FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

The following story contains some violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Ace Fountain Repair

Director Lucas leaned against the reception desk. The clouded leopard looked out the door at the orange light of the setting sun. "Boy, today has been something else, Kara." Kara didn't have much interest in the director's usual attempts at chit-chat. He looked over at the crowd of the elderly patrons of the nursing home milling about the common area. "I hope those volunteer kids get here soon to set up Bingo."

"Yes." Kara replied succinctly.

"I mean, I know the kids are good and all for doing it in the first place. But I get complained at if they are late." He thought that sounded selfish. "I mean, the folks are looking forward to it. And really if you promise to be somewhere at a certain time, you should be there." Director Lucas really did hold punctuallity as a virture. He understood things came up, but still.

"Yes." Kara just continued to try to work her crossword puzzle.

"I'm just upset because I've had a bit of a rough day. I shouldn't complain like this," he sighed, rubbing his forehead. He knew he was being short, but he really felt he was owed.

"It's okay, sir." Kara offered her usual consolation. The man was a bit annoying, but he was too good for his own good.

The glass doors swung open as two intently moving uniformed individuals, a German Shephard and a lop eared rabbit strode through. "Hello, we're with Ace Fountain Repair. I'm Ace. We're here to repair your fountain." The shepard said with conviction.

Director Lucas blinked for a moment then shook his head. "We don't have a fountain."

Ace whistled long and slow. "This is going to be a tougher job than we thought, Beta. Well, no time to waste."

They turned and strode toward the hall.

"Um, wait. We don't have a fountain to fix or want one. Why does she have a snare?" Director Lucas observed the metal pole with the loop of wire at the end.

"Hey, we don't tell you how to wrangle old people, you don't tell us how to fix nonexistant water features, 'kay?" Ace said succinctly. The dog adjusted the large bag on his shoulder and turned away.

"Well, there is no need to be rude," Lucas snarked. Then he ran off after the two who had made considerable headway down the hall.

Kara just shook her head. As long as no one asked her to do anything, she couldn't care less.

***

"You can't go in there! That's Mr. Harris' room! He needs his quiet!" Director Lucas threw his hands over his mouth as he realized he was shouting and thus probably disturbing Mr. Harris' quiet.

The two repair furs ignored him and tromped into the room anyway.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE. NO VISITORS. WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS, LUCAS?" The elderly fox shouted from his bed. "I CAN'T HEAR MY T.V."

"My sincerest apologies Mr. Harris."

"WHAT ARE THEY DOING?"

Beta dropped to the ground to look under the bed. "Just checking for fountains."

"For what?" The fox in the bed shook his head. Director Lucas was amazed, he hadn't known the fox capable of such low volume.

"Fountains." Ace said. "Great big things that spray water around. Have you seen any in here?"

"What? No! I mean, NO, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU."

"Okay, sorry to have disturbed you, thank you for your time."

"There goes one!" Beta shouted pointing through the open door. The repair crew ran out. Lucas chased after them, stopping to offer another apology to the extremely irate Mr. Harris.

He looked both ways as he exited the room. The two furs were nowhere in sight. They somehow managed to move fast through the corridors of the nursing home. He didn't know if he'd be able to find them soon, which he realized was a foolish thought when the screaming and clanging started. He ran.

The two were found leaning against a janitor closet door that was trying to bang itself open. Various elderly partons gawked at the specatcle. Director Lucas just cried inside for whichever poor patron was trapped within. Steeling himself, he approached them.

"We got one!" Ace shouted.

"A what?" Lucas shook his head, stunned at the remark.

"A fountain." Beta remarked. "Can you get a picture of it, dear?"

"Dear?" Lucas asked.

"Oh, yes, Ace here is my husband." Ace was sticking his phone through the open end of the door. An electronic shutter noise, and Ace jerked his hand out.

"Whoah, almost got me."

"What's in there?" Mrs. McGilly asked.

"A fountain, apparently." Director Lucas could faint. He secretly hoped he would so he'd be relieved of dealing with this.

"Oooh, that is a beauty." Beta said looking at the picture on the phone.

