FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Everyone has bad dreams right? Recurring ones that leave you shaking night after night? And maybe that's an exaggeration since this would only be the forth time, but still. I went through at least a semi-traumatic experience, and even if the dreams don't seem to be related to it at all, it makes sense right? I mean, it could be related in some weird abstract way. And even if it isn't, that doesn't mean I'm going crazy...right?

**********

...where was I? Was it raining? I could feel my heart racing in my chest, my arms and legs driving me forward. So cold. So unforgivably cold. But also not. Bright. Why was I still running? What was I so afraid of? Afraid. I was so desperately afraid. But something was not right. I wasn't running from it. I was running towards it. My eyes were frantically looking around me as I ran. Searching for...for...

**********

I sat up, looking wildly around the room for...something.

Nothing, I guess.

I let myself fall back onto my bed, relieved that the slight twinge on my side barely even registered. I made myself exhale slowly a few times to calm down. Today was Monday, which meant I had math with Max. Maybe he could help me figure out what my dream was about, or at least distract me enough so that I didn't have to.

I was searching for something now. Person? Place? Thing? Idea? It was just out of reach. If my damn dreams could just be a little more specific with what they wanted I would know.

Don't remember.

That's what my mind or the universe or whatever had wanted me to do right? I was getting way more stressed out about it than I needed to. Why did I want to know so bad anyway? Listening to my instincts had always worked out before, so I should do it again now. It wasn't real, so it really didn't matter what I was searching for. Whatever it was, that was dream-me's problem. Awake-me didn't have time to dwell on it forever, I had to get up and get ready for school.

In the bathroom mirror I could see that my fur had still refused to start growing back. My heart sank a bit when I thought about how long it had been, but I pushed it aside as I stepped into the shower, making sure to keep the water as warm as I could without aggravating the exposed skin on my side.

_This is the part when I hear the door to the bathroom open and someone walks up behind the shower curtain. I hear their voice as th_ey say something flirty. And I would probably freak out. It was too early and I was too tired to daydream about that kind of stuff right just then.

So instead I closed my eyes and focused on the water raining down on me as I lathered up my fur and washed my hair. The warm liquid felt strange on my streaks of furless skin, a sensation that I was still getting used to. I didn't like to waste water, but I had been stressed lately and so I just let myself stand under the showerhead as I stared off into space.

This is the part when the water from the bucket I held above me runs out and the splashes give way to the quiet murmur of the river as it traveled down stream. The water was still clean here. I wondered, as I stood on the banks of the river, completely exposed to the surrounding trees, if it would be kept clean. I was allowed to believe I was given privacy, but I knew that there was always someone watching me. Up in the sky I could see the moon staring down at me, comforting me with its light. Having finished washing, I walked into the river until I was deep enough to swim. The current was very weak here so I let myself float slowly down stream for a bit before swimming back up. I repeated this process a few times, enjoying the freedom I felt in the water that I was unable to feel on land. For this one moment I could-

_ _

_SNAP _

My eyes shot open as my fur bristled and my body jumped. Someone was knocking on the bathroom door.

"Todd?" a voiced asked behind the door. It was my mother. "Are you still showering?" When she finished speaking the bathroom was silent and I realized I must have turned the water off. I hadn't fallen asleep, but it really felt like I had just woken up.

"No," I replied back to her, "just need to brush my teeth."

"Well hurry, you're going to miss your bus."

"Kay." Just don't think about it I told myself. It wasn't like I had never lost myself in a day dream before. It's supposed to feel real, that's what getting lost in them means. I reached for my towel and noticed that my fur had already begun to dry. When I finished my bathroom duties and changed into my clothes I went into the kitchen. Leah was at the table, already finishing her plate.

"Finally," she said. "You were taking forever. Other people need to use the restroom too you know."

"Sorry. I was falling asleep."

"Did you have trouble sleeping last night?" asked my mother. She had been keeping her eyes open for any signs that I could be getting worse again.

