Finding My Purpose

Story by Riverweasel on SoFurry

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#13 of Poems

You know who you are and this is just my way of responding back to what you wrote to me last night.


I believe that I may have to be concise and clear

Yet at the same time there is an underlying fear

That what needs to be said might be a bit brash

And so I will take my time to fully explain it

Three years and some change previous to this day

I found someone on Facebook in a game we played

We both found each other to be cunning and clever

But I soon saw more than his general comments

I no longer remember what it was that caught my eye

What it was I found in him that I felt connected by

Maybe his pain, his estrangement, his defensive nature

Perhaps his bipolar nature, that said I reached out

There has never been a day since that I regret that move

The hand that I stretched out to his so I could soothe

His weary soul and aching heart and broken mind

I had helped others, but soon I found he helped me

He still oft denies it even as this morning's sun rises

But the truth stands solid throughout many a crisis

For as I grew up I had learned that trusting another

Was a game that you were destined to lose

I have told him things I have never shared with my sisters

He knows of the scars I hide from my parents and all the blisters

I accrued through my childhood for I tell him all of it

A freedom from the secrecy that has long bound my soul

The You who knows what I had never shared before

Know that you are still the only one who's seen the open door

Seen my cluttered room, the man behind the façade

That I keep in order to appear healthy and calm

You and I share a passion, the desire to help others

To unbury those that lost their will to uncover

Their desires and dreams and exuberant flames

But that passion of mine cannot be held captive

You were the first I reached out to, but there are others in pain

And it would be selfish of me to let only you in from the rain

It would be ugly of us to separate us from them

And ugly is what I refuse to be

I love you more than words can express, we both know this

We are not mates, friends, brothers, any title would miss

What it is we share and the strength of the bond that we have

I want you by my side, I always will

But while we walk along this path of life on a trail

I would feel sick to not gather others to prevail

For so long as there are those that are hurting

My mission can never be complete

You are my closest companion, the very essence of the word friend

But we both have to realize the truth, realize we can't pretend

I would sacrifice my life for you and I know you would the same

But my heart yearns to have others that I might do the same for them

Please do not be jealous, please try to understand my purpose

I found you and I have pulled and struggled and finally the dirt has loosened

You have started to crawl out, to make progress back

So do not hate me when I lessen my hold upon you to grab another that is sinking

For all of us hurt and all of us feel pain and I ache to help them all

If it was up to me and I could make the decision, then not a one of you would fall

But both the hurting and I have a limited supply of time

And so I must help those that need it the most

You have come a long way from the young man I knew three years past

And at the same time, you have done more for me than I could have asked

In a short time we'll have each other to hug and to enjoy shenanigans with

Let us enjoy the time we have with each other

Rather than complain about the time that we don't.