Straight Talk
#37 of Free Association
Brad, Jonathon, and Daniel. In a room together. 3027 words.
Hi guys! Sorry it's up a bit later in the day, I'm working full-time now.
Also, once again, I apologize profusely for the one-week delay in publishing this episode... I just wasn't able to get it done. *sigh, still feels bad about the breaking of his posting regimen* We'll try to stay on track now! If you're new, FA updates every Friday (last Friday being the first unscheduled delay EVAR >..<) and is a gay romantic serial drama written by an insomniac hyena who is too busy and hermeneutic for his own good! If this sounds interesting, aim yourself Episode-1-ward and have fun catching up with us! For the rest of you, have a gander at Episode 37. I hope you enjoy it.
_ Monday. _
"Hey, dude!"
The corridor was cast in a sort of shadowed dreariness that always seemed to settle in just after the sun set... When the sky was still somewhat light, but the interior lights were on, the general effect of this place was just bleh. A swishier guy might have called it 'ambiance,' stressing the last syllable... The shabby apartment complex wasn't so bad, when you really looked at it... Except at this time of day. It wasn't dodgy, it wasn't really scary or unnerving... It just... brought a sense of futility, a grimace. A place to be avoided not out of a sense of danger... but unpleasant distaste.
Not that Daniel wasn't used to such feelings... especially when it came to places of residence.
"Hi!" he said, cheerful in spite of (or perhaps because of) his somewhat dismal surroundings. He was sure Brad had his reasons for living here. Low rent, most probably, was key among them.
The wolf, looming imposingly in the doorway, bore a warm smile that sat at odds with his dark countenance. He beckoned the younger, shorter dragon inside. It wasn't hardly the first time Daniel had been here; they'd often played video games back during the summer. Daniel had started working at the grocery store last spring, and quickly made friends with the gruff-looking hunk of a wolf... You wouldn't say they'd spent a great deal of time together, but certainly, the dragon was no stranger to the wolf's abode.
Brad, undeniably, seemed ever grumpy and unapproachable... and he could sure act like a dick if you didn't know him well. No denying that. But once you got to know him, perhaps paradoxically... he was one of the friendlier guys Daniel had ever met. Nothing like Mitch... Mitch seemed nice, but the closer you got to him, the shyer he got... The harder it was to get him to let you in... Daniel supposed, at least. Maybe that was just how he acted around one dragon. If so, Daniel couldn't fault him... It wasn't like he could pretend a certain gryphon didn't cause someone to act... rather different.
Brad's apartment was about as Daniel remembered it. A few reorganizations... the clutter on the table had changed, the unopened wine bottles by the fridge were different. The futon, the couch, the desk were the same. The TV. The slightly awkward open space by the window... For a space inhabited by a gay guy, this apartment had always been surprisingly bacheloresque. Though, that was probably stereotyping, he ought to get better about that... and despite the 50% gay occupancy, there was a 100% rate of bachelority... The dragon grinned a bit at his own word invention.
"Marty's at work," Brad was saying. "Should be home in a couple hours... Have to get this guy back to campus for his night class, but you can stick around after if you like, we'll play some Castle Crashers or something."
Daniel glanced in the direction the wolf indicated, and found himself staring down a small, pudgy raccoon with a big fluffy tail, sitting on the futon. He was wearing a polo and track pants, his bare paws poking out from the hems. His little ears quirked, and he gave the yellow dragon a wave and a small smile.
Daniel smiled big and waved back energetically. Seemed like a nice guy!
The raccoon gulped visibly, and looked to his boyfriend. "So, uh... Do you wanna do this now?" His voice was smooth and cool... but anxious.
Daniel felt the tension in the room rise a notch. The wolf grimaced.
"We don't have to," Daniel put in disarmingly; Brad had told him enough to make him feel bad for the guy. "We can hang out a bit first and get to know each other a bit maybe..." He hoped that would make things less awkward, instead of more. The raccoon sure looked like he didn't need any help making things more awkward.