"No," I said, which was true if you played with the context a bit. I had no trouble getting to sleep, or even staying asleep.. The problem was the dreaming. "Just tired."

"Well go get your stuff and take this with you," she told me, indicating a sandwich on the table. Spoiler alert: I only get to enjoy one bite of it. "You need to hurry or you'll miss your bus." When I saw the time on the clock in the living room I followed her advice and hurried to my room, haphazardly sticking stuff in my backpack. On my way out I passed by a disgruntled Leah before grabbing my sandwich and saying goodbye to my mother.

Walking to school was a pain and by now would take at least two hours, so I really needed to catch my bus. The sun was further along its way than I needed it to be, and I quickened my pace as I bit into my sandwich of scrambled eggs and bacon. My stomach gurgled in anticipation of the sustenance it was about to receive. I had not eaten much yesterday since my body seemed to be going through some weird sugar withdrawal from Saturday, and anything that was not sweet or fruity was unwelcome on my tastebuds. I started to understand what Roy had meant about the candy being too good. Just thinking about it had my tongue digging through the contents of my mouth for a sweet spot.

I reached the corner just as I was wondering what they might be putting in their candy, and it was then that I had to say goodbye to my sandwich. Upon reaching the corner, I was shoved roughly to the ground by someone who had reached it at the same time. My sandwich fell from my hand and fell apart dramatically as it crashed onto the cement below, with me falling quickly right after.

He was waiting for me, I concluded. He hadn't reached the corner at the same time I did, he had been waiting for me to come around the apartment building for who knows how long just to shove me down.

"Watch where you're going, Fuck'n moron."

The Ermine's vocabulary was just like I remembered it.

I looked over at my sandwich. It hadn't been sweet, but it was still okay. If only I had appreciated it more. With Arnold standing right over me, I should probably have felt more scared. But I was mostly just tired.

"Right. Sorry Arnold," I said matter-of-factly. Without another word he walked away, nearly stepping on my hand. As I picked myself up and watched him leave, I breathed out a sigh of relief. Was that it then? Shoving me down and being a jerkt was significantly less sharp than all the other possibilities I had considered for what the Ermine might do to me. Was that all his reign of terror on my life was going to be? Mean spirited bullying? That I could deal with just fine. It would be annoying, but a few ruined mornings were way better than being stabbed again.

I watched him go for a few moments longer, waiting to see if he would do anything else, but he didn't. If that really was all, then I needed to get going. I picked myself up, giving one last longing look at my now deceased sandwich before almost crossing the street. "Almost" because just as I started to step onto the asphalt the honking of a horn blasted through my ears.

Stop.

A car drove by just inches in front of me, the force whiplashing my loose hair around as it brought a windy message to my ears. Of course, I hadn't actually heard the word, but the meaning rang loudly in my head. Stop, turn around. Go back home. Or you'll get hit by a car. It was definitely more...forceful than I was used to.

Go home?

I could just tell my mother I wasn't feeling well again. I'd already missed class before, and catching up was a pain, but I could manage it if I needed to. And I guessed that I was probably supposed to. But if I was going to go to school, I needed to get moving or I'd miss the bus. I reached into my pocket for my phone to check the time, but quickly realized that in my hurry I had left it at home.

"I should probably go get it," I said aloud to myself, though I wasn't sure why. Maybe to convince myself. I needed to go get my phone, and I was running out of time. But that nervous feeling of missing class started to sink in. My heart rate even picked up a little as I turned around and took a few steps toward the apartment. Then stopped. Maybe what I was nervous about was worrying my mother and getting trapped inside the house again. The thought alone made getting hit by a car seem almost pleasant.

When I had first left the house I was already down to minutes before missing the bus, and this was not helping. I really needed to make up my mind.

