A story about a wolf
This is my first story in a long time.
To let you know this is my first story I've written in a long time. also this is my first upload to this site so I don't know when I am doing so yeah. Thank you for reading!
A young wolf laid on his torn up bed. He was just stuck in his head where his fantasies and happiness was livid. He loved it, that feeling, Happiness. There was also the darkness that lived in there. The part of reality happening. The thought of death. What happened at the end? What did you see? Will it be a cold darkness for eternity? Will it be haven or hell? Will it be walking the remaining of the earth forever till the days of final light came down setting the world into a deep cold darkness? He wants to die but is scared of the out come. It was the also the reason he doesn't want to not believe in God. He didn't care if god turned his back on him like everyone else seems to complain about. There are over 7 billion souls to be watched. People aren't the center of the universe and they should stop thinking they are. Maybe this was why he hated everyone equally? He had his own beliefs that made more sense to him. He wasn't Christian, Muslim, or Jewish because the only similarities he had with those was one god and everyone be nice to each other. They were all the same anyway. Those religions were just the same shit different name just like Wii, Playstation, or Xbox and Ford, Chevy, or Dodge.
Back to his happiness. It was center of everything going right. He being with the girl of his dreams, but alas it was only a fantasy. He knew it wasn't going to happen the girl he loved it was not possible. She is from Florida and him being from Wisconsin. It wasn't going to happen and not being able to see her or talk to and thinking of putting never into those two verbs broke him even more. He didn't understand why he loved and cared for her where it became such an obsession that he tries to treat others like her. He wanted her and not them. He just copied and pasted a personality over theirs. He also wasn't the best at treating them either. He now understands that and it's too late to apologize now. He felt like shit for thinking of it sending him back into HappyLand. The fact that he is from a household where all of his sibling have been to jail didn't help his decision making. His mother was an alcoholic and maybe was a druggy too that left his dad for someone else and move abusive His dad was an alcoholic and raised him or tried to raise him right. The young wolf just feels like his father thinks his is like his brothers and should be like his brothers. He wasn't mentally as tough as they were. The Young wolf was mostly raised by his sister though to the point where he called her mom. It was hard on her.
Yeah, he didn't want to admit it and goes back hiding in his fantasies and video games. He didn't want to admit to a broken house hold. He wanted a normal life like everyone else and he did but only in his head. Which made reality and fantasy seem to intertwine and tangle. When he talked to a mate he was living with them in a fantasy world. When he talked to family it was different. Since he tried to shut reality out of his life. He didn't pick up after himself or do anything other then play video games and eat. He plays video games and talks to friends over Xbox live all day allowing him not to care for real life. He graduated with high honors from a HSED course since he didn't do anything at school, and was a straight 'F' student. He also thinks the teachers sucked too since they didn't teach him anything new. He didn't like to admit he was smart. Everyone says he is. They said for getting high honors and joining that program that late they where surprised and even missing a few days and sleeping almost half the time he felt a little cocky but didn't like to admit it because he felt like it wasn't true.
He also didn't have a steady thought process more of whatever comes to mind kind of thinking process. He felt like he had a lot of mental problems but didn't know if it was just make believe or real. He didn't know what was real and fake sometimes. He didn't know what he had control over and what he didn't and it seems like he tries to control what isn't controllable and doesn't control what is controllable. He also picked up on bad habits. He favorite habit was ganja. Why not right? Made him feel happy and made everything not so gloom. Every time he got depressed it only lasted like a half a minute till he was laughing again. He thought of becoming a dealer and moving away from his family. He though of changing his name sometimes and starting over, but that was in his head where everything goes his way. He loved and hated his family. Loved his dad but hated him too. He loved his dad because he raised him and gave him what he wanted. He hated his dad because he kept telling the young wolf how to live his life when the father didn't do any good at his. He hated his mom for wrecking the family. He also didn't love his brothers as much as he felt he should sense he didn't grow up with them and felt disconnected. They were ten years apart and when he saw a stranger and his brothers have things in common it hurted him and made his fantasies and reality collide negatively which made him go deeper into his head and live.. He had nothing in common with them other then being family. He loved his sister though. She was a sister and a mother and gave him advice and helped. He was the only member of his family who he could talk to and the only person he felt family too.
The wolf lying on his bed just with a pillow and blanket and a mattress all turn up made him happy. He didn't care much for clothing and bedding but more for video games and fantasy. He doesn't know what is wrong with him but he is trying to figure out but only after living the whole day in his head. He kept his window blinds closed to keep out the outside and locking his door as well so nothing interrupted him. He enjoyed being alone to live his fantasy but when reality came he was just alone. No one to talk to and all the time to think more on reality which added fuel to his dark thoughts. It made him even more depressed just thinking on how everyone else had a life and he didn't. He was just socially awkward and weird. He enjoyed being weird and didn't like it at the same time since it made him unique and also he didn't have much people to talk to. No one really to hang out with.
