Defenses Down
#4 of Poetry
Defenses Down
Early on, we build walls to protect ourselves
To protect those we care about
To protect the things we care about
For the most part, we go through our lives
Nothing happening and everything is safe
Once in a while though, things go wrong
Those we love, including ourselves are hurt, harmed
The things we love are taken, destroyed
Our lives change
We strive so hard to regain that feeling of safety
But sometimes the world, the universe has other plans
We become victims over and over
Our lives never the same again
Our defenses are shattered so bad
They can never be rebuilt
We will never again feel safe
Safe with ourselves
Safe with others
Safe within the world, the universe
As I write this, I am in a bad place right now. Recent incidents have my defenses shattered to the point, I'm not sure if I will ever be able to rebuild them. I have begun to open very deep and very old wounds. It's like slicing right to the bone, because that's how I feel. I feel like my defenses, my skin itself has been flayed from my body. (I know it's a bad picture.) But I really can't help it. I don't feel safe in my own skin, I don't feel safe letting friends see who I am, even feeling safe in my own house. And I don't know what to do next.