FSE

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_I have had a very tough time in life since my last story submission; it's hard to write happy, silly

stories when life is unhappy and serious. But I have escaped my miserable job and am in

college, and life is good again.

This story is not nearly yiffy enough to be considered yiff, but parts are a bit naughty. And Pepsi is a registered trademark of PepsiCo.

Hope you likey :)

-Lemnwezel_

Jeff yawned and stretched in the large bed, squinting at the streaks of warm afternoon sunlight showing through the gap in the silken curtains of their window. Smiling, he rolled over against Eva, and pet her flanks softly while she snoozed. Their morning activities had been quite vigorous, so Jeff got up to walk around the room a bit and stretch his slightly sore leg muscles.

Walking to the window, Jeff brushed the curtains back slightly, so as to not let too much brightness in and wake Eva. His hand brushed up against the window and felt a buzz and crackle of static electricity. Curious, he looked down, and noticed a faint aurora of pale orange and yellow glowing around his hand where it touched the window. Just outside, the world looked slightly different; strangely more orderly...

All the grass outside the inn was growing in exactly the same orientation; the stones the central walkway of town were paved in were all aligned perfectly with the direction of travel. Jeff then noticed a flat white gull, with curiously flat white feathers, fly a zig-zag pattern of perfectly straight lines, changing directions only in perfect 90 degree angles.

By the time they headed downstairs, Pete and Dani were clearing off the lunch dishes, and discussing the day's trivialities. Jeff's curiosity could bear no time for pleasantries, and he immediately inquired of Pete about the strange window in their room.

"Ah, the glass is polarized you see, " Pete announced grinning, "it straightens out all which passes through it. Only it does so in a slightly more aggressive way than perhaps you may be used to... it actually selectively filters out certain types of entropy. Our town accountant is quite smitten with them, as I am sure you will soon find out!"

Pete chuckled softly, and gave Dani a playful spank. Dani yipped and leaned back against the big cat, reaching back to paw softly at Pete's smooth sides.

Pete had saved a plate of waffles and fruit for them, and they ate slowly while Pete and Dani regaled them with stories of their new world and its inhabitants. It seemed such a wonderful place, with such friendly inhabitants, but the subject of night never came up much. When it did, Pete would begin discussing something else. It was puzzling to Jeff, but he didn't push the issue.

At length, Dani led Jeff and Eva along the stone path running through the center of town, towards a large, ivory white cubic building perhaps 30 feet to a side, crowned with an obelisk rising at least a hundred feet above roof level. The obelisk had what appeared to be large, perfectly square stained-glass windows on all four sides, perhaps 10 feet in diameter, near the very top. Each window was different color, but the colors also appeared to be cycling slowly.

As they approached, a square portion of the wall slid upwards, allowing them to walk into the relatively dim interior of the building.

"This, " Dani explained with a flourish, "Is the office and residence of Norm, the town accountant. It may seem a bit bare, but it suits him quite well, I rather think..."

They all looked around at the windowless walls of the cubic building, lit gently from above, via the tower, with slowly changing colored light.

The sound of scales rustling alerted them to the presence of Norm, who was descending from a staircase nearby. He was a dragon of classic serpentine design, with a long narrow body and tail, and scales that shone with a luxurious, pure sparkling gold color and a perfectly smooth, flat finish. His large, benevolent green eyes gazed merrily at his guests from beneath his jade-green visor.

"Ah, these must be the new arrivals you spoke of Dani!" Norm beamed, "Welcome to my office and abode. I would ask you to help keep things neat, but as you can see, it's pretty much impossible to put into a state of disorder. Such is the way I like things..." he admitted, grinning a toothy, golden grin.

Norm showed them around the office first. Tucked neatly away in Norm's desk were counting contrivances of bewildering complexity, their intricate mechanical inner workings powered by magical enchantments. Norm demonstrated the use of what he referred to as his "number block", which Jeff decided was a sort of three-dimensional abacus. Jeff was lost well before Norm launched into a lengthy explanation of how multiplication was implemented by rotating the device counterclockwise, relative to your center of mass. As well, he could only boggle while Norm explained how integrals could be finely approximated through the use of a translucent, fluid-filled cylinder with a strange cross-hashing of ticks scattered seemingly randomly across it's shimmering outer surface.

Eva just smiled pleasantly, enjoying the cool air drifting down from the tower against her dense fur.

It was indeed a very cozy office, and had an aura of comfortable contemplation to it. It was the kind of place one could simply be immersed in thought, and stay absorbed in even the most challenging texts or the most esoteric quandaries for hours.

On the upper floor was Norm's living quarters, and above that a small ladder leading to a transparent platform upon which they could all easily fit, and look out the peculiar windows out over the town below. Like the window in Jeff and Eva's room at the inn, reality was being oddly strained through the windows. Trees swayed bizarrely through the green window, moving rigidly along only the prime axes, while through the blue window the trees moved smoothly. Only they didn't have leaves or branches, but were merely a collection of animated force vectors and anchor points.

