The Big Game
On the edge of the town of Mayberry there was a baseball stadium. It was not for a major league team since Mayberry was just barely large enough to be called a small city, a very small city. Most people still refused to call it a city and stuck with calling it the town of Mayberry. The stadium had been constructed in hopes that it would encourage further growth in the area. Anyone looking at the stands would have been able to tell that plan was not working. The stadium had a seating capacity of 8,000 and there were about 300 people, at most, sitting in the stands during the game going on that day. Attending the game was not really that much fun for anyone, including the people playing in the game, but some people felt it was better than sitting around and doing nothing.
One of the few people attending the game was a kangaroo fur wearing a camouflage jacket and a trucker's cap with the words 'Booty Hunter' written on it. There was a raccoon woman with children nearby that kept shooting glances his way and he eventually smiled and said, "Lady, nobody's forcing you to look at me. There's a nice big empty stadium here. If my hat's bothering you all you have to do is move your pretty little tail to another seat where you can't read what my hat says. You should also feel lucky I didn't wear my 'breath if you're horny' hat." As the kangaroo expected, that last remark managed to get the raccoon's children asking what horny meant and she shot him one more nasty look before moving to a different section of the stadium.
With no one else nearby the kangaroo, whose name was Hank as indicated by the name tag on his jacket, felt comfortable putting his long paws up on the seats in front him. The game was really just something to watch while he quietly nursed a couple of beers. Earl could have cared less who won and he was about ready to take a little nap before going to the concession stand to buy another drink. What kept him from doing that was when he noticed a strange fog rolling over the stadium. It was unusual for a fog to just appear like that and it had a sort of eerie purplish tint to it. The fog covered the stadium much quicker than Earl had ever seen any fog move.
Earl was not bothered enough by the fog to stay awake for long though. He eventually settled down and took his nap just as he had planed. When he woke up there was still plenty of time left in the game and he went to go get a beer to help pass the time. The fog was still around, but it looked like it was starting to dissipate a bit. Earl was a little happy about that. He had seen more than enough creepy movies where people stuck in strange fogs suffered unfortunate fates. The only unfortunate thing Earl could see that was happening was that the home team was getting crushed. But, that happened so often that everyone pretty much expected it. That was why the attendance at the game was so low.
As the game went on the fog slowly broke up and the home team suffered a brutal defeat. No one even cared enough to boo anymore. Earl was just happy that he had been able to get something to eat and drink at the game as he started making his way out of the stadium. He had another close encounter with the raccoon woman on his way out and she was still throwing him dirty looks. The kangaroo thought it was kind of funny and just winked at her while smiling. She sniffed and walked off looking offended.
After that Earl just walked to his pickup truck. It was old, but reliable and Earl had grown attached to it over the years. That parking lot was pretty empty even though most of the people that attended the game had yet to leave. Earl was happy about that. He had been to real sporting events and they could be a pain to get out of when everybody left at the same time. There was one problem with leaving this game though. When Earl pulled out to the road he found that the road was not there. He was sure that he had not driven off the road, but what he was driving on was far more bumpy than the road he remembered driving here on. There were other cars that Earl saw that looked like they had just decided to pull over. Earl even saw the raccoon woman sitting in her car trying to call someone while her kids ran around chasing something on the ground.
Even after driving around for a few minutes Earl could not find the road. He did not even recognize the area that he was driving in. Once Earl realized that he was lost he stopped his truck and scratched his chin, thinking about what to do. Earl decided to take a little walk around to see if there was anything that he could notice on foot that he had missed in the car. It only took placing one long paw on the ground for Earl to discover something incredible. Something crunchy beneath his paw brought his attention to the ground and his eyes widened in surprise at what he saw.
******
"Mommy, why does that kangaroo's hat have a picture of a woman with her butt in those circles," asked young Robby the raccoon.
