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You can stay inside your whole life and watch through the window how everything goes by... Or you can go outside and get hit by everything that life throws at you... Wondering why the hell bad things keep happening to you... I tried to find a reason but no matter how hard I searched for one, I simply couldn't find any... It's just the way things are... I wanted to believe that what doesn't kill you make you stronger but it sure as hell didn't feel like that... The night when Blain and I had the most unfortunate encounter with people who didn't liked the way we look had a huge impact on me... Some people don't need much of a reason to do horrible things... I've seen it before and I saw it again... What happened to us that night made me realize that I never ran away from it... It's everywhere...

Just because I despise violence doesn't mean I'm not willing to defend others and myself when it comes to it... And I honestly thought that I never had to... Normally, a big mouth was all it took to make someone back off... But when Blain and I encountered a group of six out there, wanting to hurt us for being felines...? I just couldn't believe that it was the only reason... And I could've run away to my car and get out of there while Blain gave me a chance to get away by distracting them but I simply couldn't live with myself if I ever did... I wasn't gonna leave him, I never did and I never will... The moment I ran back to Blain, there was no other option but to defend ourselves... They all seemed surprised to see that I got back to him but I was scared shitless, of course I was... But no one ever expected that Randy stood between us in an attempt to calm the situation down... Sadly, what he did only made it worse... By doing so, his brother turned against him, beating him up... And that's when Blain took on the fight with Randy's brother... I stood there and watched when three of them were up against Blain... He managed to knock one down but then the other two attacked him at the same time, knocking him off guard... Blain is a skilled Tae Kwon Do fighter but he never had to face anything like this before... The moment he got hit, I saw it happening all over again... And that's when fear got replaced with something else and well... That's when I got involved...

The moment when Randy's brother pulled a knife from out of his jacket, Blain yelled for me to watch out and it's a good thing he did... I don't wanna know what would've happened if he didn't warn me... Luckily, I managed to create some space the moment he lashed out at me but he still managed to cut my upper arm... The second time he wanted to lash out at me, I kicked his arm with all of my strength which caused him to drop the knife... Locking his arm and kicking him in the waist with all of my strength caused his shoulder to dislocate... It's bone-chilling to have heard that pop sound and his scream in pain... But I can't say I regretted my action, no matter how harsh that might sound... Nevertheless, it had a huge impact on me... I hated him, hated him with every fibre of my body for what he was... And it's sad because it made me realize I wasn't any better than him...

It's a long story of which I'd rather not share but I can imagine that you might want to know what happened next... Well... Blain and I pressed charges against them but several days later, we both received a letter stating that we had to go to court after Jason pressed charges against us... Due to the fact that we used "excessive violence" for mastering Tae Kwon Do and totally ignored the fact that we were defending ourselves... To make a long story short, the case against us was dropped considering we had numerous witnesses confirming we were defending ourselves, that he was the one using a knife... In the end, Jason was sentenced to four years in prison but I can't say I was satisfied with that... People should experience the things that they do to others in order for them to open their eyes... Nonetheless, that was the end of it, no matter how much I desired to carry out an act of vengeance... There was nothing I could do about it... It didn't took long for everyone in my immediate surrounding to know what happened... And it was difficult to move on... But as always, Blain and I tried to pick up where we left off...

I felt even closer to him then ever before... Something changed ever since that day but I wasn't able to tell what it was... And I can't tell you how safe it made me feel whenever I sat on his lap and have his arms around me... It's an overwhelming desire to show affection to him... I just have no idea how to explain it... But it's so wonderful and it made me feel that nothing could ever take me down, no matter what would happen... It's the best feeling anyone can ever give you... But despite that, I felt so fucked up about everything that happened...

