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We started as trainees... we were two individuals that were brought together by nothing but coincidence.

I didn't know when the exact date was, but sometime along the course, he persistently came over to me every day to talk to me. I was too mindful about passing my trainees days to think about what he was up to. At that point of time, we were just Rob the lion and Lars the wolf. Life was tough. Physically and mentally. It was all part of the course though, it was planned to screw us badly. The course was almost over, and the entire time I was prepping my mind to deflect whatever physical or mental pain the course brings me. But the instant drawback was that I shut myself from the world. So at that time I didn't think much of him. I just labelled him as a concerned fur who didn't want a course mate to slip into depression, like almost everyone else in the course.

Over time, Rob visiting me has become a daily routine. Sometimes it's just small talk, a little concern. I didn't need him to do it, but he just did anyway. The course was spilt into three groups in the first place, so I get my company from my own group and Rob didn't belong in mine.

He didn't come alone though. Apparently his group and mine tend to come together for some reason. Maybe it's due to the snacks that other members of my group tend to bring in or something... So I still didn't think much about Rob the lion.

Eventually we graduated from the course, which makes us colleagues. And ever since the course ended, I let my defences lower down. At least I was starting to interact with others. That's when things got interesting.

Rob, who was unfazed by my aloofness before, just got more excited at the fact that I'm slowly opening up after the course. The lion came to me even more frequently to talk, so frequent that our peers began to group the both of us as good friends. We weren't the only duo that was grouped at the same time, so I just shrug at them, thinking it was insignificant.

Perhaps it was the effort that he put in that brought us together, along with the fact that I would feel bad if I just ignored his goodwill; or that I have closed myself from the world long enough to crave for companionship, we quickly became friends. Not those hi-bye kind of friends, but a true buddy, those that would look out for each other's back. We shared little things about our lives with each other, and of course we would end up with a relationship topic. It almost always does.

The lion told me that he had a crush on a girl before, which he took years to get over it. And now he was after another one, a lioness, who he seemed to have problems professing his love to. I actually don't blame the girl, because frankly speaking, he wasn't the nicest looking lion here. I smiled at him and told him that I could relate to him; after all, I did have a crush on another person too.

I didn't tell him who I had a crush on though, simply because I had a crush on a male brown bear, Hakon, and that he had never even seen the bear in his life before. So why confess and take a gamble? Let's face it, no matter how liberal the country is; confessing your sexual orientation is still a gamble.

Rob had tried to probe, but I was determined not to tell him, to protect our friendship. I was wary to drive the conversation away when he got too close the topic. After a while he seemed to get the message, and we end up talking about how to help him get the girl.

According to him, the lioness shares a similar thinking as I do. That's when he started to ask for my opinion for almost anything; gift for her birthday, food preferences, and other random things. And because of that, we hang out with each other even more, out of our usual curriculum. I simply wanted to help him as a friend, and be his friend at the same time. I knew how much it hurts to not be able to get who you wanted, so I was all in to help him.

One day, however, he came up with a bizarre idea. He asked me to be his test subject. That he would treat me how he would treat that girl, so that whatever reaction I have he would avoid doing it on the girl.

When I first heard it, I got so pissed that him. I felt so angry at him. "What am I, a spare tire to you? I thought we were supposed to be great friends!" I told him angrily. He was alarmed at my reaction, not really expecting something along this line to happen. He tried to convince me that this wasn't the case, that I was overthinking it.

I eventually calmed down, and tried to go along with him. But it didn't work out, because I still feel used, exactly like a spare tire. He had been bringing me snacks, giving friendly hugs and things like that. I just felt that whatever he was up to was just wrong. Because I am a guy and the lioness is a girl. Doing the things to me to test a reaction for a girl? Which straight man will do that to another straight man?

My displeasure must have been obvious, because he got increasingly panicky too. That was when I got suspicious at him. When I make sarcastic comments, he gets very concerned at my behaviour. Like my mood was going to affect him badly. I was pretty sure that that was crossing the line of friends. It was like he was afraid that I would leave him for even one second.

And when he panics, he stumbles upon his words and I started to find holes in his story of getting that girl out there. When I asked him for the truth, he refused to answer me, only told me that everything was 'part of a plan', which meant that he had been lying to me.

Whatever plan he had got me worried. He had lied to me about this girl, so what else was a lie? What did he plan?

