Chapter 7 - Hell Fire.

I opened my eyes, the gates of hell were in front of me. They had to be the gates of hell, they looked.... Well, hellish. It was literally two huge gates made of twisting plaits of blackened metal and sitting between them, a fucking great bigass 3 headed dog. It's like Christianity and the Greek's got together and decided to incorporate the most intimidating parts of their visions of hell.

I can feel Rain's hand trembling in mine, then I can smell something else. An acrid scent, I wince as I realise its urine. It never occurred to me to make him go before we left. Though then again, I can't say I'm far off wetting myself at this little vision. It's fucking terrifying.

I swallow what feels to be my entire head and gently tug on Rain's hand as I start making my way towards the massive 3 headed beast. There's jack shit we can do about his pants, but I get the feeling the pissing yourself would be the nicest thing to happen to you here.

"We can do this Rain."

"I'm scared Alias."

"So am I Rain. But we can't give up, even in there. No matter what happens, I won't give up on you or myself and you need to do the same. We'll all be waiting for you when you come out."

I give him my best confident smile and try to ignore the feeling inside that tells me this is a really really bad idea. If I think too hard right now, I'm gonna back out and that wasn't really an option if this kid was going to have a life. Hell, I wanted another chance myself and this was the place that would show me how to get that. It'll be worth it even if I piss or shit myself. I have to do this. I just wish it didn't actually look like I was walking into hell.

The beast has seen us but hasn't moved, not that I'd miss it if it did. The damn thing must be over 30ft tall and it's on all fours. Fucking hellfire, each of its heads are freaky too. One looks like its rotting away, another looks like something from Terminator, the last one would look normal, but I'm sure it's got 3 eyes. I can't tell exactly and I'm feeling a tad nervous about staring. Did I mention I'm still bricking it here?

The damn thing speaks, well, it sort of growl/roars and it takes my mind a moment to return from screaming panic to translate what it just said.

"Who are you? What do you want here?"

With a deep breath I face it "Alias and Rain. We come seeking redemption and purification."

The thing nods all three heads at me and moves slightly to the side.

"Enter, but be warned. There is no way out here."

I gulp and nod. Rain's trembling has intensified besides me and I give him another tight squeeze before moving forward towards the entrance.

We pass through the gates and the landscape gets an additional piece of scenery that causes Rain to immediately whimper besides me. I frown, there's a river in front of us, but it's shining silver. I can feel the heat from here, it must be molten silver. Well shit, that's going to hurt if we end up in it. I know werewolves fucking hate silver, but molten silver is just going to burn like no tomorrow.

Movement to the side draws my eye towards two.... I have no idea how to describe these things. They looked like werewolves at a distance, but now they're closer I can see they don't have fur, so it looks like some kind of half man half hell dog. Well, I guess I shouldn't be too surprised at how this is still shit scary. It looks like they're coming to us, so this might be the last chance for me to talk to Rain.

"Rain. Listen to me." he looks up at me.

"No matter what Rain. Don't give up. Death is the true end, until then, you can make a difference. We both know there are worse things in life than death, but we have come from those to something better. We've got people waiting for us now. We can't let them down." I smile at him and he looks back with a slow spreading confident smile. For a moment I feel confident too. This kid can make it. Now I just have to believe my own advice.

The two have gotten to us and I realise they've got a silvery sheen to their bodies. Running towards us they were reflecting the light of the red and black terrain making them look more hellish. I take a deep breath and step away and slightly in front of Rain.

"Evenin"

The normality of the voice from the helldog's lips catches me totally off guard and so my suave and polite response was reduced to, "Buh?"

The pair of them start laughing. I wince and try again "Sorry, evening. I'm Alias and this is Rain, how do you do?"

"Howdo and we know who you two are. But of course we need to get better acquainted if we're gonna lead you through this lovely home of ours. You're with me Alias, my friend here will look after little Rain here."

The other helldog move and grasps Rain's shoulder, pulling him firmly away and Rain looks to me with a panicked whimper.

"Remember what I said Rain. Don't give up." he nods and stops resisting, meekly following the other helldog.

"Heh, nice advice there Alias. Though it's not something you believe now is it?"

I wince and turn back to him ready to make a smart arsed retort, but its stolen from my throat. The damn thing has vampire fangs!

"Let me get a bit more acquainted here Alias!" he's so fast I don't get chance to react as he grabs me and his fangs sink into my neck. I'd scream, but I'm paralyzed with fear for a moment, then my rational thought kicks in as the pain from the bite rushes through my brain. This isn't a vampire's bite, there's no euphoria or even the excruciating pain that apparently some vampire's have. It hurts, fuck does it hurt, but it's just a bite, even if he does appear to be drinking some of my blood.

He lets me go and I stagger back a little. I'm feeling a bit light headed from losing that blood. Not a good sign.

"Ahh, that's better. Now I really know you in and out!" he laughs and I clench my jaw.

