Project_Demise - Excerpt
Hey everybody. Project_Demise here. Gotta say, it's getting harder to write the kind of stories I wanna write. I'm starting to have focus issues with regards to the things I like doing, so I think I might have ADD or something. I can't focus most of the time, but for this one story I'm focusing all my willpower to write it to the conclusion. This is an excerpt from my work in progress (WIP), the tentative title of which is 'The Necromancer Chronicles'. It's the tale of a warrior named Kael and his journey to his destiny. That's all I'm willing to disclose at this point, but suffice to say it sounds awesome in my head. I need serious feedback on this one, guys. I NEED to know that I'm not fooling myself about my book. I ask only for the harshest of critiques, because when my book is finished I'll have to deal with even harsher critics. So give me a totally honest, no holds barred critique. I'm a big boy. I can handle it.
Anyway, this story takes place on the same continent as 'Dance of Swords' and 'Shadow-Moon Clan', but without any elements of either (by that I mean the clans, peoples, and customs therein). This story is only slightly furry, and there's no yiff. I've tacked on a few bits (marked with an A/N and parenthesis) to inform you readers of things that happened in earlier chapters, since I don't want to post all the earlier chapters. Enjoy.
[Edit] Read through this again and found a few errors that I needed to fix. So I fixed them. Yeah.
Kael the Necromancer and all other incarnations of him © Me in Y2K
Telvak the Great Wolf, and Shadowhoof the stallion are also mine
The Necromancer Chronicles
Chapter ?: Goddess
(A/N: I have no idea where I should fit this chapter in, since I skipped ahead in the story to write it)
I spurred Shadowhoof on, whispering words of encouragement into his pitch black ears. He moved faster, and faster still as I leaned against him, streamlining my body to reduce the magical force known as drag. For the first time in months, I fervently wished for my mistress to return. Of course, a true return would have been impossible, even if I had the powers of the Gods. She was dead, and her soul had already departed for the Soul's Rest. If I used my necromancy to raise her body from her grave, it would simply be a walking corpse, a shambling dead thing that lacked the spark of life that gave all beings their personalities and powers.
Though Shadowhoof galloped faster than a phoenix could fly, the figures in the distance seemed to grow no closer than before. However, I knew it was simply my fear playing tricks with my mind, because the giant black wolf bounding beside us informed me that we were gaining. I stared at him in wonder. I had a hard time accepting that this beautiful creature, the color of darkest night, was my son. After my training with wolf form-shifting, the female I mated with while in wolf form bore a litter of pups...My pups. Of the seven born, he was the only one to leave Mount Dark-Moon seeking his father. He told me his name in wolf-tongue, which I cannot record, since wolf-tongue is sound rather than word, but I have christened him Telvak, which means Dark One.
I could see the foam forming at the corners of Shadowhoof's mouth, and I was concerned. Much more running, and my steed, whose mother's milk I shared with him, would founder, and I would be forced to stop. Telvak too was tiring, this I could also see, for his pace was slowing with every step. And as the sun went down, I called for a rest. I climbed off of Shadowhoof's back and removed the heavy woolen blanket that served as a saddle. He butted my shoulder affectionately, then leaned his great head down and began trimming at the grass. Telvak lay flat on his belly, resting his head on his paws. I pulled my pack off the Moonhorse's back and set it on the ground.
(A/N: A Moonhorse is the Moon Goddess's favored creature. They are imbued with greater intelligence, speed, strength, agility, and stamina. They can be found running wild all over the continent, but cannot be captured. They can only be ridden by those they deem worthy to ride them. Shadowhoof's dam allowed Kael's father to ride her, and her foal chose Kael as his rider.)
I rummaged through my supplies for a moment before finding my flint and steel. The weather had been dry recently, so there was no shortage of kindling for the fire I intended to build. Instead, there was danger to be found from all the dry grass. An errant spark could cause the entirety of the grassy plains to ignite, which would kill anyone upon it, for rain that could stop it could be days away, at the earliest. I slid the sleeves of my tunic up and pulled off my left glove, revealing the Earth Rune etched on the back. I muttered a spell under my breath and slapped my palm against the ground. There was a ripple of magic, and a three-mark ring of grass was swept away, revealing bare dirt beneath. Another short incantation and stones rose from the ground and formed a ring. A last bit of spell-work, and some of grass that had been swept away reappeared within the ring of stones. I knelt down beside the stones and struck steel to flint, which caused a small shower of sparks to shoot out over the dry grass. I had to repeat the striking several times before the grass caught fire, quickly being devoured by the hungry flame. I hastily pulled up more dry grass and tossed it onto the fire.
I could've used magic for both the fire and the gathering of grass, but of my mistress's many lessons, the one she repeated the most often was that I must learn to perform different tasks without magic as well as with. Many magi become so dependent on magic to provide them with everything, they forget how to function without it. And when they come to areas where magic doesn't work, they are completely helpless. Thus my mistress's lesson.
The sun had sunk beneath the horizon, the last vestiges of orange fading away into the black that was the night sky. I removed my sword and lay back, resting my head on the padded sheath, looking up at the beautifully full moons. And, needing to feel the peace that the Gods instilled within me, I made the Godsign, and whispered my prayers.
"Loh-vayen, son of Sandro..." whispered a woman's voice, somewhere close to me. I sat up quickly, my dominant right hand flying to the hilt of my broadsword. Sitting across the fire from me was a beautiful woman, clad in a silvery robe, the color of moonlight, her white hair hanging in waves about her face. She sat in the leg-cross fashion, looking upon me through the dancing flames.
