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Zoned Out

By Al Song

I stood there waiting in a line of five people desperate for my coffee. Technically it was a white chocolate mocha with a shot of peppermint, but only a snob would inform someone other than an employee of that. I guess I was actually desperate to order, which takes a while and then to wait again for my drink, which at this café takes even longer than the line wait and then finally to drink something warm with caffeine in it.

The café was called 'Brew-ciare' even though 'bruciare' actually means 'to burn' in Italian and it has the sound of the word "char" in it. Everyone loves the thought of the taste of burnt coffee right? Whoever bought this place probably thought it would be clever or funny even though not everyone understands Italian or has taken an Italian class. It's just that everybody thinks that having a café with an Italian surname or word as its name makes the business really 'fancy.' We should all just dump one hundred dollars' worth of perfume or cologne throughout our fur to cover up or scents and purchase clothing at the most opulent department stores we can find just so we can order lukewarm drinks at an "Italian" non-chain café.

I just stared at pin boards with random flyers attached to them as I waited. I didn't want to seem awkward by gawking at the employees or the other customers in front of me. I mean I've worked in the service industry and I really don't like it when customers stare at you and expect time to hasten just for them. I really didn't want to look at the menu board just in case there would be something else to influence my caffeinated beverage decisions and desires. The brick walls and dim lighting of the cafe definitely helped to brighten my day even though the rain outside was already doing an awesome job of making things seem spectacular and wonderful.

I looked at my watch then up as a badger in a business suit at the front of the line got out and waited at the side counter for his drink. He thumbed his phone a few times and started to read whatever was on it.

Then a tigress in a gray plastic name-brand jacket vest with a cream colored sweater underneath took out a coupon from her wallet. It seemed like she could have just cut some holes in a garbage bag and it would have the same effect. She could have also printed the logo out and taped it onto bag and it wouldn't have looked too different. I didn't understand why she would wear a waterproof article of clothing with something that was permeable. I don't understand why vests exist and why that vest had a hood but no sleeves on it. She handed the coupon to the rabbit barista and asked if she could still have the discount even though the coupon was expired. The barista then told her to wait a second so he could get his manager. I gave a mental sigh and rolled my eyes. After a couple seconds the manager, a short gray wolf said that it would be fine.

The next guy was a fox who asked what the difference between a breve and an americano was. I would have said something but that probably would have made things worse. I assumed that the barista would have given an answer with less frustration and annoyance in his voice than me.

Afterwards the next two customers, who were a raccoon and a ferret asked for multiple drinks each and I looked at my watch again. I had half an hour before my first class and having that knowledge made my patience run thin. I just wanted to go on my laptop and read snarky articles that may or may not be true. A little later the two were both finished and I got a little excited on the inside. Then disappointment sniped a bullet into my temple from a rooftop across the street. I walked up to the counter and the barista told me that it'll be just a minute and he had to help his co-workers make some of the other orders. After a little while he came back and thanked me for waiting and for being "ever so patient." I also noticed that there was no one behind me in line. It's like irony wanted to fire a round of shotgun shells into the other side of my head.

"Oh yeah, you're that kangaroo that always comes in here. I'm really sorry about the wait. It's Clark right?" he asked.

"No," I answered exasperatedly. "May I please just order?"

"Oh yeah, go ahead," he said with an obnoxiously fake smile.

I ordered my mocha and handed over six dollars. The rabbit was eying the tip jar which read "Our tuition" with a smiley face with dollar signs for eyes and the rounded "w" for a mouth had a speech bubble that said "Thank you" in highlighter colored letters. The whole tuition thing could have been a lie but at least it didn't say "beer fund" or something idiotic like that. I dropped my change in the jar anyways but the rabbit didn't even thank me, it was just the stupid little smiley face that actually did.

I waited for about five minutes at the side of the counter until I was given my drink. I looked around the café and noticed that everyone had a table to themselves with a bag, a large textbook, a laptop or a tablet with some device that kept them standing at an angle. Some of the tablets even had a keyboard on them too. I question why people even have tablets if they want to lug a keyboard around with them.

I mentally sighed again and physically grimaced. I was mostly upset with the awkward task of asking if I could sit at someone's table. If I were already sitting down and someone asked if they could sit down with me then I wouldn't mind but being the one that had to ask meant initiating a conversation and having rejection as a possible outcome and then comes even more awkwardness and then self-loathing would ensue.

I then noticed a coyote who was smiling as he read a newspaper. He had a half-eaten almond and sesame seed bagel on a plate at his table. He turned to me and we made eye contact.

"You can sit here if you want," he said. He nodded to an empty chair across the small table from him. He seemed friendly and he actually acknowledged me unlike everyone else.

