FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Part 26

Shadow and I separate and head upstairs as the shouting match continues from the direction of the library. Along the way I say under my breath, "So help me if they don't have a very good reason for causing such a racket I am going to throw whoever that is out in the storm and have them count rain drops till it stops falling."

We reach the library and I push the door open only to be met by the growling yelling of two wolves. Harandoom and Aduro are standing on opposite sides of my desk each yelling incoherently at each other while a floor lamp I keep near my desk lies on the floor beside them. That explains the thump we heard, now to find out what the yelling is about.

I put my fingers to my lips and let out an ear splitting whistle that hurts everyone's ears including my own. Despite the discomfort to me and the others it gets the desired effect of stopping the yelling.

I look between Harandoom and my brother before asking in an irritated voice, "What the hell is going on here?" Both of them look at me with surprise on their face as they realize that Shadow and I have entered the room.

After a moment of silence I raise an eyebrow and say, "Well? I'm waiting."

Aduro crosses his arms and glares at Harandoom saying, "I was trying to get him to tell me what happened to our friends and family on Atlantis. He was possessed by one of those things so I know he knows what happened to them." I look at my brother with a mix of anger and surprise.

I breathe in sharply before asking, "And what is it that makes you think he knows what happened? Just because one of those things took over his body does not mean that he knows what it knew."

Aduro snorts and walks past me to leave the room, waves of anger billowing off him. He stops at the door and turns to look at Harandoom saying, "You may have convinced my brother of your innocence, but I don't believe a word of it." With that he slams the door behind himself and we can hear his steps echo down the hall.

Exasperated I turn to Harandoom, "Is that what happened?" He nods as he starts talking, "I came in here looking for you hoping we could talk when your brother came in and started demanding to know what happened to someone called Hannah."

I begin to understand what happened and rub my eyes before speaking to Harandoom, "Why don't you have a seat and I will try and explain some of Aduro's behavior, not that I condone it of course."

After the three of us are seated I let out a sigh and begin my explanation, "First you need to understand that from my brother's perspective what happened to everyone he ever knew happened a short time ago. Where I have had three thousand years to deal with my pain and grief he has had barely a month. Add that to the fact that he was there to witness it first hand and I am very surprised that he has not gone insane. What he did was inexcusable and I will be talking with him about it of course but I just want you to understand where he is coming from."

Harandoom nods softly as he says, "I'm sure that the fact that I was possessed for most of my life by the very evil that destroyed all he loved didn't help matters either." He looks down at his paws for a moment clenching and unclenching them before he looks up and asks, "But who was this Hannah he kept asking about?"

I lean back in my chair and pick up a foot to rest it on my knee before responding, "Hannah was Aduro's fiancée, and the two of them were to be married when Atlantis was destroyed. He proposed to her shortly after I left home on a mission to Greece, I had already agreed to be his best man at the wedding." Harandoom and Shadow both look at me their mouths slightly agape as they realize just how much Aduro has suffered.

After a moment of silence Harandoom looks towards the fireplace and says, "I didn't know. I see now why he got so upset. I represent, at least in part, the cause of all his pain."

I set my foot back on the floor and reach a paw over to Harandoom and place it on his shoulder drawing his gaze back to me as I say, "He doesn't really blame you, he just doesn't have any way to blame the things that really caused his pain so he chose the closest available target. That just happened to be you."

A small humorless grin touches Harandoom's face, "Just wish I was able to give him the answers he wanted. But I don't have them." I pat his shoulder then lean back in my chair, "I'm sure you would give them to him if you had them. But enough of that, you said you had come to talk to me about something?"

He clears his throat before continuing, "Yeah I did. Do you remember when you said that if I ever wanted to talk to you about what I went through you said you would listen? Well I think I want to talk some."

Shadow moves to stand up saying, "I think I will leave you two alone for a bit too..." Harandoom reaches out a hand and stops him though interrupting him, "No please stay Shadow. I want you to hear this as well as some of it has to do with you. Please?"

Shadow freezes in between standing and sitting for a long moment as he looks at his father. In the months that Harandoom has been with us Shadow has not spent more than a few minutes in his presence and to my knowledge has not spoken with him since the day Harandoom requested to remain here.

For Harandoom's part this is the first time that he has attempted to talk with Shadow about anything concerning their past. I can see in his eye now the need he has to talk with his son. A need that only a father can truly feel.

I look from Harandoom to Shadow and see an array of emotions flash behind his eyes before he takes a deep breath and sits back down without a word. A flicker of a smile crosses Harandoom's face as he utters softly, "Thank you."

All three of us settle back in our chairs and Harandoom takes a deep breath before saying, "I guess I should start by saying that I am very grateful for what you have done for me Seeker. Letting me stay here, trusting me, and offering me a place of safety especially after what I did to you and your pack. Even if I was forced to do those things."

