FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

He grasped the ledge firmly, trying desperately not to fall off. The anthropomorphic fox pulled himself up, knowing that drop from the elevation he was at would mean certain doom. With a final effort, he reached the summit, and was ready to claim his prize, the greatest tasting snack of all time. At last he had reached the Oreos!

The four-inch tall Atimist stood on top of the kitchen counter, his light blue eyes gleaming because of the kitchen lights. He wagged his thick, fluffy, bright-orange tail at the sight of his favorite snack. The micro fox then licked his chops, knowing that he would get to eat his favorite treat tonight. As he approached the cookies, the small fox heard a large crashing noise from the living room with his long ears.

The noise in question happened to be an inter-dimensional wolf that belly-flopped into the house, right on top of coffee table in the living room. His black and grey furred face was twisted in an expression of pain thanks to an edge of the coffee table poking him between the legs. He let loose a blood curdling, high-pitched howl that only a wolf in pain could produce.

Afraid that a burglar had infiltrated the house, Atimist hid inside the jar of Oreos, praying that the owner of the house, Dover, would come home soon. After taking a minute to collect himself, the wolf slowly stumbled into the kitchen, one pain filled step after the other. The wolf opened the freezer in search of an ice tray, hoping to relieve the pain that was pulsating from his crotch. He found one and took it out, wrapping half of its contents into a kitchen towel, and putting it between his legs. Atimist heard a strange sigh of relief from outside the cookie jar. Fearing that the burglar would harm him, the fox started to shake uncontrollably. The black wolf noticed the jar moving and made his way towards it. Atimist was certain that the end was coming and closed his eyes, as the lid of the jar was slowly lifted open.

"Wow, this is one weird looking squirrel," the wolf said.

Suddenly, Atimist's fear turned into frustration, "hey, I'll have you know that I am a fox. How dare you think I'm a rodent!" he shouted.

"Well, you're certainly the tallest one I've ever seen!" the wolf replied with a snicker.

"Laugh it up wolfy, when Dover comes home, he'll give you an ass-kicking for breaking into our house!" the tiny fox claimed.

"Whoa, slow down there, I didn't break in. My name is Matt, and I was sent through a portal and arrived in your dimension. There's no need to be like that."

"Sure, I'll believe that. If you portaled into this house, let me see your portal gun," Atimist demanded.

"Aren't you a little small to play video games?" Matt asked. "Aren't you a little big to be shrieking like a little girl?" Atimist countered.

"That's not fair! Your coffee table impaled my balls!"

"You broke the coffee table!"

"It was an accident!" Matt was getting increasingly annoyed with the little fox. He decided to pick the micro fox up by the white tip of his tail.

"Let go of me! I don't like being picked up!" Atimist yelled. "Sure why not?" Matt said with a wolfish grin. He let go of the small fox, allowing him to plummet into the cold, hard, kitchen floor. As soon Atimist thought it was over, he landed safely in the wolf's other paw. The chatty orange fox was in shock, "speechless huh? That must have been quite a scare for you little guy." He slowly lowered his paw to the floor and put Ati down on the tiles. The wolf then grabbed an Oreo from the cookie jar and gave it to the tiny fox. "Sorry if I scared you dude."

Atimist looked up at the odd wolf. It was clear to him that Matt was not a burglar, so that meant his story was true. Atimist's best friend, Acruton, was on vacation in Disney World, so maybe this giant canine would like to spend some time with him. "Um... thank you... if you didn't let me down from there, I would have had to wait until Dover got back from work to put me down, and he would've been angry at me for stealing his Oreos," said the fox.

Matt looked down at him. The wolf's sharp, white teeth showed and his snout was curled up into a goofy smile, "no problem little guy."

"So, I've been looking for someone to play the new Super Mario Brothers with, if you want," mentioned the small fox.

"Are you sure? I suck at platformers," Matt replied.

Atimist nodded and ran into the living room. Matt followed the energetic micro creature into the room with the broken coffee table.

After ten minutes of playing, Atimist was pointing and laughing at the enormous wolf, "you were killed by a goomba!" Ati said with uncontrollable laughter.

"I told you I'm not good at Mario games," Matt replied, not amused by the fox's laughter.

"Not good! Those things are the weakest enemy of all time, 'not good' is an understatement."

