Burdens - Chapter 78: Introspection
#78 of Burdens
Chapter 78: Introspection
Over the weeks Roger had witnessed a lot of changes, in himself, and in the others around him; the wolf, their friends, their teachers, even those that they did not know. Every so often the fox could swear someone was looking at him, but no one ever was when he checked. It was just paranoia, he told himself. Just his mind playing tricks on him. Just stress getting to him.
He had gotten used to the ferret. The sense of humor was different and he often quoted different songs, but the fox was able to follow most of what he said. He was abrasive at times, but he seemed nice enough.
He had already been accustomed to the Labrador. Hunter did not seem to mind him being around, either. Since he was fairly easy-going, they did not have any problems, though at times he would have to leave abruptly.
Still, Roger was focused on Hunter. He could not help himself; the wolf was always around after class, and even during one of their classes. The fox did not mind, of course. Hunter ended up being in his mind when he was not present.
The football team had begun to lose their games, but as predicted, no one paid too much attention whether or not they won, but that their players played. The fox did not like it, but the coach was right in that sense, but he still felt that he was wrong in every other area.
The skunk had given them more study materials to keep ahead of the class, and now Hunter's history teacher followed suit. It was not really an unfair advantage, since it was not a competition, and she offered it to the class if anyone else wanted the materials, but there were no takers.
Hunter was improving. He was able to do the math homework by himself, though Roger still helped him. It took time and was nowhere as quick as the fox was when it came to problem solving, but he remembered the methods and tricks, the means to do what needed to be done. The destination was the same, even if the road was a little longer.
Roger could feel that his own body felt different. Whenever he looked in the mirror, it was the same, of course, but he felt stronger after all the practicing they had been doing. On top of that, he felt hungrier, most likely as a result from increasing his metabolism through increase in activity.
His life was becoming comfortable, but there were always things that came back to bother him. He still had yet to tell the wolf of how he felt, as he was unsure if such feelings would be reciprocated, or worse, that they would lead to a deteriorated friendship. He had spent much time thinking of a way to circumvent the issue.
He had thought of a few ways, and he figured they had merit, but all he really needed at this point was the courage to implement his ideas. Every time they were alone and the room was silent, he could feel his desires well up inside him, and every time he saw the wolf smile at him he could feel himself grow warm and he felt happy. The words were always on the tip of his tongue.
Even now in his improved clarity he could not have imagined being so close to the wolf. The more he thought about it the more he identified all of the positive traits the wolf carried: his larger, muscular physique; his almost child-like innocence and kindness; his positivity and optimism. They all outweighed the mere lack of learning he had once had.
It was like football, the fox equated. He had been slow when practicing the sport with the wolf at the start, and he still was slow, nowhere near as skilled as the others, but he was improving. Perhaps the only thing the wolf really needed was a chance to grow, but no one gave it to him.
Roger felt honored now to be the one to give him that chance, and he wanted to express it, but more than that, he wanted to express his gratitude to the wolf, for giving him the chance to get to know him. He had been a fool to criticize him without having known him, and if their teacher had not paired them together, he would still be the same negative fox he once was. Had that been intentional?
He did not know the motives behind every action the skunk performed, but he could infer. Perhaps he had known, perhaps he had not. Maybe everything that he had done was to help the wolf. It could have been to merely help the fox, now that he thought more about it. Why did it have to be one or the other, though? Perhaps it was both.
Just how far had they come, since those first couple days? It felt like forever ago, but it was hardly any time at all. Soon the wolf's grades would be adequate for him to rejoin the team, but would he? He figured he would encourage him to do so, since if he really wanted to play football later on in life, he would need to be noticed. Perhaps he could become the star player.
He had mentioned it to the ferret one day. The response was mixed: on one side, the coach and the team would pose as a large obstacle, and dealing with them was bothersome; on the other side, it was beneficial, and they enjoyed playing. He said that he would join if the wolf did, but the fox would return back to the sidelines. Which was the better option?
The fox had ran through the scenarios in his mind. Truly, which was the better alternative, he wondered. He could finally rest, but they would no longer get to practice as much together. Aside from that, what would be the way the wolf ended up choosing?
He wondered what the best path was, but in reality, he knew.