The red window showed only the world's geometry; it filtered out natural colors and finishes, leaving only a flat-shaded mesh of triangles colored in such a manner as to distinguish with greatest clarity, one triangle from it's neighbors.

The grey window filtered out anything that wasn't moving. It seemed to adapt to certain patterns, however. A gust had begun to pick up, so at first the large tree near the center of town was clearly visible. But as it's swaying rhythm stabilized it began to fade, leaving only a few birds moving about in the upper branches visible.

Perhaps most spectacular of all was the dome above them. Despite it being early afternoon, the night sky was more clearly visible than Jeff could ever remember seeing; the stars did not even twinkle. It was as if they were looking through a window of a space ship. Jeff and Eva marveled at length at the sights through the windows as their colors slowly shifted into one another. Norm was quite proud of this arrangement, and Dani was pleased their guests found this as fascinating as they did.

Dani led them down to the living area, where several plush couches and coffee tables were arranged, and invited everyone to get comfortable while he brought in some tea. Norm sprawled across a long white sofa while Jeff and Eva sat side by side on a plush, tan couch facing him.

Their discussions over tea made it clear to Jeff that, though this place seemed to lack digital computers as he knew them, the math understood and processed by Norm and the others he described was no less complex. Indeed, it seemed as if numbers were not just the abstract entities they were on Earth; they could be coaxed to do various things for you, and sometimes needed to rest deep in the depths of Norm's calculating machines when they had had a long day of computations.

At length, the conversation rolled around to dreams, and Jeff began to describe the one he'd had recently in the strange room in the Inn. Norm grew quiet and serious as Jeff described the frightening creature in his dream.

"May I speak with Jeff here in my office alone for a moment?", Norm asked quietly.

Eva and Dani smiled and nodded, and headed outside for some fresh air. Dani wasted no time in unashamedly frolicking in the grass. Eva grinned and looked on, taking in the whole scene and the pleasant afternoon air, filled with the sweet scent of the flowering vines nearby. To Eva, it was a welcome break from the musty tomes and oiled machinery of the accountant's office.

"Interesting. So you've seen it then, if only through dream eyes..." Norm said, staring off into space.

"Wha?" Jeff replied.

"The creature you saw in your dreams is real, and is every bit as evil and deadly as it appears, Jeff. But it follows certain rules, and so long as we do as well, we are all safe. But should you venture out into it's domain, you are outside of the framework, and anything can happen. We have... lost people, in the past, Jeff. And it was not pretty."

Norm stared off into space again, his memory apparently filling him with a sense of revulsion. He shook it off before continuing.

"Look, we have a pretty nice scene going on here. I have my order in this building, much merriment and yiffiness is rampant in this and neighboring towns, but the creature is the reason why no one really talks about the night. The vision chambre never gives visions without a reason, so perhaps it falls upon you to investigate the matter further. I've in mind to send you to particular enchanter who might have more information on the subject..."

Jeff was still trying to assimilate this new information. The creature was real? No wonder everyone went through the methodical evening lockup ritual, in what seemed to be otherwise such a peaceful and happy land.

"And... it just so happens I am running low on scale polish. The enchanter I speak of has a formulation of just that, that I would like to obtain. So I'd appreciate if you'd get me a bottle while you're there?"

Norm flexed and arched, letting the dim light sparkle up and down the scales along his slender length. Even in dim light, his bronze scales seemed to glow like fiery coals.

"I will certainly get some for ya!", Jeff chirped.

"Splendid! Let us go outside and enjoy this fine day for awhile. But before we head out, there's one more thing I want you to think about: even here, the world is not the simple black and red construct we would like it to be. Regardless of how you feel, and what you may learn, about the creature, remember to always consider the big picture; how the world works with respect to yourself, your girl, your ostrich, and even the creature itself..."

Norm brightened suddenly, remarking, "And maybe even yours truly! Now, why don't we all go for a little walk?"

Jeff smiled and nodded, and followed along with the dragon out the front door.

Outside they met up with Eva and Dani, and took a long stroll around town and along a small park nearby. The morning was warming up, and they had plenty of time to enjoy it. They sat back to relax on one of the park's benches, and soon Jeff and Norm were engaged in a complex discussion about mathematics. Eva and Dani soon grew tired of such talk, and went off run around and play games in the grassy clearing nearby.

Jeff excused himself to go fetch their ostrich. They were having such a wonderful time, it seemed to him that he, too, should be enjoying the fine morning with them.

The stables were open to air out during the day, and the rich smell of fresh hay hung damply in the air as he got his ostrich, and nodded to the guard dogs on the way out.

As soon as they got back to the park, he introduced the ostrich to Norm, who'd been chatting about the park's long history with Dani and Eva.

"Ah, this must be the ostrich I've heard about!", Norm exclaimed. "What is his or her name?"

"Well, we're not really sure, " Jeff explained, "it used to be my computer before it became an ostrich, and I think it's male. I was calling him Opie for awhile for a silly reason, but lately I've taken to calling him Brenda... I just sense that... that is what he wants."

