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"Pick it up! GET THOSE LEGS UP!" Coach Marnon barked out from the side lines as I tried to put on a burst of speed.

My lungs were burning as I stretched out my legs and pulled my ears back, keeping my eyes focused on the track in front of me as I put on a burst of speed. A lean looking deer had already sped past me, showing off his speed with a cocky confidence that I found grating. A few of the other preds started off as well, instinctively speeding up after the white flash of his tail, but I didn't let myself fall into that trap. It wasn't just about speed, it was about endurance and only the freshmen gave into the urge to chase after the prey animals. That was why there were a few schools that tried to push for mixed species matches, the prey animals had an advantage in that it was distracting when they ran. My distraction didn't have a flashing white tail, though, my distraction was a few paces in front of me and carefully ignoring my very presence.

Ollie. The dingo hadn't said anything when we'd gone into the locker room as a group, he hadn't been joking as we got ready and he had bolted when I had been trying to linger. He wasn't quite ignoring me entirely, he spoke to me when I said hello, but it didn't go any further than that. He didn't seem angry, just distant, and that made it worse as I had no idea what I should say to make it better. My reaction hadn't made it around the school, so he'd at least kept my humiliation to himself, but the way he looked away from me made me wonder if he was doing it because he was ashamed. I didn't know why, except perhaps he didn't want anyone to know I had rebuffed him. I winced and put on more speed, rebuffed, that was a laughable word when I measured it to what I had done. I'd yelled, thrown him down and then ran off into the night. He was probably scared I was some sort of psycho given the way I'd reacted to him.

We ran four laps, the last at top speed, and every lap I tried to stay close to Ollie, watching him as he put his all into running. Why couldn't I have just behaved normally? I could have just pulled away at the start and said I wasn't gay. Except, it had felt so good when it had simply been a kiss, it had felt strangely right. I threw the thoughts away as we came to a stop, cooling down while stretching out the last of our kinks. There were too many questions and not enough answers, but I had at least one question that I could get the answer too. I wasn't going to just let Ollie ignore me, he was still a friend, a good one at that. A simple misunderstanding wasn't going to end that if I could help it.

I followed Ollie down to the locker room with the rest, trying to catch his attention as the rest of the group crowded in laughing as always. Ivan was in the lead, already discussing the fact he was going to bang the coyote bitch he'd been playing with. I wasn't in the mood for teasing, so I continued to try and follow Ollie without being obvious. He didn't say anything, didn't snap at me, he just tried his best to ignore me as he went to get a shower and I was left sitting in the locker room, changing my clothes. I did _not_shower in public. Ever. The idea made me squirm in embarrassment, it always had. Even before I talked with my mother I knew I was small for a guy in many ways, I wasn't about to walk right into a room filled with naked males to have them see just how weird I was.

Nearly forty minutes passed before Ollie was out of the shower and dressed, but by that time I noticed that he was lingering more than he normally did. His vibrant markings were darkened with water as he stuffed his bag and kept glancing around, almost as if he were trying to make sure I was still waiting. The tension that I had felt started to ease when he didn't bolt with the rest of the team, didn't make me grab his arm to catch him. I just wanted him to not be angry at me, at the moment I had precious few friends that I could count on, the idea of him being angry with me made my stomach turn. The last of the team filtered out, even Ivan who had stopped long enough to ask if I needed a ride. He must have been in serious lust with the coyote girl, he only shrugged when I declined, normally he would have pestered me.

"I take it you're not going to let this go, are you?" Ollie spoke up from across the locker room, at the tail end as the last guy left the room. "Do you want to give me the 'oh let's be friend' speech or are we going full blown into 'I don't want a fag as a friend."

I blinked and stood up, shocked at the last words, the bitter angry edge to them as he turned around to stare at me. His ears held back, his muzzle up and defiant, his tail as puffed out as he could make it. The dingo looked as if he were braced for a fight.

"I... I just wanted to apologize." I stammered the words, and they were as awkward as I could ever imagine. He stiffened, it obviously wasn't the right thing to say so I tried to plow ahead. "I'm confused, alright? You scared me, and I didn't know what the hell to do! It's not like I've ever had anyo-guy kiss me." I amended the last, tripping over the words.