I let out a small sigh, "Harandoom, you are not the person I fought nor are you the person who did those things. You have no need to punish yourself for those crimes." He nods as he continues, "I know in my mind your right of course, but I can't help feeling in my heart that I deserve much worse for what was done."

He looks away from us towards the fire in the fireplace before continuing, "During the time I was possessed I was forced to watch as my body was used to commit horrible crimes, even before I, it, became alpha. The first few days I was possessed the creature tested the limits of my body by attacking a small caravan of travelers it stumbled upon in the forest where it found me."

"The travelers never stood a chance. First that thing waited till nightfall before setting upon them. The men died first quick and painless as they were asleep by the fire. But the noise from their killings awoke the women who screamed and tried to save their children but they found no safety. One by one I watched as they were cut down, torn apart, and killed till only the children remained, crying over their mothers bodies."

I watch as a tear rolls down Harandoom's face from his good eye while he takes a moment to collect himself before continuing.

After getting his emotions under control he continues, "By dawn every person in the caravan was dead. It looked like a battle field from hell. Bodies were everywhere, blood covered the ground, and the carts were all broken or burning. I knew then that the evil that had taken my body from me was far crueler than I could imagine. Because as the sun rose that thing stood in the center of the carnage and looked around as it laughed at what it had done."

My stomach churns at the mental image Harandoom has painted for us about what he was forced to witness. I have seen many evil acts in my life, but the pointless slaughter of innocent children is something I hope never to have to see again and is one thing that I know he will never forget seeing.

I glance at Shadow who has a slight green look to his face as he forces a swallow. Looking back at Harandoom I say, "Watching children and cubs be slaughtered like that is something that will haunt you for the rest of your life. That is something that no living being should ever have to see for any reason. Let alone before force to watch while trapped."

Harandoom looks at me with questions in his eye but the moment we lock each other's gaze those questions vanish as he sees the look of understanding that only someone who shares an experience can give. He swallows hard before asking in a slightly cracked voice, "You have seen it as well haven't you? That kind of evil?"

I let out a slow sigh as I nod, "I told you once before that I would understand what it is like to be forced to watch as great evil is done and to be powerless to stop it. My dreams are still haunted from time to time with the faces of those I could not save. Even though their deaths were from centuries in the past the echoes of their last moments live on."

Shadow places a paw on my leg and I turn my head to look at him and see a questioning sorrow in his eyes as he silently asks what happened. Knowing that they both want to hear my story I let out a short sigh and start telling them.

"It was about fifteen hundred years ago now. I had taken resident in a city on the coast of the ocean. I had been living there for about ten years or so minding my own business just existing. One day the city was attacked by an invading army from a neighboring country.

"The leaders of the invaders were cruel sadistic monsters. The worst humanity can create. During the course of the invasion I was attacked while trying to defend a group of women and their children and was knocked unconscious. When I came to I was chained to a wall with a group of other men and wolves that had been captured instead of killed.

"For three days we were kept chained to that wall and forced to watch as the women and children we had failed to protect were first raped and violently abused before they all had their throats slit and their bodies left lying on the ground before us."

Harandoom lowers his gaze as he puts a paw over his face trying to hide a tear from my gaze. Shadows paw on my leg has tightened his grip and when I look at him I notice that his other paw is gripping the armrest of his chair even tighter and he seems to fighting back an urge to vomit.

Letting out a sigh I continue, "At the end of the third day the leaders of the attack came before us and one by one begin to slit the throats of those of us chained to the wall. I was the last in line and was forced to watch as they came closer and closer to me. When they reached the man next to me and were about to cut his throat a horn call echoed through the city which caused them to stop their execution.

"Without a word the leaders turned around and ran from the area leaving their weapons on the ground in their haste to flee. The horn call was the signal of another army arriving to drive back the invaders. In time the other survivor and I were found and given medical aid. Eventually we found out that we were the only two survivors of the city but that the invaders had been killed or were being pursued. Unfortunately I never learned if the leaders were captured or killed."

A long silence spreads between the three of us as I finish talking. Eventually Harandoom lets out a huff of air and looks back at me with his good eye still clouded with moisture and says, "I'm sorry to hear that Seeker. I forget that you have been around much longer than I have and have certainly seen worse than I have in my few years being possessed."

I hold a hand up to quiet him, "It is true I have seen a lot of evil committed over the centuries. But at the same time I have also seen some very good and beautiful things as well. The trick to learning how to live with the evil you have seen and experienced is to learn how to hold onto the good things. I'm sure that even when you were possessed you experienced something good didn't you?"

Harandoom looks at me for a moment silently his mouth slightly open then his gaze flickers to Shadow and he nods saying with a small smile, "Yeah there were a few good things that I saw." He turns his gaze to look at Shadow fully and their eyes lock as he continues, "I know that if I had never been possessed by that thing that you likely would never have been born. But I do remember the day you were born and even though I wasn't the one you knew as your father and at the time I thought you would never know the real me I still loved you more than anything in the world."