I decided to put that aside and think about what he had been trying to do to me instead. I came to the suspicion immediately. He had feelings... for me?

So one day when we were heading home together, he was tapping away on his phone I did a simple test: I placed my forehead against his. He didn't flinch at all while the seconds tick. He was concentrating hard not to look away from his phone. I lifted my head away to see him having a slight blush on his face. That was more than enough to tell me anything. Which straight man won't flinch when a dude put his forehead on yours? And to even hold there for a few seconds?

That was when I sighed and probed him for the truth again, this time determined and firm. He was very agitated; he didn't dare to look me in the eyes. All he did was to shake his head, swaying his mane, saying and repeating the same few phrases, "Please don't go; I can't say the plan; it's going to be over; it's finished."

I tried to soothe him, but he was so into repeating himself that I couldn't do anything. He was on the verge on breaking down in a public bus stop. Reluctantly, I gripped his shoulder and growl at him to stop it, almost shouting. He slumped on a nearby wall, not saying anything.

That's when I told him, "Please, I'm not going to leave you okay, I just want some answers."

"Why can't we just stay the way we are?" he begged, "Please."

I gulped, "because I suspect that you have feelings for me... that's why I want to clear things up. Please... I'm not going to leave, okay?"

From his reaction, I've already knew the answer. I just wanted him to say it in my face for me to truly believe it. He looked down and kicked at a random cigarette butt on the floor.

I folded my arms and straightened myself, "Come, look me in the eyes."

I patiently waited for him to gather enough strength to do it. I didn't want to be this harsh, but I didn't want him to fall back to that state of just repeating lines and shaking his head.

"So?" I asked, before sighing and added, "Just tell me whether you have feelings for me or not. At least shake or nod your head."

He mumbled something in return that I couldn't hear.

"What?"

"There are many people around us..." he said again.

I didn't know whether to laugh or frown at him, but I replied, "Just say it, the people around us are just passing strangers who probably won't appear in our lives ever again."

"I..." he cleared his throat, "I do have feelings for you, okay?"

I tried to give an encouraging smile, "That wasn't so hard, was it?"

"What?" he croaked, "But you're straight... We can't be friends anymore."

"Who says so? I will keep my word. We will still be friends... If there's any comfort, I'm fine with dating guys too. But I can't accept your feelings now. You do know I like someone else already. I'll help you move on as a friend. If we can't be together, we can be friends, right?" I said.

"Really?" he asked.

"I promise. We are still friends."

-

And so I had Rob confessing to me his feelings. At that point of time I had two choices: to remain as friends and hopefully help him get over his feelings; or to abandon him and make him give up his feelings. I chose the first, obviously.

Why I decided to remain as friends was actually because he wasn't the first to confess to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not good-looking or rich. I'm just an average canine. I don't get confessions often, but somehow the people who do confess were never my cup of tea. The previous person who confessed to me was my high school classmate. He ran away almost immediately after confessing, because he knew about my crush with the bear. I tried to stop him from fleeing, but apparently I didn't try enough because we didn't contact each other after a while.

Because of that, I decided to try to remain as friends with Rob instead of just leaving him. I don't want to lose a friend right now. I know how hard being ignored by someone you like, and I'm not going to do the same to Rob.

From then on, the lion became even more enthusiastic in hanging out with me. It was painfully obvious to everyone else, but they never dared to ask. I suppose even if they did, Rob would just swat it away with us being 'really great friends'. I didn't expect him to go around anyway, like telling people about his feelings since he had a strong pride as a lion. He wouldn't want others to look down on him, which I found it pretty odd and even annoying at times. Because over time I realised that every time we quarrelled, that stubborn one would always wait for me to take the first step to talk before apologising.

But that was just one of the many flaws Rob has. He isn't a perfect person, no one is. While he had treated me very well, I cannot simply ignore his other flawed side off his personality. Was that a step to considering him as a mate? I suppose so. I began to observe him around our peers, his behaviour towards others. When he did something like a bad habit, I would convince him to change for the better. I simply wanted him to better himself, and I did ask him if I should, or I could do that for him. Perhaps he was biased at that point of time, he agreed almost immediately. He told me he would listen to me, to change for me, so as to make him more desirable to me. I was more than happy when he said that... no one was ever so dedicated to me.

