FSE

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"There's got to be a better way to go," the fox said, looking down at the sidewalk thirty stories below. The people walked about below, scampering around and going about their daily business as the fox was prepared to end it all. He had enough of life.

It wasn't even that the fox didn't have a good life. He had a great life. Friends who were supportive, people around him who cared for him, a nice apartment, a good car, clean bill of health... except for his mind.

Something had always been... off... for the Fox. He would watch other people walk around and have shit happen to them and they didn't seem to be so affected by it. His dad died when he was very young and the fox had never really gotten over it. He often questioned if that was why he turned out the way he was--if that was the root cause of his depression.

He went through elementary school mostly painless, dealing with whatever little bit came up on his own. Middle School was tougher with the bullies that would crop up. The fox was always quick with his fists and never backed down from a fight which earned him respect from the kids around him, and punishment from the adults around him.

His mom ended up re-marrying around high school. His step-dad was pretty cool. They got along and he ended up being really close to the new old man, but that didn't stop him. December of his Freshman year of high school he took a whole bottle of Excedrin, in the hopes that he would finally succumb to the sweet icy hands of death and be free from the numbing pain of life. He would finally be able to walk away from the agony of every waking minute.

But his step-dad found him and ran him to the hospital to get his stomach pumped. That alone was a whole experience for the Fox. But he started to get better. He went to therapy and started on medication. Things were okay for a while. Honestly, the fox started to think that he would never feel that way again.

He started dating. He dated a few girls and that was nice, he lost his virginity at 15 to this beautiful vixen he was dating at the time and things were nice. Then he broke up with her, and that sucked for a while. But even so, he managed to bounce back from that without his life going dark again, like it did before.

It was around that time that the Fox started to notice the tigers and the wolves in the football team. He was noticing how much he liked to see the guys in his school shirtless or in the locker room. That started the Fox's exploration of his sexuality. He talked to this one wolf and convinced him to let him give him a blow job. Things were good for him. He continued to explore this wonderful new side to him and he wanted to keep things going. So he kept things casual, going on dates, getting called up for booty calls, being whisked off to a an empty stall in a bathroom and forced to do things with random guys, or the occasional girl.

Honestly, he didn't care as long as he got off.

Things were okay for a while. He graduated high school and started college on a very good scholarship. Everything was going the Fox's way. He started another relationship, this time with a guy. It was a quiet nerdy guy that was very polite and sweet and caring, but a monster in bed, he would make the Fox scream and moan in a way that no one else could ever manage, and that was something that the Fox really enjoyed...

But he mostly enjoyed the way his boyfriend treated him. The way he held him and kissed him and told him that everything was going to be alright was so comforting and so genuine. He loved how safe and protected he felt. That was worth every fight they would have over his boyfriend's jealousy. The Fox never once cheated on him. He loved his boyfriend far too much, but his friendships with other men often would lead to implications of sleeping around behind his back and that hurt the Fox. But he got over it and he forgave his boyfriend because he loved him so much. Their relationship continued past college and the Fox loved him. He loved his boyfriend and he thought that it was finally going to go better for him.

And then, a few months after they moved in together, his boyfriend was killed in a hit and run. The Fox was so hurt by this he stopped. He stopped everything he was doing, crying on a daily basis, he stopped eating, he stopped bathing, he stopped everything. He was lost without him. He moved in with his mom and step-dad. They tried their best to help him, but he had wounds that only time could heal.

After about six months, the Fox left his parents' house and started his life again. He tried to put his past behind but he wasn't able to completely forget, no matter how hard he tried. So he went back to therapy and started taking medication once more and things were okay for a little while.

He met someone while hanging out with friends from working and he ended up marrying him. He was so in love with this cheetah. He had never been so happy. He was so glad to finally get things to go his way once more. He was so happy with his husband. They vacationed abroad; traveling when they wanted to... the Fox had every right to be happy. But something still nagged at him. He had fought with depression for his whole life. And it still hadn't gone away. It was always going to be there, torturing his mind and making his every waking moment painful. He had good days.