Oh, man, Brad, what made you think this was a good idea... I mean, I'll go along with it, just... Gee...
"N-no..." the raccoon sighed. "I... I wanna get this over with. Better that way... maybe it'll help more if I don't know you too well first..." He glanced at Brad again.
The wolf shrugged and smiled, a little tensely. "Whatever you wanna do, honey."
That seemed a decisive poll, because after a moment, Brad went and sat on the couch, so Daniel took his cue and paced over to the far side of the futon. He sat down gingerly a reasonable distance away from the raccoon. The other male looked up at him, a bit hesitant.
He could see what Brad liked about the guy. He had... Charm. Of course, raccoons do tend to have a bit of a wide-eyed, fluffy-yet-sleek adorableness - not all of them, but it's common - and he certainly was a pretty handsome young man, no doubt about it. But, Daniel supposed... what was really endearing, and perhaps seductive, about him was his... tone. Something about the way he behaved, the way he moved and glanced and spoke. Pragmatic, practical, a bit serious... but not cold. His smiles were serious as well, honest. His slight shyness, less bashful and more awkward than Mitch, gave him an almost... humble quality, and yet, at the same time... He did not seem like the sort of guy who lacked for ambition, or inner strength. There was substance behind those coppery eyes... clear thoughts and earnest emotions. Intellect. Truth.
"Um... So I'm Jonathon..."
You could see how he'd catch the eye of a guy like Brad - who, believe it or not, was gay. Daniel still couldn't fathom that. The wolf had seemed so straight, and maybe even a bit narrow, that the dragon hadn't even considered the possibility they were interested in each others' gender. If Daniel had had to guess which one of his male friends was gay... Brad would have been near the bottom of the list.
He wondered if Brad would have ended up with him, if he had guessed. He'd apparently been single, after all, all those times they'd hung out over the summer... And hadn't it crossed the dragon's mind, once or twice, when they were alone in a dark room and Marty was at work... the way the light of the TV glinted on his deep gray fur, the way his eyes gleamed and his broad chest rose and fell softly?
Smile. "I'm Daniel."
Meh. Brad was a hunk, but Daniel had never had more than a little crush on him... Though it wouldn't be fair, to say it hadn't been there at all. Big hunky wuff.
But, he had Mitch now, purely by chance. And Brad just couldn't compete with the adorable gryphon guy... Brad had his own adorable guy, now. Daniel hoped they made a good couple.
The raccoon sucked in a breath. The other two were watching him, and he was looking at neither. His gaze slithered down the leg of the coffee table and pooled at its feet, brooding, tremulous.
"And... I'm... gay."
There was a pause... Daniel wasn't sure if he was supposed to say anything. He watched the raccoon's face, trying to read the emotions of a stranger... trying to gather, and surmise, and collect, a range of feelings he could only conjecture even existed. A slew of emotions he only knew by analogue... experience.
"And Brad's my boyfriend, and... and, and, if you don't like it you can just - "
"I didn't say I didn't like it," the dragon murmured soothingly, feeling a surge of sympathy as he watched the other male panic. Jonathon's ears were twitching, his tail tufting, his gaze jerked up, strained.
"No need to get defensive..." Brad rumbled.
"I'm trying, can't you see this is tough for me?" the raccoon snapped, ears flattening; his pointy white teeth flashed in the words. He took a deep breath. "You're right. Sorry. I... Brad's my... my boyfriend... the... the first one I've ever had, and... and my name is Jonathon, and I like guys." He gulped visibly.
"How'd you meet him?" the dragon inquired. Quite apart from sating his curiousity, he intuited talking would help the raccoon.
"I... I..." Jonathon rubbed his cheek, ears tweaking between down and back and up. His tail swished, agitated. "I tripped him in a coffee shop... heh." He glanced at the wolf, as though trying to ascertain if he was doing a good job. For all he was less a stranger, the wolf's expression was harder to read than the raccoon's.
"I still think I did the tripping," Brad put in.
"Heheh, nooo, definitely me..." The raccoon huffed. "I was texting and all... And his coffee got on my english paper and then..." the raccoon hesitated. "...then he was... kissing me."