"I thought you knew." Ollie gave me a guarded look, still stiff and tense. "I mean, I just always thought you had a thing for Ivan. I figured you guys were messing around together without saying anything, bisexual or something."

"NO!" I jerked my head up and blinked rapidly. "I've never had sex with a guy!"

_I'm tripping everything up all over. _ I thought and moved my hand up to rub down over my bristled mane.

"So you're not into guys? Or just curious?" Ollie relaxed a little, showing a bit more of himself as he relented enough to pad over to me, his bag swinging along his back. "I'm not going to lie, I always just thought you were hiding it. You've never really shown any strong interest in girls, and well... You've always been kinda flirty with me."

"Flirty?!" I almost yelped the word and flushed hotly, the eat running up along the edge of my ears so I kept them firmly pinned so he wouldn't see. "I didn't mean to flirt with you."

"I probably read it wrong." He dropped down next to me and gave an apologetic smile, ears still twitched back a touch. "Sorry, I didn't mean to freak you out that badly, I've just been wanting to do that for a while. I like you, I think you'd be... I dunno. Fun to know better."

"I didn't mean to freak out that way." I glanced down at my foot paws awkwardly. "I'm just going through some things right now and you kissing me like that was just.. a sort of trigger. I freaked and I didn't mean to do that."

"I woulda stopped once you said no." Ollie tilted his head to look at me closely. "Are you..? Gay I mean?"

"I don't know." I blew out a sigh and gave my head a shake. "I liked the kiss, it felt... good. The rest just freaked me out. And I don't really think of you like that. No offense, I like you a lot, but you're my friend."

"The friend speech.." Ollie made a grimace, but leaned over to jostle my side with one elbow. "It's okay, I mean, trust me I'd love to see you naked..." He waggled his brow, leering a bit playfully. "But I'm not like crushing hard on you. I just thought it would be fun."

"So you're gay?" I gave him a look. "You've not really-"

"Fuck no! I'm bi." He grinned, a large dingo grin with his tongue lolling out cheekily. "But if you tell a girl that you're gay she'll do a lot to make you straight."

That startled laughter out of me, I couldn't stop it, and the tension eased along my shoulders as he leaned back beside me and continued to give that cocky grin. "Yeah, I can just bet. Were you hoping Ivan's coyote would leave him if she thought you and I were going at it?"

"Nah, like I said, I just thought it was a good time. You are attractive, you know." He gave me a long look, one that made the heat creep up higher. "I'm not just saying that, and if you ever want to experiment, I'd love to show you."

"I'll keep that in mind." I sighed a little and gave my head a shake. "As it is, I don't think I'd be comfortable with anyone."

"So, what is your deal? I mean, you might want to figure it out." Ollie leaned forward a little bit, moving his hand so it just brushed my knee. "You said that you enjoyed being kissed didn't you? I mean, by me?"

"Yeah.." I squirmed a bit, the conversation making me fight back replaying the night of the party. I had already replayed it several times, at least.. the part where his muzzle had been pressed against my own, his tongue twining so intimately. "I liked it."

"It was just when things went... I dunno, I panicked." I finished lamely, but he moved his hand up to touch my cheek lightly.

"But you enjoyed being kissed?" He persisted, looking at me a bit more closely so I tried not to squirm at the way he pressed. His face was tilted down so that gold of his fur stood out against the darker markings.

"I... yes." I fumbled with the answer. "It was nice, I just.." How the hell did I tell him that the idea of anyone touching me below the waist panicked me?

"It's alright, Shall." He reached out and touched my shoulder lightly, not a sensual touch, but a comforting one. "I'm not going to jump your bones. I'm just saying that maybe if the kiss was good, you might want to look further into why it was so nice?"

"I guess so." I blew out a breath, but froze when his paw moved to touch my cheek ever so gently and turned my head down towards him.

"I'm still your friend, I'm not going to just dump you and be pissed because you're not attracted to me, you know that right?" He seemed serious touching my cheek and trying to look me in the eyes. His expression lacking even a hint of teasing.

"I know." I flicked my ears up slightly. "I'll have to sort it out sometime, I just want to do it on my own time, not just... force it."