And there were also days when he had to force himself to keep him from taking the gun his husband had and pulling the trigger. He had days where his husband literally had to drag him out of bed, and bathe him. Those were hard. But he never complained. The Cheetah saw the pain in his Fox and it hurt him. The Fox knew it hurt his husband and he tried to keep going for his sake. He would do things for his husband that he might not have under other circumstances.

But it wasn't enough.

The Fox couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't keep going through the pain of his every waking moment. So he climbed up to his office building and he stood on the ledge. He sighed and took a step, feeling his foot hit nothing. It hovered, most of his weight still on the other foot, still keeping him alive. Such a precarious shift of weight could cause him to fall to his death. He could finally be free.

"Foxy... Babe... What are you doing?"

The Fox turned around, his back to the ledge. He took a step away and stared at the source of the voice. It was his husband. What was he doing here?

"Spots, babe... please don't. Please don't try and talk me down again. I can't do it. I can't it anymore." Tears were streaming down his face as he stared at his love.

The cheetah took careful steps forward. He was fast, but he probably couldn't be fast enough. The Fox could still do it...

"Baby, I know you say that. I know you're sick of trying but please don't do this. Don't put me through this. I can't lose you..."

The Fox scoffed.

"Yes you can. You deserve so much better than me. You deserve someone who isn't crazy. You deserve someone that wants to live. That wants to keep going," The Fox's tail was flicking around behind him.

"I don't care what you think I deserve..." The cheetah snatched his husband's paw and held it in his, holding it in his paw.

"I know you're hurting, Foxy," the Cheetah said.

"You don't know what it's like," The Fox sobbed, trying to pull away from his boyfriend, but unable to find the strength to do so.

"I know I don't. I'm sorry. I hate that I can't help you. I hate that I will never be able to help you. I'm sorry for fucking everything up. But I love you, babe. I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but it's true. I will never be able to understand everything that you deal with, Foxy... But I will always be here for you. I love you so fucking much and I'm sorry that you can't see that because I won't just leave you. No matter what you say, no matter what you do, I will always love you. I know you don't want to go on hurting anymore, but I don't want to hurt without you. You're... You're my husband. I'd be lost without you."

"I'm lost..." The fox sobbed, hugging his husband and sobbing into his shoulder. "I'm lost and I just want to find where I am again. I can't seem to do this anymore..."

The Cheetah tilted his husband's face up and kissed him silent, holding him flush against him and breaking the kiss.

"Ssh. I know you want to stop hurting, babe. I know you do. But please don't do this right now. I need you. You have no idea how... how lost I would be without you. I don't know what I would do without you. The only thing that makes the days worth going through is you. Do you think I would work at that hellhole if it weren't to provide for you? It pays well, but I want to do more with my life than work at that stupid place. I want to make people happy. The money can be good all it wants, but I'm only doing that for you. I know that you feel guilty over that, but I wouldn't do that if I wasn't so entirely in love with you. If I weren't completely lost without you. If I know what I would do without you... do you think I would have driven like a mad man to catch up to you tonight? Do you think I would have allowed you to get away from me so easily? Foxy, you're my better half. Without you... I'm a wreck. Please don't do this." Tears streamed down the Cheetah's face as he clutched onto his husband.

The couple held onto one another, crying and clutching to the other for support.

"I'm so sorry, hun," the Fox sobbed, stepping down from the ledge, holding his husband in his arms as he felt familiar arms pull him closer, keeping him safe.

"I know you are. But we'll get through this... I promise you that we will get through this together. I know you might not think so, but I promise you, I won't ever let you go. You're mine now... And nothing is going to take you away from me. I love you..."

The Fox sobbed back an "I love you too," as best he could.

"We'll get through this," the Cheetah said, patting his boyfriend's head and back. "We'll get through this."