

...

...Even my gender was wrong...

...

It wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair that being gay made it so much harder to find someone. It wasn't fair that I couldn't have a normal, happy relationship with someone without knowing people were going to be staring. It wasn't fair that when I finally did find someone, someone who made it feel like even the universe was forcing us together, I couldn't keep myself sane enough to do anything about it but run away.

And...that's what this part of the story was.

This is the part when I run away again.

"Can't we just...try?" he pleaded.

I shook my head, backing up. "No."

He watched me.

"...Why not?"

"Because I don't want to," I replied steadily.

This is the part when he tries again, pleading for me to stay because he can't imagine life without me.

This is the part when he's just as alive as I was, and could get just as tired of all this bullshit.

"...So that's it then?" he asked, getting angry.

"That's it," I replied.

"You're just going to go out with some Tiger?"

"It's none of your business what I do," I said, raising my voice.

"Do you even know him?" he asked even louder. My mouth opened, ready to shout, but I didn't have a reply. "I bet you barely even talked to him!"

"I said it's not of your business!" I yelled.

"So why him and not me, huh?!" he asked, sounding hurt. His eyes watered, turning red, but anger was definitely the dominant emotion.

"Because...he asked me first," I replied lamely.

He stared at me, incredulous. "That-" He turned away for a second, growling frustratedly and rubbing his eyes. "That's it? He just asked you first? That's the only reason you're going to give me?"

"He...he doesn't..."

"Come on Alex! Why does he get to try and not me?!"

"You don't even know my name!" I countered, because I couldn't think of an answer.

"Does he?" he shouted back.

No, he didn't.

"Just...Just leave me alone!" I yelled, tears falling from my face.

This was all so incredibly stupid. I wasn't even mad at him. I was mad everything else. Couldn't he see that?

Couldn't I?

"Alex," he growled, but his voice was choking. "There's...there's something here. You know there is. Don't...Don't walk away from it." He searched my face, standing dangerously close to me. His expression was just...pain. "I mean...Don't I...Don't I know you?

I-

Get Away Now.

"Aaaughh!"

I pushed back, my whole body suddenly engulfed in flames.

And then suddenly it was gone, just as quickly. But my body was trembling violently.

"I waited!" I shouted at him, voice wobbling. I didn't even sound mad anymore.

"I waited too Alex!" he shouted back, the words cutting me deep. "I waited-..."

"I can't...I can't do this anymore," I sobbed.

I hated this.

I hated all of this.

But then I felt his hands on my shoulders, and I looked up to see him holding me steady. My hands gripped his arms, holding onto him. "...I can't keep waiting..."

"So don't," he pleaded, crying too. "I'm right here..."

What...were we even talking about anymore?

I stared into is eyes, afraid that they were going to disappear at any moment.

"...What if...what if you're too late..." I said.

And then the worst fear I had ever felt boomed through me.

"Don't say that!" he said, grabbing me tighter. "Please don't say that."

He was scared. And so was I. Because...

...because...

His touch started to tingle. Then it flickered. And then it started to sting, until it burned and I yanked myself back.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed.

And then we were back, back to yelling at each other outside of a small restaurant in the rain. Something had just happened, but I was already forgetting it.

He glared at me, confusion and frustration turning to anger again. "I'm not trying to hurt you Alex!"

"Just...get away from me!" I shouted, hot tears burning my face.

I stared at him, terrified, frustrated, angry.

But he matched me equally on every count, and I saw more tears start falling down his face. His face scrunched up, like he was going to shout at me again, but like something else too.

"I..." And then he turned away again, growling.

I could see him trembling.

I was too.

Then he looked back at me, hate in his eyes.

"...Fine!" he shouted at me. " Fine! Leave! I don't care!"

And I guess...it took me a while to believe it.

But when I did, I was more than willing to oblige.

"...Fine," I growled, turning away from him.

This is the part...when he calls out "Wait!"

This is the part when he calls out, "Give me back my jacket!"

I almost scream from anger. Without turning back around I yank it off me and throw it on the ground. I don't ask for mine back. I don't change my mind and try to apologize or explain myself. I don't worry about him having to go back in the restaurant to pay. I don't worry about anything except getting away from him, from all of this as fast as possible.

And then before I knew it I was running.

I hated myself. I hated him. I hated everything.

And I was crying too. I was crying and sobbing and hoping that the rain would flood my lungs and drown me so I wouldn't have to feel anything ever again. I ran as fast as I could, but the world chased after me even faster, yelling every vicious thing it could at me for what I had done, not stopping until I felt as horrible as I deserved.

Everything had gone completely wrong, and it was completely my fault.

I was never going to be able run away from that.

**********

I ran all the way home, not stopping even once. When I opened the door my mother was home alone, but I ran right passed her into my room, locking the door behind me. And then I cried into the pillows...

...I don't know how long she knocked, but I never opened the door. The whole day I never came back out of the room. My sobs and whimpers let them know I was still alive, so they never tried to force the door open or anything. It wasn't like there was anything they could do. They couldn't hug me, or hold me, and I never answered when they tried to talk through the door.

The world was closing in around me again, and I felt horribly alone. But I didn't go out to see my family, or call any of my friends. I just stayed locked in my room, no one but the furniture for company.

**********

That night, for the first time in my life...I woke up screaming.

**********

I'm sorry!!!! Again!!! My classes start in a week, but I'll try and pump out what I can before them now that this one is out of the way.

Also, the following songs helped me get through this chapter, and I thought I might as well share them with you in case you find one you like:

"A Team" as covered by Beside Lights on Youtube, originally by Ed Sheeran.

"How to Save a Life" by The Fray, and also the one covered by Beside Lights.

"City Lights" by Motionless in White.

"Day Old Hate" by City and Colour.

"Say Something" by A Great Big World.

Uuuuuggggghh I question my writing ability again.

But maybe it is good enough? Let me know with comments, faves, and stars, or I might get depressed and stop writing and will never know what happens next! (Because I'm not entirely sure either. My stories keep going A-WALL. ) Or maybe I'll write them anyway because that's how I do.

Okay now I'm talking too much. But it's just cause I like talking to you guys sooooo much?