"Sending to Dispatch."

"Someone should call the police." Mrs. McGilly said.

Of course! Why didn't he think of that! "I'm calling the police!" Director Lucas announced proudly.

"No, don't do that." Ace stepped forward. And without his weight there, the door flung Beta to the floor. A large brown furry mass bolted down the hall and around a corner. Beta was already on her feet chasing it.

"That isn't a fountain," was all Director Lucas could manage.

Ace stopped himself for a moment before joining the chase. He turned to the director. "What did I tell you about telling us our job?"

Dispatch looked at the blurry mass on the computer screen. He really needed to teach those two what constitutes a usable photograph again. "Bell, can you make anything of this?"

The grey cat with her black-dyed markings stepped up next to him. Her eyelids blinked beneath the piercings of her brow. "I'd say it is some form of Mole Terror."

"Mole? I was thinking Prairie Dog."

Bell shrugged. "Moles are more common around here. I would expect them to be used as a Terror species."

"Yeah, but I'm sure that looks more prairie dog-ish." One quick photo search.

"Hmm... I suppose you are right."

"Yeah."

"Though maybe it is a capybara, it is quite large." Bell said shortly.

"You could be right. Ack." He pulled his headset back. "Ace is yelling in my ear about getting a move on again. Could you look up prairie dog Terrors and I'll keep searching miscellaneous small mammals?"

Bell turned without a word. She walked through the dark room from Dispatch's computer screens. She grabbed her lantern from the table near her own work station and strode toward the pair of bookshelves that was her library.

She stepped between them into the open abyss. She walked across the dark empty void, the towering shelves of books on either side of her. She walked upward along an invisible staircase. Her own eyes glowed silver as they passed over the unlabled tomes.

She stopped and ran her lantern across the shelf, carefully eyeing the multicolored books. Her hand reached toward one, and she slid it from its place without touching it. A flick of her hand and the pages ruffled opened for her.

Director Lucas stopped in the middle of the intersection. His breathing was heavy at this point, chasing the strange people about the home while they chased the strange brown creatures. Oh, this was some kind of infestation. Surely the folks ambling about looking to see the commotion would be calling their children to let them know of this. The peace and quiet disturbed, the home overrun with large vermin. County would have him shut down. There'd be news crews. Lawsuits. He didn't know how he would handle it.

The brown thing plowed Dr. Lucas over. He stared up into the thing on top of him. Large rodent fangs snarled and saliva dripped down on his face. He couldn't scream as he was too terrified. The snare wrapped arout the thing's neck in a second and the creature was yanked into the air off the poor director.

"Got one!" Beta shouted. "I'll toss this in the truck and grab my traps for the rest."

"Wha... wha..." Lucas managed.

"Uh-oh." Ace said. He held a hand to the headset on his head. "Apparently they are prairie dogs."

"Prairie dogs? Around here."

"Whoever is bringing the Terror to town is amping their game up. Getting other things. But yeah, prairie dogs live in towns. We're not dealing with one or two." Ace looked at Beta solemnly.

"Um? Excuse me..." the director tried pulling himself to his feet. In the process his face got too close to the chomping beast at the end of the snare, and he fell backward with anothe oomph.

"They apparently build their town as a set of shadow tunnels under the ground, so there's no danger of structural collapse yet."

Director Lucas followed the all important word. "Yet?"

"When they have enough energy, these guys are feeding off some kind of energy from the old people. "

"We prefer to call them guests. Other terms are just derogatory." Director Lucas' politeness was a reflex that came out even in such situations. After all, if you lose your politeness you've really lost everything.

"Anyway, when they have enough energy, the tunnels will de-shadow. And the ground here will become..."

"Swiss cheese?" Beta volunteered solemnly.

"I was trying to avoid that cliche, but yes. Also, apparently they have acid spit for some reason." At that point the wire loop of the snare completed its corrosion under the captured beast's spit. Beta fell backward into Ace at the sudden loss of weight as the creature tore off down the hall.

"So, yeah, bad news babe." Ace said as he righted her. She whimpered. "They are putting the structural integrity of this place in jeopardy, and that's less of a concern of mine than whatever they are doing to the... elderly patrons of this place to begin with."