'He had a knife?!' 'Yeah... We managed to knock two of them down but the third one pulled a knife on us...' 'Seriously??' 'Hm-mm... Blain and I took a bit of a beating but we managed to...' 'Oh my god... Hopefully nothing too bad happened to you...' 'Hm... Blain has a huge black eye and I've got a deep cut on my arm... Both of us got several bruises, moving around hurts like hell and my favourite dress is ruined but other than that, we're fine...' 'Oh wow...' 'Heh... It's a good thing Blain yelled to watch out otherwise things might've turned out very different for me so...' 'I honestly have no words...' 'Neither have I...' 'Wow... '

Several days after it happened, Samantha and I were talking to each other on Skype when I was the in the living-room with my notebook. We had the webcams turned on so that we could see each other and I really missed her... Sam looks great, to say the least... And just like Blain, Samantha changed too over the years... Not much but it were the little things that really stood out... She changed her hairstyle and had her natural blonde hair cut just below her shoulders... She always had plenty of feminine curves except they were more "refined" three years later... And Samantha's a real beauty to look at... I just kept staring at her for a while as it stayed silent... 'You okay, Ceylan?' 'Hm? Oh, yeah, I'm fine... I'm fine... I just... Uhm... I just never imagined that anything like that would ever happen again...' 'Heh...' 'See, the thing is... I know what I did was wrong but it doesn't feel that way...' 'What do you mean, wrong? It was self-defence!' 'I mean, there are other ways to take someone down and... I did it on purpose... I deliberately hurt the guy for the hate I felt for him and uhm... It scares me because that's not who I am... It makes me realize that I'm not any better than him...' 'He had a knife, Ceylan... Who knows what could've happened if you didn't...' 'I know but still... It didn't mattered to them that I'm a girl... Especially after they found out that I know Tae Kwon Do... It's not like they'd go easy on me...' 'You shouldn't think about it too much... You just did what you had to do in order for you and Blain to be safe...' 'I suppose... But I can't say it makes me feel any better about it...' 'Do you honestly believe those guys feel bad about the fact that they wanted to hurt you and Blain?' 'No, I suppose not... Otherwise they would've left us alone...' 'Exactly... Which is why you shouldn't feel bad about it... Don't grow a conscious with these kind of people, Ceylan... They're not worth it, not one bit...' 'Heh... I guess you're right...'

I kept looking at Sam and all she did was smiling right back at me... It really moved me... Sam and I talk to each other regularly and turn the webcams on to see each other but it's simply not the same... I just miss having her around and wished she could be with me that day... 'So what happens now?' 'I don't know... Blain and I pressed charges against them and the police is currently investigating the situation. It's most likely that the district attorney is going to prosecute him considering the severity of everything... So all we can do at the moment is to wait it out...' 'I see... Are you worried?' 'No, I'm not worried... He was the one carrying a knife and he's been in jail before from what I've heard so...' 'Hm...' 'So yeah, I'm trying to pick up where I left off and not worry too much... My family have been real supportive and Blain and I stick together...' 'That's good to hear...' 'Hehe...' 'Speaking of which...'

Samantha smiled the moment I mentioned Blain... To see her staring at me for a moment turned a smile on my face as well... 'What, why are you smiling?' 'When are you going to tell him?' 'Tell what to who?' 'Blain...' 'Okay and... Tell him what?' 'That you like him!' 'He knows that I like him, that's why we've been friends for the last fourteen years!' 'Uh-huh...' 'Haha, what are you insinuating?' 'Blain is a friend of mine too, you know! I talk to him ever since he came back, exchanging pictures and stuff on Skype!' 'Soooo your point is...?' 'He's friggin' hot!' 'Haha, uhm...' 'Seriously, you've put him in the friend-zone for fourteen years now! Don't you think it's time for you to "do something"...?' '... Friend-zone??' 'Yeah!' 'He once told me he had feelings for me but I don't know if he still does... And even so, I'm not sure what it would all mean...' 'So you're not denying it then.' 'Deny what?' 'That you have feelings for him...' 'Haha, uhm... Well, I uhm... ' 'Aaaaah! You're smiling AND turning red!' 'Hehehe... I'm not saying anything...' 'But you and I both know.'

