Raiderstuck (part 2)
Second part of Raiderstuck
RAIDERSTUCK part 2
Characters http://rockraidersunited.org/wiki/index.php?title=Rock_Raider_Characters Chief - leader, captain, can shoot plasma blasts from artificial arm Jet - pilot Docs - geologist Bandit - aquatic expert Axle - driver Sparks - engineer and explosives expert
But Docs did not see the planet "Land Of Can Do and Will Do", which was this huge city! Jack Stone lived in the city along with a bunch of incompetent characters. There was this guy named Bob who always talked about him on his TV show, "BOB NEWS" that was supposed to be for news but all he did was try to be funny instead and invite random characters onto the show. Even though all he did was waste everyone's time he was given money for it by Lego.
The Lego Headquarters happened to be in that city, and they made the WORST decisions sometimes, and their incompetence caused the city to be run so poorly because they were totally in control of it. Also the Bionicle were there for some reason, I don't know.
Toa Pohatu kicked down the door of Lego Headquarters and walked in to go talk to the Lego company people. BOB NEWS covered it and everyone was watching.
Pohatu: "Okay I know I can kick rocks around like soccer balls but that was NO excuse to give me a stupid rock when all the other Toa got cool tools in their original sets back in 2001." Lego: "But then we gave you claws after" Pohatu: "Yeah, while everyone else was getting awesome dual-action weapons!!" Lego: "Okay let's make this up to you"
and Lego gave him these stupid PROPELLERS!!! Pohatu: "Okay you know what Lego, screw you I'm leaving for Hasbro!!!" Lego: "What, are propellers not good enough?" :( Pohatu: "NO, OF COURSE NOT!!!" and then Pohatu stormed out of Lego Headquarters really mad because Lego kept giving him all the lamest equipment while all the other Toa got cool weapons and tools. And then Pohatu turned evil or something??
Pohatu ran to the water tower where Wreck-It Ralph was for some reason. Pohatu: "I'm gonna wreck it!!!" but Wreck-It Ralph got mad cuz Pohatu was stealing his line. Ralph: "Hey that's my line" and Pohatu punched him in the face. Ralph: "Ow!!"
Pohatu kicked it and it fell over and SOMEHOW FLOODED EVERYTHING even though it was just one water tower.
Bob (on BOB NEWS): "Whoa looks like someone wrecked the water tower and punched Wreck-It Ralph!! Someone call Jack Stone! CAN DO, WILL DO!"
But as it turned out help wasn't actually needed cuz as it turns out, everyone in the city and the city itself is made of plastic which floats. Toa Tahu walked in and evaporated all the water anyway with fire powers and Jack Stone never responded. Pohatu was arrested and put in Lego Jail but it was a really crappy one with these iron bars that would easily come off but were kick proof so he couldn't just kick them so he took out his BIONICLE PHONE and called that Megabloks Master Chief from before.
*over on the LMS Explorer* Master Chief: "Oh yeah uh guys I gotta go re-enact some of the Jack Stone movie and I'll be back later" Chief: "Wait, what?" Princess: "It's pretty lame, I paid $20 for a copy of it but it was actually supposed to be free originally" Chief: "Such a rip off!!!" Princess: "Not really, it's so bad that it's actually pretty entertaining to watch!" Chief: "Wait where is Master Chief even going??" Docs: "A new planet has been discovered!" but nobody paid attention to him!!
*back on the stupid Jack Stone planet (temporarily)* Master Chief got in some vehicle and pulled up to the Lego Jail cell that Pohatu was in and the Lego people were dumb enough to put it out in the open so Master Chief just blew it with a plasma grenade or something and then Pohatu got onto the vehicle with him. They headed toward the bank.
Vegeta: "Main screen turn on" Bob: "Hi this is BOB NEWS and Pohatu broke out of Lego Jail!!! And he's being helped by a Megabloks dude???" Master Chief: "Oh man we gotta go see what they're doing, how far away is it??" Vegeta: "Over 9000 miles" Princess: "No it's 125 miles" Vegeta: "No mine's cooler cuz I'm using a widely known meme and yours is a stupid inside joke that basically nobody reading this is going to get" (years ago) Kyurel: "So today I drove 125 miles" Kyurel: "Driving is more fun than sitting in the passenger seat trying to find a radio station that's not country and not in spanish" (back to the present) Chief: "So wait is this a real place or something??" Docs: "As I was TRYING to tell you, yes, this is a real place. It's the Land Of Can Do and Will Do. Seems Lego has a headquarters there?" Chief: "Can we go there??" Docs: "Duh, we've got almost infinite energy crystals"
And then the LMS Explorer stayed there and they teleported to the Internet Explorer which went over to orbit the Land Of can Do and Will Do and teleported down Chief. Most of the crew stayed behind. (A terrible mistake!!!) Vegeta most definitely stayed behind because it would be annoying otherwise.
