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Chapter Ten - The Worth of a Life

Darkness had only been broken by the fire of torches or campfires, but a brighter light had tapped my eyelids and roused me from my slumber. Cracking my sealed eyelids open, I turned from my curled position to look out the entrance of our tent. The bright light shining through the trees blinded me temporarily but when I looked again, I saw that the sun was rising. It was the first time in what felt like a week.

Excitedly I pushed myself up, disturbing Midnight who slept against me, and climbed out of the tent. The excitement caused a spike of pain and soreness spread across the cut on my lower back, travelling up my spine and making me wince. I ignored the pain and stumbled out of the tent to look one more time.

It was indeed the rising morning sun that was breaking through the trees, but it would not last. When I looked up at the sky I was disappointed to see that there was still ash covering most of it. Only a small portion above the horizon had been cleared of ash; but it still was the start of the end of the long night. Ash couldn't even be seen falling from the sky anymore.

My ears twitched at the sound of the other two larger wolves crawling out of the tent. Midnight huddled himself against the cold; him being between Alec and me and most insulated from it during the night, the cold air was more of a shock to him. Midnight also noticed the sun's victory over the ash.

"The sun," muttered the dark wolf. Alec crawled out behind him, arched his back and stretched up to the sky before gazing at the sun as well.

"Must be a northern front coming down south," said Alec after his eyes wandered the horizon. The portion of the horizon that was visible was north of us, but it stretched far enough to the east to reveal the sun's direct light.

With a yawn, he suggested that we should start packing up camp and heading back to the town where we had left Alec's family. He showed us how to take down the tent, and roll up the fabric and leather to be most space-efficient. While rolling up the leather, Alec even advised me to kneel on it as it was rolled up. It seemed silly to me to waste time by applying weight to the leather each time I rolled it, but the leather was rolled up tighter when I knelt on it as opposed to when I didn't.

"Are we going to check the snares?" I asked excitedly. If one of my snares successfully caught an animal then I would know that I could do it on my own. I would feel proud of myself.

"Yes we are," Alec answered me. After rolling up the leather, I threw on the torn shirt. The cut in the shirt outlined where the blade had sliced my skin, but the scar was only noticable because the fur around the wound had not grown back. Alec tied the rolled cloth on my back so now I had something to carry back to the town. The leather was tied to Midnight's back, and Alec carried the large bag with all the other supplies, along with the unstrung bow. "Now when we get back to the caravan, do not say a word about the assassin that attacked you two. Understand?"

"Why not?" Midnight asked what we both were thinking.

"Because the other guards won't like it if you two start telling stories about how we murdered someone," answered Alec. "Don't say a word about it. I will report to Lord Naali and handle it but you cannot tell anyone else. Do you two understand?"

We both nodded, looking up at the large wolf still somewhat confused about his request. The guard uniform that he still wore reinforced his serious expression when he made the request. The sky was covered dark behind him but that little morning sunlight that ducked underneath the blanket of ash shined through the trees and reflected off of Alec's grey fur. "Good boys. Now lead the way to your snares."

The adult now followed us as we led him to the last dozen snares we built last night, after Alec went off with the bow to hunt for our dinner. Midnight led us, which I was grateful because I didn't remember the exact trail we went, now that our paw prints could not be seen in the ash.

"Do you remember the way?" Midnight had asked me when he slowed down. He hadn't remembered the exact route either.

Slowly, we found our way to our first snare, which disappointingly had not caught any animal. Midnight continued to lead us but when he skipped over a snare, I reminded him and we found the first three snares that we had built without Alec's supervision; all of which had not caught any animal, but two of them had their bait missing. However, when we were coming up on a fourth snare built by Midnight, there was a small animal, of the same breed of the one we ate the night before, struggling in the snare.

"I caught one," exclaimed Midnight.

Alec picked up his pace and walked up to the struggling animal. Stopping in my tracks, I watched the struggling animal as the adult wolf grabbed it by the neck with its paws. With a jerk, the animal tensed up for a moment before going limp. He killed it quickly and with mercy. But my eyes were glued on the poor animal, the first that I witnessed actually being killed, as I felt my heart sink a bit. Midnight's enthusiasm seemed to have left him as well.