"Oh, thanks," I said as I shook his paw. I then lifted the metal seat and placed it away from the table since it would make the sound of a dying braking system of a car if I dragged it out from the table and then I sat down across from him.

"I'm Kent," I said. Someone was nice enough to offer me a seat and it was an offer from a really cute guy. It definitely brightened my day.

"I'm Landon. It's nice to meet you." His smile was still as warm as the feeling in my stomach and the drink in my hand.

"Nice to meet you too," I said as I took a sip of my coffee and then I immediately frowned.

"What's wrong?" he asked with his brow cocked.

"They made my coffee wrong. I ordered a white chocolate mocha but they gave me a regular one. Could you please watch my bag for me?" I asked as I gestured to my backpack.

"Sure thing," he answered.

I took out my receipt and I told a fox behind the counter that I ordered a white chocolate mocha not a regular mocha and he said that he'd remake it for me. I handed him the cup with the mistake in it and he told me that wasn't necessary and that I could keep it. I asked Landon if he wanted it and he said that he'd take it.

"Sorry, I took a drink out of it already," I said and handed it to him.

"No worries, it's not like a have a problem with kissing guys," he said nonchalantly.

"Wait, you're gay?" I asked as I sat down and started to smile again. It was like a dozen roman candles going off in my mind. I had a crush on a guy that wasn't straight. Finally! It was about time.

"What? Do you have a problem with gay people?" He asked defensively as if he were reading my smile as something malicious.

"No, I'm gay too." I put up my paws and I tried to sound as sincere as possible. I just didn't want him to think I was jeering him or anything like that.

"Huh, small world isn't it?" I thought he was going to feel embarrassed but his attitude just went back to a friendly one.

"I guess so," I said as I rubbed the back of my neck. I was getting nervous. I just couldn't help but notice how good-looking he was. His eyes were a mix of blue and splotches of green. His slender muzzle framed his sexy smile. He had on a faded vintage yellow button-up under a gray jacket.

"What're you studying anyways?" he asked as he tried to break the silence of all of my gawking and awkwardness.

"I'm majoring in math, and you?" Good, it was an actual subject people could actually talk about. It was also a general subject that all college students seem to ask one another that was relevant to both parties involved in the conversation.

"Marketing," he said.

"Hey, I took marketing in high school. I thought I was going to go into business when it was my senior year back then but I actually wanted to become a math teacher. I did my senior project on teaching."

"Cool. I'm still debating if I want to teach or actually work at a marketing firm. I'm only a sophomore so I guess have a little bit more time to think about it."

"Hey, I'm a sophomore too."

"I guess we have some stuff in common then. Oh, I think your drink is done," Landon said. I turned to look at the counter where the fox was holding out a cup and he yelled the name "Clark."

"There you go Clark," he said in a tone that made it seem almost like he didn't want to be working as a barista in a café next to a college. It almost made me want to take my tip money back. It was too bad a line was forming again.

"Aren't you going to tell him that your name isn't Clark?" Landon asked as I sat back down."I usually come in here and I just don't want them to spit in my drink next the next time I come in."

"They don't know your name and you're a regular?" He asked with a funny look.

"Yeah, I guess they don't but they do seem to recognize me."

"It's funny, I always walk past this place but I decided to actually go in today. I guess there are a dozen cafés near this one."

"Most of them are busier than this one and I usually come in here when I don't want to deal with the rest of the world around me."

"Are you making an exception for me?"

"Well, you seem to be a perfectly nice person." I didn't want to say something like 'Yeah, because you're totally hot' or 'It's because you look amazing.' I just didn't want to seem too eager since most people probably would think that would be off putting or creepy.

"There are a lot of jerks out there and there are nice people. You just have to start talking to someone to figure out if they're nice or not. You seem to be nice and you're modest, unlike most people." He looked out the window and glared at nothing specific.

"What do you mean?"

"Most people here are pretty smart," he said as he turned his gaze back to me.

"We are at a university in Seattle. There are a lot of smart people here."

"I know but people never shut up about how amazing they are. They're always trying to show off and make themselves look like they're smarter than everyone else. I strike up a conversation with you and you're not going on about how amazing and terrific you are. You don't say things like 'I got a four point oh last quarter even though I was taking five classes and I've got an internship in Paris lined up in the summer and I learned how to speak Urdu in only a year,' and this was all one person. I mean it's just so annoying how people think they're the best thing that's ever happened to the world."

"I guess there are people that are like that. I don't really meet too many of them but then again I don't really talk to a lot of people and I guess don't have very many friends."

"But you're actually nice. Why wouldn't you have more friends?"

"I guess I'm shy and actually getting myself out there is kind of tough."

"Well I'd love to be your friend," he said with a large smile and a tone of sweetness in his voice. I thought I was going to die since he said the word 'love.' "You're not some jerk that has to tell me about how cool and expensive his car is and how luxurious his apartment is."

