Realizing the Truth that was there all Along
This is my first attempt at a story that's supposed to be shared. I hope you enjoy it, if you do please tell me I would love to know what you liked or how to make other things I write better.
I'm not an average wolf. I guess you could call me some sort of a paradox.
My name is Jonathan Williams. I'm a eurasian wolf, 6' 2", green eyes, and mostly gray fur peppered with reddish brown. People sometimes find me intimidating, but I am actually quite shy (sort of like the saying about insects "they're more scared of you than you are of them", though I can't believe that's true those things are scary). But what's the "paradox"? Well aside from being a devout Mormon I'm well...gay.
Yeah, Mormon and gay, not the ideal situation to be in.
But before we get too far, I think I should back up a bit.
I think the 2008 Summer Olympics is a good place to start. I was sitting around the television with my family watching the Olympics when the swimming events came up. It was pretty exciting, even though though I'm not usually interested in sports. Some races were swam and some metals won, when I see him. That one otter, that one otter, with his wetsuit folded over a little too low. I saw him and I thought I wonder what the rest of him looks like.
Oh gosh, I was only 12.
I'm not proud of what comes next but I need to say it if my story is to be told. I grabbed the family laptop, opened the search engine, and searched for that teasing otter. I didn't find anything, but it started me down a dark road. It was no longer the otter I was looking for, any male would do. This exposure lead to myself releasing tensions that I will not describe in too many details.
It' not like I'm gay. I couldn't be gay, I'm a Mormon. No, no, it's just a comparison between me and them. There's nothing gay here. I'm not gay, I'm not!
At school things were not much better. At that time I was boy crazy. Fantasizing over them, many of them. A fox, a wolf, a tiger. I even sunk to such depths as to watch other guys use urinals. I was a sick person.
No, this is normal. I heard pleasing myself is natural. But why is it to guys? I mean, I'm not gay, I'm a Mormon. It must be something else.
My Middle School experience continued this way for the remainder of my time there. This behavior even carried over to High School.
What? Gay? No. I'm Mormon, I can't possibly be gay. But maybe... No, that's ridiculous
Then one day, while on one of my searches I came across something I wasn't looking for. A woman. It didn't have the same effect as the men, intact it repulsed me.
I know that I've never shown any interest in women before, but I thought it would just come. Why isn't it coming? What's wrong?
Then I remember all that has happen in the past. The watching, the lusting, the acting on that lust.
No.
The way I've always seen guys. All my secret wants.
NO, STOP!
The way I've always been.
I'm, gay. I'm gay. Oh, God.
I cried, not willing to believe the truth. I've been running from it for so long, and now it has caught up with me. For a time I felt as if I died inside.
What's going to happen with me? What am I going to do? What am I going to do?