Hehehe... I kept looking at her and well, it's hard to keep things a secret from her... I like Blain, I really do... And I admit, he's handsome, sweet and gentle... And sometimes, I really wish there could be more to us than just being friends but... I always had the feeling that it would ruin our friendship... The fact that we were friends for fourteen years is because we didn't gave in to those feelings... At least, that's what I thought... But I would be lying if I said there never was anything going on between us... It's always been rather casual, just in order for us to make things work and not change anything between us... We stopped ever since Blain left and he said it himself once he got back... He said that it was fun while it lasted and it had to end at some point in order for us to move on... But I've always been the one for clinging on to the past... Constantly remembering how things used to be made me realize I never was able to move on... Not with Nikki, not with Terry, Samantha, Blain... Even Sarah... I sighed quietly and looked down on my keyboard instead... 'It's really not that simple, you know...' 'What do you mean?' 'Being bi-sexual doesn't mean you get to pick a side and stick with it, so to speak... There's always something missing, whether I'm together with a male or a female... And that's something that I will always have... That's the reason why all of my relationships went bad... But it's also the reason why I don't want to go any further with Blain...' 'So you do have feelings for him...?' 'It's always been a little confusing because I was never really able to place it...' 'Did anything ever happened between the two of you?' 'Hehehe...' 'Anything at all? You're smiling again...' 'I'd be lying if I said that there never was...' 'So what exactly happened then between you and Blain?' 'Well, you know... Friendship "perks"...' 'Oh my god, did you...??' 'Hm-mm... B-But it happened a long time ago and things have changed!' 'Wow! So, uhm... How was he?' 'I'm not gonna go into detail about it...' 'Why not?!' 'Because, it's embarrassing!' 'Awwww...' 'But uhm... Yeah, he was great...'

I looked at Sam and noticed she had a bit of a cheeky grin on her face while my cheeks turned red after practically admitting that I've slept with him a long time ago... I nervously laughed and looked away for a moment... 'Ceylan?' 'Hm?' 'I gotta ask you something though...' 'Sure, go ahead.' 'How come it still happened when you're not sure of your feelings for him...? I mean... I don't know you like that...' 'It just happened... He was the first guy I was ever interested in... I felt so attracted to him but not "romantically", if you know what I mean...' 'You mean sexually?' 'Hm-mm...' 'You're sexually attracted to him...?' 'I was, yeah... Which is why it happened and the reason why we never had a relationship... Because his feelings weren't the same as mine...' 'Does he know?' 'No, he doesn't... He just thought that we were friends with benefits... We didn't talk about it and it happened whenever it happened... That's all there was to it...' 'Do you still feel the same about it?' 'I'm not sure anymore... Things have changed ever since he came back from Sercia... We just hang around, talk and have fun like we used to... And he said it himself that it had to end at some point but, uhm... I can honestly say I miss it a little...' 'Hm...' 'Do you think I might've considered him as a "mate"...?' 'A mate?' 'Yeah, you know... Primal instincts and such, the urge to reproduce and all... Attraction that's different than love...?' 'Oh! That kind of "mate"! Uhm... Well, that's all up to you, sweetheart... I can't tell that you do...' 'Sometimes I just... Wish I could talk about to him about it, you know? I just want to know how he felt about us...' 'You didn't do that already?' 'We talked about it when we went to the funfair but... Blain and I always talk to each other about sex but uhm... We never talked about sex with each other back then and it just raises questions I feel the need to have an answer to...' 'Whoa whoa whoa, wait wait...' 'Hm?' 'I don't follow you.'