"Yeah well.." He reached up and gave me a light kiss on the lips, not lingering, not deep, chaste before he drew back again grinning. "If things went the way we wanted the world would be a hell of a lot better for us."

"Probably right.." I shook my head back and forth and pushed myself back up onto my paws. I didn't want to linger here, it was already getting late. "Right now all I know is that I should be getting home. I just wanted to make sure we were alright."

"We are, I'll take you home. You don't want to be stuck on the trolley system this late, it goes all over before you get home." Ollie stood up as well with a grin, looking much more his old self. "I have the car anyway today."

"I'd love a ride." I reached over and impulsively wrapped my arms along his shoulder for a hug, the sort that guys always give each other, half an arm and squeeze before letting him go. At least I hadn't lost him, friends were precious things for me, too few and far between to lose them.

~ ~ * ~ ~

The drive to my house was uneventful, save the fact I was nearly basking in the AC that was blowing right in my face and taking away the heat of the day. I didn't often get to enjoy real working air conditioning and I couldn't help but tilt the little vents so that they were nearly blowing in my face as Ollie turned down the street towards my house. The car was actually nice, just a few years old, but it belonged to his parents, he only got to drive it occasionally. His parents could afford some of the better things in life, which made it slightly odd that he hung out with Ivan and I. His parents were nice, I'd met them, his mother had re-married a jackal and he was a business man that worked in the import business. The mixed species couple didn't really raise too many questions, or if they did, none of them cared. It made me envious of them, yearning for something similar in my own life, but I had long since given up on that dream.

"Down here, the last house." I sat up a bit as Ollie guided the car down the pot hole laden street that marked my home.

"Yeah I know, I've been this way before. Remember?" He grinned over at me amiably. "Got my tail tanned a while back."

"Heh, oh yeah." I had to smile at that, remembering when he'd come to hang out with Ivan and I at the wolf's house. His parents had not been pleased he'd been in this part of town at the time. "Thanks for the ride home."

"No worries, least I could do after the other night." He turned the car into my driveway, my father's car sitting there like always, making my stomach turn slightly.

"I'd invite you in, but my old man is probably home." I turned about, dragging my book bag out of the back seat. "He doesn't like guests all that much."

"It's okay, I gotta head home either which way. I'm supposed to be watching the twins." He gave me a look as I pulled my bag between the seats, his muzzle so close to mine that I could feel the tickle of his breath against my whiskers. "He doesn't know, does he? I mean..."

"No!" I tried not to yelp the word. "Ivan doesn't even know anything. I just want it quiet, please. Let me sort it out on my own, in my own time."

"I'll keep it quiet." He pulled back a little so I could drag my bag into my lap. "Just, you know you can talk to me right?"

"Yeah, I do..." I smiled slightly. "Thanks for understanding, I'll see you tomorrow."

I pushed open the car door and the heat nearly stole the air from my lungs, it was growing more humid and I immediately felt the lack of the cool AC from the car. I gave a final wave towards the dingo, and started towards the front door, already contemplating locking myself in my room and trying my best to get through my homework. Except, it didn't happen that way, as I went up the first few steps to the porch I saw him. The old man was standing behind the screen door, his lips curled back to show yellowed fangs and disgust etched on his face.

"What the fuck was that?" He snarled out even before I could say a word, one of his paws catching the door and swinging it open with a loud crack against the back of the wall. "Your little fag drive you home?"

"It's Ollie, I was running late after practice.." I stumbled backwards as he came out onto the porch, his movements slow and deliberate. Not drunk. Hungover and in pain, the worst time to catch him. "He gave me a ride home."

"He ride you, boy?" The snarl dripped with scorn as I took another step back, bumping against the side of the wall. "Not even male enough to get on top of him? I couldn't even get that from you!"

"It wasn't like that, Dad!" I dimly heard a car door opening, I willed Ollie to leave, to not make this any worse than it already was.

I knew this mood, the way his eyes were ever so slightly blurred, the short panting breaths that let me know that he had likely just gotten out of bed. He had just slept off whatever drunk he'd been enjoying, just gotten up and not yet started drinking, he was pissed at the world, pissed at the pain. If I had just been a little more late he would have already been drunk and ignored me, but there was no hope of distracting him now. He'd found something to take his frustration and anger out on, it wasn't his fault he was in pain, it wasn't his fault his head was pounding, it would be my fault, and I had to pay for it. Just like it always was, he'd slap me, snarl at me a bit, but that would be all, if Ollie intervened it could be worse. So much worse, the only thing that protected me was that we were relatively in public, though the neighbors never seemed to care enough to call the police.

