The Human Species Ch. 81 - Royal Joker Blue
#85 of The Human Species
Humanity has finally gotten fed up with their fragile position in the world of Pokémon. Gathering the best of trainers, they have decided to subdue or dispose of every powerful Pokémon in existence.
The strong will expire as a large conflict between Pokémon and humans arises... But which side of the conflict will you end up on when you are neither Pokémon nor human...?
Red and Blue were wasting yet another eventless night away. Bored with their dull task of defending Pokémon Stadium, they found themselves spending their time together locked in fierce battle like usual, rival versus rival with both trying to prove their superiority over the other.
"Squirtle..." Red muttered as he quietly pointed towards his opponent, "... Bubble."
"Cubone, use Snivel!" Blue retorted immediately. Flipping a coin twice, the first came up tails and the second came up heads, eliciting a cheerful whistle from Blue as his Cubone successfully blocked both damage and paralysis.
"Water is meant to be effective against Rock-types..." Red argued with a tired expression, wondering why he was even bothering.
"Not in this game, it isn't!" Blue replied as he rearranged his cards. Using a complicated strategy of Gust of Wind, Scoop Up and an unexpected Hitmonchan, Red quickly found yet another one of his cards knocked out. His experience with real Pokémon battles was interfering with his skills at the card game, and so their first combat of the evening ended with Red's loss. Although not exactly eager to make up for it, he decided to have another round just to help pass the time.
"Alright, stop me if you've heard this one..." Blue started while shuffling his hand, "So, there's this team of scientists doing research over at Cinnabar Island. Place's ruined since the volcanic eruption, but it's pretty big and they've gotta stay there for several weeks."
"Hmm..." Red mutters, wondering what kind of research a molten rock held.
"After a while, one of the younger scientists starts to feel pretty lonely, y'know?" Blue continued with a chuckle, "Can't control his hormones and all that! Checking in with his superiors, he asks how they deal with it. They laugh and say it's only normal, and that they brought something just in case. They decide to give the guy a break and tell him to go open one of the Pokéballs back at camp."
Drawing a card, Red acquired possession of a Professor Oak. He hoped the deceased professor did not mind being used from beyond the grave to defeat his own grandson in a children's card game.
"He goes back, opens the Pokéball, and guess what?" Blue said while rearranging a few of his cards again, "It's a Gardevoir. Elegant and stylish, sure, but... Guy's shocked at his superiors' suggestion. Still, she looks KIND of human, y'know? He's so damn pent up, and was not about to bug the others any further. So, he pulls down his pants and starts doin' her."
Red sighed. He knew all too well where this was going.
"After a while one of the superiors comes back, sees him knee-deep inside the Gardevoir and starts yelling," Blue kept going while suddenly doing an impersonation, "No! We meant for her to teleport you back to town to find a girl and get laid!"
Blue laughed heartily while Red felt obligated to give a mildly amused expression. He had heard the same joke many decades earlier, although in that version it had been a Jynx instead of a Gardevoir. Thinking back, he was pretty sure Blue was the one who had told him back then as well. Wondering if maybe his long-time rival was finally going senile, he looked up to see Blue's smile fade away into an expression of utter shock, obviously staring at something.
Still laughing from his own joke, Blue suddenly saw something pink move near the window to their little shack. Smiling to himself at the thought of some curious Pokémon looking in at their game, he wondered which kind it was. An Audino? A Jigglypuff? His question was answered as not one, but two faces suddenly peered inside.
The first face was pink and had extremely fine hair, two small ears and massive sapphire eyes. The second face was green and looked like a budding flower, two stalks protruding out of its forehead. Blue's expression froze until he felt himself choke on his own spit, immediately recognizing the creatures and helplessly reaching towards the window as both of them promptly flew off.
"Mew!" Blue exclaimed loudly, drawing Red's attention, "Mew and Celebi! Holy fucking WHAT THE SHIT DID YOU SEE THAT!?"
Red turned around and looked at the window as Blue practically flew to his feet, grabbed his jacket and sloppily threw on a pair of boots, moving as eagerly as a ten year old boy about to receive his first Pokémon. Seeing nothing but white snow and black darkness outside, Red could only assume that Blue was indeed turning senile, and was about to get a lot colder for it.
"... Calm down..." Red muttered, "... It was most likely just the snow."
"Ah, yes! For sure!" Blue shouted as he ran outside, thinking he was lucky to be getting the two legendaries for himself, "Now sit here and do nothing while I go out and go down in history as the best damn trainer that ever..."
Red heard Blue's voice trail off into a mutter, the antsy trainer already well on his way to verify what he had seen. A few seconds passed as Red sat with nothing to do. Carefully he peeked over at his opponent's hand, seeing that Blue was carrying almost nothing but basic Pokémon cards. Red sighed as he leaned back, realizing that his rival he were still quite different even after all these years.
"C-C-Cold!" the Umbreon stammered as his pads touched down on the snow, having just been summoned by Blue into a much chillier area than he had hoped.
"... Brisk..." the Espeon whispered before shivering slightly. The two of them looked up at their trainer Blue, who was breathing heavily and had a look of excitement on his face.
"Mew's here, and Celebi too!" Blue yelled happily while rummaging through his pockets for his Pokédex, "You two, sniff them out!"
"C-Can't even smell..." the Umbreon whined with a running nose before sneezing, his ears suddenly perking up, "... Wait, Celebi!? Celebi's here!?"
"... Mew? Truly?" the Espeon repeated with an equally surprised expression.
"Yahoo!" the Umbreon cheered as he began to hop around in anticipation, "Come on, let's get Celebi to send us to the past so we can be cool time travelers!"