"I'll explain it when you're older, now stop looking at it. It's a naughty hat," explained Robby's mother, Jasmine. After that she and the kangaroo had a few words with each other and Jasmine made her entire family move to a different section of the stadium. Robby and his sister Rebecca did not know why they had to move, but they did not care that much. They still managed to have what fun they could have and they liked having so much of the stadium to run around in since nobody was there to be bothered by them. By the time the game was over the two young raccoons were still very energetic and more than a little hungry from all their running around. Even the strange fog had not really bothered them. The drive home was a different matter though.
Robby and Rebecca were both paying careful attention to the ground as their mother tried to find the road. They could see what looked like an area full of little doll houses. Rebecca was the first one to say, "Hey mommy, look at all the little dolls and their houses."
Jasmine was not paying much attention to her children as she searched for a road. Her inability to actually see one was making her nervous and she eventually pulled over to try and call someone that could help her. After a few unsuccessful attempts at contacting anyone her children both asked, "Mommy, can we get out of the car and play with the dolls?"
"What? Yeah, alright, just don't go too far," Jasmine responded distractedly while she kept on trying to contact someone to help her.
The two children were quick to jump out of the car and play with the interesting little doll town that seemed to cover the area. Robby was not as careful as Rebecca when getting out of the car and crushed one of the houses beneath his paws as he stepped out of the car. Rebecca was quick to chastise him for that and said, "Be careful Rob, what if the owners get mad at you for doing that?"
Robby was quick to notice something else and used it to respond to his sister, "Well, they would have to get mad at everyone else too. Look, everyone has been driving through the doll town." Sure enough, everyone from the game had driven right through the doll's town. Seeing that, the children did not think that anyone would really notice any damage that they did to the town. They could have all the fun that they wanted and they intended to do just that.
******
Barely anyone in town had noticed the strange fog that covered the stadium until that very stadium started to grow. And it just kept growing and growing. The news was covering the event from a good distance and it was just a good thing that the stadium was far enough away from the town that there was very little damage down to town itself. If something was in the way of the stadium as it grew it was ultimately destroyed with ease by the expanding structure. That was not the worst of it though. When the game that was being held in the stadium was over was the worst of it.
All those cars just started driving right through the town without the drivers ever noticing what they were driving on. Homes were reduced to smoking ruins and the people themselves did not stand a chance against the giant walls of rubber bearing down on them. The people driving those cars were taller than any building in the area, probably around 150 or 160 feet tall and their vehicles were scaled up to their size as well. People were trying to get out of the way of the vehicles, the ones that weren't paralyzed with fear, but there was little anyone could do to get out of the way. The cars could not find a road and many of them were driving all over the area, causing more damage than any tornado ever had. There were plenty of little red dots that decorated the bottom of those tires and more were being added every second.
A middle aged cougar fur had been hiding in his house, but when he heard a car approaching his house he finally ran out of it. It turns out that he had nothing to fear because the car passed by his house without harming it. Well, he had nothing to fear from the car at least. The car had stopped right next to his house and soon a giant raccoon jumped out of the car and right onto his house. Even though the raccoon was obviously a child he was still well over 80-feet tall and easily able to crush a two-story home beneath him. That raccoon was soon joined by another giant sibling that was about the same size that he was. The cougar was disturbed to find out from their words that they thought they were in a doll town. Fearing what children of that size would do with their "toys" the cougar started sneaking away. He was already too close to the giant children for his own comfort and he had nearly been crushed beneath the boy raccoon's giant paws along with his own house.
The cougar made sure that he kept an eye on the two children as they played and he was not happy to see the little boy grab his car and roll it around on the ground. He was especially unhappy when the young raccoon lost his grip on the car and ended up throwing it through the wall of someone else's house. The homeowner, an otter, came running out of the house to see what had happened. After losing one toy the raccoon was more than willing to grab the new toy that ran right up to him. The otter barely had time to take in the fact that he had nearly run into a giant child and quickly found himself captured by the little giant. For the otter it was a terrifying experience, but to the raccoon it must have been really interesting to have such a life like toy in his possession. The raccoon was so happy with his new toy that he started looking for another one and the cougar was the only one that happened to be in sight.