"I guess overconfidence_is_ kind of a turn off," I did believe that too but at this point I just wanted to agree with everything he said. "Are you talking about the same person again?"

"No, it's a couple of different people. I'm sorry. I know that I'm just complaining now." His face did show he was sorry.

"It's fine. I mean it's nice just to have a conversation with someone. I was planning on just messing around on the internet before my next class but this is more fun. I mean I could complain a lot about the world too."

"So you're saying that I am a big whiner?" He asked with a cross expression again on his face.

My eyes flew open and I said, "No, that's not what..."

"I'm just kidding." He put a paw out and started cracking up.

"I guess that didn't really come out right." I rubbed the back of my neck again.

"It's fine."

We chatted a little while longer and I checked my watch again. I had ten minutes before my class started. I then said to my disappointment, "Oh, I need to get going. My class is starting soon."

"Here, I'll give you my number and can I have yours?" he asked with a smile. I nearly died at that question.

"Sure thing," I was trying so hard to talk calmly over my loud beating heart. I was still trying to seem cool and calm even though a hot guy just asked if he could have my number. He asked for it just so that we could hang out again but still a hot guy wanted my number.

We exchanged our information and he asked if he could walk me to class. I agreed obviously. We quickly strolled to the math and engineering building and agreed to meet again at the café the same time tomorrow.

***

During my classes I found that it was harder to pay attention since I kept thinking about Landon. I messed up a few equations here and there. My notes weren't as complete as they could have been. I couldn't stop daydreaming about him. He had sweet blue and green eyes and a heart-melting smile. I kept thinking about going on romantic dates with him, kissing him and holding paws with him. Doing these basic romantic things was what I was really looking forward to. I knew I couldn't let my performance in class suffer because I wanted to think about a guy but gosh I wanted to think about him every second of every day. I feel like I'm allowed to daydream once in a while, especially about a hot guy that I really like.

I guess I kind of do this whenever I meet a guy that I'm attracted to. I've never had a boyfriend and I've never even been on a proper date. I'm a sophomore in college and I've never experienced a relationship and Landon hasn't either. We're on the same level when it comes to this so my chances of being with him are higher, right?

A week and a few days later we were both at the café again. We had met up every day since then and just talked about random things with one another. It was great hanging out with him since we had a lot in common. We both loved video games and indie rock music. When he mentioned that he liked first person shooters I got the idea to invite him over to my place to play some video games. I hoped we could do a little more than just play video games too.

I was pretty nervous when I asked him if wanted to come over and my heart was pounding again. There was the possibility of rejection stabbing me in the chest again but he agreed with the big smile of his. He said that we needed some new venues to hang out at. I think I was the happiest marsupial at that point.

When we got to my dorm he said, "Swanky place." He walked around the small room and inspected the posters of my favorite bands and movies.

"I'm not trying to show off or anything," I said as I tried desperately not to show how excited I was to have him in my room.

"Hey, I'd only be pissed if you bragged about it. Hey, you have a keyboard."

"Yeah, I used to take piano lessons in high school. You want to hear a song or something? I don't want to sound like I'm trying to show off."

"Sure, go ahead."

I played a little bit of "Für Elise" for him.

"Wow, you're really good. I wish I could play an instrument."

"Anyone can learn how to play it. It's no big deal."

"You're so modest. Ooh, cool speaker system," he said as he examined the wooden speakers.

I pulled out my phone and handed it to him and said, "Go ahead and pick whatever you want to listen to."

It took him a little bit but he finally decided on a folk-rock song by a band that's actually called "A Band You Probably Haven't Heard Of," or ABYPHHO for short, which is pronounced Abby Foe. I placed it into the dock and turned the music up a little louder.

"Your mini-fridge is huge and you have a snack cabinet. Oh my gosh, these are my favorite," he said. He picked up a bag of "Choco-Stops."

"Oh, yeah. Go ahead and take them," I said. Those were my favorite snacks too but I would have given him anything.

"Really?"

"Sure, it's no problem."

He ripped open the bag and poured the little chocolate octagon-shaped cookies into his brownish-yellow muzzle. He then went over to my videogame collection. I had a shelf dedicated to them and some old controllers as bookends, or I guess in this case "case-ends."

"Hey, do you think we can play "Zombie Slaughter" together?" he asked with his tail wagging as he picked up the game.

"Sure," I replied. I would have played any game with him. He was also my guest so he deserved to pick the game.

I put the disk in the console and we gamed for a while. He yelled out things like "Get on my level!" and "I'll make sure you stay in your grave this time." He was so tough and masculine when he yelled. I guess it was pretty sexy.

"Yes! We killed them all!" he said and punched my shoulder.

