the journey to being Luna (reallife pt.1)
the storry of me becoming a furry.
More than a year...
That's how long i've been looking for furries on the internet. more than a year.
It always felt like simple amusement, just browsing for nice pictures. i never thought about what it really was.
somewhere deep inside me i knew for years what i was, what i liked, what i wanted to be, but i never really admitted to the thought. i always saw it as something "normal", an interest in animals, what they look like, their beautifull amazing caracters, the fact that they were so enchanting to me..
after a while the signs got more and more clear to me. every time i saw a wolfhound, i imagined what i would look like if i was one of them. every time i saw a cat i imagined them as antropomorphic creatures, staring at me with a sultry, erotic spark in their eyes. when i was petting an animal i started talking or mumble to them. i started calling my cats "sweetheart" or "darling".
i started to get a little depressed at that point. i was not satisfied with just who i was anymore. life did not satisfy me with its possibillities, i wanted more. i wanted to be an animal, but also a human. but... how?
then, a few weeks ago, i started to find out what was happening to me. i was fantasizing about being a wolf, and i noticed it more and more. and every time thought about it, i saw the same animal in my head: Luna.
Luna was a male snow white wolfhound. He was my ex-girlfriend's pet and the most beautiful creature i ever saw with my own eyes. he was incredibly happy when i was there. when i arrived at my girlfriend's home, the first thing i did was play with Luna in the middle of the living room, frolicking, giving high fives, and eventually we always ended up on the floor, laying in each others arms (yes, litteraly) and howling for minutes and minutes.
Gosh, these memories make me cry... time for a nice glass of red and some distraction..
ok, where was i..
that dog was crazy, it felt like my best friend, even though it was not even my own pet. when we went out with Luna we made snowballs (yes, it was winter back then) and threw them. he would run after them and try to pick them up, but only saw snow. then he would look at you, with a surprised look, not understanding where the ball was. haha, it always looked so funny...
or a little later, when it was spring, i would go to the backyard and jump on the trampoline and he would jump and play with me, entirely ignoring my girlfriend or other people. he was only playing with me when i was around.
anyway, the relationship with that girl did not last very long. we broke up and i never saw that crazy, beautiful dog again. but i kept thinking about him for years. only about him, the girl was out of my head in a small period of time. that was almost four years ago.
three and a half years later i spoke to that girl on the internet again. i asked her how she was and how everyone at her home was. they were fine. she said nothing about luna. i immediately knew something was wrong. when i asked her how that crazy dog was doing, she did not reply for a whole day. then she told me that she was very sorry to tell me that luna was very sick and in a lot of pain, and that they had no other choise than to put him asleep. which was going to happen the next day.
i was not allowed to see him one more time. there was no goodbye. no last memory. nothing. only my own, lonely sadness and the thought of that beautifull, lunatic Luna leaving this planet. he never got older than six years. it felt like i lost a friend, a relative, kind of a brother.
from that moment i have thought about him every day. he will always live and play on in my head and heart. i miss you crazy furball...
ok, enough sad memories talk for now, let's get back to "my" story.
a weeks ago i met a man on "random mate" on my phone. i told him that i was kind of struggling with my identity. he helped me with making a decision and even took his own role in my life. thank you kitty!
i decided to become a furry. when i started to make up a fursona, i immediately knew that i wanted him to be a wolf, and he would be named Luna, in honour of that crazy dog that i miss so much. i will make sure that he will stay on this earth, even if he is not truly there anymore. That is how my fursona Luna was born.
once i gave in to my long waited fantasy, i immediately felt much happier, as i am now. i wanted to do all these things that i never did but always longed for. so today, i started doing these things. i made my nails a little pointy. i bought a sports backpack. i put on the clothes that i imagine my fursona Luna to wear and went out of my house, into the parc near my home. i ran, acting like i was a wolf, i ran over fields, i ran through bushes, i even climbed a tree, i considered to find a high spot and howl to the moon, but i did not dare to do that yet. and all this time, i could not stop smiling and laughing. i felt like a lunatic dog. i felt like Luna.
once i got home i felt incredibly happy. it really felt like i was reborn. and i kinda was.
that leads this story to the present, which means, end of the story. it's time to go to bed now.
i will continue my story later on.
i am sorry if there are a lot of mistakes in the grammar and so on, my english is not really all that perfect..
untill next time!