Don’t Take Work Home With You
Don't Take Work Home With You
_ Before the story begins, I'd just like to say that this piece was inspired by a few stories I've seen, heard and been told over the years working closely with people in health care. This story bears no resemblance to any of those stories but is instead a story I came up with on my own. After a long period of thinking about this story, I heard a song which I ask you to go out and listen to while reading this. The song is called Cocaine Hero by The Rouge. That song hit me for some reason, and thats when I decided to write this down quickly before I lost ambition. This was written very quickly, and wasn't well proofread, but my intention was to get it down while I could and see how it is received before finalizing it. With all this being said, I'll begin the story now. _
"What's the first thing that everyone tells you when you start a new job?"
"Don't take your work home with you."
"Well, I've been a Paramedic for nearly 6 years now and I'm reminded of this statement every Goddamn day. Coworkers, bosses, relatives. Everyone tells me about how I should leave work at work, and have home be my escape. Lately though, I can't get something out of my head. I can't stop bringing this one thing home with me night after fucking night."
You see a lot of horrific things on the job when you work in Emergency Services. Your every shift contains the worst days of every person you encounter. Sure I'm here to make it all better with a bandage here, a IV bag there, but more or less, what I do is show up when people are desperate. I swoop in like some super hero to save the day for the old Ferret who fell and busted her head, or the drunken skunk who passed out in a ditch. Those things don't bother me anymore. For me, there's only one thing that makes my fur stand on end when I hear the dispatch call. Kids. Nobody wants these calls. Sure old people die, but when you see some poor young Vixen screaming for you to save her cub, it's hard not to take it home with you. That's where my story begins.
As usual I'm sitting in my rig. Tak's sitting driver side scarffing down a donut and coffee. I'm next to him passenger side, messing around on the rig's laptop just waiting for a call.
"Tak, you're a bear, I get it. But why the hell do you eat like that? You're not gonna go hibernate on me now are you?"
"Shut your mouth skinny Wolf boy" Tak said through a mouth full of baked goods, poking me hard in the chest.
"I'm just giving you a hard time Tak, don't go bear mode on me here" I said waving my paws around like an idiot.
"Oh, really funny fucker. You're full of puns tonight. Just get back to your FaceBooking and leave me to my food"
"Easier said than done my grizzly friend" I said, sarcasm heavy in my voice.
Tak and I have been partners since school. Ever since we both got certified, we've been together on a rig. We've always been here for eachother no matter what, but very soon that was going to be tested.
I'd lost contact with reality for a few brief moments when i feel my pocket begin to vibrate, followed only seconds later by my pager's ear shattering beep. I shot upright in my seat and grabbed my radio.
"Unit 17 go ahead" I said, trying to cover the sound of Tak choking on donut.
"17 we have you responding to a code 3 priority call in the East Side Apartment Complex. Possible SIDS in a 3 month old Fox Kit." said Dax our dispatcher, an old German Shepherd who spoke with a heavy German accent.
"Aw fuckin Hell, not today. I can't handle a dead pup. Why the fuck is it always us" yelled Tak, stress pouring from his voice.
"Dispatch, show unit 17 responding code 3" I responded locking the laptop in place and buckling my seat belt up tight.
Hit the lights, siren, radio the local PD for back up. I'm doing everything I can to tell myself I can do something here. SIDS basically means that a young one has stopped breathing. Sometimes you can bring them back, most of the time you can't. I always try to keep my mind in a positive place, but sometimes it really feels like an uphill battle.
We arrive 5 minutes later, lights still flashing. I jump in the back, grab my gear and leave through the back doors, pushing the stretcher with me. Not a second later the front door of the apartment burst open to a screaming vixen, her face fur soaked in tears.
"PLEASE SAVE MY BABY!" she was screaming, holding a small blue cloth bundle.
I waked up to her and took the pup from her. My heart sank instantly. It's cold. No breaths, no heart beat. I look back at the mother and say, "We've got him now, we're gonna get him to the hospital where we can treat him better." I didn't believe a work I'd just said. There's not a damn thing I can do at this point. But why should I kill the last bit of hope left in this poor Vixen's life.
"Come on Tak, let's get moving!" I yelled.
Tak followed my quickly back to the rig where I got the stretcher secured and the small bundle of fluff strapped in. I closed the double doors and soon heard the front door close and felt the whole rig jolt to the left, Tak was in for sure.
I expected for Tak to start driving right away, but before I could say a thing, Tak looked back at me.
"What the fuck are you doing? That pup is cold as Ice, you know it doesn't stand a chance. All you're doing is giving some poor woman false hope." said Tak, his voice more demanding than I'd ever heard it.
"Tak, not now, just drive"
"Don't you get me involv........"
"TAK, DRIVE THE GODDAMN RIG!" I growled, my teeth showing, eyes pinpoint and neck fur standing on end. I'd never yelled at Tak like that before. But he looked back at me, big brown eyes staring deep into my soul. Jesus, what the Hell did I just do?