We were literally stuck with each other almost every day since, and we were closer than ever. We would go out together (took him some time before he actually tried to ask me out.); we would play together, sometimes more physically closer than any male friends should; we would try within our means to make us work together; we spend our holidays together, texting each other over the weekends. I didn't know if that was overstepping the line, because I knew we were only friends, and he assured me that I wasn't leading him on, so I didn't think much of it.

There were times where we cuddled in a private room for an hour or two, just talking about random things. It wasn't anything intimate; I didn't allow it to happen even though I might be needy on some days. Sometimes Rob would just slide his paw on my thigh, feel my head fur, or hug me by the waist. There was once where he nibbled my neck; I could hardly supress a moan when he bit down on that sensitive spot... I had to push his muzzle away from continuing while I wait for our hormones to recede and that was the most we had done.

He took great efforts to take care of me while we were friends. I tried stopping him from treating me too well, but he didn't want to back down. I felt almost guilty having this effect on him. It was as though he was willing to do anything for me. He promised me many things... perhaps it's all because of his feelings for me. He told he would change for me... he wouldn't get over me... he would do anything for me... he would be there for me... which he really did at one time where I quarrelled with my family and I called him on the phone. It didn't even go to the voicemail once.

Then other times we would go out together as friends ('It's not a date, really!') to random places like shopping clothes for his inexistent wardrobe, borrow books from a library, choose birthday gifts that he would give to his friends, or simply eat out at a restaurant.

Most of the time he would offer to treat me everything he bought for me, even meals. I know he comes from a well-off family, his dad was an owner of some trading company or something along that line, but I never let him do it. I may be a little poor, but I don't like leeching off his family's cash, or you could say that I was a little prideful at this area. I made him promise me that I would fork out for my own share unless it is a celebratory gift.

And speaking of gifts, I realised that he was very bad at gift picking. He tried to give a necklace to a girl that he wasn't even familiar with and got the gift rejected back. There was once, during one of our meals where we were having our dessert, he asked me if he should have sent nine or twelve roses for a valentine gift. When I heard that, I put down my spoon from my crème brulee and raised my eyebrow.

"Valentine gift?" I asked, "For who?"

Turns out it was for the exact same girl where he tried to test me on.

"So... you do like her huh..? Doesn't that make you a two-timer? You like me and her at the same time?" I casually replied as I took up the spoon for another bite.

The lion reacted with a look of surprise immediately, "What?"

"Well, you're giving roses to her..." I said, tapping away at my phone, "And it says here that nine roses means eternal love, and twelve roses means be mine."

Rob swore out loud before saying, "I didn't know. I promise there isn't anything going on! Oh, what to do? Can I change the address to you? I can't get a refund."

"Did you just try to send me flowers?" I giggled, "Nah, I can't have them, I don't like flowers... and what would my family say?"

"Please believe me. I'm not going to do anything with her! You could check my messages!" he begged, thrusting his phone forcefully into my paw.

I laughed at his silliness and pretended that I was checking, "Fine, but you are free to date if you want to, really."

-

At the same time while Rob and I were having a blast as friends, I slowly work out my own feelings with my crush. I had a panda colleague who was acquainted with the bear; I found out way after the course time and was extremely shocked at my findings, but I decide to ask the panda about the bear, just subtlety.

That panda, Terence, never had a clue what was going on. He is a very passive one; he wouldn't approach you without any good reason to ask for help, which made things slightly difficult for me. But seeing that he is an honourable panda when it comes to keeping secrets (he was the same group as my during my course time), I decide that I could tell him my crush history with his bear friend if the panda ever suspected me. The panda might be a little dim, but he is observant and is also very good at listening.

Turns out, after some questioning... Terence wasn't close to Hakon at all. They were childhood friends, but lost contact just over the last year. I sighed, but not blaming the panda at all, considering how passive he is in a simple friendship, losing contact to his friends over time was probably normal.

But I didn't give up there; eventually I managed to persuade the panda to leave an online message to the brown bear (with his raised eyebrow, but he never said anything). While all these was going on, I never told Rob what I was doing, so as to not let him get worked up over it. I thought I could trust him for that, but little did I know that that was the first seed to the destruction of our friendship.