I sighed quietly and Samantha was right... It's complicated... Way, way too complicated... So many things to which I don't have an answer to... 'Blain and I occasionally slept with each other back when I was sixteen, seventeen years old...' 'Hm-mm...' 'And there wasn't much thought put into it... We were young, naïve and impulsive and it simply happened...' 'Okay, go on...' 'Blain left for Sercia and came back two years later while I expected things to be the way they used to be once he got home...' 'Except they're not.' 'No, they're not... I still have these feelings for him, even after a two year absence... And I just don't know what to do with it without changing anything between us...' 'Sooooo to put it short, you think he's sexy and want to have sex with your best male friend?' 'Uhm... Heh... Kinda...' 'Aaaaah... Why don't you just go for it then?' 'W-What? No, no, no! Absolutely not! I don't wanna risk it!' 'Whoa, calm down... I'm just trying to say that you don't have to jump on him straight away... Talk about it first, see how he feels about it...' 'Uhm... We talk about sex but... We never talked about having sex with each other...' 'It wouldn't hurt to bring up the subject, right...? You know, for old time's sake...?' 'Hehe... I guess not... But I don't think it'll happen even if I did manage to bring up the subject...' 'Hm... '

Right that very second, I heard the doorbell ring and when I looked up I saw Blain standing in front of the window, tapping it gently while having a smile on his face... And I smiled right back at him... 'It's Blain, he's here. Hold on a sec, I gotta open the door.' 'Sure thing.'

Soooo I got to the door as fast as I could and opened it... I gave him a firm hug and while he kissed me on the cheek... 'Hey, you're early!' 'Yeah, I got back sooner than I thought. You ready to go?' 'Hold on, I'm still on Skype with Samantha.' 'Oh, okay.' 'You want anything?' 'No, I'm good, thanks.'

The two of us walked back to the living-room and flopped down on the couch while I retrieved my notebook. Blain peeked over my shoulder and noticed Samantha while she looked right back at him... 'Hey Blain!' 'Hey Sam, how you doing?' 'Yeah, I'm great! Wow, Ceylan wasn't kidding when she said you had a huge black eye!' 'So you know the whole story then?' 'Yup, Ceylan told me... You guys got roughed up pretty bad...' 'It'll heal, Sam. We'll be alright.' 'Okay...' 'By the way, when do you get back? It's been so long, man!' 'Two more years to go, Blain! I passed my tests and the semester is coming to an end!' 'Studying isn't the only thing you do, right?' 'Most of the time I do but I also take a break every now and then.' 'Are those campus parties everything people always brag about?' 'Oh yes... Boobs, pussy, liquor and weed as far as the eye can see!' 'Haha, wow! Sounds like my kind of place! You wouldn't do anything that I would, right?' 'Hahaha, nooooo, I wouldn't! I've been there several times but I'm staying out of that... But you'd love it here. A guy like you would guaranteed get laid.' 'Where was it again? Stenden University in Colchester, right?' 'Yup... Six hour drive from Ravello. I would've looked for something close by but Stenden was my first choice and after I got accepted, I just had to go.' 'You should come back when you get the chance. Ceylan miss the presence of a female to accompany her.' 'Hehehe...' 'I'm starting to drive her insane!' 'I'll let you know. Perhaps I'll be able to come back for a week during spring-break.' 'You can stay with one of us then.' 'That'll be great...' 'Alright then. Got any plans for today?' 'David should be here in half an hour, we're gonna have a drink downtown and shop around for a bit.' 'That's great, Ceylan and I are going to the beach.' 'Hehehe... Well, I won't be holding the two of you up any longer then.' 'Alright, let us know, okay? We'll roll out the red carpet when you get back.' 'Sure thing. Have fun, you guys!' 'See ya!' 'Bye, Sam!'

Shortly after that, Sam logged out of Skype and I turned my notebook off, sighing quietly when I closed it... I stared at it for a while when Blain gently nudged me... 'You miss her, don't you?' 'Yeah... She's always working or studying which is why she hasn't came back yet...' 'College debt isn't gonna pay for itself. All the more reason for her not to slack off. Would be a real waste if she did.' 'I know, I know... I miss having her around, that's all. I just wish she could find time in between...' 'Perhaps during spring break... Who knows?' 'Heh...' 'She'll be back before you know it, Ceylan.' 'Hehe...' 'Come on, let's go.'