"You leave out like half the stuff..." Brad said, a bit sheepishly. "Make it sound like I just mack on guys who knock me on my nose in public..." His big paws rubbed on the knees of his jeans, uncomfortably.
"Well, based on current evidence..." Jonathon murmured. He was so serious-sounding, and his smile was so subtle, that it took a moment before the other two laughed.
After a moment, the raccoon shrugged a little. "It was... kind of by chance... A lot of chance happening together. If I hadn't tripped him, if he hadn't let me reprint my essay here... If he hadn't kissed me... If he hadn't come back, after my class... None of this would be happening."
"Chance..." Daniel murmured, thoughtfully. It played such a role in... these things. Like a dumb high school senior going to the expo because he wanted so bad to do some tournaments, even if he didn't have anyone to go with... What kind of lame is that? Going to a convention by yourself, no one to cheer for you when you won, don't even know anybody who would be there... Mitch had had friends to cheer for him. They hadn't been cheering when Daniel beat him... but they were good sports afterward. He'd hoped to see them a few more times, but since that day it had mostly just been him and the gryphon...
...Not that he'd minded that one bit.
"He's... the only guy at college I've come out to..." Jonathon said suddenly, awkward once more. His paws twisted in his lap. "Though I guess it wasn't so much a coming out as a melting in his arms like a popsicle in a frying pan..."
Raccoon-shaped popsicle. Hmm.
"Nobody else knows? None of your friends?"
The raccoon shook his head, and then hesitated. "Well... Some of them may have guessed... But I'm not really that easy to guess, I think... My roommate guessed, though... And I have a friend from high school who goes here who knows, she kinda guessed, back then... Maybe I am, I hope not though... But... All of the people I probably should have told... I haven't told them..." He rubbed his muzzle. "I'm trying to... get better at coming out, I really am..." He looked up at the dragon awkwardly.
"You're doing fine," Daniel said calmly, his scaly tail flicking beside the futon. "There's nothing wrong with liking guys."
"Thanks... I'm... trying to remember that most people think that way..." The raccoon still looked faintly unsettled, shifting about on the futon. "I need to get better at this... I..." He glanced at Brad, who smiled back. That glance... the smile... were laden with things unsaid, things Daniel knew it was no business of his to pry into.
But he couldn't keep from feeling the tension. He could read Brad well enough to see it... It was always obvious when Brad was irritated, Jane was on him every other day about it.
"I know you'll get more comfortable with it over time..." Brad assured, gently, with a small smile... Jonathon smiled back, and then looked back to the dragon, paws twisting in his lap. The fur on his tail and the back of his neck was tufting a little; he was positively vibrating with anxiousness that would surely turn to chronic awkwardness in time...
Daniel sighed. "Maybe... it'll make you feel better if I... return the favor."
Jonathon's cinnamon eyes were uncertain, when they returned to his a few moments later. It was quiet in the apartment, and the mood had changed... Brad was looking at him now, too, confused... curious...
Well, about time he got around to this, anyway.
The dragon smiled awkwardly. "Jonathon... My name is Daniel, and... I like guys too."
Outside, you could hear the rumble of an idling truck... dull and lonely in the urban night.
"Oh..." Jonathon smiled; his voice warmed and he spoke faster, less hesitantly. "Oh, I didn't know that... Man, and here I was worried you were judging me, even though you're Brad's friend and you knew I was his boyfriend already and you seem like an okay guy..." He spewed the sentence in one gasp, and then took a breath.
"...You WHAAAAAAT?" Brad gaped.
The dragon looked over at his wuffy co-worker. Bradley was sitting with his paws on the edge of the couch, leaning forward, his posture very stiff and tense, but quite still. Frozen. Daniel couldn't help but grin a little at the image of such a truly flabbergasted tough guy. He'd gotten a few Brad-whaaaats in the past, but none quite this impressive.
