How It Began
Just a background story for myself.
I don't remember much... yet I remember everything of the life I had before I went a little too far with my pursuit of knowledge in the darker arts. "Stay away from that," they said. "Some things are better left alone." Well... I am and was the kind of person that after being told not to do something, wants to do it even more just out of spite. So I did... Every night for a whole summer and autumn season I visited her. She knew everything and more than I ever wanted to know of magic, of the elements and how to control them. I'd always loved the fire. Since I could walk on four legs it drawn me so. I used to get in trouble constantly for playing with it. I'd dreamed countless nights of being able to control it, to have that consuming hot light bend to my slightest thought and emotion... -she- was trying to teach me how. I grew frustrated with each passing day. She could bend each of the elements without a hint of trouble.. Fire, Water, Earth, Wind... all of them. I could do nothing. It was not in my blood nor of my families blood to bend magic like she did. We were only a few steps above Feral. We were very like animals in the way we hunted, moved, thought, everything... The humans called us a form of "were" like the wolves, I suppose. We were not of "darker" blood as my parents called it, to be a Kitsune. What set them apart from us normal foxes I didn't fully understand, but i would. As my frustration grew, so did my animosity towards my friends and family, and even myself. I hated them and even me for the inability to do what I so wanted. Each and every conversation turned into an argument. I was sent away from the schoolhouse because I always got into scuffs with the others. That, and I was far too distracted reading over the notes I took with my other sensei that I never really paid attention anyway. I often visited the human villages, to trade with them and to read in their book house in the center of the town. I loved that place. I'd managed to read over half of their inventory on their knowledge of the woods I lived in and even my own kind. Most of it I already knew, but it was interesting to see the other view. One evening I was scouring through their selection because I'd gotten bored with the books, mostly of history and their politics. I ventured deeper into the back, where usually on the priests and higher ranked humans went into. I was always quiet and hardly made a sound that no one knew of my existence there other than the human lady that was always in front. I called her Keeper because she knew of where certain books where. It fascinated me.. Anyway, as I ran my claws over the backs of the books I was reading, I found an old leather bound book with what looked like handwritten notes inisde of it instead of the print that were in most others. I stopped and stared at it for a moment, because this book stood out harshly from the others. Part of me wanted to ask Keeper about it, but something else inside of me wanted this book, and it was strong enough to talk me into sneaking it out with me. I took it to my home and began to read. It was all about kitsune! The very creatures I wanted to be so bad and that my sensei was so shady about! She was always so vague with her answers and it tried my patience. The more I read, the more I learned the more I got angry at the older fox that had taught me so much but apparently so very little. I stayed up reading until the sun came up the next morning and I'd consumed the whole book. It was a long walk to the older fox's hut. I was practically seething with rage. I hated everything and everyone at that point. And I was very determined to have what I wanted. The book was more than I could have ever dreamed of and I planned on using something I'd found to MAKE that happened, but I couldn't do it without -her-. "Why didn't you tell me..?" I remember asking her cooly, with a eerie sound to my question that scared even me. "Tell you of what?" "You didn't tell me everything. You kept many things from me. So many things. You never told me that there was a possibility that I could be one of them!" My words had shocked her. She'd stood there, staring at me like I had indeed gone mad. "At a too great risk of dying young one. I've often told you that the other side is not what you make it seem. And that book you hold in your hand, only tells you what they know, it does not hold every detail, especially from a kitsune point of view." I ignored her threat of dying and moved towards her, slamming the book down on the table she was standing in front of, the pages opening to a summoning of a Reiko, the darker, void kitsune. "Bring him here. I want this."
