Imperfect Memories
I really love how this story came out and it will be part of my graphic novel. But I'd also kind of like someone to make a little comic out of this. Just to see their take on it. If you are interested let me know ^^ we can work something out.Yay! one of the few things I wrote!For those of you wondering, this is a early-middle part of my story, he does not know O'neice yetYes my grammar sucks, I am sorry that I fail XD
I like the idea of imperfect things. I mean, for real life, stories, characters, anything. There is just something nice about, things not going quite as planned, often times they are just the sweetest memories. I remember going with mom once to take my brother to his camp. We don't own gps and were only going by vague directions and we wound up in this creepy little town, the whole time we were trying to find our way out we were making up stories about how, there is some kind of diabolical evil lurking within the town, that maybe they trap and cannibalize lost tourist. We found this town twice, and every time we went through it they were always having some kind of get together, always happy, didn't even feel like it belonged in our time period! It was a strange little place. And growing up we were pretty broke (Still are XD) and we sometimes we would plan a nice little family together time and the electricity would be shut off on us, but we would just light a candle, make a nice little meal, I would draw, Mom would sew. Lovely times. With stories, it's nice to have a perfectly little romance type thing, I mean who wouldn't want that? But it's not real realistic... it's nice to have fantasy but stories with imperfect romances seem sweeter, more interesting and I feel as I connect more with them then that always perfect stories. Imperfect characters? Love 'em! The muscled male, the busty female... that's nice... but I much prefer the otherwise, outcast. They are not fancy, not built, they might be a little fat or pudgy, slow, or other, they are kind of plain, simple. They don't always get the girl or man, they don't socialize well. They are the kind of people some may over look as they don't tend to stand out much. I love that, I adore them!
Well anyway, hope you enjoy this! ^^ Thanks again!
It was a standard Tuesday afternoon session. The sun came down through Liam's small basement window emitting a welcoming glow across the carpeted floor, one of the things he liked about the spot where he sat is that the beams would always land on his feet, keeping them pleasantly toasty in the otherwise chilly basement (which didn't bother him all that much either). Outside there was the normal sounds of hustle and bustle, neighboring children out playing, taking advantage of the day off, the casual neighborhood gossip. It was the only noise at the moment, as just across from him his patient sat in silence, the type of silence that often sent a worried vibe through his person. These quiet spells often led to Kezhon going through a dangerous depressive period or uncontrollable rage, and both often led to one of his personalities taking advantage of his weakened state and taking control.
Liam nervously cleared his throat and smiled, "It's a nice day out isn't it?" A small uninterested grunt was his only response. Liam clicked his teeth together and moved his pencil around his fingers as he thought. He'd have to get him talking again, Kezhon going into a nervous attack was very dangerous. He was a rather...tall individual and even though he was weak for his species, one hit from him would render him unconscious. The fox went through a list of possible triggers that could have put him into this current state, he then remembered overhearing Ravenna asking if Kezhon was going to go visit 'her' today. He wondered who 'her' was as he was a single man who rarely left the house, if ever. Liam cleared his throat again, trying to find a way to bring that up without upsetting him.
"Is... there something special about today?" His patient's ears perked up slightly and his eyes finally rose to meet his, his expression was far off, as if he was trapped somewhere between past and present. He gave a small slow nod before finally speaking "Not so much special..." Liam cocked his head, placing his clipboard in his lap "Oh?"
Kezhon hung his head again before sighing, his voice was weak, it sound almost as if he'd be sick. "It's the day I found... her..." He made a sound, his shaking hands clutching into his jeans as he fought of tears.
"Her?"
He closed his eyes and sighed "Janie" Liam felt a swell in his chest, he had read his file where he vaguely mentions her to one of the nurses, asking 'Where is Janie?' Other than that he rarely ever spoke about her to anyone, when questioned about her in Eastwood he would grow angry and violent. It was definitely a subject to handle lightly. In a soft voice "Could you tell me more about her?" His patient looked up at him again in silence before finally speaking again.
"She was my best friend in high school... Today is the day I found her... a week after her suicide... She had no family, killed during the war. No one else really cared... I would have-should have... gone to see her sooner... but we had a fight and I really didn't think she wanted to see me..."
"What was the fight about?"
"I'd rather not say... I don't even know what happened, she just got mad at me... The first day after our fight she didn't come to school, it wasn't unusual, she was sick, she got sick quite often. Normally I would have visited but as I've said, after our fight..." He went quiet again, and Liam had to prompt him to continue. "The next day I was still mad, she still wasn't in school. Same with the day after that, only that time I was more worried, but I still felt nervous about confronting her again. Finally on Friday I decided I would suck it up and go see her. I went to her house and knocked, no answer. Something told to me go in and I did. And... I can still remember that smell... even if at that moment it was faint I can remember it... when I went up the stairs it just got stronger and stronger all the way to the bathroom... I remember feeling very, very sick... something told me just to go... I should have never opened the door... I could feel something heavy against it... I shouldn't have opened it... but I did... I blacked out, and found myself back home... ... I loved her Liam... I don't understand why she did it... I loved her, she knew that... sh-she knew that..." His head sank and placed itself in his hands, choked muffled sobs sounded from between them.
Liam took a breath, it was no wonder this day had him so withdrawn. "Well... Kezhon... perhaps you should focus more on the good memories you've had with her, rather than the bad."
Kezhon's head snapped up, his eyes lit up with rage as his tear soaked face twisted into a snarl, in a loud booming voice "DON'T YOU THINK I'VE TRIED?! They wouldn't let her die! Even after she was taken from me THEY WOULD NOT LET HER DIE!!" Liam's eyes widened, taken aback by the sudden shift in emotion, but still managing to keep a calm aura. "Calm down... who is 'they'?"