My nervousness could have been caused by whatever was waiting for me if I did decide to go to school. Even as I stood there I could feel my heart beat continuing to increase. I needed to go home. At least, I thought I needed to go home. But I wasn't moving. The last time I didn't listen to my instincts was when I tried to remember my dream. Now it seemed that it was all I could dream about. So not listening again would probably be a really bad idea. Yet here I still was, unable to bring myself to keep going despite the growing fear at my back...

I was so desperately afraid. But something was not right. I wasn't running from it. I was running towards it...

The decision was instantaneous. If I paused even for a second I would have changed my mind. I turned back around and ran head first into the dense fear that had accumulated behind me. No thinking, just running. When I reached the bus stop the doors had just closed, but the bus driver was nice and opened them up again for me. I took a seat near the back, trying to steady my heart. It was a good thing that the bus was propelling me forward because I wasn't sure if my legs would have been able to carry me any further.

The fear had been blurred by the adrenaline, but now that I had stopped running it manifested once again as an acute sense of dread sitting nice and cozy in the pit of my stomach, getting just a bit thicker with every few feet the bus traveled.

**********

This is the part when the bus crashes. It didn't though. This is the part where my classroom building collapses on top of me. But that didn't happen either. This is the part when Arnold shows up with his friends to stab me to death. That also never happened. This is the part when I fall down the stairs. That actually almost happened. But other than that, nothing. No sudden dangers, no near death experiences, not even a surprise pop quiz. I told Max about it before class, and he reassured me that it was probably some residual fear of Arnold that was amplified by almost getting hit by a car. At first it seemed farfetched, but then it kind of seemed to make sense. Even though I wasn't consciously afraid of the Ermine anymore, some of it must have still been buried in the back of my mind. He sounded worried about my not-quite nightmares, but when neither of us could think of anything productive for it I let it drop. Eventually the fear gave way to hunger and after math class Max and I bought lunch at a place across the street.

"I don't get why she has to be mad at me?"

"Because," Max explained, "You were the one who introduced us."

"But I'm not the one who made you two hit it off." Apparently after the incident on Saturday, Max had found Roy before we left and got his number. According to Cynthia they talked pretty much all of yesterday.

"No, but you introduced us." Technically I didn't. "And she already has to share me with you so..."

"If you know how much it bugs her, why not just cut back?" Of course, we both knew she wasn't really mad. Cynthia wasn't actually like that. She just liked being dramatic sometimes.

"'Cause. I don't know man. He's just, like, my long lost brother or something."

"You've met in person once, and you've only been talking for two days. Isn't it a little too early to become that attached to someone?"

"We did," he pointed out.

When we were in kindergarten I had fallen off the swing set from trying to stand on it. I had been trying to get a better look at something with wings that I saw on the top bar of the swings, but I lost my balance and landed on the sandy floor below. Before I really had the chance to start crying, Max slid over on the sand like a baseball player and handed me a stick. He told me we had to fight the shadowmen and get to the jungle gym as fast as we could. Then he shouted Run! and before I knew what was happening we were swinging around our swords fighting the bad guys. When we got to the jungle gym Max deduced that the shadowmen had been the ones who had pushed me off the swings, and I was more than happy to agree it wasn't my own fault. After that we had just kind of stuck together. Instantaneous friendship.

"We were five though. It's easier to make friends when you're little."

"Yeah but, it just kind of feels the same you know? No awkwardness or anything."

"I can honestly say I don't know."

"Right," he laughed. "I forgot that you have the social graces of a flag pole."

"A very majestic flag pole," I specified.

"It just feels like, we were already friends or something."

"Were you watching him too?" I teased. That's what Max had told me years later. He had been watching me for a few weeks because I was always doing something weird, including when I swung around haphazardly back and forth while standing. He had already been anticipating my inevitable plummet to the sand below. When I think about it, half the playground was probably staring at me, wondering what the hell was wrong with me. Where was the teacher now that I think of it?

"Jeez!" Max had used his finger to give me a burning flick on my cheek in retaliation for my comment. At least it always hurt a little less from him.

