Warrior Sorcerors in the Gay Analvore Kingdom of the Eevee Atmosphere
Flash fiction, under 1000 words
The day I embarked on the quest to save the hermaphroditic vampire pony princess was the same day I learned how to stick both hands inside my rectum.
First I had to hump my way through the Fields of Randomized Battles. This part of the journey was long and odious. I could write pages and pages about how many cockgoblins and fennecs I drop-kicked, but really every fight was the same. I swear there must have been like 300,000 of these fuckers in the Field of Randomized Battles - so I burned it down with fire.
Then I had to win the Key to the Godspike or some gay shit like that. The challenge was: the first challenger to successfully fuck an Eevee let loose in a football stadium would win the key and a swift kick to the balls. The losers would be sacrificed to the woodchipper. And those little shits run kinda fast. They do not want to be fucked by anyone.
So I killed all the other challengers by fucking them to pieces. That's my magical high fantasy power. I fuck things. To pieces.
Once I finished, I jumped high up in the air and then anal-vored that stupid ass pokemon. I hate Eevees. I hope that was the last one.
After my swift kick in the balls, with an Eevee squirming around in my ass, I threw the key into the River of Bees because this quest can go suck it. Fuck it.
There is no hermaphroditic vampire pony princess because vampires don't exist.
Don't do acid, kids.