Chief walked around on the planet and found JACK STONE just sitting there being lazy.
Chief: "Dude what's the deal, you're supposed to be stopping Pohatu!!!" Jack Stone: "Haha don't feel like it!!" Chief: "But you gotta stop that bank robbery!" Jack Stone: "Can do... WON'T DO" Chief: "Oh come on, I'll do this by myself then"
*Meanwhile in the bank* Pohatu and Master Chief walked in not holding anything at all. Pohatu: "EVERYONE DOWN!" and there was a guy named Greg Farshtey who did the Bionicle comics and stuff Greg: "Why? You don't even have a gun!" Master Chief: "Well I have plasma grenades!" Greg: "Oh okay then" Master Chief: "Well uh can you spare us a dollar or two" Greg: "Haha, no" Pohatu: "GIMME YOUR DOLLARS!" Greg: "Okay okay!!" and Greg handed like five dollars over Greg: "Now leave me alone!!"
Afterward Pohatu and Master Chief ran to the elevator and went up really fast to the roof and stepped out and there was a helicopter. It belonged to the police for some reason! Also they only had one helicopter, which was really dumb on the city's part. They got into the helicopter with their $5 as Chief ran into the bank and into the elevator but it was going way slower for him than it did for Pohatu and Master Chief and they took off before he could catch up with them. He got to the roof to see them taking off and was like
Chief: "Hey come back here!"
but they wouldn't listen and flew off anyway. Unlike the robbers in the Jack Stone videotape these guys were actually competent pilots for some reason, probably because Master Chief had a lot of experience driving Banshees and this was basically the same thing!
Pohatu: "Let's bomb the Lego guys" Master Chief: "Dude this is a helicopter not a bomber plane" Pohatu: "Why didn't we steal a bomber plane then?" Master Chief: "Because in Lego City you need permission from Lego Bomberman" Pohatu: "This sucks!" Master Chief: "To make it worse, we can't spend that $5 here; they only accept lame Lego coins and those really lame Lego $100 bills."
Suddenly Chief got a call from Greg Farshtey Greg: "I need to talk to you, dude" Chief: "You're just one floor below me, you could come up here you know" Greg: "But the elevator takes soooo long when you're a good guy" Chief: "Wouldn't it be logical for it to be the other way around?" Greg: "Haha, logic here? Anyway what I need to talk about is that Lego is very upset with Pohatu and wants to replace Bionicle with some lame thing called Hero Factory." Chief: "They wouldn't! Bionicle is too awesome" Greg: "They would! They got rid of Lego Universe, after all" Chief: "And instead of Rock Raiders now we have Power Miners. How do we stop Lego from replacing Bionicle, then?" Greg: "We need the Mask Of Prolonging Franchises' Lifespans. The problem is it costs five dollars." Chief: "And?" Greg: "...And all the money here is in these stupid Lego coins and $100 bill bricks! I *did* have $5 but I gave it to Master Chief since it's useless here so maybe they'll give it back if we ask?" Chief: "But we don't have a way to contact them. CAN DO, WILL DO" (Chief was down on the same floor as Greg by then)
and then to both their surprises Jack Stone actually showed up with Oewa but it was really just so he could show off(?) and not to actually help anyone and he took Chief's phone and combined it with the Mask Of HALO which made it able to contact Master Chief and gave it to Chief who called:
Chief: "Hey we need you to return the $5 please so we can buy the Mask Of Prolonging Franchises' Lifespans and save Bionicle from Lego!" Master Chief: "Chief, I work for MegaBloks and I hate Lego!!! If they want to get rid of an admittedly awesome series and replace it with something that sux I'm not going to stop them because it will only help MegaBloks." Chief: "And Pohatu doesn't care??" Master Chief: "He says that if Bionicle continues then the other Toa will keep getting cool tools that are cooler than his rock and propellers!"
Then Onewa got mad and his mask glowed because he was using his Mask of Mind Control and he took the phone and started talking.
Onewa: "You guys had better gimme the $5 OR ELSE because Bionicle is a rad franchise and it needs to last forever. I'll just get Greg to make a new story arc involving Doritos or something, and then we'll ALL have lame tools and Pohatu won't feel as left out" Chief: "That's a terrible idea though" Onewa (whispering): "Shut up" Master Chief: "Haha, OK"
Then Master Chief flew back to the bank but in reverse because he was either trying to show off or didn't know how to turn around in the helicopter and he wasn't actually looking out where he was going and he crashed into a few things BUT he got back to where Chief was and dropped the $5 out of the helicopter and Chief caught it.