"You fucking liar." The snarl was low, a baritone warning of his temper as he reached out and caught the front of my shirt, balling it up in his claws and forcing me back against the wall. "You don't think I see what you're doing? What you've always done?! Skulking around, hiding, lying. You and that wolf, that god be damned wolf, and now this dingo? What's the matter boy?! At least go after a bitch!"

"It was just a ride home!" I yelped the words, frantically trying to find a way to calm him down, but he only shook me, throwing me back harder against the walls as I felt the cloth tightening around my neck. His short muzzle jammed right in my face.

"You neutered bastard, I never spawned you." He hissed the words in my face, the reek of alcohol was filling my nostrils as I shrank back. "They day you were born you should have been thrown out, abominations shouldn't be raised, shouldn't be fucking carrying my name! Now you're fucking dogs, is his cum leaking outta you, huh?!?!"

"Let him go!" Ollie's high pitched snarl broke into the fray, not close, he was standing near the porch and I twisted my head to tell him to get away. It was only going to make things worse and goad him into something stupid.

"You comin' to defend your bitch, boy." He turned his head to snarl at the dingo. "Afraid he won't be so keen to let you fuck him now?"

"Dad, please!" I tried to keep my voice low, but that only dragged his reddened eyes back at me, his fingers dug in harder, gripping near my vulnerable throat. "Ollie just go, it's f-fine, just get outta here."

"I said let him go!! I'll call the cops!" Ollie's voice was frantic, growing higher pitched, but the word he used. Cops. The one word we all knew not to use, ever.

He let out a snarl of anger, baring his teeth at the dingo, but it was me who got the worst end of that rush of uncontrolled rage. His fist came at me, I couldn't escape it as he cracked me hard right on the side of my muzzle, making me cry out as I bit my tongue and felt my inner cheek being cut on my back teeth. The world narrowed down to the sound of ringing in my ears and pain that blossomed along the side of my face as I cried out and tried to jerk away from him, only to have him strike out again. This time with an open pawed hit, his claws curling enough to rake through the fur of my cheek, cutting shallowly enough, as the copper taste of blood filled my muzzle. So familiar, that taste, while I tried to hunch my shoulders to avoid the blows. Don't fight back, don't give him more reason, keep as quiet and still as you could and he would stop soon enough. A dozen years of practiced made me hold still while I heard Ollie yelling in the backdrop, the pain throbbing as a third punch didn't follow the first two.

It took me a moment to realize Ollie was on his ass at the bottom of the stares, his ears pinned back, eyes wide with shock and anger as he stared up at my father. The old man wasn't paying attention to him, he was glaring at me, his fist still raised so I automatically flinched. Blood trickled along the corner of my muzzle, the taste of it sickening and making my stomach turn, but I couldn't do anything else. I couldn't fight him, this dominating male had ruled my life in all ways from the time I was a child until now. His claws pricked the side of my neck and he curled his upper lip, dropping his arm down with a rough snort that almost made my shoulders relax. Two hits, that wasn't bad, it hurt, but I was alright despite the feel of throbbing along the edge of my muzzle.

"Must be true fucking love. Or maybe he's afraid you won't use your muzzle on his knot anymore." He growled out and narrowed his eyes. "Or maybe you're just that good of a lay. That it, boy? You such a fucking female that he can't stand to lose you? So neutered he can pretend you're a god damn girl. Hell, I don't even know if you even have proper balls."

He mocked the last word, and the fist that had been raised suddenly dropped down, reaching down low enough he suddenly grabbed my loins and made me cry out. "Maybe I should find out my damn self, if I'm going to have a daughter at least she can serve me like her fucking slut of a mother!"