He was jealous of the panda. Rob felt that he was excluded from my 'secret' with Terence. Well, I did, but it was for a fair reason. I tried my best to persuade him, but he had a very stubborn personality. To him I was probably jumping on to Terence because he was big and cute or something. Yes, I do like the fact that Terence is big and cuddly (my first crush Hakon was a bear, so no surprises there), but the panda never allowed people to touch him physically; made it quite clear that he was straight with all the female stars and anime featuring girls with huge tits stashed in his media player; and he is so laid back that I wouldn't even think of having a close friendship with him, much less a relationship. I told Rob that, but no, that lion still remained stubborn at that. I know it is only natural since he had feelings for me, but such jealousy was really uncalled for.

I was never able to get that out of the way, but I didn't mind that... I told myself that this should be the first step of letting him move on. It was not like he would stop being so stubborn, so I left it as that. Sometimes even tease him about it, but it was just jokes... whether he did take those jokes into heart would be another thing.

That was when Terence's friend came into the picture. Terence had a friend named Abel. Abel was a big sized German shepherd, he was not part of our course, but he was posted to work here as a different profession. He has been quiet and elusive around us when he came looking for Terence, but everyone in the company liked him. He is quite a charmer, and being a huge canine makes him stand out even more. I liked his appearance (I just like strong big sized dudes, who doesn't?), and Rob joked to me about it. Rob guessed that I like dudes who were more on the larger size, probably after Terence's incident, started to look out for Abel. It wasn't that Rob was scrawny or anything, he had a considerable size, but he wasn't training enough to be as strong as the panda or the GSD.

Abel was quite an interesting character. He could socialise easily, but I could tell that when it came down to personal stuff, he would shut himself from the world. Rob and I had tried to be friends with him when he first came into the company, but he had been resisting our advances. From the panda, I was told that the shepherd was the same as me, a little odd and depressing at times. That piqued my interest in the dog, even more so now that I was closer to Terence thanks to Hakon.

Hakon had replied Terence over the week, and I quickly took the chance to have my first conversation with my crush in like a year. Of course, I never told Hakon my true identity, I simply used panda's account to talk to him as Terence. I didn't dare to reveal myself to him... I thought it would be too much for Hakon to handle, and he wasn't even very close to Terence. So I end up exchanging messages with him, slowly asking Hakon whether he had ever known a wolf named Lars and everything...

Terence witnessed everything between Hakon and I while we exchanged messages over time. I personally asked the panda to read it actually; it's his account after all. How much can I forbid him to see? And thus the time spent with Rob was now less than before.

When I was spending time with Terence about Hakon, Abel dropped by once in a while. I got to observe and study him more, finding out more about him. Usually they would just talk about random things, inside jokes even in front of me; other times he would be sharing up skirt videos with the panda, both watching the videos gleefully while I compose the next message to send back to Hakon. This was a problem because time to time, when Rob tries to find me, he ended up finding the three of us together. Rob being a stubborn lion and jealous of the both of them... I suppose it simply spells disaster. Adding up the fact that I had been stopping his advances on me to be his mate by being occasionally nasty to him (even Abel told me that); I was putting our friendship at stake.

I still do spend time with Rob, just less than before. But despite how much I tried to placate him, he was getting more and more restless. Eventually he began to dive himself into a pool of work. At the same time Abel, who felt bad leaving me out when he talks to Terence, began to open himself up and include me into their activities. He introduced to Terence and I console games, where the games emphasized on multi player activities. Terence accidentally wiped the memory of my console about that time, coincidentally; so I was more than willing to join them in gaming to spend my free time. I wasn't sure that I would like the game much, but I just went along with them anyway.

I was wrong, sadly. Apparently Abel's popularity roped in more people to play the same game as us, and before long, we were fighting monsters in our gaming console, teaming up as much as possible. Each quest took at least fifteen minutes to complete, and with our new addiction, much time was spent on gaming.

Rob on the other hand, seeing that I'm always playing with Terence and Abel, worked even more vigorously. With both of our negligence, we started to drift apart. Rob was so busy with himself that I only got to meet him after work hours.

I got worried after a while. I guess I got uncomfortable without Rob around me. Perhaps it was a habit that I've developed over time? And I knew that I was giving him little attention, I decided to confront him about it.

I asked whether he was happy with what was going on between us, Rob said no. He knew that I didn't like working too hard for the company, and I knew that Rob wouldn't want to hang out with Abel and his gang. We got stuck into this stalemate that I never predicted. I tried begging him to stop burying himself with paperwork, but he won't give in. He told me that he was contented with doing work... I believed that he wouldn't lie to me, so I took that reason in. I thought that that was the first step to him moving on. He didn't need to rely on me anymore.