"... Sending you into the past would be like signing history's death warrant..." the Espeon muttered with a tone so cold it made the blizzard seem warm and gentle by comparison, "... And I would think the mother of all Pokémon should warrant more attention than a common Grass-"
"Not now, argue later!" Blue shouted with a stern voice as he crouched down and put his hands on his Pokémon's heads, "Tell me, where's Mew and Celebi!?"
"Skyward," something not human replied, and it took Blue a moment to realize that neither of the Eevee siblings had said anything. Instead, both of them were looking up at something, faces frozen in surprise. Faintly recognizing the meaning of the Pokémon speech, Blue slowly turned his head upwards as well. There, floating above him were the legendary Pokémon Celebi and Mew.
Blue's expression exploded into joy as he beheld the two living legends. Pink hair so fine it could only be properly appreciated through a microscope accompanied by a verdant appearance clashing poorly against the cold and lifeless area all around... There was no doubt in his mind. At long last, he had found two of the most elusive legendaries in the world.
His excitement began to turn into nervosity. Mew and Celebi were certainly not large or intimidating, but had a certain presence to them that made Blue feel like an insect. The way they looked at him was unlike anything he had experienced before, like their gazes were piercing into his very soul, and a lifetime of experience with handling Pokémon told him that it was not a peaceful sign.
"E... Eh... Esp..." Blue stammered while nearly tying his own tongue into a knot, "Espeon! Surround us with a barrier so they can't escape!"
"On the contrary," Celebi spoke softly as Mew placed her hands together, turning the surrounding area into a pink hue, "It is you who will not be escaping."
Red had been staring into the wall for quite some time, feeling a bit unfulfilled with his current situation in life. Aging was in no way glamorous and he had always expected to live out his final years in boredom, but never saw himself in a rickety chair in some shack in the middle of nowhere, waiting for nothing in particular to happen. Still, it was not as bad most people would assume. The six decades leading up to this moment had given him enough adventure to last three lifetimes, and now he just wanted to take it easy and rest. Indeed, the start of his retirement had been sweet, giving him time to enjoy the fruit of his labor and relax while reflecting over his eventful past.
However, he knew his satisfaction had come at a high price. Deoxys had rampaged through the world unhindered, killing thousands of people and Pokémon, all wondering why there was no one skilled and powerful enough to stand up to the threat. It made Red realize that champions like him were never allowed to retire, but had to fight for the sake of others until his bones turned into dust. At least then, he would finally find peace at the end of it all.
A loud knock suddenly shook him out of his thoughts. Another followed, seemingly coming from the door. Thinking Blue had finally gotten fed up with the winter wonderland and strangely eager to continue their children's card game, Red went and opened the door.
Whirling snow quickly slathered his face, but there was no Blue in sight. The wayward rival seeped out of Red's mind though, because standing on top of the bed of snow with arms crossed was a ghost from the past.
"Knock, knock," Pikablu said menacingly, "Can Raikou come out and play?"
Red could not believe what he was seeing. A Pikachu? Out here, on the snowy plains? If there was one species Pokémon he considered himself versed with it was Pikachu, and was fairly certain there were no fitting habitats such as forests or cities anywhere nearby. For forty years his own Pikachu had whined about the cold due to never wanting to go inside his Pokéball, and Red could feel that something about this situation was off.
Even so, Red found himself intrigued by the creature. It was old and nearly as worn by battle as his own partner was shortly before drawing his last, peaceful breath. Despite the Pikachu's smile, Red detected animosity exuding from him, the glint in his eyes telling the aged trainer he had a fight on his hands.
"Hmm... Such untamed ferocity... You could use a trainer..." Red muttered before feeling his mood sullen once more, "But I am retired... Be agitated somewhere else..."
The Pikachu remained steadfast and shook his head, showing that he had no intention of backing down. Red was amazed the seemingly wild fiend understood him, and could not imagine what a Pikachu would ever want to do with an old man like him. He painted up the only plausible scenario he could think of - That he was trespassing upon the Pikachu's territory. Unbeknownst to anyone, the abandoned Stadium now housed Pokémon and he was preventing this Pikachu from coming home.
Feeling distressed and uninformed, Red suddenly thought back to the mission he had been given. Had they expected this? Were they not concerned about random Pokémon causing a ruckus, but rather precognitive beings organizing an attack? He gave the Pikachu one last warning gaze before reaching into his backpack and pulling out a Pokéball.
"No? How stubborn..." Red sighed as he let his own curiosities die off, "... As you wish. I will end this quickly."
The powerful aura of Raikou flared up in the distance as Lucario gnashed his teeth together.
"Raikou's out," Lucario whispered while tightening his grip around Zoroark's wrist, "You, uh, sure we're completely invisible?"
"Shh," Zoroark replied hastily with an almost entirely soundless hiss, "No one can see us, but they can definitively hear us... We cannot help but leave footprints in the snow, so we must be careful..."
Zerobi felt like pointing out that she was graceful enough to not leave any footprints, but decided not to. She already felt silly enough as the three of them trudged through the snowy landscape, clinging on to one another in a chain formation. Zoroark apparently had the ability to make himself and his surroundings invisible, which would help them get inside the Stadium undetected. But since they could no longer see each other, they needed to "stay in touch" so to speak, and she ended up getting dragged along Lucario who was being tugged along by Zoroark.
Already feeling exhausted from maintaining such a complicated illusion, Zoroark constantly ran the mission through her head over and over. If any of the other parties should fail, it would be up to her to figure out the right course of action. She found herself longing for tomorrow. For better or worse, at least by then this would all be over.