"So are you sure you don't wanna come?" Max asked. "You could try on all the pretty hats." Max was going to pick up Cynthia and Sam and take them to the mall. He had asked (begged) me to come along, but after borrowing Max's phone and getting the okay from my mother, I had already made special plans today.

"As much as I love hats, I'm just going to have to pass this time. Why don't you invite your new boyfriend to go with you?"

"Green is an ugly color on you Todd."

"You think so? I think it really brings out my eyes. So can you give me a ride?"

"I guueessss," he replied exasperatedly. "Still going to see that movie with us later tonight right?"

"What movie?...Oh! Crudge, I completely forgot about that."

"Real nice dude." Max nodded his head ironically. "Nice to know I can count on you to remember things. You know, this is probably the reason why we never went out."

"Right, 'cause you know, it had nothing to do with my male biology."

"Nope, that just would have made the sex awkward."

Gross. "And on that note I've lost my appetite. Can we go now?"

"Yeah sure." He shoved the rest of his food into his mouth and we were off.

We shared a blessedly short car ride as my Panther friend explained to me that a few strategically placed magazines would have ensured that doing it would have been totally...well, do-able. But after 26 minutes and 32 seconds we arrived at my destination and it was, sadly, time for me to go.

"Is it cool if I leave my backpack here with you?" I asked.

"Sure. I'll pick you up at six thirty for the movie," Max said as I opened the door.

"Don't word it like that."

"Don't worry, I got the magazines all ready for out special night." I shut the door, laughing in disgust. "Wear something sexy!" he shouted through the window as he drove away. As his car disappeared I turned around to face my destination.

I didn't realize how much I had really missed it all. I had almost forgotten what it all felt like; the trees, the grass, the lake, the ducks and geese and squirrels, the benches of questionable quality and the dirt. Heck, even the pedestrians. The park. After a week of incarceration and all the recent excitement, it was practically heaven to be here again.

I had until 6:30. I reached into my pocket for my phone to check the time...and then remembered that I had forgotten my phone. Crudge. How the heck was I suppose to check the time? Should I just stay close to the entrance? But I had seen the time on Max's car, I remembered. It was 4:30ish. I reasoned that two hours was plenty of time to wander around a bit before keeping a lookout for Max. Maybe I should try running again. It didn't work out at all last time, but I wasn't quite ripping at he seams this time. In fact, at the end of this week I was even getting the stitches removed.

Friday.

11:45a.m.

After that I would just have to deal with the scarring. And the fur thing. But for now, I reasoned that if I only had a week anyway, I was probably healed enough to not fall apart if something happened. Anyway, the chances of that happening again were pretty unlikely. Probably.

But, just in case, I decided running could wait. I chose one of the dirt paths and started walking. What was the movie we were going to watch? My memory really was horrible. Giving up I saw a mother and father watching over a few kids playing on the rocks of an artificial slopped rock bed that was fed water through a hole in the ground. The water drained into one of the two smaller lakes in the park. Watching them reminded me of when my own family would come here. Over time my dad became busy with other things and my sister started making other friends to spend her free time with. My mother brought me a few more times until...well, until I started distancing myself. She still came here every now and then for a walk, when she had time, but other than that I was the only one who was still really attached to this park. It was a home away from home.

It was cold today. The sun was shining brightly and there were only a few clouds dotting the skies, but the breezes were chilly. They were few and far between at least.

In just a few minutes I had found my way to the tree I had been leaning against the day I pretended I was being drawn by the Tiger. I sat there again, looking at some of the ducks as they poked around the water's edge for food. I found a stick and walked up to the water to throw it in. The ducks got scared and scattered but returned as soon as I sat back down. It looked like my ducks weren't in this group. That or they just did not care for sticks anymore. That was okay though. I was happy just to have this time to relax and not really think about anything. No weird dreams or crazy Cat women or violent Ermines.