Director Lucas finally managed to get himself up. "What is going on?" He was concerned now more about the two strange people's solemness compared with their earlier excitement.

"My wife and I have differing views on... ethical fountain repair tactics."

"They are just animals. They were regular ones before..."

"I know honey." He kissed her cheek. "But these people have to come first."

She nodded slowly.

"Okay then. My turn."

"I wish you wouldn't enjoy it."

Ace set down his bag and pulled out a long metal rod. "Um, what is that?" Lucas asked.

"Pipe, man. Fountain repair generally involves the stuff." Lucas agreed, on some level, but it was still odd. Then Ace pulled out more things and began attaching them to the 'pipe.' The things were decidedly not components of fountains.

"What... what are you using that for!?"

"Okay, this might get a bit technical. But the pipe here guides a chemically accelerated projectile in the direction of my choosing. Very complicated stuff."

"You aren't firing a gun in here!"

Ace and Beta stopped. They looked at each other slowly. "He's a bit slow on the uptake, isn't he?"

"Yes."

"What uptake?"

"We aren't actually here to repair a fountain." Ace said.

"I figured that. I mean... I."

"Okay, we'll level with you. Somebody in this city has been realeasing various supernaturally altered animals known as the Terror into various places. We do not know how or why they are doing this. We just know they are and do our best to track down the creatures and get rid of them. So this comes back to the trust us to do our job bit. We know what we're doing, contrary to what we may have led you to believe thus far. So we need to deal with these things, or all or these people..." Ace gestured at the crowd of old folks who had gathered. He didn't want to say the last word and upset them.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Director Lucas asked with a sigh.

Beta smiled. "I like him," she told Ace.

"Me too." Ace grabbed two handguns from his bag and holstered them at his hips. He slung his shotgun over his back. "Let's go hunting."

Ace fired his rifle down the hallway into the prairied dog Terror. The creature fell dead in an instant. "Um... could everyone please step to the side in an orderly fashion." Director Lucas tried to calm people as Ace turned on his toes and fired down the other hall over Lucas' shoulder. The director shuddered as he looked back at the second dead lump.

The two hunters had already moved on, and the director ran after them, calling to the patrons to get out of the way. "Ms. Heath? Could you go back in your room for a moment?"' Gunshot, dead dog. Ace worked the action. "Mr. Lorris? I'll bring you my crossword book around in a few." Gunshot, dead dog. "Oh, Nurse Pleasant? Could you be a dear and duck?" Gunshot, dead dog. "NO! THAT'S MS. TREMBLE. She's just a prairie dog anthro."

"Oh, that was a close one." Ace said, lowering his gun from the quivering woman.

"This happens way too frequently," Beta chastised. "Lookout!" Lucas dodged left and Ace fired into the beast that had leapt toward the cheetah. "They're really coming out of the woodwork now." Beta said.

"You and your cliches. And yes, they know we're onto them, they are getting defensive." Ace reloaded his rifle.

"Whoah!" Lucas turned his head just as half a dozen of the things charged straight for him. All he could do was pull the door shut to Mr. Thomas' room so they didn't get the old badger. He saw his entire life history in that moment. And he really wished he'd gotten to try sex.

"Down!" Lucas somehow heard the word and somehow obeyed. His legs collapsed from beneath him just as the first of the beasts lept. Six shots. He heard and counted every one. Six thuds as each animal hit the ground. Lucas looked up at his saviour, the rabbit Beta holding the two revolvers she'd pulled from her husbands holsters.

"Just because I don't like killing things doesn't mean I won't." She remarked grimly. "Come on. There's more where these came from."

"You don't suppose they have a queen or something we could kill to make the rest scatter?" Ace said as they turned down another hall.

"Mr. White!" Lucas shouted, spying the creature crawling behind the old wolf with his walker. Ace aimed at the floor and fired. The bullet ricocheted between the wolf's legs up into the creature's skull.

"Show off." Beta acused. Lucas just stammered. The old wolf seemed unaware of what had transpired.

"Is there going to be pudding?"

