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I really don't think I'm meant to have a boyfriend. I've tried. It just doesn't seem to work...

I guess you could consider Tabek as my first boyfriend, but I didn't and still don't really. I never "fell in love" with him, and we never had any sort of explicit commitment to each other. Yeah, we occasionally jokingly said we were boyfriends, but it was always in jest and never in the presence of anyone else. Still, I do have to admit that I got along with him way better than any guy I've met since. We were bros, man...

The first time I truly fell for someone was not long after I turned twenty-five. It was at a company party - bowling - and I was sharing a lane with this Skiddo guy named Carl who looked to be a few years older than me. Now, I'm not normally a fan of grass-types in any sense - they usually have stiffer attitudes in general, I don't like having that leafy texture in bed with me (much preferring fur, skin, and scales), and like many guys I don't like eating veggies. That's how I knew he was special, since I instantly felt attracted to this guy, leafy mane and all. I took lunch break the next Monday to explore around the building to find where he did his work. I found him and started chatting up, and was surprisingly tickled that he was the first to mention enjoying the party; the fact that he seemed very easygoing and bright, not arboreal at all, made me even happier, though outwardly I played it cool as we agreed to go out to lunch together that Wednesday. Thus began a six-month-long relationship.

What ended it? Well, I'm a pure top (and was still less than a year out from Kale) and while Carl was mostly a bottom, he wanted at least some access. Which I guess was somewhat understandable for relationships in general, but was not going to fly with me. After about five months, he asked if he could top me. I said no and he just shrugged it off, but he asked again a week later, and then a week after that. That's when frustrations started building up. He never got forceful with me in bed, but the frustrations got vented in other ways, and our relationship quickly spiraled downward in the following two weeks. We finally got into a bad argument - not coming to physical blows at all, but yelling really mean and petty things at the top of our lungs - and when it lulled for a moment I pounced Carl and ate him.

All those leaves gave me a massive stomachache, but at the time I was angry enough I didn't really regret losing my first real boyfriend. I still don't regret it, actually - though I think it would've been better to simply break up than to go and eat him - so I guess what I felt on first meeting him was not a lasting feeling. Which ended up being a theme...

My second boyfriend was Enzi, a Zoroark I met four or five months before my ten-year high school reunion - and he didn't last until then. I met while out clubbing, with him catching my eye as he was really hot. He was confident, which was part of the reason he was so attactive, which meant he was definitely more assertive than Carl was - so the issue of him topping me came up a bit before the three-month mark. He actually tried to force himself - gently, but still force himself - on me, and that booked him an immediate trip to my gut. Definitely no regret on that one. My initial attraction was apparently just thinking with my crotch instead of with my head or heart. (Ew, that sounds frilly.) And yet, the same sort of thing happened when I was thirty with a Sawk named Ichiro.

After that third strike, I swore off looking for a boyfriend. At least that's what I told myself. Of course, I kept having guys over, and when you hook up as often as I do, there are some partners you'll see multiple times, and maybe even enjoy hanging out with them outside of fucking them. The main example of this was Terrence "T-Bone" Steffensson.

A few months before meeting Ichiro I had gotten a raise, and while out celebrating that night at the bars, I met this bad-boy Mightyena who had a similar build to me and even more of a party attitude. You can probably see why he preferred "T-Bone" to his given name. When I first saw him, I expected him to be a top or at least a switch, but despite the fact he radiated masculinity, he freely admitted to me he was actually the biggest cock slut I'd ever meet - and boy, he wasn't kidding. We had several rounds that night and another two that morning. For as often as he said he got laid, he still had a really tight ass.

We were both free spirits, though, so we didn't ask for each other's contact info, something I discovered I regretted upon the next tailhole I was in. I ran into him again a little over a month later, though, and he actually gave me his number without asking this time. I guess he liked my cock as much as I liked his ass, heh. I tapped him once more before meeting Ichiro, and we even had a threesome or two while I was dating the Sawk.

As I said earlier, I kept having my fun after Ichiro, and every once in a while that meant phoning T-Bone. Thing is, by the time I was thirty-three, I had gone from seeing him infrequently - maybe once every other month - to having our rendezvous regularly - not quite weekly. The point I realized that I had been seeing T-Bone for a longer time than I had been seeing Tabek was when I started entertaining the idea of him being a boyfriend.

And then I started getting attached.

Trying to play it safe, especially since he was as free-wheeling as I usually was, I didn't press anything immediately. What I did do was start calling him a bit more frequently, slowly increasing our trysts to five or six times a month, and I stopped cruising the bars and gym for random guys. After several months, I casually made the suggestion of hanging out just for fun, i.e. not the sexual kind. He shrugged as said "Yeah, you're a cool guy, why not?" Not exactly the response I had been looking for, but we did nonetheless start just hanging out more, which for a while was enough for me. A few months before I turned thirty-five, though, I statred pushing a little more, trying to drop subtle hints that I was in to him. I think he caught on around my birthday; he didn't show it outwardly, but I think he was guessing at least, because for the next two weeks he was a bit more distant than normal. We were too sexually attached, though, which made for another awkward month of two.

Finally it got too much for me and I confronted him openly about becoming a couple. After six years of enjoying each other, surely it had to be on the table, right?? Well, no. He wasn't interested. He said he liked me, but wasn't attracted to me in that sense as he never got attracted to anyone like that, he enjoyed seeing as many guys as he pleased. Well, even though I guessed I wasn't the only guy plowing him, hearing him say it got me jealous. The possesive beast reared up inside me; I didn't want anyone else having his ass. And there was only one way to guarantee that.

Yup, after about an hour or two of impassioned arguing, I ate him too. He wasn't nearly as pleased about it as Tabek was, though I had never argued with or been smitten by the Luxray.

I took a few months of seeing no-one to reflect on my love life after that. I mean, I was very soon going to be closer to fifty than closer to twenty. I needed to grow up. So, over the past three or so years, I've tried actively looking for a partner rather than looking for hookups, using a dating website and talking to people I met (at the gym or at pubs) before taking them home with me. I had several boyfriends over that time, (and let myself have the occasional one-night stand between boyfriends,) and though none of them worked out, they all ended peacfully and without me eating any of them, which I'm kinda proud of now. Still kinda wish I had taken the opportunity to establish a good relationship when I was younger, but after being a bachelor for almost twenty years now I guess settling down with someone else may just be too much to ask.

Oh well... At least I enjoy my job, my friends, and my occasional hookups and Hunts. All in all, it's been a pretty good life. Sometimes I get lonely, but hence the hookups and Hunts. Love and comfort food.