Panic, panic, panic, the only thought in my mind was terror as his rough fingers clasped down in front of my pants, covering my sheath and balls. Horror and panic. It wasn't the panic I had felt with Ollie, it was worth, it was overwhelming terror that rose up until I could taste bile on the back of my tongue. The world blackened around the edges and I reacted against everything the bastard had taught me about being still and quiet. He shouldn't be touching me, I didn't want him touching me that way, his rank alcoholic breath hit me as I reached back and suddenly lunged away from the wall, using one foot to kick away with a wild scream. No, not a scream, a roar. The sound erupted past my lips and snarled out, higher pitched than my father's and I struck out against him blindly. Nothing mattered except making him back away, nothing mattered except getting his paw off of my covered sheath!!

I hit hard with all of my body weight behind me, my upper body turning until I felt my knuckles crack the side of his muzzle hard and the paw on my shirt jerked backwards. His claws tore the edges of the collar as he stumbled backwards, his head turned to one side and his enraged eyes focused on me as he reached up with one paw to touch his muzzle. My knuckles hurt, the pain blossoming over them as I stood there staring at him, shaking with rage and terror both as the man that had dominated my life, terrified me, brutalized me, seemed to grow larger. His lips curling back, blood staining one of his fangs from where I had split his lip.

"NEVER TOUCH ME THAT WAY!" I snarled out, the words slurred from my swollen muzzle. "NEVER! I will fucking kill you if you touch me that way again."

The last words were almost a whisper, I wanted to scream them, but didn't trust myself. The terror was choking at me, the panic, but my rage was enough to push it behind me as I glared at him and moved around him. I barely evaded the sweep of his paws, meant to grab my tail, I nearly tripped down the stairs towards Ollie who was working his phone. The police, he was going to call the police, I grabbed at the phone in a panic. I didn't want anyone else to know what had just happened, the idea that they would see, know, that they would intimately hear what my father thought of me and why panicked me.

"Come on... I just wanna leave." I slurred, trying to swallow the blood that was oozing from the cut in my mouth. "J-just let's get out of here."

"You're not coming back here, you little faggot! You set step in my fucking house again and I will beat you bloody!" My father snarled from the porch, teeth still bared, his tail lashing wildly back and forth. "I will-"

"I AM NEVER COMING BACK HERE!" I snapped back, trying to stop the sting of tears in my eyes that threatened. Ollie moved his hand around my arm and pulled me away from the porch, his brows furrowed and his phone still in his hand.

"C'mon, let's go. We can call the poli-" He started and I shook my head as I made it to the car, sliding into the seat, shaking from nose to tail.

"No, no no no no. Not the police." Panic tinged my tone, I didn't want them to know, I didn't want anyone to know what had just happened, how he'd just touched me.

"Here.." Ollie slid into the drivers seat and shoved a package of baby wipes at me. "You're bleeding." He pointed out gently.

As I took the wipes I noticed his paw was trembling nearly as badly as my own, but that didn't stop him from promptly starting the car and putting it in gear the moment I had the wipes. The tires nearly screeched as he turned onto the road, his paws gripping the steering wheel tightly while he stared through the window. I wanted to say something, anything, but all I could do was stuff the wet naps against my muzzle to try and stop the flood of blood. The terror, panic, anger, was there, but it was being drowned in a strange numbness flowed over me. My mind was cushioned in it, it wrapped around my thoughts, pulling away from the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach until all I could feel was the throbbing ache of my body. My knuckles hurt so badly, they were swelling along the ridge already and felt awkward to bend. I tried to concentrate on only the physical wounds as the car turned down the road and began to speed up.

I'd hit him, I'd hit my father. A thousand times I had dreamed of the day that I would stand up to him and strike back. That he would fall away in terror and see that I couldn't be pushed around, but that isn't what happened. I didn't feel victorious or proud, I only felt sick that I'd struck out. That my terror and rage had blurred together and made me hit him. I'd never hit anyone in my life. I felt dirty, not just with blood and dust, but my soul felt sullied and tainted by what had just happened. Why had he touched me that way? Why did he have to do that? Tears pricked my vision and I reached up to push them away with a rough paw. He wasn't worth crying about, he wasn't worth anything, he was nothing to me, not anymore.

"Where am I taking you?" Ollie spoke softly, his voice small and quiet in the silence of the car. I blinked my eyes a few times and glanced over to him.

I couldn't go home, where the hell was I going to go now? I had no home to go back to. He'd kill me if I stepped foot into his house.