"I'm bisexual..." he said. "I... kept trying to tell you... but you always got really awkward whenever I thought I could bring it up... I guess you thought it bothered me? I would have told you a long time ago if you'd let me..." The short dragon shrugged, grinning and scratching his black-maned neck.
Brad blinked. "But..." His big ears flicked, up and working between back and forward.
"'S the way it is."
"But... but, you were so... shy whenever I mentioned it..." The wolf sounded so bewildered...
The dragon's grin soured. "Of course I'm shy," he said, a little caustically. "You were the first guy I ever met who I actually knew was... like me, like that. Just because we're in the same boat doesn't mean it's any easier for me to say 'Oh, yeah, I like sticking my dick into boys too, always have, high five!'."
Jonathon blushed a little at the sentence, but he was still smiling a bit, considerably calmer. Brad huffed. "Yeah, I guess you have a point..." Now he just looked embarrassed... Daniel grimaced. Maybe he'd been a bit too harsh. Brad was probably the guy in the room with the most coming out experience... but that didn't mean he was perfect at it. Maybe his somewhat aggressive assuming that the dragon was an awkward straight guy was part of how he'd handled that.
Probably, heh... Judging from his reaction today.
The three sat there for a moment... and the mood in the room had changed, now, the tension from before had lessened inexplicably. Jonathon was no longer... twanging, anxious, disturbed. Brad now bore a faint blush, his ears back a bit further than they had been.
They were just... three dudes who liked dudes, and probably didn't know all that much between them about... how that all worked out.
That thought was... almost comforting. Comfortable. Daniel smiled a bit, for no real reason.
The raccoon hmmed. "Your turn, then... Any of your friends know?"
Daniel shook his head hard, blushing a bit. "I'm bi, so it's a bit easier to just... you know, like girls, and not mention the other bit..." He sighed. "But... I can't pretend it doesn't mean something to me, being able to... tell people the truth." He swallowed, finding it harder to talk about this stuff than he'd anticipated. "I did come out once before... to my older brother... he's really great about stuff like that, made me feel a lot better about... stuff..." He scratched his mane again. "...Back then I wasn't... sure if I liked girls at all, I was... pretty confused..."
Too many memories... The dragon gulped a bit. Thirteen-year-old Danny was still down in that brain, still as confused and nervously eager for boys as he had once been. The dragon wondered if those awkward feelings would ever go away.
Then, he wondered if they even mattered... Perhaps the sense that they still existed, was just an illusion.
"Yeah... good to have somebody to accept you and support you..." Brad murmured.
"And tell you when you're making things a bigger deal than they need to be..." the dragon rumbled. He sat back with a smile, looking at Jonathon a little. The raccoon smiled back, somewhat shyly. "You'll get better at it if you give people a chance. I mean... It's gone well for you so far, right?"
Jonathon grimaced.
"Or, at least, not really terrible, right?" The dragon chuckled a bit.
More grimace.
"At the very least... could be worse, right? You gotta look on the bright side if you're gonna... be brave about something. Pessimists aren't brave, they just understand futility, heh." Daniel tried to muster one of his sunshine-mode smiles.
The raccoon nodded a little at that... Daniel wasn't sure if he was convinced. But he did smile back... "Thanks," he said softly.
Big smile. "No problem." He reached over and gave the raccoon a little pat on the shoulder. "People'll only be a dick to a nice guy like you if you give them a reason to be. For most people... even if they don't like it... being into guys isn't enough of a reason."
"I suppose..." Jonathon mused, more rationally. He looked up to Brad again, and got a smile in return, which was reciprocated.
Heh... they made a cute couple. Big wuff, little coon, all fuzz and fluff and shades of gray. Blue eyes and brown... You could tell them apart by the ear sizes, and the tail stripes... Ignoring obvious things, like their completely different builds and Brad's much darker and flatter fur color... Sometimes it was better to focus on the smaller differences.
The more obvious ones... Weren't always the things that mattered.
This episode ended up coming out not exactly as I had envisioned originally, but I like the way it came out in the end. Glad I took the extra week to get it done, sorry for the delay (yet again, heh).