"I will bring you some pudding in a bit, Mr. White. Why don't you head to your room?"

They walked on. "I don't think prairie dogs have queens." Beta said.

Ace touched his headset. "Dispatch, do prairie dogs have queens?"

Gunshots fired one after another. Prairie dog after prairie dog fell. Ace lived up to his nickname with his shooting.

"Apparently they have hierarchy, but no defined term for queen. So you are correct, dear."

"Yay." She smiled.

"What's in here?" Ace pointed to a door.

"The kitchen."

They stepped through. The room stank. All three had to throw their hands over their muzzles to keep from gagging. And the cause of the stench was a giant version of the prairie dog monsters rooting through the foodstuffs of the pantry. It turned and snarled, its breath making the group gag again.

Ace managed to pull his hand away and cough as he asked his headset, "Let me rephrase the question. Do Terror prairie dogs have queens?"

"Does it matter? Shoot it!" Lucas shouted.

Ace did so, firing square between the beasts eyes as casually as he could manage. The monster did not respond as things normally would to such a thing, namely by dying. It just roared its rank breath, and now more of the regular prairie dogs were joining it. "Uh-oh."

"Why isn't it dead?" Lucas asked.

"This happens sometimes." Beta began. "The Terror are somewhere between real and not, and sometimes real things don't affect them."

"Same way they can live in tunnels that aren't actually there yet. This one has gone from being affected by bullets to not." Ace finished. "And apparently they do have leaders, according to Bell. Though there is no term. Since they live in towns, I'm terming him the mayor."

"Wouldn't that require democratic elections?" Beta asked.

"Are you really doing this?" Lucas asked.

"Good point, we should run."

They did so. Ace fired into another of the regular dogs and turned and fled with the others. "Everybody please get to your rooms," Lucas pleaded.

"Terror bullets should work!" Beta yelled.

"I'm out." Touching his hand to his headset he said, "I'm out," again. "Great, Dispatch is yelling at me for using them all."

"They are expensive."

"I didn't have much choice."

"What what now?"

"Special bullets that only work on Terror. Pass straight through other living things. I had to use them to shoot some dogs that were on the other side of your patrons." Ace explained as they continued to zag through the halls. "I need another idea. I'm running out of regular bullets, too," he yelled into the headset.

He jerked his hand back to his gun, knocking the headset to the floor as he did so. Firing two rounds killed two more dogs, but the Mayor came after them at full charge. Beta and Lucas grabbed Ace and pulled him along, abandoning the headset.

"If he could find a paintbrush to stab it in the left foot rear with." Bell read weaknesses of the Terror prairie dog mayor in the book she scryed. Terror weaknesses never made much sense. "Or trap it in a circle of canned tuna. Or spritz it with the urine of a were-unicorn."

"They are unlikely to have access to any of those things." Dispatch moaned.

"Or..." Bell shuddered.

Dispatch knew that shudder. "Or what?"

"Or..." she shuddered again. "They can break the spine of a large dictionary across its nose." Bell hated anything that harmed a book.

"Sorry, they might actually have access to one of those. Ace. Can you get a dictionary? Ace. Ace? God dammit, he's lost his headset again. I'm going to glue it to his head, I swear."

"MAYONNAISE!" Bell shouted, relieved at having found a non-book death solution to the problem.

"That may be more doable. Would have been good to know when they were still in the kitchen. Okay, we need to get info to them. How fast can prairie dog Terror Mayors run?"

The book pages turned before Bell's silver-lit eyes. "Faster than a moon camel but slower than a wolf-ferret with four bushels of potatoes strapped to its back."

"Ooookay, I'll guestimate," Dispatch replied. "Okay, since they left the kitchen, probably made it about this far before dropping the headset." He examined the floorplan of the nursing home he'd brought up onto his computer." Ace would have tried to grab it again, but Beta would have pulled him away. She would have hung left at this junction. Then according to my roster here, in this room block 307 is unoccupied. Which means the good director would have preferred them go in there." He grabbed the phone and tossed it to bell. Her eyes broke their hold on the book and it fell to the floor as she caught the thing.