When the cougar started to run the boy happily gave chase. Even though the cougar was a good runner he was no match for the oversized raccoon. The boy gave out a gleeful cry of triumph at catching yet another toy. "Now what game should I play with you two?" asked the raccoon.
The otter looked like he was panicking and he was pleading with the raccoon, saying, "Little boy, please let me go."
Those were the wrong words. "Little boy," exclaimed the raccoon, "I'm not little. You're little." The raccoon decided to prove his point by throwing the otter in his mouth and biting him. It was easy for the cougar to see the surprise on the raccoons face as he found that he was not biting into plastic. The cougar could only sit by helplessly in the grasp of the raccoon as he heard one sickening crunch after another as the boy chewed up what he thought was a toy. It really was not that surprising that the raccoon might enjoy the taste of the otter since the child was an omnivore and those sharp teeth were meant to be used on meat. When the boy swallowed there was a happy look on his face and he was licking his lips as he turned to his sister and said, "Hey sis, try out the toys. They taste good. I think they're made of candy or something."
The cougar did not like the look in the eyes of the raccoon. When the child's tongue started licking his lips and the cougar heard the raccoon's belly rumbling he knew he was in trouble. It was only after having a little bit to eat that the raccoon remembered just how hungry he was. As the boy opened his mouth to admit another little treat the cougar managed to say, "Wait!"
He was surprised to see the raccoon respond and ask, "Why?"
"I'm not a toy. Why don't you just let me go instead?" asked the cougar.
The raccoon contemplated what the cougar told him for a few seconds and then he said, "Well, if you aren't a toy then you must be candy. I've never had talking candy before, but that otter tasted good so I'll give you a try too."
Before the cougar could get another chance to plead for his life the raccoon was already throwing him in his mouth. The cougar landed on a soft pink tongue and immediately had to try and keep that tongue from pushing him in between razor sharp teeth. That was not an easy thing to do and even though the cougar was tiring himself out doing it the raccoon seemed to be having fun. After a while the raccoon decided to stop trying to chew up his piece of candy and just wrapped the cougar up in his tongue. The raccoon savored the flavor of his tasty piece of candy and a little bit of licking only confirmed that the cougar was a piece of candy in his mind. It was pretty obvious that the cougar was not enjoying what was happening to him. His fur was soaked in saliva and he had accidentally swallowed a mouthful of the stuff too. He was still frantically trying to find a way out of his moist prison when he made the wrong move.
When the cougar was being licked against the roof of the raccoon's mouth he kicked off against one of the ridges that lined the top of the child's mouth. That caused him to slip further down the raccoon's tongue and toward the back of his throat. The cougar was unable to halt his slide and he ended up going straight down the child's throat. Even at the raccoon's size it was a tight fit for the cougar. The cougar struggled with all his might to keep the muscles surrounding him from tugging him down. It did him no good. Those muscles were just too strong for the miniscule cougar. As he was pulled down into the boy's stomach and into a pool of acids he heard the giant boy say, "Hey sis, try swallowing them whole. They feel funny wriggling down your throat." Those were the last words that the cougar would ever hear.
******
Meanwhile, in another part of town, people were marveling at the sight of a giant kangaroo that had just crushed a hardware store. Some people would have thought the kangaroo might have been upset about what had just happened, but many people knew otherwise. Most of the people in the area knew the giant kangaroo by sight. The people living in that part of town had already had quite a few problems with the kangaroo. Most of those problems had been caused when Earl had decided to pay the area a visit with a bit too much alcohol in him. Earl did not quite see things that way though. From his point of view the people in that part of town just had something against him while he was a perfectly honest and upstanding citizen. But, now that Earl had a bit more power available to him everyone was sure the kangaroo was going to be getting a little bit of payback from everyone that had ever done him any wrong. By the look on his face everyone could tell that the kangaroo was happy about crushing the hardware store that had banned him from ever entering the store again. "Hoo boy, it's time for a little fun," said Earl.