All a sudden his cell rang and he looked at it. It was a friend who wanted to hang out on Friday and today was...Monday okay he'll accept. It'll be fun he thought since it was better then trying to feel pity doing nothing. It was getting close to 10 p.m. and all of his friends on Xbox had to sleep for school leaving him no one to talk to. So he just grabbed the controller and found a random lobby for his game. Once he found a lobby he waited for the game to start the mission was to guard a shipment of coke with 3 other players so he chosen his heaviest gear and he also modded his game so he had almost all the skills except for one tree but that tree was more for healing and stuff. He and the other 3 players got done with the mission and the host left disbanding the lobby. New session and kicked for doing nothing, and so he went to a new lobby. It was going good and then...lost connection.
At this point the wolf sighed and just went downstairs to the kitchen and made himself a simple grilled cheese sandwich to only find out the cheese was expired. "How the fuck does something that isn't even REAL expire? You don't see fake tits expiring do you now?" He said with an unpleasant taste in his mouth grabbing the milk and finding that expired too. "Well fuck you too god, you asshole." He muttered grabbing a cup and filling it with water and drinking it to get the taste out. So after he got that after taste out of his mouth the wolf decided to go back on xbox and shut himself up again.
That wasn't any better for the wolf. The wolf didn't have much real friends so his internet life mattered more then real life. He was flirting with a girl he thought liked him since she was teasing him. She didn't really care for him she liked to hurt his heart. Always been there to hurt him. When he that girl from Florida, girl a, he dated broke up with him for the brother of girl b. Girl B just tried to help get the wolf's heart away from girl a. It worked and backfired and now the wolf was hurt even more. Now girl b was gone again he went back to trying to find something to be happy about. He didn't have much only video games and those too will be gone hurting the wolf even more. He couldn't hold a job. He couldn't hold a hobby. He couldn't do anything right. Unfortunately this lead to increase depression with caused him to back away from reality. He hated reality; it was just full of pain. He tried to bury his head in his pillow and go back to happy land. His mind didn't go to a happy land this causing the wolf to scream and hit himself repeatedly in the face.
Now it began the emotional break down. Where he cursed out everything in his life and even cursing his parents for not getting an abortion. He tried to think of why he was on this planet for. That was one thing that made him not like atheists. There is a reason for being on this planet. Everyone just says evolution but who created evolution? who created this universe? God wasn't a person but more of an all knowing being that is too much for people to comprehend. The wolf just laid down and tried to change the subject. So he turned to his Xbox and played some Tech N9ne. He didn't feel any better at first but then he got lost in the song.
"How do I describe my pain? It just rains and it rains at the same time flame-ah," The wolf sang along to the beginning and then hating himself for having a poor voice. He used to write rhymes it was easy if you new what you wanted. He gave that up because of his voice and his lack of memorization. The wolf went back to being sad and then anger filled his mind and thoughts. He wanted to kill kill kill. The thought was therapeutic. His thoughts of being in a fighting and killing. Stabbing into their souls and watching their lives going away. The people who loved his victim in mourning he felt a little pity but it was kill or be killed. He loved to think about that. He felt like he was a little psychotic for enjoying thoughts of killing. He didn't kill a innocent animal. If a deer was just eating why should he shoot it? Its not shooting back now is it? People saying how it was bad and even as a child he didn't think people dying was a bad thing. It was a scary thing, but it wasn't bad. The wolf wanted to be in the marines ever since he watched his first war movie as child. Then war was his thing. He loved Strategy and tactics but some video games didn't allow him that well not that he could play anyway. It wasn't hard to command an attack. Getting the resources was and the population cap also annoyed him. Wasn't that was war is anyway? You command your troops to take and defend areas. More territory in your control the less the enemy has to get resources like troops.
He then started up his computer and run his favorite game he could play on their. The computer ran poorly but he managed even though a two hour better was 3 hours because his computer froze so much. His style of commanding was taking and holding vital points leaving the enemy with less and trying to milk his enemy dry till he had nothing left to throw at the wolf. That would be when the wolf threw his biggest and best units to destroy the enemy. Now bored and tired the wolf laid back down. After defeating his foe the A.I. he thought it'll the best time to just watch some cheap crappy movie. So he went on his Xbox and looked through the free movie apps and selected one. After the app loaded his selected a movie and just closed his eyes.
The young wolf drifted off to sleep as tomorrow is another day and who knows what tomorrow holds. The way he saw things was different and strange. The way his mind worked was erratic. The wolf was lonely, sad, and tired. He'll get used to it eventually when he has fully gave trying to get a life but for now its an upward battle and his greatest enemy at the moment was himself.