Its only crime was trying to survive the volcano eruption, just like the rest of us. It was hungry and tried to eat the bait we had put out for it, and for that it was now dead. How many times have I been desperate for food? Desperate, just like the dead animal reflecting from my eyes now? Why does my desire for food outweigh this innocent animal's desire?

"It is necessary," Alec said after disassembling the snare. He must have noticed Midnight's and my reaction to seeing an animal die in front of our eyes. "We need to eat and we are carnivores. Your responses are appropriate; we should never take joy in taking another creature's life. If we take joy in it then we'll do it for enjoyment rather than necessity and that'll destroy nature, and eventually, in turn, ourselves. Many before us have learned that lesson the hard way, and unfortunately some races will have to learn the hard way in this generation as well."

Alec said it was necessary to kill that poor animal but it still did not feel right to me. I am not much different from it after all; we both share a need to eat, keep warm and avoid danger in order to survive. I did not feel well about being responsible for an animal's death that could have so easily been me.

"Come on pups," Alec encouraged us. He started to lead us on our path that he had figured out. Midnight and I hesitated but with a heavy weight on our hearts, we followed the adult wolf. Alec continued to lecture us, "Never kill an animal unless your survival depends on it. Never disrespect an animal's carcass that you've killed by leaving any part of it unused; but also never use any part of it for personal satisfaction such as a trophy or a toy. If you come across a dead animal that has died by natural forces or by accident, don't disrespect it by trying to use any part of its body for financial gain or personal satisfaction."

Alec's words tried to justify killing an innocent animal but in my heart, I still felt the weight of guilt. If anything, his words offered the excuse that we are not being completely evil.

With less enthusiasm, Midnight and I led Alec to the rest of our snares. One more of Midnight's snares caught an animal, and it was added to the bag Alec carried around his shoulders. We informed the adult that those snares were all that we could remember building so Alec started to lead us back the way we came through the forest, toward the river bridge that was being built the day before.

The adult had memorized the route back, and where we put most of the snares so we checked them as we walked through the forest. The sun had risen enough that the ash, that still covered most of the sky, now blocked the direct sunrays. Glancing up at the sky though, I could see the clouds were thin enough that it almost looked like it was a midafternoon thunder storm; rather than the ash being so thick that it had made the sky look darker than cloudy nights.

The traps that were spread out by a few kilometers were more successful because most of them had a catch. The first four we came across, two had a catch and the last one was a snare that I remembered building myself. When I saw the animal in my snare, I felt the burden of guilt weigh heavier on my heart.

"I'm sorry," I whispered quietly to the animal when Alec went up to snap its neck like the others. The guilt felt worse when I knew that if I didn't build that snare, then that animal would have survived. It probably would have found some food buried in the ash to go back to its family and feed them all. Instead I caused the animal's death, denying its life it fought for, and robbed its family of one of their beloved. I am sorry.

All the salvaged snares, and the kills, were placed in Alec's bag that now had room because Midnight and I were carrying the bundles of cloth and leather that had occupied the space before. I was grateful that Alec did not burden me, or Midnight, with carrying any of the kills to weigh on our guilt any more.

The sun had risen, leaving part of the horizon a sky blue but it was still dark. I could not tell if the blue horizon expanded across the sky throughout the morning or not, but the little more light that was offered allowed me to navigate over the strange terrain better than I had the day before. I tripped less often, and learned to avoid areas that were likely to have some thorny vine or sharp root. Before long we could hear the river, still sounding as angry as before.

When we were checking what would be the last snare, closest the side of the road that was cut off because the river washed away the bridge, we also heard the sound of the caravan.

"Sounds like the caravan is on the move again," stated Alec. His expression turned to that of worry. I felt the same reason to worry because if the caravan was moving, his family would be much more difficult to find.

The last snare did not have a catch so Alec hastily disassembled it and packed it away before rushing toward the sound of the caravan. Midnight and I struggled to keep up but Alec did stay at a pace in which we would not fall behind. Running over tree roots, dodging low bushes and branches, we managed to make it back to the road.