"Yeah, we definitely re-killed them," I said as I rubbed the spot he slugged me in.

We killed some more zombies for a little while longer and he said, "Alright, I'm bored. You wanna go over to my place?"

My heart started to beat faster at the question. He actually wanted me to go to his dorm room. A hot guy actually wanted me to go back to his place. This hasn't happened to me before.

"So do you want to see my dorm or not?" When he said that I realized I was staring at him. His brow line was arched and he was giving me a strange look.

"Yeah, yes I do want to see it," I said. Why do I have to be so awkward?

***

Iwalked down a narrow hallway with Landon and I saw a fox and a lion racing each other in office chairs and other people were cheering them on. A tiger and cheetah were making out and groping one another inappropriately. There were some other people larping down at the other end of the hall with armor made of cardboard and paint. I was glad that I could get to Landon's room unscathed.

His room wasn't too messy on his side. I mean there were a few t-shirts and lying on the bed and the ground and the bed wasn't made but it wasn't terrible. The other side of the room looked like a thrift shop and a convenience store blew up and someone swept the mess into the left side of the dorm.

"Sup Max?" Landon said to an otter and clapped him on the back. He was blasting heavy metal techno from his laptop and was leaning over it typing as if he were playing a vivace section of a piece of music on a piano. "This is Kent."

The otter hit the mute button on the lap top and said, "Oh, this is your boyfriend? Why don't you guys go make out somewhere else?"

"Screw you! He's not my boyfriend and we're not going to make out," Landon shouted at him. I frowned and looked away when he said that. "Just because we're both gay doesn't mean we're boyfriends and even if we were, I wouldn't want to make out with him here."

"Whatever, I don't care if you make out. I just don't want another lesson from the political correctness police."

"Again, screw you," he said to Max. "Well, that's my room. Let's get out of here," he said that as he turned to me.

"Oh, okay." We left the awkward room and headed out of the building in silence. He still looked pretty pissed off when we got out but took a few deep breathes.

"Were you planning on doing anything else, today?" Landon asked me in his calm tone of voice.

"I was going to go to grab my grocery bag from my room and then go to the student market and get some groceries."

"Cool, I'll go with you," he said with grin that melted my brain.

"Oh, sure. The more the married...I mean merrier. Yeah, that's what I meant." Why can't I think correctly around this coyote?

***

"Hey, they finally have Cherry Fizz now!" Landon said and he was practically drooling over the bottle of soda.

"Is it any good?"

"It's like the best thing ever. They stopped making it for a few years because of some sort of health risk from the dye. I'm so going to get it." He was so cute when he got excited.

We were in the soda and juice aisle at the "University Corner Market." I was holding a small basket with a few items. It mostly consisted of veggies and fruit but also some junk food like ice cream and some "Choco-Stops." He put the glass bottle that was shaped like a flask from a chemistry lab into the basket.

I quickly skimmed the rainbow of brands and liquids highlighted by the fluorescent bulbs around them. I found my favorite bottled vanilla coffee and placed it next to the red bottle. I then grabbed a pint of almond milk and was finished with my shopping list.

"That'll be twelve twenty," the cashier said after she scanned everything. She was a gray squirrel with a "happier than she actually was" disposition.

"Hey, Kent, I forgot my wallet in my room. Do you think you can do me a favor?" he asked as he gently shook his bottle of soda in front of his chest.

"Oh, uh sure," I said. It was just a bottle of soda, it wasn't a big deal.

"Why don't you two hurry up?" asked a weasel behind us as he gave us a dirty look.

"Give us a sec! We're talking right now!" Landon shouted at him. He then started to growl and I just wanted to leave the store.

"Do I have to call security?" the squirrel asked as she was reaching for a phone next to the register.

"No, I'll pay for it and we're just going to leave," I said as fast as I could.

She swiped my card and said the receipt would be e-mailed to me. She put all the groceries into my green messenger bag with the fundamental theorem of calculus sewn onto the front of it.

"Hey, thanks for this," Landon said as we walked out of the small market and took a swig of the red soda.

"No problem," I said as I smiled at him.

"I didn't mean to get mad back there. I know it was kind of embarrassing."

"It's okay."

***

A week later Landon asked if I wanted to see a movie with him. I didn't realize what he was asking until the third time he repeated himself. I agreed to it and I felt like I was going on one of those traditional dates everyone sees on television. It was great to be hanging out somewhere other than my dorm or at "Brew-Ciare" or at some random place on campus.

We walked to a movie theater near campus that Friday. I wanted to hold his paw so badly. We'd just be a kangaroo and coyote in love walking down the street like all the other couples walking together on Friday nights. When we got there I looked up at the digital board with the movie times on it. I noticed a couple romantic comedies and got an idea. "Hey, did you want to watch 'Love's Funny?'"