"I know better than anyone just how hard your life was and I would do anything to change that. But despite everything you suffered because of me you became a very strong, good person who I am very proud of. You have accomplished more than I ever dreamed possible and it is due in no small part to you that I am free once again to tell you this. I would like, if you can forgive me enough that is, to one day be called your father again. But I will understand if you don't want to or even if you can't."

Another silence stretches out between us again but this one is tense with a different level of emotion. I turn to look at Shadow and see waves of conflicting emotions are crossing his face. Combinations of anger and relief, confusion and understanding, fear and panic all pass over him as he looks at his father who is patiently waiting a response.

Shadow looks from his father to me then back again and opens his mouth to reply but nothing comes out. He closes his mouth and swallows then tries two more times to say something each time failing to say anything. On his fourth attempt he manages in a hoarse whisper, "I gave up a long time ago on ever having a father who would care about me in anyway. Now here you are saying you have cared of me my whole life but were never able to say so. I don't know what to think about that."

Harandoom nods sadly but with understanding, "I know, I'm not asking for an answer right now. I just want to know if perhaps one day we could have a relationship of some kind. It has been torture watching you grow up with what you had to and not being able to help."

I look at Shadow and take his paw in my own and give him a gentle squeeze drawing his eyes to mine as I say, "I am not telling you what to do love. But if was given a chance to have my living father back with me I wouldn't be able to pass that up." With that I let go of his paw and stand to move to the fireplace and begin to stir the embers within with a poker.

Out of the corner of my eye I see a tear fall from Shadows eyes and hear him say in a very soft voice, "I always did want a father who cared about me."

In an instant Shadow has moved from his seat and is wrapping his arms around Harandoom in a tight hug. Harandoom sits there stunned for a moment before he wraps his own arms around his son as tears trail from his good eye.

I can hear Shadow talking softly in Harandoom's neck, "I don't know if I am ready to call you father, but we can try and see what will happen." I move silently to the door deciding that my presence is no longer needed and that father and son need some time alone together for the first time in their lives. As I close the door I hear Harandoom utter a soft, "Thank you."

..............

As I move from the library I set off down the hall towards Aduro's room. Along the way I pass Rick and Jasper who are standing guard outside the room where Teagan is being held. I pause for a moment and ask, "Has he caused any more problems?"

Jasper shakes his head, "Not even a whimper since we brought him up here. I think your little threat got the point across better than anything we could have done."

I smirk, "I don't know, I bet you two could have come up with some way of keeping him in line." I look at Rick directly and ask, "Have you given any more thought about my offer to become a guardian?" He looks at his brother before looking back at me, "I have but I haven't really made a decision yet. I don't really know what to think about it really, yes it would be a great honor, but I'm not sure if I would want to outlive all my friends and family."

I nod in understanding, "That is a big deal when it comes to being a guardian. But you may not have to outlive them all. You're not the only one around here who has the potential to become a guardian."

With that I turn to Jasper and say, "Air guardians are in just as short of supply as earth guardians are." Jasper's eyes go wide as he understands what I am saying faster than Rick does who is standing there with a confused look on his face.

Jasper looks from me to Rick and back again before saying, "Are you saying I can be an air guardian?" Ricks face lights up with comprehension and excitement as I smile and nod.

The two brothers both have looks of excitement on their faces as though Christmas has come early. Before they can get to excited I say, "Shadow is the only other person who knows that you can become an air guardian Jasper and on that topic Shadow and I want to have a private talk with you about it and a few other things before you make a decision."

I turn to Rick and say with a smirk, "But unless I'm mistaken the main reason you have taken so long to answer was because you didn't want to be a guardian without your brother am I right?" With a guilty look in Jaspers direction he nods causing Jasper to hit him in the back of the head and in a growling voice say, "I told you not to worry about me in your choice."

Rick rubs the back of his head apologizing as I roll my eyes before I continue, "I also want it to be clear that you are both being offered guardianship because you have earned it, not because your brothers or because I like you. You have both been amazing betas for me over the years and have been beyond excellent. Becoming guardians will open a whole new world of expectations for you but I know you will meet and surpass them."

They both are grinning at me happily shining with pride as I excuse myself and continue on my way to Aduro's room.

........

When I reach my brothers room I knock on the door softly before pushing it open. I poke my head in and ask, "Aduro, can I come in?" There is a sob from the direction of the bed but no other noise in the darkened room so I enter and quietly shut the door behind me. I move silently through the room over to where Aduro is sitting on the side of his bed with his back to the door.