The caravan was indeed moving again at its slow pace further south and inland. A few carts rolled by us, with the refugees looking rejuvenated from the day's rest they were allowed in the previous town. I looked up at Alec to see him gazing further down the road where the caravan was headed in search of his family. In the other direction, the caravan was emerging from the trees not far from the river but he did not see his family there either.

"Let's go to the bridge," he suggested. The adult wolf led us in the opposite direction of the caravan's direction and we followed them back into the forest. The carts struggled over the roots but there were guards who seemed their only duty was to help those carts getting over the roots. We gave them a wide berth since when the cart was pushed over some roots, it usually knocked someone down and threatened to roll over anyone in the path of the wheels.

The sound of the river soon started to overwhelm the sound of the caravan as we drew closer to the bridge. When I saw the river and the bridge, I noticed that the river wasn't as high anymore, threatening to take the new bridge with it, but it still was powerful enough to wash away anyone who fell in. Over the bridge were the refugees, dragging their cart across it or simply walking across it. On the other side were quite a few carts waiting to cross because it seemed as if the guards were only allowing one to be on the bridge at a time.

"Hold on," said a guard that monitored the bridge when we approached. "Where are you three going? The wildfire still burns on the other side of the river."

"We went to gather some food, by Lord Naali's request," answered Alec. "And I'm looking for my family."

"Lord Naali is at the head of the column," the guard responded. "He has instructions for all returning hunters to hand over their catches to designated cooks. They'll be wearing scarves and escorted by a guard. I can't help you find your family but we've only been moving over the bridge for about an hour. They might not have made it across yet."

"Thank you," said Alec. He stepped onto the bridge, with Midnight following him but, with us being pushed to the side of the bridge with no rail, I was more hesitant to cross over the bridge of death again. I remembered last time, and how the fear made me lightheaded; I did not want to feel that fear again.

Midnight's black tail waved in front of me when I hesitated. His tail could act as a guide for me to cross the bridge. Before it was out of my reach, I grabbed Midnight's tail and followed him up onto the wooden bridge.

"Hey," exclaimed Midnight. His tail yanked a bit, trying to free itself from my grip but I held on. He turned his head to look at me, but I couldn't meet his gaze. I stared at the ground, feeling the logs instability caused by the carts and others walking across. The wolf must have realized my predicament because he continued forward and relaxed his tail.

With both of my paws gripped around Midnight's tail, I followed him across the bridge. I was surprised how quickly I crossed and landed on the other side. With the fear no longer gripping me, I released Midnight's tail.

"You survive?" Midnight teased, turning to look at me again. I smirked at him while I caught my breath. I had unknowingly been holding my breath while we crossed.

"Keep up pups," encouraged Alec. We followed him, walking against the caravan still while he searched the families pulling the carts for his own. On this side of the river, they still struggled getting over the rough terrain but they weren't moving very quickly so they had time to rest after reach root they overcame.

The caravan led us back to the road again, as we passed many families of arctic species from Sirmiq Harbor. Following the road back toward the town, we eventually came across the familiar family of wolves.

"Alec," Lexandra exclaimed. She was pulling the cart but once she saw he beloved, she stopped and ran up to him, jumping into his arms. "You're back safe! How was your hunt?"

"We caught a few," said Alec, greeting the mother of his pups with a tender hug.

The three pups also ran up to their father, greeting him with hugs and questions. Midnight and I were excluded from the family reunion, that was until Toki dived for my tail. I flicked it out of her reach but she chased after me, continuing her persistent game.

"That's enough Toki," instructed Lexandra. I continued to avoid Toki's attempt to snatch my tail but she obeyed her mother and stopped chasing me. Like last time though, her gaze remained eyeing my tail as if it were her prey. The other two pups didn't acknowledge us, probably still upset that we were chosen to go hunting over them. Or they were trying to shun us until Ace realized that his borrowed shirt that I wore now had a large gash in it.

"You ripped it!" he yelled at me. He grabbed the back of my shirt forcefully to get a better look at where the blade sliced through the fabric. Being thrown off balance, I nearly fell over so I pulled myself away. Ace wore an expression of anger as he glared at me, strongly disliking that I pulled away from him. He aggressively reached for the shirt again, and I was prepared to defend myself, but Alec's paw gripped Ace's arm before he could reach me.