"Why do I have to call?" Bell hated technology.

"Because I'm busy being smug about figuring this out."

The three put all of their weight against the door as the beast pounded on it. "So, anybody have any ideas yet?" Ace asked again. The other two didn't bother replying. The phone rang. "Should we answer that?"

"No." The others answered in unison. They let it ring. It kept ringing.

"This room is unoccupied, who'd be calling?"

"Who even uses landlines anymore?" Beta asked.

"This is a nursing home," Lucas giving an uncharacteristically stereotypical response.

"I'm going to answer it." Ace said. "Hold tight."

"Wait!" Beta yelled, but Ace leapt away. Beta and Lucas put as much effort as the two could manage into holding the door shut.

"Hello, Pleasant Hills Nursing home room 307. Ace speaking, may I inquire as to who is calling? Oh, hey, Bell. Dispatch made you use a phone, huh? Oh, you don't say. That is interesting. Any other important tidbits? Oh, and I forgot to ask you this before we left. Did you take my egg sandwich from the fridge? I mean, I don't mind sharing my food with you, but if you'd ask..."

"ACE!" Beta shouted, straining to hold the door shut.

"Sorry, have to go. Talk to you later. Bye." Ace hung up and rushed to rejoin the duo. "Okay, so apparently we need to throw mayonnaise at it. Freshly made if possible."

"Mayonnaise?" Lucas cried.

"Terror weaknesses generally don't make sense," Beta explained.

"So we'll need to get back to the kitchen," Ace observed.

"Which means we'll have to get out of here, first," Beta moaned.

"Do either of you have a good plan on how to do that?" Lucas asked.

"Yes," Ace said. "But you won't like it. On three, we let go of the door and run straight back to that wall. Count to one, and jump to the side. One. Two. Three!" The others didn't have a chance to object, by design. They followed Ace's coreography to a tee, and the monster dog came at them through the door. It leapt just as they did, and crashed its head through the far wall.

Lucas cried out, he didn't like that. "WHAT IS THAT RACKET!?"

"So sorry, Mr. Harris, we'll get this cleaned up for you really quick." Ace and Beta grabbed his arm and pulled him, the two shooting their way through the mass of other prairie dogs to escape the room.

The trio sprinted down the hall toward the kitchen. Crashing through the door, they grabbed the giant work table and shoved it against the door with adrenaline fueled strength. "Okay," Ace panted. "We need to make mayonnaise. Either of you know how?"

"We can do with store bought, I'm sure." Beta yelled.

"Actually, all we have is imitation. Healthy stuff, you know," Lucas apologized.

"Oh, yes, because it is really healthy getting eaten by a giant prairie dog monster." Beta chastised.

"It's not exactly something they teach you to plan for." Lucas knew he was losing his cool. "We do have Magic Fluff."

"No good, Bell says that stuff will turn it into a murderous rage beast. Well, moreso."

"I don't blame it," Beta remarked.

"Shut up, that stuff is good. You just don't like anything." Ace yelled.

"Okay, I know how to make mayonnaise. It will just take time," Lucas ran to the stand mixer to start it, "Get me eggs, vinegar, mustard powder, lemons, and a bit of salt." The monster pounded on the door to the kitchen. "And hurry!"

"I can't believe you would do this." Beta shook her head at the man slowly drizzling oil into the slow churning mixer.

"I taught myself lots of culinary things so I could entertain my girlfriend. Whenever I get one."

"Yeah, but you can just buy the stuff," Beta groaned.

"Would you stop complaining about the guy knowing how to save our lives?" Ace bitched.

"I'm just saying..."

"I'm more wondering who thought to do this in the first place. Who said, 'I want to slowly drizzle oil into eggs for some reason, maybe it will make a good condiment for hamburgers?'"

"Okay, done," the last of the oil entered the bowl. Lucas flicked the mixer off. The other two instictively reached their fingers in for a taste.

"That is pretty good." Ace said.

"Tastes the same as store bought to me."

"Beta..." Ace chastised.

"I'm just saying...,"

"It's generally best if it sits for an hour," Lucas informed.

