The Human Species Ch. 77 - Perky Jester Gallade

Story by Justanotherstranger on SoFurry

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#81 of The Human Species

Humanity has finally gotten fed up with their fragile position in the world of Pokémon. Gathering the best of trainers, they have decided to subdue or dispose of every powerful Pokémon in existence.

The strong will expire as a large conflict between Pokémon and humans arises... But which side of the conflict will you end up on when you are neither Pokémon nor human...?


Celebi trembled, but not from the cold of the blizzard whipping past her. Not from fear either, the stark landscape of caves and stones withholding far more creatures of the revolution than the eye could tell. Hovering next to her sister and sensing the arrival of her three best friends, one would think it was impossible for her to be shaking from anything but excitement at this moment. In truth, however, she was nervous beyond belief.

After leaving the Seafoam Islands, she had gone to Viridian Forest to pay visit to her old friend Pikablu. The aged mouse had greeted her with disturbing news, having found out about Zerobi's run as a serial killer, warning Celebi and seeing her head out with the intents of a confrontation. However, how would she be able to explain that although he had been right all along, the small legendary had chosen to forgive her sister? Pikablu had hunted down Celebi for contributing to a single unintentional death, and would most likely not be nearly as merciful to the murdering Weavile. Not wanting to repeat their violent battle from five years ago, Celebi knew she would have to lie, something she was apparently very bad at.

"So... How long until Lucario's fur grows back?" Zerobi asked, not nearly as nervous as her relative.

"Leave that for later," Celebi said in an attempt to bring Zerobi's mind back to the current situation, "You should focus on making a good impression on the trio. It would be terrible if they end up disliking you!"

"Right," Zerobi replied, thinking that she really couldn't care less, "How long?"

"... A week, at most..." Celebi reluctantly admitted while worrying that her sister was taking things too lightly, "Please think about that later and prepare yourself for the meeting at hand! Do not... Say anything unnecessary..."

"Well, you know them better than me, so I'll probably just stay quiet," Zerobi said with a shrug, "If they ask about it, just say I have bad breath or something."

Not that bad breath was anything Pokémon usually cared about, Zerobi thought. The only one who would complain about it was Lucario, and she was suddenly reminded of something important.

"Ah! Right!" she exclaimed while looking at Celebi, "Sis, you've got to grow more mints for Lucario!"

"Oh? So he did enjoy eating them!" Celebi responded cheerfully, glad to see her idea of human culinary techniques had not been entirely misguided.

"... Not really, but who cares?" Zerobi asked as she shrugged, "They're the only hopes I have of getting him to kiss me!"

Celebi fell quiet and looked away for a moment, surprised by her sister's bluntness. Although she was steadily getting used to the two of them being a couple, the real reason for her embarrassment was simply because no one had ever talked to her so openly about love before.

"But... Normally you kiss under the mistletoe, not mint," Celebi corrected her, remembering what she had learned while celebrating Christmas so many times.

"... Nothing normal about what I have to do to get kissed..." Zerobi muttered quietly, a foreign noise suddenly sounding by the mouth of the cave.

"Cell! Over here!" a happy voice shouted, and out in the blizzard both Zerobi and Celebi could see the tall and slender figure of a Gallade emerging, wearing a pair of sunglasses. Despite being caught outside in the middle of a fiercely cold storm he was completely untouched by the flurry, walking on top of the bed of snow since he was apparently light enough to not sink through.

"She can sense us... She already knows we are here..." a grumbling voice came from behind him, the short and hulking form of a Kabutops entering visual range. He seemed a little extra short today, having sunk into the whiteness but still seemed to be completely unhindered by the decimeter high snow attempting to hamper his progress.

Not far behind both of them came a Pikachu, who much like the Gallade being able to walk across the snow. Even so, he was completely covered by snowflakes, not capable of creating a miniature barrier like the psychic next to him. Moving out of the wind as he approached Celebi and Zerobi, he let a jolt of electricity run through his fur, whipping the tiny bits of snow over him into motion and splashing them against the cavern's walls.

"Celebi," Pikablu said as he respectfully bowed his head, before turning it towards the Weavile with surprise, "... Zerobi? Kabutops, that thing. Give it to me."

The Gallade and Kabutops both stared at Zerobi with bothered expressions, the latter suddenly raising his shoulders. Loosening up his body, he poked one of his scythes in behind his chest plating, a large piece of paper sticking out the other side. It had odd coloration due to being covered in purple mucus, the heat visibly dissipating due to the cold all around.

"Eeeeeewww!" the Gallade exclaimed with a disgusted expression at the sight of the dripping paper, "Don't tell me that's where you keep that contract I asked you to hold on to!?"