"It's not his fault Ace," he said. "I ripped it by accident. I'll make you a new one. One that'll fit better."

"He shouldn't be wearing it at all," yelled the younger wolf. With a scolding glance from Alec though, Ace submitted and went to off to pout.

"What happened to you three out there?" asked Lexandra. She caressed the bandage around her lover's neck.

"Never mind about that Lexandra," replied Alec, gently pushing her paw away from his wound. "We made it back safely, and that's all that matters."

"You weren't hunting any large animals, were you?" she questioned, still concerned about the wounds that the assassin had inflicted upon us.

"No, we hunted small prey," Alec corrected her. He took the bag off from his shoulders, reached in with a paw and pulled one of the catches out. He offered it to Lexandra. "Here's one for you all tonight. I have to report to Lord Naali and deliver the rest of the catches to the cooks."

"Why must you report to Lord Naali?" asked Lexandra.

"I'll inform you when we have some privacy but do not worry," Alec answered. He gazed down at his pups with a smile before looking back up to Lexandra. "I wont be long. Can you look after the orphans?"

"Of course," said Lexandra. She looked down to us with a smile but her pups, besides Toki, wore a less friendly expression. "If you think these two need to looking after then I will do my part. Hurry back though, Alec."

"I will, Lexandra," replied Alec. "Don't question the orphans about what happened either. I told them to stay quiet about it for now." He turned and knelt down to look Midnight and me in the eye. "Remember what I told you this morning?" To keep our muzzles shut about the reptilian. We both nodded. "Stay with Lexandra and I'll find you all later tonight." He glanced toward the horizon where the small portion of the sky was visible. It was still a bright blue of the early afternoon sky.

Alec gave a hug to his pups and promised them that he'd return shortly. They were upset that he was leaving again but they could not stop him with their pleads. Alec stood up again, and turned away from all of us. He quickly picked up his pace and jogged back toward the bridge, eager to reach the head of the column quickly.

After he was out of sight, Lexandra ordered us all to help push the cart while she tried to drag it along. Toki played with my tail some more while we slowly made our way back toward the bridge that Midnight and I have already crossed over twice.

Walking through the forest, the cart had trouble getting over the roots. Lexandra instructed us to all push at once but some roots were still too difficult. Luckily we were still going at a slow enough pace that guards came up to us and helped. After each root that we overcame, we still could not move forward because of the long line of carts waiting to cross the bridge.

Glancing up at the sky toward where Mount Ignis was, there was still a dim orange glow on the ashen clouds. It was not as bright from before though, either because the clouds were thinner or, for what I hoped, the wildfire was dying out.

With the slow pace, Toki took it upon herself to play with my tail any chance she got. I ran around the cart, trying to keep away from her but she followed with her giggles. Midnight had tried to talk to Ena and Ace but they weren't all that receptive, probably still shunning us two orphans, so instead Midnight pounced on Toki and the three of us continued to play while we slowly moved toward the bridge.

Slowly the roar of the river drowned out the sound of Toki's childish laughter, a sound that I did not even know how to make. Rolling the cart up on the wooden bridge, I gripped the back of it tightly with my claws and followed over the bridge. I was grateful that Toki stopped playing with me while we crossed the bridge. She too was frightened at the very real possibility of being swept away by the river so she followed very closely to the cart as I did.

I stared straight down at the bridge again with my claws digging into the wooden cart; it guided me to keep a consistent and quick pace so that I was even surprised when the cart suddenly descended and rolled off the bridge. The last two times crossing seemed to have gone on for a lot longer, and were a lot more terrifying.

"That was scary," Toki announced after we had reach the other side.

"Don't be such a puppy," said the eldest wolf pup, Ena. "That was fun. I want to go back and do it again."

"I've gone over it three times now," boasted Midnight to Ena. He obviously knew how to count a bit better than me. I didn't know numbers all that well, but if Midnight said we crossed that bridge three times then I was certain I could count up to three.