Out of habit I started fingering at my stitches. Pretty soon they would be gone. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I actually believed the whole world was shallow enough that I could never find someone just because I wasn't super physically attractive. But it definitely didn't help. My hair usually looked pretty though, to me anyway. It was the only thing I ever really liked about my appearance. Would it be enough though, now that I had these scars to deal with?

There was movement to my right. I glanced, and then stared when I noticed who was sitting on the bench where the Tiger had once sat.

Same eye color, same species, even the same color of clothes, but not the same hair as before. He didn't seem to grow his hair at all, leaving it short like a feral. He did however have a notebook like the Tiger. Did he draw? I was sitting in a fetal position again. He looked up at me as he turned a page in his notebook, and I realized I was staring. Just one more time. That's what I had thought. Different Tiger, but maybe this was still it. I smiled, my heart racing a mile a minute, and then I chickened out and looked away. I didn't even wait to see if he smiled back. Damn it, I guess now I was going to be paranoid about whether or not he did. Just look over at him again damn it! I did. He did! He smiled back! This was going great. Kind of pathetic, but great.

This is the part when he starts moving his pencil over the sketchbook again. This time it's not just a simple drawing of me sitting against the tree. He draws us together, standing by the lake. His arm is draped around my waist and our bodies are facing out over the water, but we have only eyes for each other. He turns the page, a new drawing. This time we are in the lake. Out shirts are lying discarded on the edge of the lake. My body is unmarred by any scars. The lake is glittering around us as we stand facing each other, holding hands and still looking in each other's eyes. In the next one we are on land again, our bodies wet. I'm lying on my back, and he's on top of me, his face hovering right above mine. He's expression reveals nothing, but our positioning implies everything. Another drawing. This time its night and it's just me in the water. Further in, but not far enough to deny the bareness of my hips or the curve of the part of my rump not obscured by my tail. I'm not wearing any clothes. His drawing again so life like, it is as if he could even draw the silence of the night. Above the tree line is the slightest hint of a silhouette of some tall structure in the distance. My back was to the viewer as a bucket I held over my head poured water down on me. My hair glowed in the moonlight. Finally, he turns the page and starts on a new one, the inspiration I gave him forcing him to continue. Still night, still me. But now I am half turned looking toward someone. Another silhouette, this one obscuring part of the left side of the page, indicating that the person is coming from the direction of the viewer.

...Hm...that daydream kind of got away from me. Was the Tiger still there? Just like last time I tried to discreetly look over at the bench. He wasn't in it. He was walking towards me.

He was walking towards me! Oh hell, I made eye contact! Crudge, what do I do!? Just look forward I told myself. Breathe, not too much. But don't ignore him now either. Maybe this wasn't even like that. Crudge oh crudge oh crudge what do I do? He was here. I looked up at him.

"Hey Foxy." Foxy? He sat down crossed legged next to me. Oh crudge, it was completely like that.

"Hi," I replied politely. You can do this I told myself. Just be yourself...if yourself was a little less weird.

"You were here last time, right?" he asked. Had he seen me before? It was starting to look like I was only capable of meeting people I had seen before. But this was the first time that we ever saw each other up close. His eyes now seemed bluer than the Tiger before, but maybe that was because he was closer. They even seemed to glow. Naturally I wasn't expecting for him to be struck by my appearance, but...just some sort of hint on his face that told me he thought I wasn't just average would have been nice. But I guess I was so...darn it pay attention!

"Yeah. How did you know that?" I replied finally.

"I was walking by when I saw you," he explained.

"Oh."

"Uh...yeah." Did it sound awkward? Damn it I was too confused to tell. "So, since we ran into each other again, I just thought 'why not introduce myself?' My names Joseph." He held out his hand for me to shake. Doesn't anyone just high five or fist bump or whatever anymore? But his hand was there waiting and his eyes were really blue and his face was really pretty and I shook his hand anyway. Maybe I was just nervous, but it burned a lot more than it should have. I had practiced this, but his hand might as well have just been pulled fresh out of the oven for how much it burned.

