Burdens - Chapter 57: Catalyst
#57 of Burdens
Sorry it drags. :P
Chapter 57: Catalyst
The movies were over. The two groups met each other in front of the theater. Roger was first to spot them, since he had been looking that way, and since it seemed the other two were preoccupied. Anything to distract himself, he thought.
They wandered toward the same burger place that he had taken Hunter to prior. They managed to acquire a large table, enough for the six of them. Roger helped Hunter choose something, as the choices were numerous and he seemed interested in almost everything on the menu. It was easier this time around; the wolf was more receptive to the fox's decisions.
It took a while for the waiter to come over to take their orders. When he did, everyone said what they wanted, and he left. He gave them an approximate amount of time of which it would take, and it seemed a bit off putting, but they decided that they were in no rush.
Hunter continued to speak with Mary about the movie, while the other three spoke of their own. It seemed to Roger that talking about the exciting events of what they had seen was the popular action. He did not participate, however, as he had nothing to add, even if he could find a spot to intervene. His silence was maintained, and he tried not to be too awkward by looking around the restaurant and trying to look somewhat interested in the environment.
He felt like he did not belong there. In reality, he probably did not. He definitely would not have envisioned himself sitting at a table with a bunch of females of which he had no hope to be with, as far as he was concerned, or with one of the football players that really did belong there. He observed the position in which he had been placed. The situation was unfamiliar and he tried to make sense of it.
Perhaps he was the catalyst. He was the stepping stone in which the wolf could use to develop into something greater. If he thought of it that way, then it made sense to him. It gave his existence in that environment purpose, making it seem less abnormal. He was the driving force that incited the wolf's growth. Would that be so bad?
He decided it would not be. He began to categorize his own desires as but selfish and base. How could he want what he could not have, and feel angry at his fate? It was absurd, he thought. No, he would accept that if this was to help his friend, so be it. His original motive was different, but he changed it. He had that ability, at least.
When could he tell the wolf? He thought that maybe later in the day, after the lunch, and after they returned back to his home. Many possibilities rushed through his mind, all of which seemed no worse or better. Any single instance was good, it seemed. How would the wolf react? Would he approve of his surrender? Would he be condemned?
Of his own feelings, he knew he could not share them with the wolf. Rather, he knew Hunter knew and acknowledged that he had some sort of attraction for the vixen in question, but in the end that did not matter. He could not control her feelings, and if she had feelings for the wolf, that was out of his paws.
Similarly, he could not control the feelings of the wolf. All he could do was to cultivate what he thought was best for him, and help him along in achieving his desires. Perhaps, if he had the chance, he could almost live vicariously through the wolf's own experiences, since he only could see dead ends in his own.
He cast out the thoughts for the time being. The food had arrived. A perfect time, he figured, as if he had continued to think such thoughts, he would have driven himself mad. A time and place for everything, he thought.
The lunch went by relatively well. The group continued to speak, but they moved onto different subjects. Everyone had begun to talk about their interests, hobbies, history, and so on. Hunter did not give much information out, and Roger still felt a bit proud that he knew more about the wolf than anyone else, but it was by a quickly diminishing amount.
It seemed, though, that Mary and Hunter had a lot in common. Perhaps that was why Roger had been attracted to each of them. However, their personalities were completely the opposite. Mary was in no sense a reserved individual; she was very open and freely spoke her mind about everything, regardless of whether or not others found it odd or abrasive. Hunter kept his opinions generally to himself, afraid of judgment.
When one lunged, the other recoiled, in a sense. Their stances were opposite of each other, figuratively. As the saying went, opposites attract. Roger could see it now, and he saw that perhaps he was a fool to think that he had a chance. It became more and more apparent that he was chasing his own tail this entire time, thinking that one day he would achieve his goal.
Lunch ended with little notice. They paid and bid their farewells, but mentally, he had already left. The wolf and fox walked back toward his home.
The wolf stopped him. "Are you okay?" he asked him.
Roger responded, looking at him, "Hm? Yeah, I'm fine." He seemed to cast off the question.
A frown played across the wolf's face, and it filled with concern. "You've been really quiet. Is something wrong?" He paused, and then folded his ears back. "Did I do something bad?"
The fox shook his head. "No, no, you didn't do anything. Nothing's wrong. Just was thinking about stuff, that's all. Come on, let's go home."
The wolf nodded, but he still looked sad. Deep inside, Roger felt a little joy to see that; not that the wolf was sad in of itself, but that he cared.
-
They arrived at the fox's house and retreated to his room. Hunter sat down on the bed, but Roger remained standing.
Roger hesitated, then asked, "So... what do you think of her?"
"Who?" the wolf asked. "You mean Mary? She's really nice, I can see why you like her."
The fox nodded. "Yeah... yeah."
He looked away for a moment. Not even a minute passed, but it felt like hours. He continued, saying, "Hunter, you're a good guy."
The wolf laughed and said, "Well, I'm okay, I guess."
Roger looked at him sternly and said with a solemn tone, "No, I mean it. You deserve good things."
The wolf smiled slightly. "You do, too, but I'm just happy with what I've got."
The fox sat next to him and sighed.
Perhaps, he thought, it was worth postponing.