This time Ena didn't shun Midnight but continued the conversation by telling the black wolf about a story about one of his own adventures. The grudge seemed to have been forgotten now, even by Ace. The older wolves all started to talk, which Midnight loved to do, and play around with each other. They brought up the topic that they saw the sun this morning too. I felt relieved that Alec, Midnight and I weren't the only ones because now more of the refugees knew that the sun was returning. Which somehow reinforced the idea that it would not be covered by the ash again.

We all helped get over a few more roots, again with the help of an occasional guard until we were once again on the road. Pulling the cart through the woods exhausted Lexandra, so we were going at a slow and leisurely pace. Eventually the road curved up a hill though which put an obvious strain on Lexandra.

She requested us to help out occasionally, but her pups were more interested in playing than pulling the cart. Midnight and I tried to help out when we can because we could see that Lexandra was suffering but her pups were less concerned. When I would try to push the cart, I'd use my tail for a small added effort by flicking it back in forth, which in turn attracted Toki to it as if it were made of sugar.

Toki did tire out eventually after a couple hours of travelling uphill, but that did not make her less of an annoyance because she started to verbally express her exhaustions. Her mother snapped for her to be quiet a few times, but that only made her cry and pout. Toki's attitude made it difficult for me to believe that she was Midnight's age.

I was helping push the cart up the hill, near the top of it, when I felt a cold breeze. The breeze was a relief to feel through my fur, not only because no breeze has been felt since the ash covered the sky but also because my muscles burned and ache from hiking uphill. The breeze caught my fur and caused it to wave gently in the air.

Turning toward the breeze, I saw that the ash had uncovered nearly a third of the sky. The late sunlight gave the sky a dark orangish tint, the part that had been uncovered.

"Night will fall soon," commented Lexandra, also having felt the first breeze in a few days. "I'm exhausted. We're going to camp at the top of the hill for the night."

"Every one else is still going," said Ena. It was true that the other refugees, no matter how tired they looked were still riding over the crest of the hill and disappearing on the other side. "We'll be left behind."

"Don't worry Ena," reassured Lexandra. She grunted as she again pulled on the cart. "Arktiline is no more than a day away so we won't be left behind. We'll reach the city tomorrow. In the meantime, there are some ruins up here to provide us with shelter."

The further we travelled up the hill, the more the wind blew through our fur. The wind's welcome had worn out fast though because it brought air that froze our breaths in front of us. Winter's short respite from the volcanic eruption was ending, and the unforgiving air was returning. It caused my body to be too cold from the environment, and too hot from exhaustion. I was familiar with that uncomfortable that sensation though, from all the times I ran away in the winter after stealing something back in Sirmiq Harbor.

The weight of the cart finally stopped pressing back against Midnight and me; we both had been helping push the cart while Lexandra's pups complained. We had reached the top of the hill, and Lexandra had stopped to rest. Rounding the cart to join her and her pups, I could see the valley below me still under the shadow of the eruption. However, in the distance I could see the torchlight of the caravan going down a path leading downhill. Part of the light was broken into another pattern further down the hill, but beyond it in the dim light that broke through the ash I could see a slight pattern in the forest.

Hidden among the trees, and surrounding where a different river cut through the land, was the shape of a square pattern.

"There's Arktiline," Lexandra informed her pups, pointing the pattern out to them. "Many of the buildings are built into the trees which makes it difficult to see." She noticed that a few other carts were travelling in a different direction from the caravan, moving along the crest of the hill. "Come on pups, we're not the only ones planning to take refuge in the ruins. Alec will easily find us there."

Lexandra again started to pull on the cart with the five of us following. We followed the path the few others had taken along the crest of the hill and slightly downhill back into the trees on the hillside. The trees protected us from the cold chilling wind, but its fresh scent that removed the stale smoky air was still welcomed.

Unnatural stones started to dot the path, and up ahead were lights from fires. I never have seen any ruins before. Curiously, I tried to get a better view of what was ahead of me, neglecting my duties to push the cart but without running ahead.