"No," Kabutops replied bluntly while throwing him a quick glare, "I threw that away as soon as I got it."

"What!?" the Gallade shouted out in shock, clutching the sides of his head with his long arms, "That's...! I mean, I've got copies at home, but now I can't show it off to everyone!"

Pikablu sighed as he watched his two companions bicker back and forth, suddenly jumping up to snatch the paper out of Kabutops' shell. While it was slimy and had a fairly unpleasant odor, he handled it carefully as he held it up in front of himself.

Zerobi grit her teeth and Celebi gasped as they saw what it was. In his hands Pikablu held a large flyer with a picture of a Weavile on it, wearing a menacing expression with claws visible in hostility. Zerobi recognized the background setting as Snowpoint City, realizing that someone must have managed to take a photo of her during the turmoil, most likely when she and Lucario were busy escaping. Beneath the picture was a message in clear, powerful lettering.

SERIAL KILLER AT LARGE, SKILLFUL AT HIDING MAY BE ACCOMPANIED BY STRONG LUCARIO Client: POLICE Objective: ARREST ZEROBI Place: NORTHERN KANTO Restrictions: NONE Difficulty: S Reward: 10,000 P

"There's a pissed police officer hammering these up all over town," Pikablu said snidely as he held the picture closer towards Zerobi, "Look familiar?"

Zerobi swallowed hard, seeing her own face on a wanted poster. She realized her days of wandering around town in a cloak to pick up her subscription of occult magazines had come to an end before she even knew it. Lost on what to say, Celebi hovered in front of her and pushed aside the paper to look Pikablu directly in the face.

"Calm yourself, Pikablu," Celebi said sternly, "Zerobi and I have already discussed her past. Things are not as bad as neither you nor the police assume, and there is nothing for you to worry about."

"... Obviously, seeing how you two're still together..." Pikablu muttered while looking at Zerobi with disdain, "I'm going to need some details."

"No," Celebi insisted without batting an eye, "It is within a past she has no intention of revisiting. Trust me."

"... But...!" Pikablu exclaimed in irritation at being told off, "She's wanted by the police, damn it!"

"So is Celebi," Kabutops pointed out with a shrug, "And so were you."

Pikablu frowned, suddenly realizing that he was the only sane being in the vicinity. A nail's length away from smacking both Kabutops and Celebi in the face, he instead closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. He was reminded of the time he had first met Celebi, when she had lamented over her lost sister. They were finally reunited, and Pikablu was starting to think that maybe it was not his place to ruin whatever they had going. After all, if he had gotten to see his little brother again he wouldn't have cared about anything else.

"Fine..." he groaned while shaking his head in disapproval before pointing accusingly at Celebi, "... But you are never allowed to lecture me on morality again!"

Celebi sighed out, feeling the tension in the room thin out. So did apparently the Gallade as well, who started laughing.

"Haha! Well, I for one am glad to see that Zerobi is as innocent as she is beautiful!" the Gallade said with a smooth voice as he clapped his elongated hands together, "But if you're worried about your reputation, you could always hang out with someone like me! The tabloids would love you! What d'you think?"

"... Fine by me..." Kabutops said quietly before leaning in closer to Zerobi and whispering, "... Just make sure he dies painfully..."

However, Zerobi did not hear either of them, her mind clouded by newfound worries. Pikablu looked at her while feeling a bit restless to not have been given any explanation to her past, wondering if he could really trust Celebi's sometimes questionable and always otherworldly judgment.

"Pikablu, that police officer..." Zerobi suddenly asked with a bothered expression, "What kind of Pokémon was it?"

"... A Snivy," Pikablu replied quietly while scratching his nose, "Looked grumpy as all hell. Shitty day at the job I'm guessing, using a hammer with those tiny arms."

"Did..." Zerobi started in an attempt to push her luck a little further, "Was there an Eevee anywhere nearby? Maybe an Eeveelution?"

The members of the legendary trio looked at each other, searching for any signs of recognition.

"Like, when we left...?" the Gallade muttered as Pikablu's ears suddenly perked up slightly.

"Oh yeah! The fat one!" Pikablu burst out as he remembered. The Gallade continued looking at him for a moment before suddenly cracking up, turning his head away in an attempt to stifle a laughter.

"... 'Fat', he says..." Kabutops said slowly, a very faint snicker echoing inside his shell.

"Hahaha! Ah, the naivety of youth!" the Gallade laughed and held his arms out, pointing jokingly at Pikablu, "Couldn't you see that the Eevee was clearly pregnant?"