"Come on, man. We're not that gay!" he exclaimed, so much for the PC police. "Let's see 'Blood Battle.' It's full of explosions and gore."

"Sure, that sounds like fun." I tried to say that without any disappointment in my voice. Well, to be honest I would rather have watch 'Blood Battle' than 'Love's Funny" if those were the only films that were showing.

"I know there's a lot of media hype about it but I heard from people that it's actually not bad."

"Hearing the words 'actually not bad' from a marketing student is reinforcing," I said chidingly.

"What do you want me to say? I'm a marketing student, not a liar."

"You could have fooled me."

"Come on, let's just buy the tickets. Shoot," he said as he reached into his pockets. "I think I left my wallet in my room again."

"I can pay for us," I suggested. I really just wanted to be in a dark theater next to him. Maybe he'd put his arm around me. The perfect situation would actually be to watch a thriller in my dorm room with him. Theaters were usually sticky and I hate the feeling of gum or candy at the bottom of my boat shoes. The seats weren't always comfortable. Sometimes the holes for tails would be too small for mine since kangaroo tails aren't the smallest. Sometimes I would try to contort it to the side, which wasn't the most comfortable position. At other times I'd have to trust that people wouldn't step on it in the dark. Being next this handsome coyote in the dark would be romantic and it would make up for all the discomfort.

"Really? Thanks. I'll pay you back, later... at some point in time." He gave me a kind of nervous laugh at that.

I paid for our tickets and we walked into the lobby. There was an employee, who was another red kangaroo who partially ripped our tickets and tiredly said, "Theater number three to your left."

The movie would be starting later so we played a few video games. We raced one another and shot some aliens in the mini arcade. I swore I was going to get some infection from touching the steering wheel and plastic guns. Afterwards I bought a bucket of popcorn and a soda for each of us. Landon wanted some cheese on the popcorn and used half of the container to season it.

We walked into the theater and tried to find seats as close to the center as possible. We sat down and answered idiotic quiz questions about celebrities on the screen and sat through what felt like a year of cola ads. Later the trailers of new films played and the movie finally started. The protagonist was named Brick Pain. I was wondering if his middle name was 'Window.' He was a gray wolf with no mercy. The movie said that, not me. His catch phrase was 'I'm bricking back the pain,' since it was like the twenty thousandth film in the series. Okay, it was like the third or fourth movie. He was some sort of bounty hunter/soldier/assassin guy and needed to get revenge/save the president's daughter/stop the world from exploding. He had to kill a million people in the process. He had to have bloody battles to achieve his goal, I guess. He also had a facial scar which meant something about toughness.

On the screen Brick Pain was beating up a couple henchmen and then he was stabbing some guy to death. I then I felt Landon tap my shoulder. I opened up my eyes wide at the touch. 'This is it, the kiss!' I thought. I glanced over and his face reflected the glow of the screen. Then he whispered, "Can you tell me what happens? I need to take a piss."

Then a fiery explosion covered the entire screen with a loud boom that seemed to shake the entire theater. I was dumbfounded and I didn't know what to say for a moment.

Then reality hit me like a brick (or like Brick hit me) with another explosion and some of the movie goers 'oohed' at the orange and yellow fire. Landon's facial fur turned a shade of orange in the light. "Uh, sure," I said trying not to let my disappointment be heard.

"Thanks," he replied and skittered out of the theater.

I sighed and slunk into my seat. I miserably looked at the screen again as Brick Pain kissed and fondled another underdressed rabbit in a middle finger to the Gender, Women, and Sexuality Studies department. He might as well just flip me off with his unoccupied paw.

***

That next week I saw Landon every day and we mostly chatted about our usual stuff like video games and people we dislike. I was trying to psyche myself up into telling him that I liked him and that I wanted to be his boyfriend. I just had to be honest with him. Every day he'd just be sitting in front of me talking and I'd be dying on the inside because what I wanted was just right there. I could think about this logically. The best outcome is if he wants to be with me but if he doesn't then there's still the possibility that we could still be friends. He is fun to hang out with and I'm closer to him than any of my other friends. It's like a probability problem and I'm hoping that the odds are on my side.

I guess I was scared to tell him because he was the closest friend I had and I didn't want to lose that. If I tell him then it might just make our friendship really awkward and that would be bad too. It wouldn't be as bad as losing altogether but it would still hurt. I was also just so freaking scared to tell any guy that I liked him. I know I'm shy but it's a risk that I feel like I should take. I don't know how to handle stuff like this. I knew that I couldn't just stare at him like a zombie and think of all the amazing dates we could be on, especially when he's talking to me. It's rude not to listen to the guy of your dreams, right?