Stone pillars, severely broken and eroded, rose up around us. We walked on an ancient stone path toward the ruins until we came across them. I didn't know what to expect but I was disappointed at the heap of stones that the refugees camped among. There was no roof, only pillars that had been shattered, or fell on their side. The walls were ruined, the top of the walls rising and following almost like a line graph. Piles of stone littered everywhere, consuming the rooms that once were there and spilling out in the ancient hallways and larger rooms. Whatever this place once was had been completely destroyed.

"What was this place?" Midnight asked. All of us pups were looking around at the ruins, trying to form an opinion of it but Midnight was the first one to ask what it was.

"This was a castle of an arrogant lord," answered Lexandra. She stopped pulling the cart next to a fallen pillar that had crashed through a wall. It provided a small amount of shelter from the winds but if it rained, we would be exposed. "Let's start a fire."

Having been taught by Alec how to start a fire, Midnight excitedly started to tell the other pups what we had learned. My heart lifted slightly from a sense of pride when I got excited about showing how to build a fire too. We gathered some dry wood around the ruins and built them in a pile so that the flames would lick up and catch the wood. With the driest small pieces of grass we could find, we used friction to get them smoldering and smoking. Well, Lexandra had to help us with that part since we were failing at it, but still we had a fire built and blazing by the time the sun's reflected lights had been robbed from the sky.

Cold that had breached the blanket of ash now flooded in over the forest and hills, which made the five of us pups huddle close to the fire. Lexandra allowed Midnight to help clean the animal that Alec had gave to her back before the bridge. She asked if I wanted to help too but I wanted to stay near the warmth of the fire. Besides, being reminded about those animals that we killed felt like a pressure constricting my chest.

"What happened to the lord here?" asked Ena. The animal's carcass was now being roasted over the fire. "Who was he?"

"His name has been lost but he held vast power and controlled the north," told Lexandra. She poked at the fire and added a few more small branches to keep it blazing. "He was one of six great lords of the past, but they all abused nature. They leveled forests to build their holds, destroyed land to create farms and dammed rivers to create sort of power. Animals were slaughtered and fought against, for profit and sport. It also allowed farmers to neglect their livestock; and when a wild animal fed on their livestock, they'd use that as an excuse to go and slaughter the wild populations."

"The story says that nature was given a gift, a powerful weapon," continued Lexandra. I stared at her with my full interest, listening to the fascinating story that was similar to what Alec had been telling Midnight and me out in the forest near the river. All five of us pups were staring with our attention fully on the adult she wolf. "A war had broken out between the arrogance of the civilization, and a very small amount of civilians who despised the way nature had been treated. Animals and those rebels of the civilization rallied around this weapon of the North, one of five weapons that fought across the land. They fought for years against those who claimed they had the right to rape nature.

"Nature had few numbers compared to the lords. Those Lords had powerful weapons at their disposal as well. A great battle was fought with all the weapons gifted upon nature far to the south that ravaged the land. So many were killed that day that it is said their blood and bodies gave birth to most prospering forest of the south, grown on the bones of those who died to protect it, and those who died for the right to destroy nature. Nature had won the battle, at great cost though. The weapons had lost the majority of their support, most of their army dead, and they could not continue the fight."

"What were the weapons?" asked Ena.

"It is said that nature had great beasts called Stort Dyr," answered Lexandra. She was turning the carcass over the fire, cooking it evenly. "The civilization had great machines of war to fight against the Stort Dyr, but they did not stand up to nature's power. The beast of the forest is said to cut through a hundred of their armored machines with one swipe of its claws, or route an entire army just with its growl. It took the shape of a wolf, who stood on four legs."

"Four legs?" questioned Ace, the young wolf pup. "That's silly."

"There were the four other weapons, one even taking form of a mythical dragon," said Lexandra. She ruffled the fur between Ace's ears at his comment and continued her story. "There was also the bird of fire, the phoenix. The great beast of the forest, the wolf, is believed to have destroyed this castle with a snap of its jaws. The lord who lived here was killed between the teeth of the great wolf. The other lords were slain by the other Stort Dyr many years after the crippling battle. Those who survived the war learned to respect nature and sacraficed all they had that was destructive. No one knows what happened to the survivors and their legacy, or that of what happened to the Stort Dyr. All that remains are their records full of valuable knowledge of their history, and the natural world. Those records are why we understood the devastating affect that Mount Ignis would have after its eruption."