The Gallade continued laughing heartily, hoping everyone else would join him. Although Kabutops was clearly amused and Celebi was able to suppress her giggle at the last second, Zerobi's face was one of utter shock and surprise.

"Hey! Screw you!" Pikablu shouted in an attempt to hide his embarrassment, "Unlike you, I don't like to think of little girls in that way!"

"Oh, right," the Gallade snapped back with a big smile, "Is it because she didn't have any mandibles?"

"Alright, that does it!" Pikablu growled and clenched his fists, absolutely not willing to tolerate lip form someone as ridiculously flamboyant as the Gallade. Kabutops sighed as Celebi gasped.

"Whoa whoa, calm down!" the Gallade shouted in response while backing off and waving his arms back and forth, "Remember! Think positive!"

Feeling his muscles clench involuntarily in annoyance, Pikablu simultaneously felt the anger seep out of him at the Gallade's last statement. For reasons unknown to anyone but him and his two allies, he cracked a smile.

After that they continued to chat excitedly over all that had happened, Celebi glad to finally have a few interesting events of her own to share. Arguing heatedly about old pointless issues while occasionally laughing it up over long forgotten times, it was no wonder neither the legendary trio nor Celebi noticed Zerobi slipping away. Staggering quietly through a rocky corridor, she sought emptiness in order to be given some privacy with her own thoughts. Eventually she found a narrow passageway leading into a hollowed out section of the mountain. Where others would see a dead end, she saw a chance to be left alone. Walking into a corner and placing her back against the cool, hard surface, she exhaled a breath she had not realized she was holding in.

"... Pregnant...?" Zerobi whispered to herself, the words sounding as unreal coming out of her mouth as they did swirling around in her head. It did not feel right, and slowly she came to the realization that while she had basically been frozen in time the better half of this past decade, those around her had long since carried on with their lives.

A heavy feeling came upon her heart as she thought of Eve, a deep sucking sensation of regret in her chest. She remembered all the years of fun they had together, proclaiming to be best friends forever long before even coming up with the concept of Evolution's Gate. Imagining the same friend laying on the ground somewhere, the terrible Snivy pounding her and filling her womb with a child made Zerobi wince and blush fiercely. She shook her head and brought her mind to more pleasant matters, namely the fact that despite all the lives she ruined, at least her best friend was able to acquire a happy ending. More than anything she wanted to go congratulate Eve and let her know of her own remorse, to give the soon-to-be mother some closure and peace of mind.

Her plans were put on ice however, as a dampened knocking sound alerted her that she was no longer alone. Heart aching both from grief and shock, she spun around to see a dark, thin Pokémon leaning by the exit.

"Hello, Zerobi," Zoroark said with a menacing tone, "You and I are going to have a little talk."

"... Yeah?" Zerobi replied while recomposing herself, not wanting to appear easily intimidated, "About what?"

"About your plan to murder us, of course," Zoroark said bluntly. Zerobi tried to make her expression as devoid of concern as possible, but it was difficult as she stared into Zoroark's probing set of glaring eyes. Quickly she tried to figure out just how much Zoroark knew, and how easily she could get off the hook by bluffing.

Zoroark eyed Zerobi carefully, looking for any kind of reaction. Bloodthirsty as the Weavile was, Zoroark believed herself to have an edge should push come to shove, and could at least incapacitate her with a dose of stun spore. In truth, she would much rather prefer to use poison powder to put an end to Zerobi as quickly as possible, but knew the Weavile to be far more difficult to kill than one would assume. As Connor had showed her, incapacitation had proven to be far more effective.

"See, in the early days of the revolution, I came across a very peculiar being..." Zoroark explained as she crossed her arms and leaned up against a wall, "Astrid was his name. Does it ring a bell?"

Zerobi felt her teeth unintentionally grind together. Even though her own endeavors were well-publicized, Astrid was not someone anyone outside of evolution's gate would know of. She had assumed to have scared him off for good, imagining him running wildly around the Cerulean Cave forever. Was Zoroark trying to trick her?

"K..." Zerobi stammered before swallowing hard, "... Kabutops' wife...?"

Zoroark stared at her with a piercing gaze. Her smile and kind features were all but gone.

"By playing dumb, you are only making me more suspicious," Zoroark said with a sharp tone to her voice, "I think one would remember spending a few years with the only rock-eeveelution to ever have lived."

"... H-Have lived?" Zerobi suddenly stuttered, not being able to help herself. Zoroark took note of her flustered expression before closing her eyes.

"Yes. Unfortunately, he died a most untimely death..." she whispered before opening her eyes and once again with a fierce glare, "... But not before he told me an awful lot about you, Zerobi. Some things I think he was the only one to know about."