"Well I bet, that if we play Halo, you couldn't even kill a grunt!" Matt taunted.

"Oh, I accept that challenge! What do you want to bet?" Ati asked.

Matt thought for a moment, and then replied with a new idea, "instead of a boring old bet, I think I have a much better plan." He walked back into the kitchen, rummaged around in the cabinets, and came back with a large bottle of vodka.

"What are you doing?" Ati questioned.

"Instead of watching you die over and over again, how about we make a game of our own? We play multiplayer, and each time one of us dies, we take a sip of this bad boy."

Ati smiled with a devilish grin, "in that case, prepare to get drunk Fido!"

After thirty minutes of dying and drinking repeatedly both anthropomorphic beings were quite tipsy. So, naturally, they continued playing for another hour and finished the bottle. Then Matt went back into the kitchen and grabbed a second bottle for another hour of gameplay. This caused both of them to become quite sloshed.

"Sho, wie oo like th ashault driffle?" inquired a hiccupping Atimist. Roughly translated, the small fox said: Why do you like the assault rifle?

"Ncawse s a acshurit eppin zghats pull ly aoma'ic an izsh shawshum i boesh shawt ainge ba'les an da lon sha mi ainge ba'les," replied the dazed wolf. Roughly translated, he said: Because it is a highly accurate weapon that happens to be fully automatic and dishes out excellent damage in both shorter-range combat scenarios, and mid to long range battles.

This informative exchange in dialogue was the last thing that either of them could remember when they woke up the next morning.

Atimist slowly opened his eyes, finding himself in Dover's cozy bed, and not remembering how he got there. His head was pounding, so he knew instinctively that he blacked out because of the Halo drinking game he took part in last night. The fox heard a grunt from behind him, and as he rolled over, he discovered that the big black wolf was under the covers, sleeping right next to him. Atimist started to furiously pound Matt in the back to wake him up. The wolf opened his eyes and rolled over to face the micro fox.

"Finally! Do you remember what happened last night?" Atimist asked.

"Ow... no... wait... why are you in bed with me?" Matt asked with a frightened look on his face.

Atimist's eyes widened in terror, "Y-You don't think..."

"No! No, there's no way right? I mean I know I'm not... and you know you're not... so there's no way we would.... Right?"

"I don't wanna know! Oh God, I think I'm going puke out my lungs!"

"This never happened. We never woke up in a bed together, no one will ever know. Agreed?"

"Absolutely."

After both of them had finished gathering what was left of their wits, they went downstairs for breakfast, and much needed aspirin. The living room was an utter disaster. An Xbox controller was sticking out of the shattered screen of the TV, the broken coffee table looked even more damaged than it did when Matt arrived, empty bags and containers of food littered the living room floor, and the house smelled like a dead animal. While surveying the damage, the two also discovered a homeless bipedal coyote laying down on top of the couch. Matt belched loudly and a white chicken feather sailed out of his mouth.

"On second thought, I'm not really that hungry," Matt said.

"Dover is going to kick me out for this! You have to help me! I can't go back to living outside or a cat'll eat me! Please!" Atimist begged.

"The way I see it, it's all my fault anyways. I'll help you clean up."

The duo spent the entire morning cleaning up after their night of debauchery. Atimist looked up YouTube videos on how to fix a broken television while Matt repaired the coffee table. After that was taken care of, Atimist picked up all of the empty snack bags and threw them out while the wolf sprayed the house with Febreze and vacuumed. When those chores were taken care of they decided to get rid of the unwelcome coyote.

"So, do you have any ideas on how to take care of this guy?" Matt asked Atimist.

Atimist thought for a moment. "I think I have an idea!" the fox explained. The four-inch fox climbed the scraggy fur of the brown coyote until he reached the hobo's pointed ear. Atimist whispered, "wake up, this is your conscience speaking to you."

The mangy coyote woke up, "what's a conscience?" he asked.

"Um, a conscience is... a four inch fox that controls everything you do... now, um... hear me and obey! You must leave this house immediately! The land of.... of... Hyrule, yeah, uh Hyrule needs a hero, and you have been chosen by the goddesses!" Atimist replied.

"Zelda is in trouble! I'm coming my princess!" the coyote yelled before springing to his feet, grabbing a Wii remote that he wielded like a sword, and storming out of the house.

"Wow, maybe you should be a hypnotist," Matt remarked.