Blain and I arrived at the beach at around one o'clock in the afternoon. Way, waaaay too late because all the good spots were taken. But despite that it was a warm beautiful day, the beach wasn't that crowded. I parked my car on the boulevard, we grabbed our things and walked along the beach in search of a nice spot, which we eventually found. I took off my clothes and revealed myself in a bikini... And I could swear, the moment I did, I saw his eyes looking at me for a moment... Blain quickly averted his eyes when I looked back at him while having a smile on my face... And the moment he faced me, he smiled right back at me as well... He took his shirt and shorts off and there he was, in his blue and white swimming trunks... His back was facing me when he got undressed and I just watched his incredibly muscled body of his... Biceps, triceps... Strong legs and broad paws... The moment he turned around, his abs and chest were the first things I noticed... Broad shoulders... Like it was all chiselled out of a rock formation, covered in soft black fur... Blain knows he looks good... It gave a tremendous boost to his confidence with the ladies, even around me... But in all these years, Blain stayed the same, only his appearance changed... But in those soft blue eyes of his, I still saw that sweet tender little boy he once used to be... And he still is... Only taller... And perhaps even a little sexier...

We did what we always did whenever we visited the beach... Relaxing in the water even though Blain isn't that fond of water as much I do. I always had to drag him in and this time was no different. But once he got in the water, we started to mess about, like we did when we were little... Splashing each other, jumping on his back... Sitting on his neck and get thrown in the water... Eating an ice-cream together... And of course, checking out girls in skimpy bikini's and debate whether or not we'd do them... Things were great, they really were that day... But my mind was occupied with so many things... All day long, it kept me busy and Blain noticed that...

When evening started to set and people left the beach, Blain and I got dressed and walked across the boulevard until we got hungry and went to a small Daijirian diner. The Daijirian kitchen has always been one of my favourite and consists out of a variety of meat, like lamb and beef. Most of the dishes are spicy which is exactly how I like it. The moment the two of us set foot in that diner, the scent of all that grilled meat was intoxicating... It had an open kitchen and we could see how they were preparing their dishes... A guy was cutting doner from a vertical rotating spit and stuffed so much meat in a pita... It looked absolutely delicious... Another guy was grilling merguez sausages... Oh man, I was getting high on all these scents of meat... Blain and I took a seat and looked around the place... It was a small diner but fairly crowded... If the food tastes half as good as it smelled, I understand why... There was a folder on the table, showing the menu and the moment I took peek in it, I saw all the different kinds of dishes they served... And they were a lot... I peeked over the folder to look at Blain. 'Have you seen the menu yet?' 'You're holding it.' 'Grab one of the table next to you.' 'Oh yeah... I've never eaten this before.' 'Then you're in for a real nice treat. You're gonna love it.' 'Hehehe...' 'Lamb, veal, chicken, beef, turkey... Too many choices.' 'What's the difference between Adana kebab and doner kebab?' 'Adana kebab is, uhm... Grilled spicy meat in a rectangular form, usually beef or lamb. Doner kebab is sliced pieces of meat, either chicken, turkey or veal.' 'Ah. Which is better?' 'I prefer Adana. Oh whoa, they even serve kapsalon here. I don't see that often.' 'The hell is a kapsalon?' 'It's basically doner, chips, vegetables, a slice of cheese melted on top, garlic and hot sauce served in a box.' 'Hehehe, okay and... What's a dürum?' 'It's pretty much like a tortilla except dürum is made with wheat flour instead of corn flour. It gets stuffed with meat, vegetables and sauce and is then rolled up.' 'Sounds good.' 'Hm... It is...' 'How do you know all that stuff?' 'I'm a eater at heart... And it's because my mother used to make these dishes back home...' 'Oh...'