Then one day, nearing Easter, I had to send a few college applications for further studies. I told Rob about it, and he was happy to accompany me, despite my efforts telling him that he didn't need to.

While we were in the campus, I casually asked about his studies. He wasn't very bright, but he had a spot in college already, in fact it was one of the colleges that I applied.

"So... what happens if I didn't make it to this college?" I asked casually.

"Well, don't say that until your results are out," he replied, "What did you apply anyway?"

"Pharmacy," I said, "It is not gonna be easy to get into that course... So I might end up studying in the other college for chemical engineering... When that happens, what about us? You know... next time we won't be like that right? We will be busy with our studies and everything."

"Who said that I would be studying here? I could always apply elsewhere," Rob said, flicking his tail in annoyance.

"True... considering your family background, you could always go overseas if you wanted... And if that happens, it would be worse isn't it?"

"I could ask you to come along with me..." Rob said quietly.

I smiled at him, "You know that's not possible. My family can only support me once into getting a degree. That's why I'm also a little scared... If I screw up this opportunity..."

"Nah, you're smart, you'll get through it. Although why pharmacy though?"

"Well, I want to learn about the different drugs and medicine... Perhaps next time I'll work as a drug manufacturer; I heard that they pay well. Or if I ended up in an engineering course instead, which I think I probably will... Well, engineering isn't that bad. How about you? Ever wondered what you will work as?"

Rob was oddly silent.

"Rob?"

"I'm not in your future, am I?"

"What?" I asked.

"When you talk about your course and your future... You don't expect me to be in do you?"

"Rob," I said, "I didn't say that... But there is a possibility that we won't be in the same college. And when that happens, you would probably meet a girl out there and be attached to her... especially if you went overseas. At least that's how I feel..."

Rob just sighed and looked away. For the remaining time after that, he was evidently down, and I have no idea why or what to do about it. I couldn't be promising a future with him that we would be together... right?

That night, after sending in the application papers, we were walking down the street with a cup of ice cream to take public transport home. Casually, I started a conversation with him.

"Have you been around here? Like eating good food around here?"

"Nope," he said, "Is there a good place to go?"

"There is one good place that I know of, maybe one day I'll bring you there," I said, before I joked, "But it's not like you're my boyfriend or something."

I immediately regretted saying that because from that look on his face, I knew that he was gonna take that joke really badly.

"I'm sorry," I quickly apologised, "I shouldn't have said that."

He raised a paw and waved me off. "It's okay," he said.

I knew I did something bad. I was the jerk doing that. I certainly don't want Hakon to do that to me. I felt extremely bad. Even after parting ways to go home, I kept reprimanding myself. I thought this was too much. Why the hell am I treating him like that anyway? Who am I to do that?

Over the weekends, I told myself that this had to stop. I wanted to be nice to him; I don't want to be a jerk anymore. I would let him do anything to me; I won't stop him no more.

That day when we were going back to work, he was texting me as usual about taking transport together. I was glad to agree, but my mum was still out and she was supposed to get me my meal. I told him that I might be later than usual, and he said he would wait. After rushing through eating, preparations and everything, I texted him again to see if he was still waiting while I was on my way to meet him. Everything was fine, until...

'Do you mind if I go off first? I want to catch the news. It's Easter special.'

I stared at the text. I turn back to look at the time... but I texted him earlier that I was going to arrive in eight minutes. I knew that he has a weird habit about catching the local news, which the daily news was nothing much most of the time, and he promised before that he would skip news for me...

And what the hell was it about Easter? Easter special? Is there such a thing?

But I replied, 'If you really want to... then go on.'

And he did. When I arrived at the meeting point, I couldn't find him anywhere. He left me for local news; that was the first time he did. I didn't know why, but I was pissed at him. Whether it's the fact that he knew that I was eight minutes away; the fact that he left me for news, breaking his promise; the fact that I was no longer his priority; or a mix of everything, I did not know. When I reached the workplace, I was so angry at him that I ignored him. But it wasn't like he was really trying to get my attention anymore.