No one was surprised to see that the first place the kangaroo went to was the bar. He had been thrown out of it enough times that people had lost count, but he was not the only one that was like that in town. But, he was the only one that was over 150-feet tall and in a position to do anything about it. Everyone had to get out of his way or get stepped on as he did so. Fortunately, all of the people in the area were fast enough to get out of the way of those huge paws that were putting craters in the road as Earl walked.
It was child's play for him to tear the roof right off the bar and many of the patrons that were in the bar either stared up at him with either fear or confusion. Earl ignored the people in the bar and immediately went for every beer keg, every bottle of liquor, and whatever other beverage happened to be within reach. It was impossible for him to open things the regular way at his size so he was forced to just crush everything in his hands and let everything dribble into his mouth. It was not exactly the most efficient way of drinking, but Earl managed to get the job done. This was a big problem for everyone because Earl already had some beer in him from the game and he had never been known as one with a high tolerance to alcohol. Plus, he was also a well known angry drunk.
As Earl was just starting to feel the effects of draining a bar of every last drop beer an angry customer came out. This customer, goaded on by his beer muscles, felt like complaining to the kangaroo about interrupting his night of drinking was a good thing. When Earl finally noticed the tiny person complaining about him and occasionally kicking his paw he was not pleased. "Who the hell do you think you are?" asked Earl. Then, without much warning, Earl stepped on the much smaller fur and ground him into paste. Now, a sober Earl would not have done such a thing, but drunken Earl was angry and thinking about everything that anyone had ever done to him. Originally he had only planed on messing up a few buildings. Now he thought that crushing buildings and furs both seemed like good ideas.
Everyone else soon found out that Earl was not a very nice giant kangaroo while drunk. The first thing Earl decided to do now that he was collecting on old debts was to kick over the bar. Not only had he been thrown out of the bar on numerous occasions, but it had just committed the unforgivable sin of running out of beer. A bar that could not stay stocked up on beer did not deserve to continue standing. Then Earl spotted the owner of the bar sneaking into his car. He was not about to let the bar owner get away so Earl hopped right over and onto the bar owners car, with the owner in it. The car crumbled like tinfoil beneath the weight of the enormous kangaroo. Unless the bar owner could survive being compressed into something about as thin as a pancake then the bar owner was definitely dead.
Earl had many more people he needed to get around to in town. Just about every building was in danger and nobody was truly safe from the monstrously sized kangaroo. Many people had seen giant monster movies before, but having to deal with one was a completely different matter, especially when that monster was actually targeting people instead of just empty buildings. When Earl decided to stomp on people it was bad enough, but when he decided to hop on them it was even worse. Each hop left a visible impact crater in the ground. No street was designed to take that much weight crashing down on it. What was left of anyone that had the misfortune of being hoped on was driven far into the ground. It was a burial of sorts for those people.
Whenever Earl would spot somebody he especially did not like he would give chase to them while trying to recite his long list of problems he had with that person. His words were starting to slur pretty badly by that point and people were having a hard time understanding what he was saying, but that did not make him much less dangerous. Earl was having a bit of trouble stomping on people since his coordination was a little bit off at the time. He would also stumble into the odd building or two, but that tended to be worse for the buildings than for Earl.
Even with the giant kangaroo stumbling around people were still getting crushed left and right. Little red spots were left all over the town's streets and everyone in the area feared that they were going to die. They thought it would take a miracle to save them all. It did not seem like a miracle was going to occur when another car pulled up trailing destruction behind it. One of the players of the local team, a gazelle, from the game stepped out of the car to ask the kangaroo if he could point the way to the road. It only took a few seconds for the gazelle to take in the sight of the kangaroo going around stomping on townspeople before he decided to intervene.
"Hey, what do you think you're doing?" the gazelle asked Earl aggressively.
Earl did not take the confrontational tone very well and said, "Whatever the hell I feel like doing."
"Well, cut it out. You're killing those people," the gazelle said.
"Cut it out? Not the most heroic thing for a rescuer to say. It doesn't make me feel like stopping what I'm doing at all," said Earl with a noticeable slur in his voice.