"I'll take that as a compliment. Luckily, the television wasn't busted up too badly, so the only thing we need to do is replace the booze we drank last night. There's a liquor store in walking distance where we can get it," said Atimist.

"Umm... how old do you have to be to get it in this dimension?" Matt asked.

"How old are you?"

"...I'm nineteen," Matt confessed.

Atimist was about to say something until he heard the front door open.

"Ati, I'm home," echoed Dover's deep voice. The head of the house was a six-foot tall canine with blue and golden-brown fur covering his fat body that jiggled up and down as he walked. He wore an orange tie around his thick neck. He walked into the living room to find Atimist and Matt sitting on the couch watching pre-season baseball. "I thought the Braves didn't have a game today," said the big blue dog.

"They don't, Matt is a Red Sox fan," Atimist replied.

"Oh, so that's your friend's name. You called me last night to tell me about him, but I fell asleep at the office so I didn't get the call until this morning. You sounded a little weird on the phone Atimist, did something happen last night?"

"No!" replied Matt and Atimist, perfectly in sync.

"Okay, I'm sorry for asking! I just get worried sometimes, you know? Anyway, your friend can stay as long as he likes," Dover said to Atimist before speaking to Matt, "so, you like the Red Sox huh? I kinda feel sorry for you, they were awful last year!"

"Well, we got a ton of new players, so hopefully this season will turn out a little better- "

Matt was cut off by the television, "and Ortiz strikes out for the third time in a row!"

"Or not," said Atimist with a smirk on his face.

Dover was in the kitchen eating a Twinkie when Matt saw him reaching for the liquor cabinet, "Dover, why don't you join us? There's plenty of room for one more," he proposed.

"In a sec, it's not everyday we have company and I want mix some drinks for us," Dover replied.

"Dove, it's not even twelve o'clock yet, we don't want anything to drink," Atimist tried to convince him.

But Dover was already in the cabinet, "this can't be right, I had two bottles of vodka in here. Did you two drink them?"

"No!" Ati and Matt said simultaneously.

"Ok something's definitely up with you two... where are all of my snacks?" Dover inquired. On cue the television emitted a flurry of dancing sparks before the screen went dark and the TV started to emit a black smoke.

In the following ten minutes Atimist and Matt sat across from Dover at the kitchen table and confessed their drunken shenanigans to the head of the household, and Dover was clearly very upset. "So you two basically destroyed the entire living room and then rebuilt it before I got home. I don't know whether to be impressed or furious. What on Earth were you guys thinking? You could've broken everything in the whole house!" Dover lectured, "is there anything else about last night I should know- "

"No!" said Matt and Atimist, cutting Dover off.

"Right, well Atimist, I'm doubling your rent until we get a new TV, and you Mr. wolf, find another place to stay. You're not welcome here," Dover said in a harsh tone.

Matt stood up silently and was about to say goodbye to Atimist forever. But before that, he noticed a slip of paper on the countertop and decided to read it while Dover was busy lecturing Atimist.

After reading the note, Matt's wolfish grin spread across his entire snout, "Dover, it seems that Atimist and I were not the only ones who weren't being entirely honest about last night."

"What are you getting at?" Dover questioned.

"This ticket right here reads that last night, you were arrested and received a DWI after spending the night at the police station," Matt said.

"Is that true Dover?" Atimist demanded.

"No! That's a umm... prop... for a play about..." Dover mumbled.

"It seems a bit hypocritical of Dover to force me out onto the streets for getting drunk, don't you think, Atimist?"

"Oh I agree one hundred percent Matthew. I couldn't think of more hypocritical treatment. I don't know if I will ever be able to look at Dover the same way again."

"Fine. He can stay for now, but he has to sleep in the guest room," Dover said.

"And what about my rent?" Atimist inquired.

Dover sighed, "I have a spare TV in the basement."

"Yahoo!" Atimist shouted, "let's all go play some Mario Kart to celebrate our new house guest!"

"Only if I get to be Yoshi," Matt replied.

"Sure why not. I'll go set it up," Dover said before reluctantly entering the living room to prepare the game.

Matt looked at Atimist and smiled, "it's always nice to make new friends when arriving in a new world," he said.

Atimist was just about to reply when Dover called from the living room, "guys, do you know where our third Wii remote is?"

END