That very next day was worse. Before we could talk it out, our company had a mess event. With free flow of alcohol, everyone started drinking, and that lion was no different. He drank, that I was not concerned. It was when he kept feeding more alcohol to another college that was obviously very drunk. I had to step in to push Rob away from pushing glass after glasses of alcohol, which at one point Rob draped his arm around my shoulder, alcohol strong in his breath, asking me why I hate him so. I did reply that I don't hate him at all, but I suppose with all that alcohol in the head, he probably wasn't listening. And his short attention span was not helping at all. With all that commotion and his disappointing behaviour, I was more pissed at him.

Two days later (the day after he drank he wasn't in the right mind or mood to talk), I got him to talk to me. Apparently he felt that he had done nothing wrong to explain himself. He told me that I didn't understand the importance of Easter since I was a free-thinker. But in the first place, it wasn't like he was a very devoted religious person, and what does that got to do with news?

As for the mess event, he just shrugged and said, "Since that guy wants to drink, then so be it."

I really wonder if my life is playing a prank on me. Just when I wanted to be nice to him, he had to be like this, disappointing and unconcerned, annoying me with his behaviour. At that point of time, he was so disappointing that I couldn't bring myself to be nice to him, even as guilty as I was. All I needed was him to be concerned, to be more understanding like before. Before I knew it, I have already lost my Rob, not this lion now, but the old Rob that was mine.

It was evident over time; I was no longer his priority. He immersed himself with work, so much that I couldn't even find him to talk any more. Every day after work he wouldn't leave time for me either. I was so frustrated at his new behaviour, I find myself being angry at him almost all the time. The most ridiculous part was where he hinted how I'm not being friendly with him.

I took great efforts to talk to him again. I was bewildered by how he suddenly changed his behaviour towards me. I managed to get him to talk and I asked... but all he told me was just, "I simply don't have feelings for you anymore."

At that time, I seriously don't know what the hell was going on. He seemed to be throwing lots of curveballs at me. Out of nowhere he suddenly changed his behaviour, and then now he has no feelings for me already? What happened to his promises? What about those times where he whined at how he won't be able to move on? What about the happy memories that we had forged together?

While my mind screws itself internally, all I could reply was just, "Oh... J...Just when I started to like you more...?"

"You're saying that just to spite me."

"No," I said softly, trying not to show him my weak side, "Why else would I be so agitated when you've changed?"

I looked at him, hoping for some positive reply. All he did was just to stand there and stare at me. I hated badly to admit it... but he no longer listened to me.

-

"Why do you hate me so much?" he snarled at me. We were good friends before, but not long ago things just kept on falling downhill to the point that I know that the friendship was just about to end. I braced myself for the upcoming accusation and argument... something that we now frequently have. Truth to be told, I have no idea why he was being so hostile and suspicious over every little small thing that I have done. He did have such a problem while we were still the best of friends, but it wasn't that bad.

"I don't," I folded my arms and replied, "Why do you always say that? It's not like I-"

"You do hate me to the core don't you? You're all out to destroy me, I just know it," he cut my words, "You make fun of me, you bad mouth me, you want everybody to hate me. Why do you want to do this to me? It is a part of me; you can insult anything else, just not me!"

I rolled my eyes at him, I don't know if he was speaking the truth or just being childish at that point of time. I, his fellow friend, being accused by him like that? Was I that dishonourable to him? Me, making fun of him? Me, hating him? Me, making everyone hate him? Doing all that while I was supposed to be his good friend in their eyes?! Where's the logic in that?

That was not the first time he had been like that; painful accusations and blunt words. He was not like that before. I don't know when or what changed him to be like that; and all these makes me doubt if he still wanted to be my friend anymore. I'm tired of all these things that he was throwing to me; being ridiculous and all. I really wished he had never changed to be like that, but who am I to decide so?

"What are you saying? Why are you so affected?" I said, frowning.

"Don't act like you don't know anything, you're the one who's making fun of me in front of everyone!" he shouted.

"Rob Howard, all that I've said earlier to everyone was just the truth. No one would have agreed with me if it wasn't true. If you think it was a joke, then you are a joke," I replied, trying hard to keep my head cool and failing every passing second.

"So I am a joke to you now?"

"I didn't say that," I said, clenching my jaws to stop myself from growling at him, "I was trying to make you aware of what you were doing, I wanted you to know so that you can change for the better. What's wrong in asking you to ditch your bad habits?"

"BECAUSE I CAN'T CHANGE!" he yelled, "It will always be part of me and I CAN'T CHANGE WHO I AM!"

