FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

"So, it's like ah saw a fella stroll in, right? Right outa tha cold, wrapped up in a nasty blue cloak an look'n like he ain't got a thing in tha world. Was just mind'n mah own business, see? Just try'n ta keep the bones warm, ya know? Ain't noth'n wrong with that. And while I was just mind'n my own business, I happens ta notice that this bloke, who ain't look'n too up on his luck, just goes right up to the keep an plop down a fist-full of shiny coin, right? Just ask'n for a room, all sparkl'n as new as the day they was minted. Well, I says to mahself, just what has this bloke got going on that he has all that coin all nice'n tidy for a warm bed, yet stumbles in dressed like he just woke up an' crawled outa a grave? Ain't none of mah business, yeah? But still, I thinks that this fella must've got a case of the look-sees if you know what ah mean. Musta got them shiny pieces off of some poor traveler. Or maybe his fingers found a pocket they didn't quite belong in if ya catch mah mean'n. So, yeah. Right. I just drink my ale an minded myself proper. No skin off my bone wot he done in who-knows-where. But as the night pro-gresses, an ah have a few more pints, it begins to strike me that it ain't proper for the good citizens to be think'n that way. Why, wot if those coins, as pretty as they was, had belonged to some poor ol' widda or maybe somebody else's mum? Wot if this bloke, as nasty as a winter wight, just a' happened to pick the pocket of some poor ol' blind child who ain't got a friend in the world? Now that, my friends, that ain't the kinda thing a good citizen just says ain't none my business for. Some things is everyones' business, right? So, you sees, I just thought to myself I should have mahself another pint, and then maybe when the ol' bastard was asleep'n like a babe, I could go an perform a sort of, you know, do some investigate'n. Make sure he ain't up to all that an that he ain't got noth'n more ta hide. No tell'n what a stranger might be up to these days.

So, this is how it happ'n, right? Ah make sure it's all nice'n seereen an such. Don't want to wake nobody. Wouldn't be neighborly of me. An so ah find his room and in I goes, quiet as a mouse to see wot kinda ill-doins this fella musta been up to. So as I could point it out to you, of course. Far be it from a humble folk like me to take it upon his self to dispense justice on behalf of the honorable watch'n all. Was just do'n my citizenly duty, no less than any respectable member of society would do. So, I goes in and ah notice over on a chair this travel'n bag, just full o' secrets and unsavory spoils, no doubt. But a'fore I could so much as lay a finger on it ah hears this voice a mutter'n right next ta me, come'n from that lump on tha bed that was s'possed ta have been long gone in dreamland an such. And strike me dead if my poor ol' heart didn't just nearly leap up outa mah chest. But as ah stood there, all froze-like, I come to realize that this fella is mutter'n all kinds a nonsense and nunsuch. Tha filthy bastard musta had such a heavy load on that conscience of his that he couldn't help but talk in his sleep, an' scare'n poor honest folk lahk myself, who was only try'n ta do what is right an honorable for any citizen to do. So, ah continyas to look about an ignore his mutter'n and carrying on when I suddenly notices this box, see?

Now, afore you go an start think'n me to be a member of the unsavory element, let me just tell ya that someth'n about this whole box be'n there just didn't seem right. It's like, I've been here before, as a pay'n an upright client mind you, an at no time an nowhere did I ever lay eyes on such a box as this in that fine establishment. Not a once. Was a strange look'n box, all clammed up, like one'a those boxes that one keeps their valuable bobbles an such in, all clammed up with a nice big lock, see? An ah says to myself, now, how come I ain't never seen no box like this in all the times I seen--an stayed--in these rooms? Why, it musta been brought in somehow by this thiev'n wight, and you can be sure that whatever evidence you could ever hopes ta find would be stowed away in this here chest, see? So, now you gots ta understand, I carry on me some tools that, eh, you see ah know this ol' lady who is always a'leave'n this or a'miss'n that, and so as it goes on some days ah come along and help her unlock her front door, see? You know, see'n as she is always misplace'n her key. So, it just so happens that ah have these tools on me, and I thinks to myself, tomorrow this bloke might be good as gone, and what if all this evidence in this here box should just up and vanish with em? Ohhh, no. An then I thinks of the looks on those poor faces, of that there widda and that poor blind little fella that this stranger done so wrong, goin forever without no justice, an it just tugged an a'tugged at mah heartstrings till ah just couldn't take it anymore an ah decided right then an there that I would open this here box any way ah could if it would help put a smile back on that poor blind child's face.

An so there you have it. With those there honest tools, tools for help'n poor ol' ladies back into their warm houses, ah set off to unlock this chest of evil so as to give you honorable folk the evidence you needed to bring justice to all them victims of this fella asleep'n and a'muttern'n behind me. An so I tried and tried, and try as I might, ah'll be damned if that wasn't the most stubborn lock ah've ever tried to open. Just as ah thought that it was about ta unlatch an that beautiful lid swing open, somethin would slip and I'd have to start over from tha very beginnin. Ya see, it's as if this box had a mind'a its own. Like it was just sitt'n there an mocking me! An the harder an harder ah worked the more and more it took. Like, it would let me get right to the very end, you see? I could feel tha latch a'open'n. Then, right where that beautiful pop was supposed ta be, there was that horrible clink instead. An ah'd a have ta start all over. That damned box! But ya see, I was so close. So close to open'n that damned box. I tried all night, you see? All the night long with that damned muttering and that damned latch justa 'bout to open and just slip'n... just slip'n at that last moment. It was almost enough to bring a poor soul to tears. Never in all mah days has such a latch so vexed my poor soul. Didn't even realize that mornin had a'crept up on me until you fine gents strolled in. You see, that box... if you'll just let me see it a little longer, ah bet ya my good teeth that I could open it. Open it for you, I mean. Just one more peek. You see, ah almost had it. Was right there. If'n you hadn't stumbled upon me I know I woulda had it for sure. I was right there! Right there! You'd a had it. We woulda had it. We could see what was inside. Please? Please!_Just one more poke at it. Just one more is all I ask. You don't understand... Anythin... anythin ya want, just name it. Just please let me get my hands on that box one more time. I know it. I know what I'll try different this time. It's sure to work. It has to work! An don't you want that evidence? To see wot's inside? It's all yours. Every last bit of it. Just let me see it. Just once. Just once more... ahm begg'n you. _Please..."

This statement was signed willingly by the accused, with their mark, upon agreeing to look into the matter of this box. It is taken as a confession to having unlawfully entered the premises of the inn with the intent to rob a paying tenant of their possessions. The guard was summoned by the owner of the establishment after finding this thief huddled in the corner of the room, occupied by something, and refusing to acknowledge requests to cease his trespass. The tenant who had rented the room in question had long since left. Upon arrival at the establishment we found the accused squatting in the corner of the room, facing the empty stone wall, and fiddling with some lockpicks. There was no box. The innkeeper denied ever having seen such a thing brought in and there were no traces of it in the room in question. The only marks we found were the scratches made by the accused who had been trying to work his lockpicks into the crevices between the stones.