FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Sometimes it seems that I am living a second life, I have never been able to quite understand the dreams I have every night. I see myself as a normal human being driving with 3 friends, we must have been going somewhere important, maybe to a big football game, because everyone is excited and wearing matching colors. I remember looking over to the girl next to me, she looks and smiles and I do the same, all of a sudden sparks emit from the front, time seems to slow to a standstill, you can smell the burning leather from the dash. The crunching sound of metal and glass being crushed drowned out the screams from inside. I can literally feeling the pain flow through our bodies in the rising heat, as the semi, whose driver had fallen asleep, launches his vehicle over the divider into my car going well over 90 MPH, and then nothing. I wake up drenched in sweat bawling my eyes out screaming into the emptiness that is my apartment. Every night I have this dream, every morning I wake up the same way. Drinking would probably solve the problem but honestly, dying every night makes me feel alive.

Sometimes there is another dream though. It's like the first; I can smell, here, and feel the death, but in a split second it's over. Everything goes black and all I can see is a red beam as it floats above my head. I can feel myself reaching for it and then, before long, I can see my hand. Or, what should be my hand; all I see is bone, as if the skin was ripped away along with everything else. I try to scream with no success as I continue to reach for the red light. I feel myself ripping through the air, the ground leaving me, and no matter how hard I try, I just cannot stop myself. My hand finally reaches the beam and the darkness becomes white, the red beam is now grey and my hand has become a shadow, or so it seems. A sudden tingling sensation begins to run through my body as I'm frozen in place with what feels like a jolt of electricity. Still looking at my hand I see claws start forming and what seems to be scarlet red skin. I feel a very warm comfortable feeling, thinking life was coming to an end, only to feel myself fall to the floor. Getting to my feet seemed impossible, my body felt pinned to the ground as the warmth went from the top of my head and out my toes. Finally I was able to get up, bringing my hand to my head I expected to feel skin but instead I felt thick, soft fur. Panic fills my mind as I look down to see nothing but a black fur coat covering my body, a whit fluff of fur on my chest, red fur running up my arms and legs. Trying to tear it away I feel a weight behind me as I look and see a massive tail, swaying back and forth as if it is laughing at me. Screaming in panic I just start running straight, not knowing where I am going not caring where I end up. All I know is I am alone, scared and confused.

Running at a full sprint, it seems as though I am staying in place. Everything is white so direction and distance are both irrelevant; when suddenly I'm knocked on the floor with a blunt object slamming me in the face. At first I thought someone had thrown a giant ball at me, but when I look up all I see is an airbag and I realize that I am back in my car, the flames surrounding me, car parts exploding and flying past my head. The difference is I don't feel the heat from the fire, there is no smell of burning leather, and the glass is not shattered. Looking to my left what is in the seat sends me into a pit of despair. Tears begin streaming down my face seeing the deceased body of that girl, my friend, whose name I cannot remember. Looking in the back seat I see the same sight of the two other friends dead where they sat with smiling faces just moments before. Anger filled my mind as I went to punch the driver's window but my hand hit nothing and I fell over landing hard on the ground, the taste of fresh blood filling my mouth causing discomfort, but I felt no pain.

For what seemed like hours, I just laid there crying, the images from before burning into my mind when I heard a thudding sound behind me. With almost lightning speed I jumped up ready to defend myself when I saw before me a simple pile of clothes. My first instinct was to walk away but my body walked me over to them. There I found a pair of black pants, a duster and a metallic looking backpack. Since I was practically naked I thought it would be smart to wear something. Looking up I found that I had somehow put the clothes on and was carrying the backpack in my hand. Confused I sat down and tried to think of how I got there and why for that matter. When once again everything went dark, and in that instant I just started screaming. I wanted it to all go away. To forget everything and start over, and with that thought I woke up in my bed trying to contemplate it all, hoping I could find an answer soon.

I keep researching every day during my downtime, hoping that I can get some sort of clue. I know that they are just dreams but the thing is, the duster, the pants and even the backpack, are all real. I have no clue where I got them from but I carry them around each day. The main connection is that my red fur glows the same color as the lights on the pack, on its own, like I'm radiating some sort of energy but no one is there to harness it. I just want to fill the emptiness that is inside and maybe just maybe I'll stop having these dreams, and then I Nuri, might finally get some answers.