"YOU CAN'T OR YOU WON'T?" I bellowed back at the lion, his constant yelling snapped every last bit of my resistance against anger.

"I can't," he growled, surprised by my sudden outburst, "I'm not like you; I'm not so smart, wolf."

"This has nothing to do with academics. And I'm not smart. Who said you had to be smart to change?" I said, "Last time you said you will change for me, why is this any different?"

"You seriously think I would change for you?" he said, in a low growl, "Don't kid yourself. I won't change for anybody. You mean those prawn heads? I still enjoy eating them, just not in front of you."

I held my breath and stared at him. So he had been lying to me. He used to tell me how much he was willing to change for me, how much I meant to him, how he would never lie to me. Hearing that from him was as good as saying he had been acting all that to me. He had been lying to me. I felt numb as I considered that possibility. He was no longer the friend that I had. He is now a changed lion. What else had he been lying to me?

"Is that so?" my voice trembled, "So you had been lying to me."

"What made you think that everything I promised before wasn't a lie?" he sneered.

That sentence struck me like a dagger through my heart. So much for being good friends, I trusted him like a fool.

"Don't think too highly of yourself, wolf," he continued, "You are just a friend. Just like you said."

I closed my eyes to stop myself from getting too emotional. "Yeah," I said softly as I didn't trust my voice, "I thought we were friends, good friends. Seems like I was being naïve. So much for being smart huh, look what I've created. I thought I could have changed you for the better. I've tried... and look at you now."

"Hey, what!" he growled, "This is what I really am; nothing you do would have changed me."

I look down at my feet, nodding, "Is that so? How silly of me to not notice it. If that's the case... I wouldn't have been your friend in the first place."

"That what you wanted all along, right? You want to have nothing with me isn't it? You hate me!" he said, pointing his index digit at me.

"No, I don't hate you," I said, "Why... why are you being like that? Who are you? Just because you no longer had feelings you treat me like that?"

"I'm sorry I'm not up to your standards," he taunted again, "You know, being your friend is really tough, you have these... criteria in order to be your friend."

"What are you saying?" I asked, "Do you even know how I feel? I spend time and effort being friends with you, and all you tell me now is that everything before was a big fat lie?"

"What time? What effort?" he said, "You didn't do anything for me."

"What?" I almost yelled, "All the time I've spent with you, doesn't it mean anything?"

He snorted, "You did it yourself; I didn't point a knife at your throat to do it."

That was the ending point of our friendship. Because that line killed me a little inside and I lost control of my emotions.

"What the fuck did you just say?" I growled, "How dare you? This attitude of yours won't get you any friends, mark my words. The only friend you will ever have will be the one you have feelings with. You dislike me this much huh? Then we should stop being friends from tomorrow onwards."

"Will you still talk behind my back?" he asked.

"IS THAT WHAT YOU REALLY CARE ABOUT RIGHT NOW?" I roared, "SO WHAT IF I DO, HUH? TELL ME!"

He remained silent then... or it was only because I continued seconds later, "YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T WANT TO CARE ABOUT YOU ANYMORE, I WON'T TALK ABOUT YOU ANYMORE, HAPPY?!"

I let out an angry yell and banged the railing as I tried to control my anger again.

"What if... I was just lying?"

"At this point you still want to lie to me?" I said through gritted fangs, "you simply don't want to be with me anymore, I get it. Now I have to figure what other lies you had told me, huh? Now I have to look back at the memories and tell myself that everything we did was a lie. Fine."

"You do know what my father work as, right?" he asked quietly.

As if I could get any angrier, I pointed at him yelling, "I DON'T CARE I YOU'RE LOADED OR NOT!"

I sighed before continuing, "I would still be your friend even if you were the poorest dude alive."

Rob frowned as he stood up, "I think we're done talking."

I stayed silent as he got up and left me. Eventually I had to pick myself up, heartbroken and lost, to return home to rest. I forced myself not to cry as I lost my friend. Even as I sit on the bench on the bus stop, I made space for Rob out of habit. But he was no longer here anymore.

For the first time after so long since course time, I felt alone.

-

The days after that night were horribly painful. Our colleagues tried to probe for answers, but eventually left us alone. I couldn't tell them even if I wanted to, because telling them would be revealing personal details to them... like our sexual orientation to begin with.