Several moments later, a guy approached our table. An old looking tiger, probably in his mid-fifties or sixties or something... I was a little surprised at first because I usually don't see many tigers here... I suppose he thought the same thing, judging how he smiled at me once he saw a tigress sitting at a table in his diner... And when he talked to us, he had a thick accent, like I do... 'Hi, good evening! Have you decided?' 'Hi, uhm... I'll have the Adana kebab dish, with a coke.' 'And would you like rice or chips served with that?' 'Chips please.' 'Okay, and for you, young lady?'

"Think I should give it a shot? It would be awfully embarrassing if he doesn't speak Urdu..." The guy kept smiling at me but his accent gave away that he knows the language... So I placed my order in Urdu... 'Tohrijahn dürum do jahmkor lo' fahin.'

The moment he heard me speak Urdu fluently turned a smile on his face. I saw him writing my order down on his notepad, indicating that he understood what I said... 'Ana isto gamjani itú lohmas potati djampur?' 'Hm... Potati djampur isi amon Coca Cola ilmas.' 'Burung ghazam!' 'Hehe...' 'You speak fluently...' 'So do you...'

He smiled once more and left for the kitchen to place our orders while Blain looked a bit baffled... Several moments later, the tiger came back and brought us our drinks. He turned around to walk away again but stopped for a moment. And then he turned to me once more... 'Pateri, doshdem faraïné aldem...' 'Jamuni salem?' 'Musdemja chrateh Salahadihn do ma?' 'Na'am! Doshta fara ni alghyuani.' 'Haha, aaah, Ya musdemdja nazee shukaran ?' 'Ana Ceylan ismi jhokor. Ayn jayyid?' 'Do ismi Tarik mashdem.' 'Jhomöas eomar, Tarik.' 'Apa suhun. Bafaraghti mikansu jorumashdem toahu?' 'Na'am...Göztam halilé arashmi ana itú Renaria yozin té céladiz jankur... Aba é Ama, dijanpur... Téogüz...' 'Hmm... Rüzya galif...?' 'La... Masjil do ervarya...' 'Tém dofara isi Qaryat Shurraf banandi semté jarushmi... To jamjila, dijanpur parashti kaejah saram...' 'Ismi sori jhokor bahil...' 'Samdjeri yashtüm haraesimi banjur...' 'Gortoz 'a ran...' 'Ellée... Gortoz 'a ran, Ceylan...'

Tarik placed a hand on my shoulder and smiled down on me... After which, he turned around to make his way back to the kitchen. I took a sip from my coke and looked down on my glass for a moment. When I faced Blain, I noticed the confused look on his face and remembered that it's rude to talk in a language that others don't understand... Well, it's considered rude in my culture anyway... Renarian was a second language in Salahadihn and if your guest doesn't speak Urdu, you talk Renarian... Before I migrated, my Renarian wasn't that good... But after I heard Tarik speak Urdu to me, I got so enthusiastic that we both forgot that particular ethic rule... 'What was that all about?' 'I'm sorry, that was extremely rude of me...' 'Don't mind that, you said you missed having a conversation in Urdu. Not many people around here are able to.' 'Heh...' 'What'd you tell him?' 'I told him I'd like a dürum dish with chips and a coke...' 'And after he came back?' 'He asked me if I was born in Salahadihn and I told him I was... That I migrated here after the war was over... And that no one else came with me...' 'Oh...' 'Yeah... He said he came from the capital city Qaryat Shurraf and lost a lot of family and friends during the genocide...' 'Hm...'