"How about you stop before I make you stop then," the gazelle said a bit more heatedly.
"I'd like to see you try. Let me tell you, I've seen you play and I'm not very impressed with you," Earl said while smirking. When Earl moved off to step on another person the gazelle tried to intervene. The townsfolk were horrified to find out that the gazelle really was not that impressive, even against an intoxicated foe. While the gazelle did manage to save the person that Earl had intended to step on, he accidentally knocked Earl over onto a building that people had been hiding in. The building was unable to support the weight of a 150-foot tall kangaroo. Only a few people managed to survive within the crushed buildings. Things did not get that much better for the people in town either. Earl immediately stood up again and launched himself at the gazelle. It was a clash of the titans and it was the people in town that suffered the most as the two giants tossed each other around. A good portion of the area was reduced to rubble and it did not make things better when Earl managed to pin the gazelle to the ground by sitting on him.
"You really are no good are you?" Earl asked mockingly, "I used to have better fights with my grandmother. Come to think of it, we had a better fight yesterday. But, what am I supposed to do with you now. I usually make guys like you eat dirt, but now that we're giants you should have to eat something different." Earl contemplated what to do until he spotted one of his biggest enemies, a coyote around his age, trying to hide behind some rubble. That person happened to be one of the few people that had honestly earned Earl's ire through actual misdeeds, such as stealing his tires one time, destroying a precious family heirloom, and actually shooting Earl in the leg on one occasion when they had both been drunk. Earl knew exactly what he wanted the gazelle to eat now.
The mammoth kangaroo used one hand to prop open the gazelle's mouth and the other to grab the little coyote. Both the gazelle and the coyote realized what the kangaroo was trying to do, but neither of them could stop Earl. The helpless coyote was dropped into the gazelle's mouth and the gazelle did his best to spit out the little canine. Earl put a stop to that by holding the gazelle's mouth shut and trying to relax the gazelle's throat by rubbing it. Despite being drunk, Earl was amazingly good at getting his goals accomplished. That was probably because he was so used to being drunk. The gazelle's muscles relaxed and he felt a little lump pass under his hand as the coyote made his way to the belly of the gazelle. As Earl watched the gazelle try to cough up the coyote the only thing he felt like saying was, "That'll learn the both of you. Don't mess with this kangaroo."
There was one good thing about that fight for the people in town. Earl was feeling satisfied with himself and was ready to go home. But, there was also one last thing he felt like doing before leaving. He left the gazelle alone to try and throw the coyote back up while he stepped back in his truck. Then he started it up and slammed his paw on the gas. It started speeding through town and he made sure to do a few donuts with the car before heading home. Now that he knew where he was in town he did not have much trouble getting home and since his car was huge he did not have to worry about running into things in his drunken state. There was one problem for him when he did get home, namely that his home was considerably smaller than he was. Still, that did not stop him from passing out on top of his home.
When he woke up the next morning he was more than a little surprised to find that he was still a giant kangaroo and that his house had been crushed beneath his own belly. Then he started to remember a few of the things that he had done the other night. Earl started to get a little nervous about what the police were going to do about him. But, he felt something annoying stuck between his toes and when he looked at what he was it turned out to be the partial remains of a police car. Another look at the bottom of his paw and he managed to peel off what looked like the remains of two or three police officers based on the uniforms. He did not seem to remember it, but he had fought the police at one point in the night and from the looks of things he had won. After scratching the back of his head a little he said, "Well, I guess that's what they get for messing with Earl. If I'm going to be stuck at this size they might as well learn that and I should have some fun. I wonder if anyone else had as much fun last night as I did." It just happened that on the other side of town a couple of raccoon children had a tummy ache from eating too much "candy" the previous night, but they thought it was worth it. They just hoped that their mother would not stop them from eating more candy the next day, but she was sleeping heavily in the front seat of her car after a long night of driving around looking for a road. They smiled at the fact that it looked like they were going to be able to eat as much candy as they wanted for the second day in a row.