Kohaku, What's Happiness?
#1 of Short Stories
5Th of November, 1997. Thats when I was born. April 2nd 2013, is my death. My name is Kohaku, age 15, boy, London.
When people think they've lost everything, they could never be more wrong. I already lost the most important thing to me, it meant more than a roof for my head, cloths for my body, it mean more than parents for my heart. What I've lost was my own existance to continue living. Being ignored and lost forever, that loneliness is the worst kind of pain, to be erased from the Earth.
Its such a cruel way to suffer. The first day of my life I saw snows first fall. I was born destined to live on the streets to help my family live. I use to steal matches from other homes and sell them to others, to me all that I saw in those flames were burns and scars, every single time I stole I got a big ugly scar that I couldn't live with, my happiness was just dangling loosely ony on the fact that others couldnt see my ugly burns and scars.
This fire was my biggest enemy, but I dont know why I never complained to it, I let it be, maybe because of a feeling, it could save me? But all fire and matches can do is ignite the flames that hurt and burn you. What is happiness? I wonder? What did God put on Earth that can truely tell me what happiness looks like if it was givin a shape. My answer was glass. You can never find it if you happen to look right at it, you'll only see whats right though it, nothing. But if you could just change your path you could see the light reflect on the glass.
I went to each shop that selled glass, or something made up of glass, because of I loved it so much. But I got turned down. Blindly thinking only for myself, when I returned my parents moved on and I was left alone. Suffering in my own loneliness. My stupid name, Kohaku, "Child" "White". I hated its meaning, I am not even Japanese. How could my own parents leave me all alone like this? Dont they know they have to raise me! At that time I was only 14. I ran elsewhere, but no matter where I ran the season always followed. Its my birthday and there is no one here to tell me that. Losing my existance was truely the most thing I missed.
Then again, I sold matches to people, these matches were my only refuge, a place for me to tell me how ugly and unworthy I am. To the point I could live no longer in the snow, Match 31st, lighting away the matches only for myself, I saw a true reflection, better than the reflection of light on glass, I saw my mom and my dad, right here and now hugging me and wrapping me around in their coats right inside the flames, my worries and suffering all going away, one match by one burned out and in the fires I saw true happiness.
How could I be so wrong, glass is to fragille. I saw right through it, I didnt see my life, my answer to happiness was nothing but bullshit. When I lit my last match trying to warm me once again, I saw what happiness really looks like inside the flames. My stupid name... Haku for the snow... I, "snow" forgot my color so I changed white, while my father as a needle and my mom as a thread made me happiness with the hard work of the neede and the colors of thread. I was thinking only about myself and left them.
I clenched my teeth, ready to die in this cold snow, my broken body taking refuge inside snow, my soul, I found happiness a little too late. Kohaku, clench your teeth, and all my burns and scars from my suffering turned once again into those flames, and I saw my life passing by, one final look up to the sky, and I saw the last of the snowflakes and died when the last one hit the ground, on April 2.