Oh, If My Soul...

Story by AlejandroDelFuego on SoFurry

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READ, COMMENT, THEN you can fave, ok?

A quick play I wrote for creative writing. The names are random, and the story is inspired by a song I learned long ago... Could I get your opinions on it? I'm unsure whether or not to expand on this and maybe write something along these lines...

I want your HONEST opinions.


_ It is late evening, and a single man sits on by the shore. Nearby, an English harbor can be seen. Off in the distance still, a small town is visible, faint lights starting to go on with the coming of nighttime. The seagulls' cries can be heard as they go and lay themselves down in their nests. Upon the beach, there is only one man there, observing the setting sun across the blank ocean, sitting there on a bench, with a troubled look. Not a single ship had come in that day, yet he was waiting... It had been ten long years since his beloved had set out on a journey... He was expecting his love to return any day then._ _ The man is in his early to mid-20s, of average build. He wears fine clothing, though aged looking, as if it has been owned and used quite often. His sister, 16 or 17 years of age, now comes down to the bayside. She's quite beautiful. However, she has a tired and annoyed expression. She's dressed plainly as she walks down the path towards the beach._

Theo: *Sighs, thinking he's alone, he speaks softly* It's been ten long years since he's left me... But, my heart still belongs to him... Every day I've been waiting at these shores, knowing that, someday, I'd see him again... Eva: *She hears this, and walks up to where he sits* Get up. We're going home. Now. Theo: *He turns to face her, surprised.* my sister. What are you doing here? Eva: Coming to get you. You spend hours a day, sitting here and waiting. It's been ten years since he left port. Do you honestly think he's coming back? Theo: I honestly do. He told me himself. His ship was scheduled to return to this harbor, he promised me, ten years from that day. I remember the scene perfectly in my head. He embraced me as he stepped out along the pier. He told me, "Fair thee well, my dear companion... I must set out... For ten long years..." Eva: *She looks down. And sighs...* you've spent years... Years of your life waiting for this man. I-I'd understand if he were to be gone a year or two... But ten years? Theo: My heart belongs to him and no other. You don't understand. Eva: No. I do understand how you can sit there and love another man... I don't understand how you can spend the best years of your life waiting for someone to return who we can't even be positive is still alive. Theo: I know he's alive, out there. And someday soon, his ship will pull in to port, and we'll be reunited, and I won't be lamenting by this bayside anymore... Eva: *She looks back to him with a serious expression* you may not know this, but... Every time you go down to the shore, mother's heart... It tears her apart to see you, her only son, waiting his whole life for one person. A man, no less... Theo: *He gets a slightly annoyed expression* Mother never understood how I felt for him. She just, doesn't know that this is true... Every time she sees me, she tells me to stop this foolishness. Eva: ... I agree with her... Theo: What? *Filled with surprise.* Eva: You may not care about her, but I do. I've tried to put up with you for all these years, watching you throw your life away, day after day, while our aging mother grows ever older. She cries every time I tell her you're at the bayside, as it's a constant reminder that she'll never see you find a nice girl and settle down, and she'll never see grandchildren... If you must insist on being this way, at least get your eyes off a man whose in a foreign land, or possibly not even living, and find someone here, in your home. Theo: What exactly are you trying to tell me? Eva: You're a foolish creature, a foolish boy! You're wasting your life here! You might as well forget about him, and stop destroying mother's heart. Snap out of it and move on! Theo: You know what? *He stands up now, and looks his sister right in the eyes* A curse on mother, and a curse on you, my dear sister! I no longer care what she thinks of me. And such words... Such words, I never thought I'd hear from you... Eva: *She gasps softly, astonished at what he just said. After a minute, she speaks back, a hint of annoyance and anger in her tone* such words you needed to hear! You're in complete denial. He's never coming back, dear brother. Theo: *He backs away from her a step* ... Do not call me your brother... You're not my sister any longer... And mother, I no longer see her as such... You two are cursed as far as I care. *He turns towards the ocean now, the setting sun hiding* A curse on all the waves between us, my dear companion, so far away in a foreign land! I lament by the shore day after day, yet they fail to return you to my arms! Eva: Can you even hear yourself right now?! You've completely lost your mind! If he was your companion, why would he then ship out for such a long time so soon after meeting you? He's not going to still be as loyal to you as you are to him. What, did you think he'd return and he'd still love you that way?! Theo: *He's obviously let the words his sister had just said sit in to his mind. He is saddened by them a bit, though he does not show his sister. He simply gestures away from him* Go now, and leave me... Eva: No. I'm not leaving without - Theo: *An annoyed tone, he interrupts* Now! Eva: Fine. *She starts to leave* Come back home before eight. We're not waiting to start dinner anymore. Theo: ... *Sighs, and goes to her now. She turns to face him.* ... I-I take back the curses... I just, cannot stand you and mother, always on my case about it... But, I suppose you have every right... *He sits down now on the bench again, facing away from her* I'll be leaving soon... Just give me a few more minutes... Eva: ... Alright... *She turns and leaves the scene now* Theo: *Once she leaves, he sighs and puts his face in to his hands, no longer speaking*