I tried to ignore everything that I felt but I realised it was much harder than before, I no longer had Hakon to think about, and now my only good friend was gone... I'm left with colleagues and myself (I obviously couldn't confide to my family.). It was slow and painful, but I had to go through it. This sadness slowly became feelings of anger and hatred, because day after day, Rob still never shown any form of remorse or regrets. I had to force myself to kick away all the habits that I have learned over the time I was with him, I had to wake up to dreams about me being normal and friends again with him, I had to stop myself from lashing out at him every time I see him.

Eventually days turn to weeks, weeks turn to months, and all Rob did was nothing but a line of, "I think I owe you an apology, I'm sorry."

But words were just words. He didn't even seem apologetic. It's as though he is just saying it to make himself feel better. In fact, he even went out cheerfully with other colleagues for a movie afterwards.

With my overthinking mind that was constantly screwing me, after the months I came up with reasons why I'm so pissed at him. I felt cheated, like he was playing with me. One day he has feelings and he treats you great, then when his feelings are no longer there, he casts you aside. I felt angry also because he never gave me a chance to reciprocate. Just when I wanted to make up for my own rude actions with him, he had to 'lose' his feelings. I felt used, like when he needed my friendship during his first confession, I gave it to him. And now that he can stand on his own to move on, he just shove me aside. Let's not forget the point where he made everything we had before a lie.

And I'm not the only one complaining here. My colleagues also start to say things about him. About how nosey he is being, how much of a bootlicker he is, how stupid he is, and other nasty things that I never thought I would hear in the past. I had to admit the things that he does was freakishly annoying. He wasn't the brightest fur around us and he tries to do everything. With his easily distractedness, it wasn't surprising that his efforts are neither ineffective nor successful... and somehow he even got a promotion ("Told ya, sucking up to your superiors for a few months works," as one of my colleagues said.). I was concerned at the direction he is heading, but who am I now to say anything?

On the fourth month, somehow I got him to talk to me again. I simply wanted to ask a few simple questions about us.

"Do you still care about me?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Do you still want to be friends?"

"Yes."

"Are you expecting anything from me?"

"No."

"Do you still fear change?"

"I would change only for myself, not for the expectations of others."

"Are you happy?"

...

"What do you mean?" he replied.

"I mean what I asked. Are you content with what's going on?"

He thought for a moment, "Yeah."

"Even after giving up all your coursemates?"

"What are you trying to say?" he glared at me.

"I've heard things about you," I said, "Frankly it wasn't nice to hear."

"I know all of you hate me, but I don't care. And I do have friends."

Yeah. Those people he calls friends? From what I saw, it was all either simply out of pity, or to exploit his monetary abilities and his willingness to work. Those people are the ones who too say nasty things about him. I suppose that is why no one has ever point out his flaws in his face other than me. Why would they? They could use him and at the same time maintain peace. In any case, who would want to friends with someone so blinded like him? I doubt even his deity that he prays to can help him.

I sighed, looking at him. Perhaps he had never changed since then. His face still doesn't seem apologetic at all.

"I know I have been nasty last time when you still had feelings, I was determined to treat you better, but you couldn't wait," I started, "I wanted to apologise, but who are you now is not who I want to apologise to."

"Oh yeah?" he asked with a smug smile, "I think I'm a better man than before. There's no way I'm changing back."

I've already expected such an answer, but I still hate to hear it.

"How so?"

"I'm no longer that useless lazy shit."

"Is it? From what I see, he was a better man than you are now. He is a man who dared to try, who is willing to listen, who is-"

"Oh, no no no," he interrupted with that same smug face, "You don't know-"

At this point of time, I already known that after these four months, he hasn't change or felt apologetic at all, and he wasn't even intending to.

"Shut the fuck up and listen to me," I growled, anger rising, "He was great friend that I could trust and depend on and you fucking ripped him away from me."

"What if there's a reason for it?"

I rolled my eyes. I know better than to believe his lies that he was about to conjure. Usually his 'what ifs' answers are loaded with lies or nonsense, so all I replied was, "Well, then it is very nice of you not to say it. That's sarcasm by the way."

So in the end I couldn't get him to listen anyway, I ended the conversation quick before I start attacking him.

"Ok, you can go now," I said, folding my arms.

He didn't move. Instead he asked, "Why should I go when you ask me to?"

I let out a roar before stomping off, "Oh GOD! You know what, enjoy being stubborn you prick."

From that moment on, I swore to myself to forget him forever.