Sessility Gruffloafer Scoffrouse, the Conjurer Cat
The Cats musical is getting performed near where I live, and a friend of mine who plays pencil-and-paper RPGS told me about her witch hunter Cat girl, so I got to thinking of why aren't there more fat, lazy magic Cats? The type who demand everyone feed and pet them, who use magic to do it?
Okay, I know I'm propogating a negative stereotype, and I don't mean to offend anyone, but really it's a satire on the musical and what Andrew Lloyd Webber did with T. S. Eliot's poetry.
I used to be an alley cat, who'd run and hide and cower,
Until I learned to read, and came upon a magic power.
On my literary journey, and the studying therein,
The philosophers revealed to me, the school of thought of sin!
Of its wrath and greed and lustfulness, of its pride and gluttony,
But I settled on the sin of sloth: the perfect sin for me.
The least physical of conjurers, I'm Sessility G. Scoffrouse!
I conserve the most momentum my philosophy allows.
While you hardy folk are hard at work, or going for a swim,
Or climbing, running, jumping, or becoming lean and trim,
Or attempt to bulge with muscles, or ashamed of any fat,
I'll be napping in a sunny spot; I'm just that kind of cat.
While labour can be helpful, I maintain, for me, it's not,
And if you try to make me budge, I'll kill you on the spot.
"That's it. That's all the poem you're getting out of me!"