I pulled mine back after just a second, maybe too roughly. I could see it in his features, that less than half a second when his entire face fell a hundredth of an inch and he seemed like he was really regretting having ever come up to me. It happened almost every time Max tried to introduce me to someone. They don't mean to do it, I know that, but it still always makes me feel like a real screw up.

"Uh...Jeremy." I really should have just used my own name though, damn it. At the rate this was going it probably didn't matter anyway.

"Um...uh yeah. So, do you come here often?"

Wow, that was pretty pick-up-y. Maybe this wasn't shot to hell yet. "Um, yeah actually," I laughed nervously, "all the time. You?"

"Sometimes," he answered. "not that often though."

"Oh. Why, you don't like that park?" I asked, intending it as a joke.

"I don't know. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's fine. It's just, not a lot to do in a park, you know?" Oh. He really didn't like the park.

"Yeah, I guess I do." I didn't. I could spend forever here, daydreaming my life away and never get bored. But I knew that wasn't necessarily normal. "So what do you usually do then?" I asked, trying to keep the conversation going.

"I work at a store at the mall. Nothing fancy."

"Oh, what do you do?" I asked politely.

"Cashier," he confessed, laughing slightly.

"A jobs a job right?" I said, laughing a bit too.

"Heh, yeah I guess," he agreed.

See, I could totally do this. "What about when you're not working?"I asked.

"I draw, usually." Holy crudge he did draw. Don't freak out.

"Oh," I said as nonchalantly as I could, which at the moment was pretty darn chalantly. Was that a word? "Is that what the notebook is for?"

"Yeah, actually. It is." He held it out to me. "Do you want to see?"

"Yeah definitely." Stop sounding so damn eager. I was finally able to look at it closely. The cover was made of a light brown papery material and was scribbled all over with fancy doodles and words that I realized were song lyrics. I spotted the name Joseph hidden vertically, created by the letters in the lines of words stacked on top of each other. Looking closer I managed to find the rest of his name.

"Your name's...Joseph Aden Nordrake?"

The Tiger seemed surprised that I had noticed. "Yeah, it is. Wow, didn't think you'd notice something like that."

"What? You didn't think I was smart enough to notice?" I asked, pretending to be offended.

"No no, definitely not," he laughed. "Obviously your powers of perception are more than sufficient."

"Alright, just making sure," I laughed along with him. Freakin' nailed it! Awesome. Now to open his notebook.

There wasn't going to be a picture of me in there. I knew that. But maybe there would be. I opened to the first page. Inside there were figure drawings in various poses all over the page. They were sketchy and didn't have much detail work, but they were really well done. "These are really...wow, really good," I told him as I turned the page. There was scenery on the top half of the page, a really well done street corner with another undetailed figure walking on the sidewalk. The shading on everything suggested that it was late afternoon.

"Thanks," he told me before reaching over to turn the page himself, his hand really close to mine.

This is the part where he turns the page to finally reveal a drawing of the two of us. More tame than I had fantasized, but just as beautiful. We were sitting on a park bench, our eyes closed and our heads leaning against each other. Our hands are clasped and resting in between us. "You look really good too," he tells me. He closes his fingers around my hand. I look at him, confused but elated. Then he leans in...

This is the part when he turns the page and the first thing I realize is that this one is a full-page drawing like the ones I had imagined. The second thing I notice is that this is a picture of the park, and more specifically, the tree I was just under. My heart spasms for a moment. But the last thing I realize is that it is not a picture of me, or him, or anyone else. It's a picture of three ducks, two on land and one in the water. They are the same kind of ducks that mine were, and the talent in the entire drawing is just as good as I imagined it would be. Subtle detailing in the feathers, careful consideration for the movement of the water and of the reflections, it even looked like he had drawn every single leaf and blade of grass.

"Wow," I said in real amazement. "This is...incredible. It must have taken you forever."