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"Kaiya! Are you -mad-? No. I will not do that for you." I glowered at her, my fur bristling all over as I walked towards her growling. "Oh yes, you will..." I don't remember much of the conversation... just a lot of "yes you will" and "no you won't" with me having her pressed against the wall. I DO remember having my dagger at her throat threatening her life. She listened then. She led me to the back of her home, a dark little room that she'd always tried to teach me the things I could never do. I was still glowering when I sat down, but I was clumsy and couldn't sit still in anxiety from waiting on her ritual to start. She drew a circle, the same one she's drawn time and time again, but this time she drew three of them. Each of them made with something different. This was new... I wouldn't realize until later after researching after... that the center circle was made both to keep things in and out from other magic. The second was to keep physical things in and out. The third, the most important one for this summoning was to keep demons and all kinds of nasty not good things from getting in or out. Once she'd done everything, she summoned Him. I couldn't hear the name she used, nor did I really get a chance to hear any of what the words she used. Right after the dark one came into the circle he locked eyes with my sensei. She froze but not in terror. A LOT of energy and will is required to make and hold a summoning circle. The Reiko screamed a feral cry and hit the barrier that was holding him, offering resistance. Then he went still. I growled at the both of them. How dare she keep secrets from me, even more so! At my growl, he turned to me but I did not meet his eyes, instead I focused on his black nose. I didn't dare look from that point but I could see that the creature was solid black, with red accents. I could see five tails swaying almost hypnotically behind him, each with a grotesque open mouth at the end of each one. I was terrified and excited all at the same time. There were so many emotions flooding out of me that it was impossible to define one. There it was. A kitsune. All of my life I've wanted this, and I felt like I was standing beside myself, scared to move within the moment. The kitsune snarled and turned back to my sensei after giving me an evil little glance, hatred seething in those crimson eyes. "For what reason have you to summon me if not to waste my time? Payment is due and I am quickly growing impatient." The older fox stood firm but raised her paw to him, padded palms forward. "I have one here who seeks you out, dark one. Surely she could fulfill your desire." "Is that so?" he scoffed. "Unlikely. You think this whelp, this pathetic little fox from who, from what I can sense, hasn't even the slightest hint of magic under her command to satisfy me? You insult me." I blinked and narrowed my eyes at her, suspicious of what that statement actually meant. The possibilities brought a ball of fear into my throat that was very hard to swallow, but I managed it and took a step forward. "Tell me how I can become a kitsune like you." Bossy. Way, way too bossy as I always was. Big mistake. "Who are you to even dare attempt to command me?" he glared at me, the contempt behind his eyes making me take a step backwards from the intensity of them. "Give me your name. Now." Almost a full minute passed before I could break from that gaze. I will never forget it. Nor will I ever remember what was going through my head at that point. I had known what I wanted before he showed up. Now my feet were cold. "I'm one who seeks your kind, to one day... join you," My voice shook, easily betraying the cool demeanor that I was trying to pull off. I've never been one for acting, but I was told early on never to give such creatures as kitsune your Name. Your Name can be used for a LOT of nasty things. Better to keep it to yourself. "Humph! Tight-lipped, I see. Good. At least you're not entirely stupid," he said. He crossed his arms and looked me up and down, almost as if considering me. "To what end would you have yourself become one of my kind? Why shouldn't I just kill you and be done with it? Your fate depends on your answer. Choose your words wisely, little one." Finding his arrogance rather frustrating, I, too, crossed my arms and rested my weight on one hip in a kind of sassy way, frowning at him with my ears pulled back. Two could play at the arrogance game. Snorting, I lifted my chin to look down my nose at him. "I am not some child taking some sort of quiz with open-ended questions that are impossible to answer correctly." At my words, my sensei gasped and pushed her heads toward the kitsune as if to try and strengthen her hold, expecting what would come next. "Fine. Have it your way," he growled. He turned and focused his attention to my teacher's shield over him, focusing his growing rage on her. His deep crimson markings began to grow brightly as he summoned two shadowy orbs that seemed to be made of a negative, unnatural energy. The air around us grew winter cold and started to smell of rotting flesh and decay; it was enough to make me gag and hold my nose. All light in the room seemed to dim as he flattened his ears and roared, "Release me or DIE!" Sensei visibly flinched and closed her paws into fists, taking another step toward him as if to strengthen her will to hold him within the circle. Sweat started rolling down her face and neck from the extreme effort. I clenched my fists and tightened my jaw. I knew that she couldn't hold him for very much longer, that any second she might lose her control. Thinking I could help somehow, I moved over to her and placed my paw on her shoulder, wishing that my will could help, but I didn't think it did any good....