Kezhon's eyes narrowed "At school, they all knew what she did, who she was. I knew as well, I didn't hold it against her. During that time we all had to do what we could to survive, we may not have liked ourselves for it but that's what we had to do. Not all were born into comfort and luxury!" Liam nodded "I know, I know...what did they do? The others from school?" He was poking a bull right now but the sooner it left his system and was in the open, the better.
His patient's nose flared "The jokes, all the cold, cruel heartless jokes! She died in a tragic and horrific way and all they could do is laugh! It was constant, relentless! She was gone but they would let her just go! I HATED THEM!" Liam jumped in, trying to find a way to calm him down, as well as attempting to keep his voice soft and soothing. "I'm sorry that happened, but it's over now. They all have grown up and I'm sure, feel very horrible that they acted like that." Kezhon let out a huff, lowering his head, obviously still very angry but now something else was on his mind.
"Kezhon?"
He shook his head slowly before muttering out "It was also... not one of my um... prouder moments..."
"What do you mean?"
"I just... I started feeling really dead inside... I couldn't really register what anyone was saying to me, all of it was a blank. Even now it's so hazy... but I remember one day... um... well there used to be a gun here... and I can just say... well there is a reason I don't keep one here anymore, leave it at that!"
Liam shook his head, "Tell me more" Kezhon's mouth pulled into an angry frown before continuing. "I just... I felt so much hate towards them... and that's all I felt... I couldn't see them as living beings anymore... I couldn't even figure out who I was most of the time, I was just an empty husk walking about. That's when odd thoughts started to form, they weren't mine, they didn't feel like mine, yet... I listened to them. I don't remember doing it, but I tucked the gun inside my pocket and went to school, the whole time one thing played through my mind, 'take all I could and then me, take all I could and then me' I almost did it too... it was so close... but then something just woke up inside me and told me not too. When I finally came to my senses I ran to the restroom and threw up... I left school as soon as I could and got rid of it. It scared me so much... I never thought I'd be capable of even planning something like that..."
Liam blinked and let out a long quiet sigh. He himself couldn't even believe he almost did something like that, from the time he met his patient, all he really did was compulsively clean his home, take care of his fish... play with his cat, sleep walk, or maybe have a few instances where he just seemed... "out of it" and stare off into space. Liam knew he could become violent, but it wasn't very common, he'd be more likely to hit depression rather than a violence of that seriousness. Most of his violent outburst were rather minor or belonged to one of his angry personalities... maybe in that moment it WAS one of his personalities... Liam smiled "It was a bad idea, but you didn't go through with it, the real you wouldn't have gone through with it."
Kezhon frowned, his expression seemed to soften slightly, "I still don't trust myself... I still can't forget her... I can't seem to forget anything..." Liam lowered his gaze to his floor briefly before looking up, "How about we try and help you remember something else. I'm sure you've had a lot of good memories with her. Lets think of one that made you really happy and focus on that one instead." Kezhon rose an eyebrow in uncertainty. "Come on, tell me a moment when you were with her that made you really happy." He sighed, leaning back he closed his eyes and thought. His anger seemed to suddenly seemed to melt away and he smiled. "Got one?" He nodded. "How about you tell it to me?" Kezhon opened his eyes and sat up, "Well... it's going to sound stupid... but it was prom..."
Liam smiled, "That doesn't sound stupid at all, did you go with her?"
He shook his head "No, we both went stag. Us and two of our other friends. Mostly we just sat at our table and watched everyone else. Nothing too exciting. Then they went on to announce prom King and Queen, our two friends went off somewhere, the one probably out sneaking a smoke behind the school building, the other either was acting as his alibi or off to flirt with this girl he had a thing for. Anyway, it just left me and her, it got awkward pretty fast... which felt odd as normally we could carry on a conversation quite easily." He sat up, his happy smile growing ever wider, "When the Kind and Queen started their little dance everyone went to crowd around and watch them, everyone but us of course. I guess... you could say I had a brave moment and asked her to dance with me." He let out a chuckle "It's funny... the prom King and Queen probably had this glorious moment... the spot light on them, dancing gracefully, everyone crowding around, centre of attention! Him in his fancy tux and her in probably the most expensive dress she'll ever own next too her wedding dress! Make-up perfect, music perfect, the mood just perfect! And then there was us... in the back, dark corner of the room was us... my tux was an old hand me down, smelt like moth balls, no matter how many times I tried cleaning it, a rip in the one sleeve and a stain near the breast where some of my dinner fell off my fork when one of our friends grabbed me like the idiot he was." Kezhon laughed, "And there she was, in a faded blue dress that she got at a second hand store that she sank every penny into. Her make up was starting to wear off and wasn't as nice as when she first arrived, hair a little frizzled but still pretty. Our dance wasn't quite as elegant... my hands were sweaty, she kept stepping on my feet, and while the King and Queen could gaze into each other's eyes like nothing else mattered, we were too terrified to even look at each others noses!" A blush spread across his cheeks, almost matching his red hair "And I kissed her... also... well also not as perfect, first attempt I stabbed her in the eye with my nose, she tried but she got lucky and actually got my cheek, every time I tried to smile and laugh my braces would seem to tug at the side of my lip, my old glasses kept sliding down my nose... ...Everyone was paying attention to the ones in the centre... so perfect... and then there was us, in our own little imperfect world, where it was just us... where it was always just us."
Liam smiled "That's a perfect memory to hold onto."
Kezhon nodded, smiles, and said quietly "A perfectly imperfect memory I suppose"