"Alright then little man. You're gonna be swimming your way out of here. The good news, at the end of the river is the way out. The bad news, you won't get there as you are. I mean, what good were you as a vampire? I just took a bite out of you and you couldn't even stop me."

That causes me to flinch. Was he right? No, not this time. This is Erebus, pain is inflicted to make you a better person. He did that for a reason, to teach me something. So what was the lesson? I was a shit vampire? Well. Yes, I was. So what? I didn't try to be a good vampire, there's no such thing, it's a fucking oxymoron. It's not that I didn't have the power to stop him. I trust in what's happening here. He will hurt me, he won't be sorry and I will be a better person.

I straighten up and square my shoulders. "Don't be obtuse. You and I both know I didn't resist because I trust the guidance of Erebus. I was a shit vampire. I've never been so glad at failing anything in my entire life. I'm not a stupid arsed vampire anymore. I'm now a fully breathing and stronger werewolf who can give a flying fuck about people."

The hellhound grins at me. "Well then, walk with me and we'll talk some more." he starts making his way towards the river.

"Nice backbone to start with there little Alias, but do you really think you can keep that up all the way through all of this?"

"We'll find out. I don't know my limits, but I'm not going to give up just because you bit me."

He laughs, it's weird hearing a laugh come from that muzzle, it's like a bark got caught in his throat and is jiggled up and down a bit.

"You think a bite is the worst I can do?"

"Nope, because that was just the intro package. There's no way you're going easy on me, though I have to confess I'm not complaining that we're having a nice chat. I'm wondering when the next bout of pain is hitting me."

"Well pain is relative, you only need hurting if you need to learn something. Do you feel you have something to learn right now?"

A frown creases my forehead as I think hard. My first instinct is to say no, I don't have something to learn right now, what I want is to get rid of the tainted shit inside me. But wouldn't I need to learn how to do that? There's a whole new world of stuff I have to learn about being a garou. Yet at the same time, I don't think that's what he means.

"You're referring to my past rather than my current situation right?"

"Bingo! You're as smart as you look at least. You have to learn something and in here the best way to learn is kind of the only way you'll learn. Ready for lesson two?"

I take a deep breath as I realise he's led me to the edge of the silver river. It doesn't take a genius to realise what's going to happen next.

"No. But let's do it anyway."

"Attaboy." He smiles and the hard slam on my back pitches me forward and over the edge. The heat is intense and that's all I manage to register before my body is engulfed in liquid fire and pain.

My world burns, the pain racing through my body is like none I've ever felt before. Then images blur through my mind, moments of my life and un-life. It's like reliving each painful moment in my life over again. Yet only now I can feel the pain unlike when I was dead and knew I should be feeling pain or sorrow, this time I actually can feel it overwhelming me.

We've all made bad decisions in our lives, moments we wish we hadn't made a certain choice and watching yourself do it over and over again is maddening. The frustration of being so inept, the anger at knowing what was about to happen and seeing the pain in the faces of the people you hurt. I have a lot of trouble letting go of the mistakes I'd made.

That was it!

The mistakes, they were just that, mistakes. You make them to learn. I never made the same mistake again and even now I knew that in the same situation, I wouldn't do the same damn thing again.

My world blurs again, silver in my vision, but something has hold of my wrist. I feel the silver dripping from me as I'm hoisted out of the river, face to face with the helldog from earlier.

"Well done. You're starting to see the bigger picture now. But don't forget, learning from your mistakes is one thing, but what about all those people you hurt?" and with a casual flick of his wrist, I feel myself flying back into the river.

The visions start again, only this time I'm watching from Colt's eyes, seeing the video of me consuming the soul of the Gangrel vampire. Feeling the wave of despair at watching my true nature of the vampire being revealed. I want to shout to him how sorry I am, I never meant to hurt him. But the vision and feelings blur and then I'm looking up at myself in a hotel room as I'm dragged away by a black figure. Leonis! It had to be the night Leonis went missing. Jaheed said that he'd put Leonis somewhere safe, but I didn't realise that he'd been taken away like this! I could feel the despair and crushing feeling as I watch myself be torn away from the man I loved. I didn't look for him, I didn't try to help him. I failed him too.

They're on a loop it feels like. I'm watching the same things over and over again. The pain of the emotions I feel from the two of them as I see myself failing them over and over again. A world of failures all because I failed them both when they both needed me. I blamed myself because I failed them, I couldn't let that failure go.

Why hadn't I let go?

Because...

Because I hadn't learned! I had learned that I had made the mistakes, but I hadn't learned how to move past the mistakes. I hadn't understood that these were mistakes that would or could never be forgotten, but they could be forgiven! Beating myself up for these mistakes was fruitless. I'd set out to fix the mistakes and I'd learned that now I couldn't do that, so what had I done? I'd come here.