A chill ran through Zerobi. Not at the prospect of Astrid no longer finding himself among the living, but rather that Zoroark was so well-informed on the subject of her. Realizing that playing dumb was pointless and deciding to make sure she wasn't playing directly into Zoroark's hands, she decided to add some new information into the conversation.

"You're wrong," Zerobi said bluntly while slowly shaking her head, "That's not the case anymore. I've already told Lucario and Celebi everything."

"Oh, but I don't think you have," Zoroark replied quickly as she uncrossed her arms and pointed towards Zerobi, "The fact that they forgave you is enough proof."

Zerobi did not know how to retort, actually equally surprised that she had been forgiven after all she had done. Zoroark examined her carefully as she decided to push her own personal theory on the matter a little further.

"I wonder... How does a kind, harmless student turn into a ruthless killer from a simple blood transfusion?" Zoroark asked before giving off a strained shrug, "The short answer is... She doesn't."

Their eyes locked together once more, a bitter fight raging between them with both on edge and ready to strike at any moment.

"You may have fooled the rest into believing that you were controlled by some strange force, that your actions were not your own..." Zoroark growled accusingly as she felt her temper rise, but suddenly decided to calm herself down, "... But tricking me will not be as easy. You knew what you were doing. You were always in control of your own actions and could have stopped had you wanted to."

Yet another chill ran through Zerobi, but this time it was not as merciful. She felt it run through every inch of her being as she could not stop herself from trembling. Her deepest fear, a secret kept from everyone including herself in one last attempt to save her own sanity was coming to light once more.

"No!" Zerobi yelled with desperation, refusing to accept what she deep down knew to be the truth, "I never hurt anyone before the blood set in, and I haven't done anything since it ran out!"

"Is that because you hate killing... Or simply because you fear the consequences of it?" Zoroark continued and knew she had struck a nerve, the Weavile's expression turning more and more frantic with each syllable, "Should I give you the opportunity to get away with it, you will strike... And it is not because you cannot help it, but rather because our blood is worth more to you than our lives. Admit it!"

"No, you...!" Zerobi growled and instinctively raised her claws, "You know nothing! Nothing of what I've gone through! I would rather DIE than succumb to my bloodlust once more!"

Breathing heavily, Zerobi saw Zoroark looking at her with a disappointed expression. Zerobi looked down and noticed that she had subconsciously brought out her threatening claws and hastily lowered them. Even so, Zoroark continued to look unimpressed.

"I hope you mean that..." Zoroark said with a menacing tone, "... Because if as much as a drop touches you... I will not hesitate in killing you myself."

Raising her own claws and grinding them together slightly, Zoroark could not help but feel like the villain in the scenario as a terrified expression crawled up on Zerobi's face. It annoyed her a little, wondering what manner of naïve and careless fool would have acted differently.

"Consider that the extent of my mercy..." Zoroark sighed as she put her claws away by crossing her arms once more, "... Do not think too badly of me. What choice do I have? You have the potential to become the most dangerous being in the world, and you have shown the ambitions to pursue that. Should I risk the death of millions just because you tell me that things are different? That you've changed?"

Zerobi felt a moment of reprieve in the constant onslaught of accusations, Zoroark's tone taking a gentler form as the revolutionary finally admitted the cause of her worries. Zerobi sighed out, suddenly not as intimidated by the fellow Dark-type.

"I don't know how to convince you otherwise... But if a man like you really wants to understand a girl like me..." Zerobi said bitterly, unaware of Zoroark's true gender, "Try killing your friends. All of them, especially those you like. Get melted down by acid and live in seclusion for seven years with no company aside from endless nightmares, and THEN ask yourself if you think it was worth it."

Fed up with indictments and still annoyed to have been so rudely interrupted from her own musings, Zerobi stormed towards the exit. Half expecting to be attacked, she passed by Zoroark with no intervention whatsoever and entered the passage unhindered. Leaving the sanctuary where so many of Zerobi's thoughts had swirled around, the emptiness was soon replaced by Zoroark's contemplations. Watching the back of the Weavile disappear from sight, she sighed and looked up at the ceiling.

"Friends, huh...?" Zoroark whispered and closed her eyes. A weight lifted from her consciousness, realizing that Zerobi seemed to be in control at least for the time being. Although important, Zoroark knew she was only delaying the inevitable by handling the easy tasks first. Soon she would find herself back at her makeshift desk, struggling to figure out a successful strategy for the army she had amassed. She soon made her way out of the room as well, hoping no one would be able to see the uncertainty she was keeping within.