That Friday afternoon at Brew-ciare I was waiting for Landon again. It would be the day that I would pour all of my true feelings onto him or maybe I'd just tell him that I'm interested in dating him like someone who's not creepy. I picked Friday just in case he wanted to go out on a real date today and then we could also have the whole weekend just for us.

After some more psyching myself up and fantasizing about the future Landon walked in with a big grin on his cute coyote muzzle. He took a seat in front of me and he looked so excited. This was great because he was in such a good mood already and it would make things easier.

"Did you want to get a drink too? I'll pay for it," I said as I gestured to my coffee.

"Oh sure, I'll just get a black coffee with sugar."

I went up to the counter, which had no line and I ordered the drink. As I walked back I saw him grin at his phone and send a text. He looked so cute when he was happy. Hopefully I could make him that happy as his boyfriend.

"So, I wanted to tell you something," I said as I sat down. At the same time Landon said, "I have big news."

"Oh, go ahead." I wanted to let him get all the things he needed out of the way first since it would be polite.

"Well," he started and looked down at his phone again. It had a picture of a wolf in a tight t-shirt. "I've been trying to meet more people and get my social game up. I kind of met someone and I think... I have a boyfriend now."

"What!?" I said as everything around me shattered and blew up. It was like a bomb had just exploded and the building was falling apart and everyone was chaotically trying to run for the exit. I couldn't think and my senses weren't working properly.

"CLARK!" someone from the counter yelled immediately after I said that.

"Oh, I think that's my drink. Hey, that was pretty fast. I guess it's just drip coffee but still that's the fastest I've gotten my coffee here." Landon probably said some more stuff before he left to fetch the drink but I just kept sitting and staring at the table. So many things were rushing through my head and I was absentminded at the same time.

When he came back he took a big swig of the coffee and said, "He's this wolf who plays soccer and he's so hot. He's got these big muscles and his pecs are to die for. We have so much in common and I just ran into him at the smoothie place across the street. I've been hanging out with you and then going to see him there. Oh my gosh, I think I'm in love. Maybe it's too premature to say that but I finally have a guy that's dating me." He said it all really quickly and I think I was still staring. Then he asked, "Oh yeah, did you want to tell me something?"

"No, no. Oh, um I need to uh..." I stuttered. I took out my phone and fumbled with it. "I got a text from someone and I need to, uh, to go do something. Yeah. I'm sorry I just need to go."

I left the café with my drink still on the table and my muzzle pointed downwards. When I got out I burst into tears and I kept wiping my eyes. I got a few stores away before I stopped and looked back. He didn't even chase after me to see if I was okay. There were couples holding hands and kissing one another walking down the street. It was like they were taunting me. I hated the world at that moment. I wanted to die as I ran back to my dorm.

I got to my dorm room and I bawled into my pillow. I took the other pillow and sandwiched my head in between them. My stomach was queasy and my eyes were itchy. I felt so alone at that moment and I wanted someone to comfort me and tell me that everything would be okay. I took out my phone and there was no message from Landon. I ran through my short contacts list. All of my friends would probably be out already and I didn't want to invite myself along. I felt even lonelier. I didn't know where else I could go to find some sort of companionship. I then saw my sister, Penny, on my list of contacts. Then the thought of going home crossed my mind. It's been a long time since I'd been back and I did miss my family. I knew that lying down and sobbing in my bed wouldn't find me company. I looked around at my room which was devoid of life besides me and I took the truck keys out of my drawer.

I got into my blue truck that my dad bought me and started to drive north. I turned on the radio to drown out traffic sounds, which was a mistake. "I love him and he's the best!" was what blared though the speakers next to my feet. It was some pop song with a girl with a really high voice. Then I changed the channel to the next closest rock station. "All night long! Yeah! We're doing it all night long!" I mentally grimaced. I then changed it to the classical channel. "Is everyone having a good night?" the DJ asked in his soft voice. I exasperatedly sighed at that. "This next piece is a request from a man named Jessie to his girlfriend named Jessica. It's a piece written out of love for the composer's..." Then I immediately turned the radio off.

I saw a billboard that said 'Find local singles in Seattle!' It had a picture of a white wolf and a white fox holding paws and jumping on a beach. The photo jumping trend and people who looked like they were trying too hard to sell a service. It definitely didn't look like Alki Beach either. So much for it being a service in sunny Seattle.

I then noticed that I was paying more attention to the billboard than to the road. I then realized that it wasn't too much of an issue since there weren't many people on the highway that night. I was surrounded by pine trees and the sky was clear. I could see many stars sparkling in the sky unlike most nights. I felt so lonely surrounded by the lack of others. Usually I'd be pissed if there were other cars creating a slow traffic flow but I kind of wanted more people to be around. I started to think about Landon again and then I cried behind the wheel. The only thing that accompanied my sobbing was the sound of the lonely motor.