Gently I sit down beside him and ask, "Do you want to talk about what just happened?" He blows his nose on a rag before wiping the tears from his eyes with the back of his paw before he answers, "I'm sorry for what I did and said to Harandoom. I know that he didn't do the things I accused him of. It just hurts so much knowing they are all gone and when I saw him earlier something in me just snapped and made me go after him like that."

I sigh and lean forward resting my elbows on my knees while I look down at the floor. For a moment we sit in silence before I say, "I know how you feel, I went through the exact same thing you're going through now, only then I didn't have my brother to turn to. I was completely alone. No friends, no family, nothing."

He sniffs again before asking, "How did you manage to get through it and stay sane?" I let out a single laugh as I respond, "Who said I got through it sane? I spent nearly a decade running more or less wild and insane with grief before I had some sense knocked back into me."

I sit back up and look at Aduro. For a moment I just look at the sorrow etched on his face before I reach a paw up and wipe the tears from his muzzle again and continue, "I know that it hurts, and it will hurt for a very very long time, we can't change that. What we can change is how we treat others. Biting their heads off just because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time."

He looks down at his paws in shame as I wrap an arm around his shoulder and pull him close. For a few moments he just leans against me silently crying as I give him what comfort I can till the tears stop.

Eventually he gains control of his emotions and says, "If master Aiden could see me now he would berate me for a week about letting my control slip like that." At his words I get a feeling of disapproval and slight tingling from my tattoo causing me to smile a bit as I say, "I don't think he would be upset with you at all. In fact I bet he would be surprised at how well you have managed to keep it together." Another tingle from my tattoo and a feeling of calm passes over me.

Aduro sits up and blows his nose again before standing and making to go to the door, "I think I will go find Harandoom and apologize for my actions. I need to explain to him what happened." I stand up beside him and say, "You do need to apologize, but I already explained some of what you're going through to him and he understands and accepts it. But right now he and Shadow are having a talk and need their privacy."

He looks at me a bit surprised and relived that he doesn't have to explain himself. With a small grin he says, "Thank you." I shrug and move to the door and hold it open for him saying, "What's a big brother for if not to get his little brother out of trouble." He just grins and steps out into the hall with me.

We turn and head down the hall as he asks, "Do you still think about home after all these years?" I let out a sigh and say, "Yes I do, every single day. There have been days when I wanted to just curl up in bed and cry all day from the ache of losing everything." He just walks beside me quietly lost in thought.

Eventually we end up back at the library though neither of us intended to end up there. The door is slightly open and I can hear Harandoom talking with Shadow still. I poke my head in and see they are both being friendly with each other or at least friendlier than I have seen them.

Harandoom sees me and waves me in saying, "It's ok we were just finishing up anyway." I nod as I step in saying, "It's good to see you to getting along again." I look at Harandoom and say just to him, "My brother would like to apologize to you if you're willing to listen." The smile on his face fades a little and he nods.

I push the door the rest of the way open so Aduro and I can both enter. Once inside I close the door behind us. Aduro moves a few steps closer towards Harandoom with his eyes looking down as he says, "I just want to say that I am sorry for what I said and did earlier. I lost control of my temper and accused you of things you could not have possibly have done."

When he finishes the room is silent as Shadow and I shift our gaze back and forth between Harandoom and Aduro. Eventually Harandoom lets out a sigh and says, "We all do stupid things when we are hurting. You don't have to apologize, Seeker explained to me what you're going through. I can't imagine what losing everything like that is like. I was in a bad place for a long time myself, but I could at least still see and hear those I cared about even if they didn't know I was there. Why don't we just put today's events behind us and try to forgive each other."

With that Aduro nods and turns to leave saying, "I think I want to go be alone for bit longer." I put paw on his shoulder and give a gentle squeeze as he walks by. After he leaves Harandoom rises and says, "I think I am going to go as well, it's been an emotional roller coaster today and I think we all need a bit of rest." He leaves the library as well but turns and goes the opposite way down the hall as Aduro went.

I make my way to the couch where Shadow is sitting and fall heavily onto it next to him. Letting out a sight I lean my head back and rub my eyes before saying, "Today has been a mess." He chuckles and leans against me replying, "It may have been a mess but some good things came out of it. Harandoom and I had a good talk after you left. I don't know if I will be calling him dad anytime soon, but I think the possibility is there."

With that I wrap an arm around his shoulder and pull him close with a smile on my muzzle as I say, "Well that's good, everyone needs their dad in their lives." I let out a sight and close my eyes before I remember my short talk with Rick and Jasper. Without opening my eyes I tell Shadow, "I also talked to Rick and Jasper about offering to make them guardians, rather I asked rick if he thought about it more and made the offer to Jasper. So I bet we will be having two new guardians before long."

He grunts next to me saying, "That's good, maybe then with all of us against you we can finally beat you once in practice." I just laugh softly as we both begin to drift off to sleep.