I did not draw my silvery blade, for the woman had made no move to harm me. She simply looked upon me with mild amusement, as though I had the face of a clown. "Who are you, my lady?" I asked, keeping my face empty of emotion. Judging simply by the look of her clothing, she was some form of noblewoman, though no noble I had ever heard of held a candle to the sun that was the radiant beauty of this woman. "And how do you know me?"
She gave a gentle laugh, and smiled upon me, a lovely occurrence, and said to me, "I have known you all your life long, Loh-vayen Sandro-son. You were born beneath the eye of Mother Moon, sixteen years ago this day. So many years, yet less than a blink of the eye to the Gods." She was right, and I was surprised. I had forgotten my own birth-day. I had seen sixteen years that day, achieved my majority. My heart felt heavy; in my village, I would've had a ceremony, my mother and father giving me their blessings as I chose my bride and my second name. But the destruction of my village and the murders of my parents had put an end to whatever dreams of the future I possessed. But that this strange woman, whom I had never seen before, would know the day of my birth when I had forgotten it was inconceivable.
"And how do you know me, lady?"
"I know you, my child, as I know all being who walk beneath the moons. For I am Mother Moon, sister to Sun, daughter of Earth and Water. I am the source of your magicks, and the Nameless One."
"Sweet mother!" I cried, prostrating myself before the Goddess. Her very visage should have warned me of her divine nature, yet my fatigue had slowed my wits. Sitting across from me was the Goddess of Moon, she who held within her all the powers of the night. She was the deity who governed beings of the night, the vampires and werewolves, black dragons and leviathan, and of dark magi. All the power of dark magic flowed from her like heat from a body, and I could feel her very presence filling me with power.
"Rise, Loh-vayen. I must speak with you."
I sat back on my heels. "What would you have of me, my lady?"
"I have been watching you, my child. You seek to rescue your captured clansmen and exact vengeance upon those who have done you wrong."
"That is correct, my lady."
"In return for your service, I shall grant you power beyond your wildest dreams."
I knew from the teachings of traveling priests and monks that the Gods, though benevolent, never gave anything without some form of payment. Oftentimes the payment was simply the prayers of the faithful, but sometimes they asked for things which none wished to give.
"What service do you wish of me, my lady?"
She smiled again, and the moons overhead shone brighter than before. Such was the power of a Goddess.
"Your service will be thus: when your quest is completed, Loh-vayen Sandro-son, you shall bear the mantle of Godhero."
"G-godhero?!" A Godhero was a person the Gods had chosen to perform acts of heroism in the name of the Gods. He was imbued with powers that no mortal could gain on his own. To be a Godhero, however, was both an honor and a curse. As Godhero, I would be bound to the will of the Gods, and most Godheroes became martyrs. I shivered in fear, then bowed my head.
"I would be honored, my lady. Grant me your power, and I shall take the mantle of Godhero upon my shoulders." I looked upon her as she stood and walked around the fire. She knelt down before me and raised my head.
"Then accept my power, Loh-vayen Sandro-son." With that, she pressed her lips to my forehead, where the Dark Rune, invisible to the mortal eye, was inscribed.
I could feel her power rushing into my body, filling every crack and crevice of my being with what I can only describe as moonlight made sensation. It filled me like water, bitingly cold but quenching my thirst for power at the same time. My body shook and the thought of struggling against her passed into my mind for but an instant before being washed away by the pure power being force-fed into me. My very eyes were filled with power, so much so that my sight went white and I could no longer see. My hearing was engulfed with power, and I was rendered deaf. My skin ran with power and I was rendered numb. All of me was filled with power, and went dead. It was a magnificent yet frightening thing.
I do not know when she removed her lips from my forehead, but several hours must have passed as I lay insensible upon the ground. The power within me settled slowly into my body, combining with my inborn strengths and powers. I could feel my body being enhanced by the Goddess's power, yet my own power seemed to wrap around hers, engulf it like my fire engulfed the dry grass.
My vision was the last sense to return to me, days later yet only minutes after she finished pouring power into me. I sat up from the heap I lay in upon the ground, and faced the Goddess who had granted me such power. Truly it was power beyond my wildest dreams. When I looked upon her, she smiled gently.
"Your eyes, my child. They have changed. Look." She waved her hand and a mirror appeared within it. She handed it to me, and I looked into it hesitantly.
My eyes had indeed changed. Where once my eyes had been gray, their color had brightened, turned them the color of full moons. They seemed to give off a light of their own. For the first time that night, I felt fear. I looked up at my Goddess, eyes wide.
"I must leave you, my child. And you must leave as well. The light magi you are chasing know you are coming after them. They intend to depart before dawn, so that they may reach the city before you even wake. If you go now, you can intercept them before they move on."
"Thank you, my lady." I rose and went to my pack, intent on continuing on.
"A moment more, my child," said the Nameless One, called thus because she had so many titles it was decided she needed no name. I turned to face her, only to find her a hair's breadth from me, her infinitely deep eyes peering into my own. I could do nothing as those eyes stared at me.
"What is your will, my lady?" I asked softly, unable to move.
"You must choose your name, my child. Unlike me, you mortals require names, and you especially need a second name. Tell me then, what is your name?"
As she gazed into my eyes, and I into hers, I searched deep within myself, seeking my name within me. I don't know how long I searched, but when I finally found it, I spoke with certainty.
"I am Kael Darkmage."
That's it for the excerpt. What'd you think? Like I said before, I need a totally honest critique here. Keep in mind, this isn't the entire chapter, but rather an excerpt from an excerpt of my book. It isn't done yet, but it's what I work on when I'm not working on my furry stories. Please read and comment!.