FSE

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formerly SoFurry search engine

For me, time moves in ways, that seem unbelievable, wrong,

Like I, never knowing why or what started me on this endless desolate trail;

So many walk this same path, but no one else I see, no one else I feel.

Truthfully, I brought myself here in a desperate lonely attempt to relive my childish happiness;

Now, standing at the edge of the cliff with only a splitting string pulling me back,

Unsure whether to end the wretched tortures, releasing my singed souls,

Or to continue as a faux shell of myself, seething under my skin at the thing I hate most.

I am trapped, I am broken, I am beaten, and there never was "escape."

Look upon me, with innocent eyes, I glow like a morning star,

So full with my confidences without a glimmer of exasperation or trouble or pain,

But take more than a virgin glance and you'll see an internal fire,

That maybe you mistake for rage, That maybe is mistaken for drive.

A fire that truly burns my already slivered mind,

If my life were a song, if a lordly hand attempted to place me upon the turn table and spin,

Such noise to deafen the sounds all joy or any other positive emotion,

And that noise would over shadow the very hand that tried to delve in.

Sound is one with emotion, and I'm a 60s record;

Taken care of and I could have sang a distorted song, but I could have sung nevertheless.

However, in my times, skipping the beat of time, making everything an unpleasant screech,

My mind wanders to the depth of despair,

Clawing at hands that push me further into this pit,

Screaming for someone, a lover, an friend, a rival, an enemy, anyone, to just take my outstretched arms and pull me from the abyss.

But, as I sink down into myself, into that pit in which has become me,

I wonder if I'll ever be rescued, I'm already too deep for saving, or if this is where I end.

Read these words without your feeling, analyze my pain, and judge the makings of mind,

Because you stand at the edge of my darkened pit, looking down upon me not ever realizing that I am there.

As you all sing yourselves, and cheer of your fortune, of your wealth, of all the things that went so right, and try not to count the number of things that are wrong,

Because no one is up where I perceive you, no one lives on high looking down upon anyone else,

You sink in your own hole and have nowhere to run, but your fake reality that you created, so the cold nights wouldn't be so icy, and the fire wouldn't burn your hearts.

You built your walls protecting yourself without even realizing you are trapping yourself,

That you are lonely, that we are the same, sharing similar experience side by side, but blind to see one another.

I am trapped, I am broken, I am beaten, but, we will escape.