Norm rubbed his chin with a forepaw contemplatively. "A living machine. I think that, should you build upon your communication skills with Brenda here, you will find

his insights to be most helpful with regards to the issues spoken of earlier. It is good that by all appearances this is a simple ostrich, as some of this world's denizens might become quite covetous of such an insightful creature. They would not steal him from you outright, but might try to lure you into a game for him."

"Interesting. Well yes, I think he can understand me, he just doesn't have a good way of responding. His senses are very keen as well. See, watch this!"

Jeff faced the ostrich.

"Brenda, find us something interesting near this park, please!"

Brenda nodded, sniffed the air and looked around. Then, at a pace they could all easily follow, he headed towards the northwest edge of the park, as the grassy area faded into the hilly woods. They walked a hundred meters or so into the woods, so they could barely see the park clearing, when Brenda stopped. Just before him, they noticed a cow grazing contentedly on a large patch of grass. She was much like the cows Jeff and Eva remembered from Earth, except that her large spots were blue and red instead of black. The cow noticed them and looked up, smiling.

"Why hello there!", the cow said, and then burped softly.

"Hiya!," Jeff said, "How do you do?"

The cow was now making a soft fizzing noise, which Jeff and his friends found most peculiar. Her udders appeared to be quite full.

"Well handsome, " the cow replied, "I'm having a lovely day, but it would be even lovelier if I could get some milking action from ya!"

Jeff giggled and smiled at the cow.

"I'm serious!", exclaimed the cow, " Don't be shy, come on up and have a drink. You'll like it I promise!"

Eva tilted her head in puzzlement. Jeff decided to give it a go, partly out of curiosity, and partly to avoid appearing timid in front of his friends. He smiled and approached the cow, got on all fours, and delicately gripped one of the cows teats, which was oddly cold to his paw.

The cow shivered a little and smiled, clearly enjoying this. "Don't be afraid, little fox," she said, "my teats can handle a little roughness..."

With that, Jeff squeezed the udder, releasing some of the milk onto the ground. It was a dark fluid that bubbled and fizzed briefly. With some trepidation, he then squeezed it again, squirting some of the fluid into his mouth, and was greeted with a soft moan from the cow, and an oddly familiar taste in his mouth.

Jeff finally put it all together... the red and blue spots, the fizzing, the burping...

"She's a Pepsi cow!" looked back and exclaimed to the others.

He then realized that perhaps he was the only one, except for perhaps Brenda, to know what Pepsi was.

"It's, um, quite tasty!", Jeff smiled. He turned around and carefully took one of the cows teats directly into his muzzle, and began suckling it from her directly. It wasn't quite as sweet as he remembered, as if there was more water and less syrup than usual, but it was quite cold and refreshing.

The cow was apparently enjoying this quite a bit, and she moaned deeply, arched her back a bit, and gently tapped her back left hoof.

"Evie, you should come here and try some!"

The cow nodded in agreement, smiling in contentment with her eyes closed.

"Well... ok, " Eva replied, and got down next to Jeff to take a sip. She, too, took an udder gently into her muzzle, and suckled some of the cold, fizzy Pepsi milk softly from the cow. Jeff went back for more, taking a few more slurps from an adjacent teat.

The cow was fairly shaking with pleasure now, and turned her head to watch the two canines slurping at her sugary bounty.

A short distance back, Norm turned to face the ostrich and smiled, commenting, "Yes, that cow is quite an interesting find indeed!"

Brenda nodded appreciatively. There were many concepts that natural living creatures had that confused him, but "interesting" was not one of them.

"Oh I don't know, Jeff, " Eva spoke, "this stuff is sooo sweet. We probably shouldn't drink too much."

Jeff nodded and smiled, carefully licking the teat clean as he backed away from the cow.

"You're right. But if we need to stay up all night for some reason, we might want to come back for a bit more."

"Hmmm, Are you caffeinated?", Jeff asked the cow.

The cow nodded, "yup, on the side you were drinking from. Decaf is the rear left teat. And I don't have sugar-free, because sugar-free is bullshit."

"Hell yeah!", Jeff exclaimed, and gave the cow a gentle hug. "Thanks for giving us a drink!"

"Thanks for the milking too!" the cow replied, beaming, "come back any time, I'm always around here somewhere. Dawn 'til dusk of course. "

"And maybe," she added with a wink, "you can stop by for more than just a little milking..."

They waved farewell to the Pepsi cow and headed back into the park, where Eva ran almost continuously for several hours, first tiring out Dani with silly games and then just running around the park. Jeff handled the caffeine buzz slightly differently, sitting on the park bench inquiring about the local math systems from Norm.

Brenda the ostrich laid down on the grass nearby, and an exhausted Dani rested up against him.

The sky was bright and clear, and there were many hours left before sunset. There was time enough left this day to frolick, and learn, and rest, and dream, with a cool breeze drifting across them all and whispering gently through the trees.