A Fox's Family (Part 10)
#10 of A Fox's Family: A Tale of the House Delgado
Jamie had spent so long absently playing with the meal in front of him that he'd completed forgotten if he'd been eating it at all. What it tasted like. If he enjoyed it or not. His mind was so full of thought it might has well had been empty as his eyes gazed into an empty void.
"Jamie? Did you hear what I said?" said the concerned voice of his mother as she leaned in close. She ran a hand gracefully across the boy's tall ear in effort to bring him back to her. He had been distance like this all week and it was making her very worried.
"Huh!?" Jamie snapped up straight so fast it that it sent his fork spirally to the floor. As he sat there dumbfounded, fumbling for the lost utensil, his mother kept a watchful gaze over him with a warm smile that only a concerned and loving mother could give.
"Jamie, are you thinking of Vincent? Something going on with you two at school?" she asked knowingly. She kept a hand upon his head, softly rubbing that ear as she coaxed him into relaxing and confessing what was keeping his mind so occupied.
"Um, yeah. Things are great. He's really great and stuff," Jamie mumbled. His chest was heavy with a sigh as the boy turned back to his food after cleaning off the fork, returning to stab listlessly at the meal. His gauze was going blank all over again, but Diana was far too worried for her son to leave well enough alone.
"Jamie. Tell me what's bothering you, please. It can stay between us if you like." Diana's grasp squeezed that velvet ear a little firmer, pulling her son a little closer. Her loving smile left her lips as she realized what was bothering her son was deeper than she'd expected. She didn't even need to hear it, she could see it, feel in her son. She gulped a little, afraid of what it could be, but dared not show him anything but someone he could completely confide in. Someone who would listen. Someone who loved him no matter what.
"Mom," Jamie began. The tears banging away in his eyes already with those first sounds, fighting for release as the next sentence formed in his mind. "I....I don't want to be gay!" The boy fell upon the table as the emotion overtook him. A mile of emotion poured out through those orange pupils. Balling up and pouring out in a torrent of emotion in every heaving sob, every hard breath. He couldn't stop it now if he wanted to.
"Why!?" asked his mother. She was shocked to hear those words come out of him. After all he'd been through these past few months. "Why? What's the matter?" she went on, putting an arm over his shoulder and pulling him close. "Did something happen at school? Is it Vincent?" Her arms clasped him tightly against her warm body after pushing the plate away. She cradled her child with an idle stroke of over the back of his head, assuring him that it would all be okay.
"Everyone talks about us! Like we're freaks! I don't want to be a freak mom! I want to be normal!" Jamie wept into his mother's shoulder. The endless tears began to mat the fur upon his muzzle and dampen his mother's favorite pink cardigan.
"Shh," his mother replied softly. "Shh. You're not freaks. You're special. It's who you are," she whispered, almost cooing like a dove.
"I don't want to be fucking special!" Jamie's words were getting aggressive while the emotion tore deep through his chest. "I hate it! Kids at school are always watching us and talking about us. Like, how Vincent and I need to be together because like, there's no other gay guys in school and how they expect us to do all this gay shit like go shopping with the girls and dress all gay and shit. I....I don't want to dress like that! Why the fuck should I!?" He raised a hand to force the tears from his face. Smacking himself in the cheek in the process as he seemed angry at everything including his own tears and in that moment, he was.
"Jamie, please, you don't need to swear. I understand and I hear you, but please stop swearing," his mother did her best to calm him with soft strokes to his back. It worked to some extent, but she knew he had more to say before it would be over. "No one expects you to be anything but who you are."
"Yes they do mom! Today some girls came up to me, and asked what I thought of their clothes. I told them I didn't really have an opinion, but then they got all defensive! Said I probably wasn't really gay, but just pretending for the attention! Other kids are always pressuring Vincent and I to kiss and sometimes guys whistle at me and....and...."
"Kids can be really cruel, I know," Diana nodded. What else could she say? Even she wanted to, she couldn't protect him from the abhorrent and ignorant cruelty only teenagers are capable of committing.
Jamie wanted to tell his mother everything, but was too uncomfortable saying all the words aloud, let alone to his own mother. He paused and sniffled. His mother's touch and soft soothing voice combined with exhausting and having been able to get it all out had settled him for now.
"Kids are putting stuff on my things," he said with a heavy sigh into his mother's neck.
"Bad stuff?" she blinked with surprised concern.
"Yeah," he sighed again before clearing his dripping nose against his arm.
"Have you told a teacher?"
"What's the point? I don't know who's doing it and if I say something, the school will make this big deal about it and then things will get even worse! Mom, I just don't want to to be gay anymore. It was fun, but, I don't want to be gay." The fox lowered his head and leaned up into his mother. He shifted up close against the warmth of her body and curled his tail up to his own chest.
"Jamie, it's not that easy," his mother replied with a slight smirk as she shook her head. The moment and the words were all too adorable for her to be able to hide her loving smile. He reminded her of how he looked when he was half the age he was now. When he was so innocent and young with smallest of problems becoming insurmountable in his fresh young mind. "You love Vincent. And I've never known you to like any girls the same way you like him. You two are so happy together and it makes me happy to see you happy. Maybe later you might change your mind, but right now you are gay."
"Mom!" the boy whimpered a cry as he buried his face into her chest once more. His emotion soaking it with this new wave of salty tears brought on by this feeling of helplessness. "I don't want to be gay. Please tell me I'm not gay. Please!"
Diana only sighed and shook her head. Holding her boy close as she did her best to comfort him the only way she could, letting him get it all out of his system and being there for him as he did. There was nothing she could say convince her son that she understood, or that things would be okay. She had seen the decline in him over the past few months. Being open had been a blessing in the beginning, but the signs of pressure in school and the shifting attitudes of the students were starting to show in Jamie's behavior. Diana felt she could almost weep herself, but stayed firm for her son. She took a deep breath, and made her decision.
"The semester will be over in a couple months. I want you boys to go to Spain and see your uncle. Okay? Dad and I will pay for it. An early Christmas present. You'll be far away from all this and by the time you boys get back, you're heads will be clearer and then after that, there's one more year of school left and then it's over. College will be much different, I promise."
"Mom?" Jamie looked up. Blinking away at those tears and sending them running over his muzzle.
"Yes, you can stay home tomorrow," she nodded. Giving his ear one last brush of her tender hand before pressing her lips gently to his forehead.
"I love you mom."
"I love you too, my wonderful little kit."