It was forty-five minutes after I left when I got to the suburbs of my hometown and it was still quiet. Roman is a small town in Washington and not many people threw parties into the late night. Unlike Seattle I could get to sleep without worrying about people inside and outside my building being loud or the sound of traffic keeping me up. There was rain hitting the windows, which could be annoying and it happened in Seattle too and there was also the occasional jerk who thought that revving a motor was like a scientific discovery and had to show everyone but usually it'd be silent in Roman.

I finally got to my house but there was only one light on from my sister's room. I pressed the garage opener, got out with my stuff and I walked in. I looked at the family pictures and the ones of me from my past. My family repainted the walls a mint green color and hung up more pictures from photo albums. My parents framed the second place medal I got from the Washington State Science Competition in physics. I smiled but then the thought of second place made me feel a little guilty and uneasy.

I kept walking down the hallway to my sister's room. Penny had on a simple black dress and was treading earrings in her large floppy ears.

I knocked on the opened door of her room and she turned around and smiled. "Hey, Kent!" she gave me a big hug. "I was really surprised when I smelled your scent. I can't believe you're actually home."

"It's nice to see you too. Where are mom and dad anyways?" I asked. "It's only like nine o' clock."

"They went out to on a double date with the new neighbors from across the street. They're the O'malleys and they're badgers."

"Why are you all dressed up anyways?"

"I'm going out with Rodger tonight." Rodger was her ferret boyfriend. Her emo boyfriend, who could care less about my family and me but she liked him anyways. They were both seniors and eighteen so it's not like any of my input would register in Penny's mind. "He's picking me up in five minutes."

"Oh, okay."

"I wish you would have called me earlier and told me that you were going to come home."

"I know. It was a last minute thing," I looked at the ground and dug my toes into the carpet.

"So how do I look?" She asked and gave a merry twirl.

"You look great," I said sincerely with a smile.

I heard screeching tires, three honks and heavy metal music from outside.

"Oh, that's him. He's a little early."

"He's probably just excited. I'll see you later then, I guess."

"I'm going to be home much later."

"Alright, have fun."

Like most kangaroos and unlike me she had a spring in her step as she left for the front door.

I went to my piano in the living room and heard a motor being revved. I audibly sighed at that. The upright piano used to be covered in folders and sheet music. Now it just had pictures of my family and a few other mementos on it. The second place piano trophy was what stuck out the most. Instead of making me think of music I mostly thought of bell curves and standard deviations and about how disappointed I was in myself. Second place again.

My grandfather played the piano before he passed away and he was the one that taught me. I was the only one in my household that could play it. It was fun to have my family singing, well trying to sing as I played the piano.

I pulled out a few songs from the bench and started to play. I thought it would relax me but I kept messing up parts of the songs. I guess I got kind of lazy when it came to playing my keyboard. I didn't really have to think about the amount of pressure I put on the keys and I also didn't bother too much about counting. My piano instructors would have been upset with me. I was getting frustrated with myself and I shut the fall on the keys.

I then started to do some homework. I sat at the kitchen table and did a few problems from my linear algebra textbook. I miswrote a whole line of matrixes and made stupid mistakes. I was getting more and more upset with myself and the world around me. I started to feel sorry for myself and shut my book.

I went back to the living room and I slumped down sideways on the couch. I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. There were some dating shows on, a reality show about some rich celebrity and her husband, and there were some sitcoms with people making sex jokes and kissing. It was like TV was trying to rub it in too. I settled on a game show and I kept getting trivia answers wrong. I buried my head into the couch pillow and started to cry again.

***

I woke up to the smell of coffee on the table in front of the couch. Golden gray light glowed through the closed blinds of the window and everything felt calm. I also realized that there was a blanket over me. It was my old blanket from my room. I also had a real pillow for sleeping and head support under me instead of the harder couch pillow I fell asleep on.

I got up, grabbed the mug and took a sip. It was perfect and it was still hot. It had almond milk, brown sugar and some cinnamon. It was also my favorite brand of coffee. I felt so comfortable and cozy at that moment. My mind was a little hazy from just waking up but it was clear of any depressing thoughts.

A few minutes later my mom walked in and said, "Oh, good morning Kent, you're up." She wore a pair of khakis and a white blouse. She gave me a big hug around the blanket and kissed my forehead.

"Morning, mom," I said and smiled. "Why are you all dressed up?"

"Oh, we're going out for breakfast today. You're here so dad and I thought that it'd be a nice way to celebrate. After you get ready then we'll go and I'll try to wake Penny up."

"Alright, I'll get ready and good luck."