"Thanks. Two day actually," he said, but in a tone that implied that two day was probably pretty impressive. "Really probably only needed one day, but after awhile my arm starts to get tired."

"I'd be impressed if someone could do this in a week," I said honestly. The few times I ever really tried to draw never even got close to coming out anywhere near as good as these.

"Thanks, It's just something I do for fun," he replied with socially obligated modesty.

"It shouldn't be," I encouraged. "These are really good. You shouldn't have to be working behind a cash register."

"Heh, trust me. No one should have to work behind a cash register," he laughed. "Anyway, so what about you? You do anything fun?"

I realized I had been the one leading the conversation. Was that good or bad? "Uh..." I come here and daydream, but considering his earlier answer about the park, I thought I should probably down play that a bit. I should also leave out the part where I go chasing after hallucinations and disregard my natural survival instincts. "...I read. And walk around and stuff sometimes. Sometimes with friends." Not exactly poetry but it would have to do.

"Cool," he replied with just the slightest and likely unintentional hint of an is-that-all? kind of tone. I felt like any momentum I had regained by talking about his drawings was getting lost again. "What about work?"

"Oh, I only work during the summer. The rest of the year I'm a full time student."

"Oh," he said, nodding. Then we were quite for a while and it started feeling awkward pretty fast. It must have sounded like I had no idea what I was doing in life. I don't think that was entirely false either. My priority has always been to get the best possible degree I could. Then I could go looking for job, hopefully in something I didn't hate. And something in which I never really had to come in contact with people. At least that narrowed it down for me. "What are you studying?" he asked finally.

"Oh, I was thinking about majoring in Archeology." I told him.

"Oh," he replied, genuinely taken abackr. "That's actually pretty interesting."

"Actually? Meaning...?"

"Oh! No, no. I meant-." He saw me smiling and relaxed, and we both kind of laughed. "You know what I mean."

"Sure, why not."

"Anyway," he said dismissively "why archaeology?"

"I don't know. I guess it's just...fun, you know? I like learning about the past. It's like reading a story."

"Going to be digging up tombs and fighting off mummies?" he joked.

"Yup, got to pass a physical exam you know? Make sure we'll be ready to dive under closing doors and jump over crocodile pits." We shared another laugh. I'm sort of better at this than I thought. "No, actually our professor told us most of it is lab work. Carbon dating and stuff like that. And the few times you actually do get to dig, you're lucky day is when you come across an ancient trash dump."

"That..." he paused, thinking of what to say, "is a lot less glamorous then I had thought."

"I still get to wear the shorts though."

"Oh good. Well as long as you get to wear the shorts," he said, laughed again. "So...what are you up to right now?" I had an idea where this might be going. My mind started racing with questions. Do I want this? Did I have an excuse to say no? To say yes? I needed more time to think about this. I needed to calm the hell down.

"Just waiting to go see a movie tonight." I hoped "tonight" would be vague enough to keep my options open. "With some friends," I quickly amended in case...well just in case. Holy crudge I was nervous. "What about you?" I asked to divert the focus away from me.

"Just enjoying the scenery I guess. Like you're pretty hair" He reached towards my face, and I might have recoiled if I wasn't completely frozen in shock. He didn't touch my face though, just grabbed a lock of my hair and stroked it once before letting it fall from his grasp. It was actually something I was used to. Being a guy with long hair means of friends will want to touch it. Still, my heart was beating like crazy and my shoulder felt the ghost of heat as my hair landed back on it.

"If you want..." he began, and my mind raced. There are tons of ways he could finish that sentence. "...I know this really cool coffee shop down the road from here. Do you want to wait there with me?"

He asked it with complete calm, as if we had known each other for more than a few minutes and there should be no reason I wouldn't want to. Why couldn't I be calm like that? My heart was going to give out at any moment, I was sure of it. I needed more time to think this over, but every second made any answer I could give more awkward. Naturally my initial instincts were to metaphorically (hopefully metaphorically) run away with my tail between my legs, but holy crudge he was practically asking me out! This doesn't happen to someone like me! I had to just let it freakin' happen.