Soothing said that I'd find redemption here, but that's not the truth. I'm the only one who can redeem myself, going through pain isn't going to make it all better. I have to be the one to stand up and make it understood that I am who I am. I can't sit back and accept I will always be thought of as someone who lets you down. I made mistakes. I'm sorry, but I'm moving on with my life.

Again I feel myself pulled from the boiling waters. I blink the liquid from my eyes and realise I'm still being held dangling by my arm. I look at the hell hound then realise I can hear the water falling below me. A glance down and I see one hell of a drop down to a lake of molten silver directly below me. Fuck, that's not good.

"So, you want to move on with your life huh Alias? You sure you can do that? You sure that's really what you deserve?"

I meet his eyes and a soft smile appears on my face.

"That's not my name..."

The hellhound blinks at me in surprise.

"What?"

"My name is Alex. Alias was my past. Now I begin again with the lessons of my past, not the burdens."

A grin splits the hellhound's muzzle. "Well then, good bye to both you and Alias." and he lets go of my wrist.

I don't scream, there's no point, but I fall, letting my body go limp because I'm not going to fight with Erebus or myself. I hit the water.

Coolness washes over me. I open my eyes under the silver water and swim to the surface. The pain, the aches and agony that wracked my body, all seem to flow away. The memories of my past almost like a distant memory and my heart feels lighter. This is my life now, I can't afford it to be burdened so.

A smile on my face I break the surface of the water. A look around and I realise I'm in a lake, the shore is only a short distance away and I swim towards it. Walking from the lake, feeling stronger and full of an energy I haven't felt before. Even the beast's voice within me seems quieter than before.

A mote of silvery light suddenly darts down in front of me and dances around. I blink and step back in surprise, but the mote seems to dart away, then come back, only to dart away again, then back again. The urge to say 'alright lassie I'm coming' bubbles to my lips, but pissing it off doesn't seem like a very smart idea. I stretch out and start following the light. As I walk, I can't help but feel comfortable for the first time in my own skin. Like taking your favourite suit to the tailors and getting it made to fit you beautifully.

After walking for a little bit, I see a massive silver gate looming ahead and 2 figures besides it. As I get closer, I can see one sitting on the floor with arms and legs crossed, it looks like a young man, but I can't tell yet. The other is a very large and imposing woman. The fact I can tell this from this distance tells you just how impressive she actually is. Her hair appears to be a liquid silver, actually, it's the damn same as the lake I just fished myself out of. She's wearing some combination of red and silver garments that don't really conceal all that much and appears to be scolding the young man who's sat on the floor. He's shaking his head emphatically and she's pointing towards the gate. I realise then that it's Rain who's sat on the floor! He must be refusing to leave without me. Oh dear. I'd better move it, she's looking pissed at him.

I turn my walk into a swift run, closing the distance rapidly and the two hear me coming. Rain leaps to his feet with one hell of a smile on his face as he runs up to me and launches himself at me with a great big hug.

"ALIAS! You're finally here!"

I chuckle and hug him back.

"Yes Rain, I'm so sorry I kept you waiting. I hope you weren't upsetting anyone too much."

Rain lets me go and steps back with a blush on his face.

"Sorry, I didn't want to leave without you Alias."

"Hey, it's ok, I'm here now. Also, it's not Alias anymore"

Rain looks confused and I smile softly.

"Alias was the vampire. I was and now am again, alive, and alive I was always known as Alex."

Rain lets out a sound like 'ooooh' and just hugs me tight again. I smile down at him, then look up at the woman who is being very patient at the moment.

"I'm sorry if we've been any inconvenience to you."

She smiles softly. "It is fine. It has been some time since I have seen a loyalty like this one's to you. I had forgotten how.... Stubborn, it can make one."

Rain lets me go finally and stands beside's me, blushing and looking down. I chuckle softly.

"Thanks for keeping an eye on him. May I ask who you are?"

"I am Charyss, this is my realm. You're quite the complex one Alex, I've never had anyone with your... Background, come to my realm before. Yet I see you have come to the realisation that all must come to in order to pass through. This realm cannot heal your soul, only the pain you go through can remove your taint, but in the end, only you can redeem yourself."

I smile and nod in acknowledgement then I laugh softly "Well then. Thanks for hurting me!"

Charyss smiles back "We are not sorry. Time for you to go. The gate there will take you wherever you wish." she points towards the silvery gate.

I bow and take Rain's hand gently "Come on then little bro!"

Rain stops still and I blink at him.

"What... What did you say?"

"Little bro? You might as well be with all we've been through together so far. I figured it sounded right, now saying it out loud makes it official."

Rain charges me again, crying and holding me tight. "Thank you Alex!"

I tap him on the head "Hey, save the tears little bro. Your big bro here doesn't want to see you cry, might set me off too!" I give him my cheekiest grin.

Rain nods and scrubs his eyes and we walk towards the gate. Time to go back. To the werewolves.