"I think we'll have to forgo that," Ace remarked, noting the cabinet being nudged ever further open. "Okay, Beta, you take out the small ones. Sorry, you'll have to. Umm..."

"What?"

"I never got your name."

"Lucas."

"Ah, okay." Ace smiled. "Lucas, you lob mayo at the big guy. I'll shoot him at his weakest."

"Uh-huh," Lucas was beginning to have second thoughts, though he reminded himself second thoughts weren't to be had.

"Wait, you're just setting this up so you can get the final shot for yourself," Beta accused.

"No time to chat," Ace said quickly, "Here it comes."

The creature wedged itself in. Lucas began attempting to toss mayonnaise, which proved more challenging than he'd visualized. "Um, Lucas," Ace pleaded. Beta fired the handguns into two small dogs. A single blob of mayo hit the big rodent between the eyes, but didn't phase it in the least.

They all screamed and leapt aside. The bowl of mayonnaise fell from Lucas' hand, splattering about the floor. The big creature turned on Ace, leaping at him. A group of the small ones crowded about Beta. She fired again and again, dropping them, but she was running out of ammo quick.

Lucas didn't know what to do. Then he saw one coming for him. He shrieked and leapt over the counter. But the thing followed. Lucas jumped up. Kicked at it. "Shoo. Go away." Looking about, he grabbed a chef's knife from the counter, screamed, and drove it down through the creature's skull. He pulled the knife free, and stared at the carcass on the floor. "I got one!" he shouted.

"That's nice," Ace managed. The shephard was prone on the floor, using the rifle as best he could to shield himself from the monster atop him. Lucas clenched his fist. He charged forward, dropped to the ground, and scooped the mayo back into the bowl. Then he leapt atop the giant prairie dog Terror, splattering the mayo across its back. The monster thrashed, Lucas clung for his life.

Ace pulled himself to his feet. "Help!" Beta screamed.

"I don't have enough bullets," Ace had only one for the rifle left.

"Use the shotgun, you idiot," Director Lucas shouted from atop the monster.

"Oh, yeah," Ace pulled the weapon from his back. Given it had been digging into him while he was on the floor, he really should have thought of it sooner. Four large blams and half a dozen Terrors died. A quick reload of the semi-auto, and six more lives ended.

Lucas still fought to stay atop the monster. He felt his own strength weakening. But the thrashing seemed to be getting weaker. His hands that had been barely gripping the beast's fur before now grabbed one another about the monster's chest. His own weight held the monster to the floor. The mayonnaise had worked.

Ace stepped up to the beast and pressed the rifle barrel against its skull. "Wait," Beta cried.

Lucas' eyes met Ace's. Ace replied, "Sorry, dear, two against one," and fired.

The remaining dogs had died shortly thereafter. The stress of their tie with their mayor being broken was too much for their minds to handle. A common occurance with social Terror creatures.

Director Lucas just stared at the giant dead vermin in his kitchen. "Don't worry, we'll send a cleanup crew around," Ace assured him. Putting his headset back on, "Dispatch, send a cleanup crew around," he took the thing off straight away.

Elsewhere, Dispatch yelled at his own headset, "What, no, we're not. Ace? Ace? Dammit." He sighed. "Bell, grab some buckets. We're the cleanup crew again."

"What am I suppose to do, though? Someone is bound to ask." Director Lucas shook his head.

"What do you think you should tell them?" Ace asked him.

The director met the dog's eyes. "That... the fountain was on the fritz?"

"You can learn," Beta said. "Okay, we're out of here. Have a good night. We'll mail you a bill."

"Bill?"

The two 'fountain repair technicians' left as quickly as they had arrived. Director Lucas wandered through the halls, passed the various elder furries coming out to look at the corpses of the various 'Terror' monsters strewn about the floor. The director ended up just leaning against Kara's desk. "This has been a long day, Kara."

The clerk glanced up from her crossword to say, "Yes, sir," then returned.

"Director Lucas?" The director turned to Mrs. McGilly standing next to him.

"Yes, Mrs. McGilly?"

"Do you know when the kids will be here to set up Bingo?"