Pohatu: "Haha what are you doing" Master Chief: "Giving the $5 back so they can keep Bionicle alive but it will get so crappy because they'll have terrible ideas. Onewa mentioned Doritos or something and then nobody will buy Bionicles anymore and they will all buy MegaBloks instead and then I will get a pay raise or something for my hard work." Pohatu: "That's a pretty stupid plan. I seriously doubt they will actually go with Doritos as a theme. They'll come up with something better."
And they were soon back at the bank without any major crashes and Master Chief dropped the dollars out of the helicopter WHILE STILL IN THE AIR and then the wind carried them away to wherever so Pohatu jumped out of the helicopter and landed OK. He started to run after it.
Just then, Wreck-It Ralph showed up with Sonic.
Ralph: "Whoa that's the guy who stole my line, running off!" Sonic: "Ahahahaha I'll go get him"
Sonic ran after Pohatu and Pohatu ran after the $5 except when Pohatu uses his Mask of Speed it means he can't really see anything while he runs so Sonic had the advantage because he can run faster without that and soon saw the $5 Pohatu was chasing after in the first place and got to it first.
Sonic: "YOU'RE TOO SLOW, I got the $5 before you" and then Sonic ran back really fast back to the bank and dropped off the $5.
Chief: "Wow let's order the mask RIGHT AWAY" and Chief deposited the money in a Lego bank and then paid for the mask via PayPal or something. Chief: "Wow, convenient!"
Except just then Jack Stone heard someone shouting "CAN DO, WILL DO!" and because he was feeling especially generous Sonic ran everyone out to the source of the sound to see it was Pohatu, stuck in icy water just like in the Jack Stone video. Jack Stone waved his arms and shouted "I'LL HELP YOU"
Pohatu: "Why?" Jack Stone: "Dude, I love Bionicle and they can't do Bionicle anymore without the Toa of Rock! Well, they could, but I want the original 6 Toa as the heroes again instead of yet another set of Toa." Pohatu: "Oh, okay" Chief: "Call in the generic Res Q boats" Pohatu: "NO, those are totally useless, just have Jack make another Heliboat" Jack Stone: "Why not just call in the one I already made??" Pohatu: "OK, do that"
Jack Stone: "CAN DO, WON'T DO! CAN DO, WON'T DO!" and then he Heliboat showed up for Jack Stone to ride in Pohatu: "How does that even work?" Jack Stone: "I have rad technology that listens for anyone anywhere repeating something retarded like that; how do you think I know to come when people say CAN DO, WILL DO, unless I actually cause the problems myself and just wait for someone to call for me?" Pohatu: "...I always just assumed you did cause everything and did just wait there" Jack Stone: "Only sometimes, but we've been stalling long enough, let's just save you already"
Jack Stone got in the Heliboat and pulled Pohatu onto it and everyone else got on and then everyone went to Lego headquarters to complain. By then the Mask of Prolonging Franchises' Lifespans was at Greg's house so they picked it up first.
*in Lego headquarters* Lego: "No way, we're definitely replacing Bionicle with Hero Factory" and Greg punched the Lego company guy and put on the awesome Mask of Prolonging Franchises' Lifespans and used the powers to extend Bionicle 4ever (or at least longer) and created six Doritos Toa: Toa of Spicy Nacho - Tahu Toa of Cool Ranch - Kopaka Toa of Nacho Cheese - Gali Toa of Baked Doritos - Pohatu Toa of DORITOS TACO - Lewa Toa of Pizza Doritos - Onua
Greg also magically created a deal with Frito-Lay to have Bionicle characters on the types of Doritos they represented.
Pohatu: "Okay this is totally lame, baked Doritos suck" Greg: "Yeah, but I have connections with the Land of Presidents and Patriotism and I called Joe Biden and told him to make it so you can only buy baked Doritos at school and say that Michelle Obama did it as part of some nutrition reform or something." Pohatu: "Oh OK"
And then school kids recognized Pohatu as the guy on their Doritos and then he was famous and stuff forever and he was cooler than the other Toa to a specific audience for once. The kids opened Doritos Stadium in his honor which housed The Dorito Games which was like the Olympics except all the games were way cheesier, and when they got dangerously cheesy then Chester Cheetah had to show up and fix things.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, WHAT ABOUT THE RINSE CYCLE? Oh wait, you're probably actually thinking "What does this have to do with Rock Raiders???" Well, the answer is "VERY LITTLE", but I'll make it relevant somehow!
Everyone who was on the ship before (yes, including Master Chief!) was getting back on it.
Princess: "Thank goodness we're leaving this place, I'm tired of stepping on Lego bricks everywhere I walk!" Chief: "It's probably like that on the LMS Explorer too though" Princess: "Maybe I should actually wear shoes or something then?"
Except, they discovered that SLIMY SLUGS HAD INVADED THEIR BASE because all the most important people in the crew were gone doing stupid Bionicle stuff!!
to be continued????