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It took that one step towards my sensei to end... or should I say begin the nightmare that I relive every night when I close my eyes to sleep. My paw hit a random candle that was in the floor, that I carelessly overlooked when darting towards my teacher. It has somewhat soft from the heat in the room from the demon still standing in the middle of it. The candle rolled sideways straight toward him, the soft wax picking up and moving the third chalk circle, the only one left that kept him from truly getting out and killing us all. The barrier broke with a loud pop and my sensei's scream was blood curdling as I saw the dark being disappear into her. I jumped backwards, hitting the wall and knocking of the books from the shelves and various candles, starting a fire Slowly, the older fox stopped her screaming and turned to look at me. Her eyes were not her own, instead they glowed the same demonic way as the reiko's. I remember gasping and trying to disappear into the wall. The creature threw my teachers head back in a laugh that practically poured over with malice and evil intent. A smile spread across his face as he moved across the room. He reached down and picked me up by the neck. I was too terrified to struggle other than to put my paws at my throat, trying to prevent myself from completely choking. He let go of me, dropping me on my back. I was stunned for a half second before I jumped to my feet, even then still daring to growl. That didn't last long as just like a skin-walker, the creature seethed down to the ground, taking my teacher's skin and fur with him, literally skinning her while her heart still beat within her chest. What was left of her was left to burn in a pile of burning innards. The smell gagged me again, suffocating my growl. The creature manifested in front of me. He was at least 10 heads taller than I was at my small 5 foot even frame, not even fully developed into the young female body I was supposed to have. My maw dropped as I stood before him, silently. I was somewhere in between fright and awe. I was so terrified yet so mesmerized by him, the power even a non magical being like could feel rolling off of him. He stood there, watching me watch him, no doubt relishing in how I must have been staring at him. "You poor pathetic little creature... You thought I would just accept something like you? You are nothing more than dirt underneath my feet, and soon you shall return to dust just like all the useless beings before you...but first! You will watch every one of your fellows die... at your own paws..." He laughed again, that same hideous sounding cackle an suddenly my will was not my own, my thoughts were not my own. He was gone yet I could feel him reaching every point in side of me taking control. There are no words for the terror I was feeling, that was overwhelming me with new waves of despair rolling in. He was controlling me... we were running through the woods, to the nearby village that had been my home. Shadowy tendrils consumed me and ran over my body, making my skin grow goosebumps from the power I had wanted flowing through me and from the fear of not knowing or understanding what would come next. It was like I was in a dream... a terrific, horrible nightmare. I did not hear his voice in my head any, we reached the village and everyone turned their heads my way when they heard my un-willed scream. I'd never heard my voice do that before. Everyone came running. I wanted to warn them somehow, to give some other kind of signal to keep them away, but no.. the cry I had made sounded like someone's dying scream and they would come.. We were all related here.. Unable to do a thing, I tried to shut my eyes to watch as suddenly the shadows that only I seemed to be able to see wrapped around their bodies, crushing them, suffocating them, breaking their bones before my eyes. I could FEEL the creature feeding on their souls as they slipped out of their bodies, I could feel his hunger, what he was feeding on. Never had I read anything about this! One by one, he found them and made me kill them, his horrible laughing and my screams forever recorded in my mind. After every last creature in the village, no matter what they age were killed, he left me and I crumbled to the ground, landing on my back with a sickening thud as my head hit the ground. With my will back I twisted myself around and reached for anything, anything that I could find to throw at him. I found nothing. He must have known what I was searching for because he snickered ad move to grab my ankles, pulling me towards him. I twisted to face him and tore at his head and neck with my claws. I'm still wondering if I was better off if he had just killed me and be done with me. A mad little smile had messed up his face as he looked down at me. With very little effort he managed to pin me down in a position so he could rape me. He had his way for hours, I hurt all over and remember losing consciousness only to wake up to it again and fall out. He was done with me after a while, leaving my arms and legs broken an my body bleeding from m efforts to fight back at him that he'd hit me back. He stood up, watching me for a while as I squirmed, unable to crawl, anger and agony in my eyes as I stared back at him. Maybe my defiance at even all that made him feel sorry for me, maybe he got some kind of satisfaction for leaving me to live with what he made me do. But he gave me what I wanted. He grabbed me by the throat and shoved his mouth against his, his teeth busting my lips. Just when I thought I'd felt every kind of pain, I could feel my soul being torn from me, from my chest, up my throat, and into him. I do not remember what death feels like... other than feeling like I was falling asleep. But I do remember the feeling of rebirth. Pain. Light. Confusion. Fear. When I finally opened my eyes, when I finally felt those harsh feelings disappear, I knew I was different. I knew what I had become. I was what I had always wanted to be but at a very heavy price. I sat up, slowly, my body healed and no longer feeling pain. By now the city was in ashes, the creature having destroyed it before leaving me. Alive. My paw went up to my chest, my neck, checking for a heartbeat that was still there. Amazed, I brought myself to my feet, testing my body. Everything was fine. In shock I walked around the familiar areas of my childhood home, picking up whatever bones and remains that I could find and gathered them in a large pile in the center of the place. Deep in my heart I felt the warmth there, the fire within. Tears rolled down my eyes as I burned everything else that the creature had left behind. It took me years to master who and what I am, what I can do, my limits, my weaknesses and strengths, and even today I am still learning. My story is not one with a very good beginning, but in that end, a wonderful thing started. I've grown close to those that have gotten close to me, I've made mistakes and learned from them. I've learned to forgive, love, and be proud of myself, that from under the ashes of whatever has happened, a fire always burns underneath. <3
I an neither good or evil. I am nogitsune.