I took a sip from my coke and stared outside the window, looking at the ocean in the distance. Sometimes I wonder what its like to go back. Salahadihn changed ever since the war, a prosperous, wealthy country... I don't want to go back and I figured I never will... There's nothing awaiting my return, except for bad memories I try to forget for so many years... 'What does Gortoz 'a ran mean?' 'Hm? I'm sorry?' 'I've heard you say it before, long ago... He said it to you as well... What does it mean?' 'Gortoz 'a ran?' 'Yeah?' 'It's a saying... It means "I wait"...' 'For what?' 'Bad things happen, Blain... And there's nothing you can do about it... And all you can do is to simply wait... Waiting for an explanation, an answer... A chance...' 'Some people take matters in their own hands... Nothing would happen if you just stand still and do nothing.' 'That's not what it means...' 'Oh?' 'But you're right, nothing would happen if you stand still. Whether or not, we can't escape our destiny... We follow a path that has been set out for us... Bad things happen to us so that we don't dwell from our path... Sometimes you stop and look for a sign that'll show you the way again when you're lost... It stands for hope... But not everyone see it when they're consumed by whatever life throws at them...' 'Hm...' 'Sometimes you wait for someone who you can tag along with... And sometimes it finds you instead when you wait... But the question is, how long are you willing to wait...?' 'That's deep...' 'It is...'

Blain took a sip from his coke while I just stared outside the window again. The sun was already going down and I saw how the ocean reflected the orange sun on the water... It seemed so peaceful... The clouds were already turning golden as the dark blue sky faded black in the east... One by one, bright shining stars came out of their slumber to illuminate the sky... It was absolutely wonderful to see... 'You okay, Ceylan?' 'Hm? Yeah, I'm fine...' 'It looked as if you spaced out...' 'Just enjoying the view, that's all...' 'Hehe...' 'My father would've loved seeing the sunsets here... He always watched it in his hammock back home...' 'You miss it, don't you?' '... Yeah, I do. But I'll never go back... Too many bad things happened there... But despite that, I still miss it... It used to be my home... So I can't say how much it meant to me to have had a little conversation in Urdu... It makes me feel as if it's still part of me and not forsake my lineage and culture...' 'You don't forsake your culture by speaking a different language...' 'Heh...' 'Besides, he's much better in having a conversation with you in Urdu than I am. All I know is vaghijandi and tollels.' 'Sssssh...! Not so loud...!'

Right that very second, I heard someone laugh out loud in the kitchen which was probably Tarik, the only tiger around besides me who knew what it meant... Haha, vaghijandi means "cunt" and tollels means "tits" encase you really wanna know... It made me laugh too after I heard Tarik laugh... 'Oops... You think he heard it?' 'Yeah, definitely... These ears aren't just for decoration, you know. We have a highly developed sense of hearing...' 'Haha, so do panthers but my hearing isn't that great anymore.' 'How come?' 'Well, that's what you get when mortar shells and grenades explode not too far from you.' 'Ah...' 'Hehehe... Luckily, there's nothing wrong with my sense of smell. Take a deep sniff...' 'Yeeeah, I got it... Grilled meat...' 'And lots of it... Hmmmmm...'

By the time our orders came to our table, Blain and I were starving even though we only waited for twenty minutes. But it was well worth the wait... Our plates were stuffed with the finest meat and I've had the largest dürum I've ever seen, chockfull with veal kebab and vegetables... Freshly home made, thick, crispy, golden brown chips sprinkled with fine chive... Blain's dish looked really good too... Two large Adana kebab, still juicy and sizzling, fresh off the lava grill... The scent of our dishes was so intoxicating and we started to stuff ourselves until we couldn't eat anymore...

It was by far one of the best diner's I've ever had... I really had to remember that place, seeing as I was intending to come back again. Not just for the good food but... Maybe also because of Tarik... Something told me he missed the language just as much as I did... And I figured I needed someone to talk to, someone who's been through the same things as I have... The moment when I went to the counter to pay for our meals, Tarik looked at me and smiled once more... And there was just something in his eyes that seemed very familiar... Something that felt genuine and real to me even though I didn't even know him... And yet somehow, it felt like we were connected... Maybe not in blood... But in kinship and beliefs... Morals, culture, habits... We both miss the country we were born and raised in... Maybe we were homesick... And it doesn't seem like much... But that little conversation the two of us had in Urdu meant more to me than anyone could ever give me... Because for a very short moment, I felt home, which never should be forsaken, even though it has so many bad memories...