"So no one knows what happened to the Stort Dyr?" asked Ena.

"No," answered Lexandra. She focused on turning the meaty carcass over the fire because it was no dripping fat. "It's all metaphorical. Our ancestors exaggerated their heroes. Whoever the rebel leaders were, are those who really destroyed this castle, not some giant beast. Anyway, dinner is finished so let's eat and get to bed."

"Aren't we going to wait up for father?" Ena asked.

"We need our rest," replied Lexandra. "Your father will find us whether we're awake or not." She removed the carcass from over the fire and started to slice small portions to divide it up between the six of us. We greedily ate our portions, Midnight and I both being satisfied with what we had but the other pups could not ignore their remaining hunger so easily and begged for more.

Nearby was one of the cooks I heard the guard at the bridge talk about. The cook had prepared a large cauldron of soup, but since we had eaten we weren't offered to help ourselves. The other starving refugees were given priority and there wasn't much soup to go around. Still, Midnight and I were satisfied because we were used to not eating much.

I had stayed near the fire since it was lit but the cold air that flowed over the top of the hill was persistent. Most of the exhausted refugees had lied down to sleep after eating so I followed their example by lying down near the cart and curling myself up.

Toki wandered over and lied down next to me, curled up slightly like I was; even though her tail was as efficient for insulation as my own was. She didn't seem bothered by it though because she started to swat at my tail again, as it was covering my nose.

I was exhausted from the day so her playful swatting was now annoying. I uncurled, rolled onto my back and looked up at the sky. The ash has retreated enough that I could see the stars above me. They sparkled brightly but offered no insulation from the cold that the ash had done.

Midnight soon came over and lied down next to me, close enough that our fur could trap some heat between us like usual. He was lying down, facing in the same direction I was but we still weren't close enough to be pressed up against each other. I curled up again, trying to hide from the cold. My exhaustion dragged me to the realm of dreams quickly.

Hours had passed but the night was long from being broken by dawn. The cold had been unforgiving; cause me to shiver in my sleep so violently that it eventually woke me. We had travelled further south, heading into the mountains; I thought going south was supposed to make it warmer but here it was colder than Sirmiq Harbor was.

Hugging myself tightly, I tried to calm my shivers and fall back asleep. When my shivers did calm slightly, I could feel on the end of my fur that I wasn't the only one shivering. There was a little heat trapped between Midnight and myself, but we were both shivering so much that it was escaping. Without even cracking my eyelids open, I scooted back toward that little heat because I was desperate for some relief from the cold.

Strong paws suddenly wrapped around my chest and pulled me back toward the heat I was trying to capture. My eyes cracked open by the sudden grab, and looking down I could see Midnight either consciously or unconsciously grabbed me and pulled me close for heat. I was slightly surprised but with Midnight's fur and my own mixed together, white mixed with black, our body heat was transferred directly to each other. The black wolf's shivering could be felt against my back, but with his arms tight around me, they slowly faded with my own shivers.

My back against Midnight's front kept us warm, but it also gave me another sense of comfort. Feeling his arms around me, both of us pressed up against each other, the simple physical contact made me feel secure. I stared out in front of me at the black nothingness of the night, shocked by the comfort it brought me.

All other physical contact I have had with someone else was to cause pain, either to me or to the other. Usually it was I who'd receive the pain because no one cared about me; they just wanted me to be out of their sight. This gentle hug from Midnight was completely different; he cared that I was there and he wanted me closer to him.

I looked down at Midnight's arms around my torso. His arms tightened gently around me, meshing our bodies together to stay warm. He wasn't treating me with disgust or disdain; he was hugging me. Whether he was awake because of the cold like me, or still in a slumber was unknown. Either way, he was holding me as if I were worth something.

I hugged Midnight's arms that were around my chest, and held them close. They brought warmth as well as the rest of his body pressed against my back, but they also made my chest feel lighter with happiness. Midnight's attempt to stay warm by hugging me made me feel like that I am worth something to someone. I'm not what the adults have treated me like in Sirmiq Harbor. My life is not worthless. I am worth being loved.