Tak turned back in his seat, and buckled himself in. I felt the lurch as he shifted into drive and squeled the tires as he took off. Here I sat, completely alone. Staring at this little bundle of fur rock back and forth every time we rounded a turn or went over a bump. All I can think is how bad this makes me feel. I did this to make myself feel better and all I've done is make myself feel like shit. I hear Tak clear his throat and shift in his seat.
"I know whats going through your mind right now Pete. You and I have been there before. You and I both know that no matter how hard we try, there ain't shit we can do for that poor thing except take em to the hospital to get pronounced." Tak said with an air of compassion in his voice.
"I know that Tak. Jesus fucking christ I know that. All I wanted to do was give that poor Vixen a little hope that maybe....maybe this little guy would pull through." I can hear Tak sigh deeply from the driver's seat. Nothing breaks my attention from this little guy though. Thats when I unlatch myself from the seat belt and stand up quickly.
"What the fuck are you doing you idiot?" Tak yelled from the front.
"I can't sit here on my ass and do nothing." I yelled back. I undid the blanket the little pup was swaddled in and grabbed his tiny paw, rooting around for a vein. "Gotcha" I said under my breath. Needle in, start an IV. Pump in a dose of Epinephrine, and start chest compressions. 1..2..3..4..5 I count out loud keeping pace.
"Pete, don't get your hopes up. You and I knew where this call was going before we left the station." Tak yelled.
Sweat is beading on my brow now, my fur is drenched and It's starting to get into my shirt. I don't care, my mind has only one thing to concentrate on. I keep adding fluids and doing chest compressions. Thats when I stop and wait. In my head I'm screaming now 'Breathe, BREATHE YOU LITTLE BASTARD!" Tears are filling my eyes, I can't do this again. I need a save here. My heartbeat is pounding in my head, my neck fur on edge again. "Come on" I manage to whisper through tears. Thats when I see it, a little twitch. "Oh my god" I let out.
"Pete, what the fuck did you do? I'm stopping this thing right now!"
"Don't stop Tak, he twitched." I put my stethoscope up to the small furry chest. " I've got breath sounds Tak!" I exclaimed. My paws are shaking like a meth addict at this point. I keep listening, watching that tiny chest rise and fall with each shallow breath. We hit something hard on the road and I'm thrown back into my seat. I'm just sitting there again, facing the road going by backwards through the back windows. I can't hold it back. I close my eyes tight and tears burn holes through my efforts to hold them back. I feel them make a trail through my face fur and matt it down with moisture.
Tak hits the brakes hard and I'm snapped back to reality. I get up and wipe the tears from my eyes on my arms and continue giving oxygen to the pup's tiny muzzle. Suddenly the windows of the rig become bright with city lights. We're near the hospital. I grab gouze from the cabinet to my right and dry my face. No medic ever wants to be seen crying.
I can hear Tak radioing the E.R. that we're on our way. As we come to a stop and the red "Emergency" light tints the whole cabin red, I undo the straps and pick up the pup and hold him close to my face.
"You don't get to make me cry and get away with it little guy" I whispered into his small copper colored ears. All I hear is a small coo in reply.
"Pete, don't let this get in your way. We're here to do a job remember? said Tak.
" I know Tak, let's just get in the E.R." I replied.
The back door fly open and I'm greeted by an old Badger in scrubs and a hoard of other nurses and doctors pushing a stretcher up to the rig. I'm holding the little pup tight, way too tight for a medic. I need to give him to the doctors to treat, but I can't let go.
"Pete, I need you to hand me the pup." Said old Bader.
I hesitate for a moment. But the old Badger looks me straight in the eye.
"Here you go Doc. Here he is." I said feeling like I'd just given up my own child.
And like that, that's where my job ends. I watch as the stretcher moved away as I stood there, a trainwreck in purple gloves and a uniform. I couldn't do anything but stand and stare at the entrance doors open and close. My hands were sitting at my side slumped forward like a Zombie. My face was blank, moist with tears and my mouth agape. That's all I can do, just stand there like a fool.
I feel a large paw grab onto my shoulder and pull me to the side.
"Damnit Pete, I told you don't get over involved. You can't do that and stay sane." Tak said pulling me close to his enormous chest.
" I......I don't know what's wrong. I saved him. I got the best possible outcome. You told me it was pointless and I proved you wrong. Why the hell do I feel like shit?" I said choking back tears again.
"You did the best you could and it worked Pete. Don't beat yourself up over it. that Vixen will come in any minute now and she'll still have a pup to raise due to you. Just remember that." said Tak, hugging me tight.
I quickly wiped my face on some more gauze and got back in the rig's passenger side seat.
"Come on Tak, let's get going." I yelled out the window.
"Hold your fucking horses." Tak replied waddling back to the rig.
I sat in my seat and just looked out the window, gazing at the stars above us in the sky. Tak pushes me hard in the shoulder and looks me dead in the eye.
" Don't you go burning out on me Pete. You and I need to have each other's back. You got me? Anything happens to you and I couldn't live it down." said Tak softly.
" Don't worry Tak, I'll be fine." I said. I just stared out the window and caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. What the hell happened to me? This never used to get to me like this. I felt the rig lurch forward again as Tak drove us back to base. I sat there staring at my reflection in the mirror. All I could muster up to say to myself was, "Don't take it home. Don't take it home"