FSE

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formerly SoFurry search engine

Scotch, Brew,

& Hollow-Tip

"Then, she has the audacity," The drunken gopher slurred, as he sloshed a glass full of gin around in one paw, and shook a finger at his friend, "to tell me that it was my fault." He laughed slightly at his own comment. "My fault!" He chuckled.

His friend smiled back and leaned against the bar. "And how old was this one?"

"Twenty-five." The gopher stated.

His friend chuckled, setting down his empty rocks glass; full of Scotch. "So, half your age then?"

The elderly gopher nodded and shrugged. "Well its not like I forced her into bed with me. Tell a female who you are, and suddenly she's licking down your neck, and working her way to-"

"I get the idea." His friend cut him off in a friendly manner.

The gopher raised his hand to his forehead. "Forgive me." He apologized, with a plastered grin on his face. "I mean come on, you can't tell me you've never been in that situation."

"Um...not in awhile." His friend replied.

"You see?" The gopher spluttered. "You see? That's what I like about you!" He insisted. "You know how to live the life! You know how to keep things simple. Females," He scoffed to himself, "can't live with ‘em...can't...uh-"

"Hey you two, bar's closing." A mouse behind the bar yelled at them.

"Oh fuckin' drink up." The gopher slurred at the mouse, then turned laughing with his friend. "How's about we get us one for the road?"

"I'm game for that." His friend replied. "Two, please." He requested, and placed a fifty on the bar.

"What brand?" the mouse asked.

"Surprise me."

The mouse slid two brews down the bar as the gopher and his friend pulled on their coats. The friend carefully guided the gopher out the bar door and into the street. Carried away on a cloud of drunkenness, the gopher stumbled along the sidewalk and hummed a drinking song as he attempted to make his way back to bed. All the while his friend kept a close eye one him. A few blocks down the gopher stopped and side stepped into an alley.

"Hold up, gotta make a pit stop." He mumbled walking over to a dumpster, which was about half way down the dark alley. His friend followed, making sure he reached his destination. As the gopher stopped to relieve himself, propping himself between the wall and the dumpster, his friend simply leaned against the alley wall.

"Do you ever think," the gopher babbled, "that you could live forever?"

"Oh, it's crossed my mind. It would kind of make life boring."

"Boring? How's that?"

"Well," his friend explained, "if you could live forever, you wouldn't have to worry about anything. There would be no excitement, no adventure; nothing. Because you would live through anything."

"Shit, never thought of it that way. I hope I don't live forever." The gopher replied as he finished his business, and turned around.

There came a loud explosion and a flash of light that flooded the night and brought illumination to the dark alley only for a brief second. The gopher didn't even have time to react as he turned around to face the barrel of a nine-millimeter pistol held by his friend. The shot went off and the drunken gopher only felt the slight sting of the bullet, smell of gunpowder, and the sticky texture of the blood rushing out of his heart. He looked up at the black fox who he had met at the bar and struck up a conversation with. He seemed like a nice guy, he seemed like just another drunkard like he was. Even CEO's needed to drink. As the gopher lay there in the alleyway, feeling his blood leaving his body, he heard his friend, this black fox, speak to him. It was the last words he heard before the darkness closed in around him.

"I wouldn't worry about it."

Alias holstered his pistol as he watched the gopher's blood pool around him. Working quickly in case someone decided to check into the gunshot, he stooped down and removed the gopher CEO's gold watch. Moving him over, Alias then took his wallet. Now, Alias was a lot of things, but a petty thief wasn't one of them. However, he did this to make it look like a simple mugging gone wrong. Alias flipped open the wallet and examined the driver's license. Flipping it shut after Alias confirmed it was his target, he walked casually out of the alley. As he passed a trashcan he dumped both items lifted from the corpse into the trash for whatever scavengers may find them. Job finished; case closed.