I showered and then got dressed. I walked into my room and looked at the bare walls. Most of my nicer clothes were in my dorm but I still had some trendy clothes in my room's closet. Okay, the clothes were at least presentable to the general public. I put on a blue button up and a grey sweater and a clean pair of dark jeans. I then put on my sneakers and hopped into the car with my sister just on my tail.

The sky was overcast but it wasn't raining. The air was cool until my mom turned on the heater. I was already warm in my sweater but I didn't mind temperature differences that much. I've been living here since I was born so it's no big deal.

"It's great that you're home again son," my dad said in the car.

"It's nice being home," I replied.

"We've missed you and your piano playing."

"I'll play for you guys when we get back."

We went to "Das Frühstück Haus." It was a waffle house a few towns over in Evertown with a Bavarian theme and it was one of my favorite restaurants.

As we walked in we were greeted by a young mink in a dirndl with a cheery "Grüß Gott!" She seated us and said, "Your server will be with you soon."

A vixen my age with a pregnant middle holding steins of water walked up to the table. She was an old friend from high school.

"Guten Morgen," she said. Then she looked at me and had a bright smile. "Kent, hey how are you doing? It's been so long."

"Hey, Violet," I said smiling back. "I know. I haven't seen you since last summer. How's Jackson?"

"Oh, uh, he broke up with me a while ago when he found out about the baby."

"What!? That's terrible. I'm sorry," I said as I frowned.

"Hey, it's okay. I've got my family and supportive friends. I don't need him to care for my baby. Oh, go ahead and feel. He's kicking right now."

I put a paw on her belly and felt a gentle, little bump.

"Alright, I'll take your drink orders first. What'll it be?"

My family got a carafe of apple juice and some coffee for me. When Violet returned we all got a round of waffles. I ordered my favorite double chocolate waffles and hazelnut syrup. I looked around at my family eating happily and I couldn't help but feel warmth in my chest and belly. I looked around at the white and blue flags that bannered the walls, the majestic photos of the Alps and Neuschwanstein Castle, and the instruments that hung from the ceiling. There was also the soft polka music that bounced through the air that made me dance on the inside. I hadn't been this happy in so long.

Before we left Violet gave me a big hug and we promised to keep in touch.

We then drove to the mall in Laneville and we were surrounded by crowds of people as we walked in. We all shopped together and I felt a sense of camaraderie with my family. There groups of teens walking with each other and other families around and I actually felt like part of a group rather than a guy walking alone down a street trying to find a place to have dinner. We visited a lot of stores and in the end my parents bought me a new hoodie and a new pair of designer jeans.

Later that night we watched a comedy film and we ate ice cream together. They bought my favorite minty chocolate chunk ice cream with whipped cream and I pretty much inhaled it all.

I went to bed in my room that night and fell asleep with a smile on my muzzle.

***

On Sunday afternoon I said my goodbyes and I drove back to my dorm room. I was starting to feel a little lonely again but the warm feeling of my family's love was still in my heart. I decided to keep my phone off for the rest of the day as I finished my homework for Monday.

I was on the university website since I was planning a schedule for next fall and saw on the sidebar a link to clubs and activities at the university.

There were a lot of clubs I've never even heard of including a group that ate dinners every week together and wrote reviews and a club that was devoted to clock repair.

I decided to go to a gaming club that met every week. It consisted of different kinds of gamers just hanging out at the student union building. There were a lot of projectors, laptops, computer monitors, and old television sets that were hooked up to controllers and headsets that were specific to peoples' head shapes and ears. I met a couple cool people and I made a friend with an exchange student named Sarah. She was from Vienna and was a physics major. She was also out about being a lesbian. I was glad I wasn't the only queer-identified student in the club. We played a few shooters and a platformer together. We agreed to hang out more and we did end up seeing each other a lot outside of the club. I was so happy that I made a great new friend.

***

Later that week I got a text from Landon saying that he needed to talk to me. He said that he wanted to meet up with me after my classes that Friday. He said that he'd be at the same spot at 'Brewciare" again.

I saw him as I walked in and smiled at him, well it was a fake and nervous smile but I was still glad to see him.

He was frowning and he looked so guilty when I took a seat across from him. He was fiddling with his thumbs and looking down at them.

"Hey," I said trying to sound like nothing had happened a week ago.

"Look, I'm sorry," he said as he turned his gaze up and looked me straight at my eyes.

I didn't expect an apology whatsoever so that caught me off guard.

"I complained to you about how I hate it when people gloat about themselves and I totally bragged about a guy I'm dating. I know that it can be lonely when you're single and I was rubbing it in. I feel really bad about that. You're pretty much my best friend and I've been a complete jerk to you and I've been taking advantage of you. Here, will you accept this as a token of my apology?" he asked as he handed me a "Brew-ciare" gift card.