"I...I'd like to...but... I don't think I should...I've kind of bailed on my friend a lot recently, you know?" Did I just freakin' chicken out? Seriously? "Plus I'm kind of obsessive compulsive, and I would probably spend most of the time looking at the clock to make sure I wasn't late and making you think I wanted to leave."

This is the part where he carefully places one of his hands on mine, causing me too look up into his beautiful glowing azure eyes. His own eyes are fixated on my mine, starting at me with a tender desire. "Would you be eager to leave?" he asks.

As if I could ever want to be rid of his gaze." Actually..." I begin, "I'm worried I'd never want to leave."

This is the part where, except for a slight shifting in his face, he doesn't really seem all that disappointed about me turning down his offer. "Are you sure?" he asked. "You'd be missing out on some really good coffee." His tone was just lightly insistent, alluding to the obvious confidence he still had. Maybe that was why he didn't seem disappointed. He was still pretty and pretty certain I was going to say yes. And maybe I would.

"Yeah, sorry..." Or maybe I wouldn't. Damn it! "...Maybe another day?" My voice inflected upward at the end, turning it into a question as a last ditch effort to salvage the damage I had done.

Now he seemed genuinely thrown, but still only slightly. How could he do that? "Uh...sure. So then...is it cool if I give you my number?" Yes! Yes it was okay if he gave me his number!...Except I don't have my phone with.

"Uh, I don't have my phone with me." I knew it was true, but even to me it sounded like a lie. Who doesn't carry their phone around with them? No, fix it! "I forgot it at home."

"That's okay," he said, slightly resigned. Everything was just slightly with him. "Maybe another time." He started getting up. Fix it better!

"Wait." Without sounding desperate would be nice. "...Can I get the time?" Damn you to hell!

"Uh, yeah it 4:56," he answered. Fix it fix it fix it!

"My friend's going to pick me up pretty soon..." I got up too, but then a big cloud appeared out of nowhere and blocked the sun, covering everything in its shadow. Was that a sign? No damn it, it was just the weather. "I can give you my number though, if you want."Yes!

"Oh, yeah sure. That'd be cool," he said, finally seeming a bit more phased. In a good way. After I gave it to him we we're silent again, but he broke it before it became awkward. "So, I'll call you then," he smiled.

"You should probably text," I corrected, "Evidently, I don't always have my phone on me."

"Sure," he laughed. "See you around Jeremy." Oh yeah, I was Jeremy right now wasn't I?

"Yeah," I said as he started to leave. "See you."

I heard the ducks quacking next to me, and the sudden breeze that blew. But I didn't really hear either of them.

When he was gone my face was taken over by a huge grin, but I absolutely did not let out a little squeak of excitement. I had to take a few deep breathes. Normally I would yell at myself for spazzing out like this, but just this once it was definitely okay.

I had a date! Okay, well potentially a date. But potential is still a hell lot more than I had a few minutes ago!

I couldn't stand still anymore. I was too excited and needed to move around. I headed off in the opposite direction of the Tiger, deciding maybe now was a good time for a run.

The air was still really cold, and I found myself wishing my old jacket had never been ruined. At least I was wearing a long sleeve. As I raced through the park I passed by only a few people, the weather likely having warded of other would-be park goers. There was, however, an excessive amount of ducks that I had to avoid. But that just made the running more fun. I waited for exhaustion to hit, but I was too excited to stop.

It wasn't until I had finally begun to wear out my energy that I notice that something was off. It was probably just in my head, but I started to get a weird feeling on my side. It almost made me slow down, but then I saw something running along the path ahead of me instead.

It was hard to make out, so I couldn't really tell what it was. The cloud hadn't moved out of the way yet, but there was no way it was dark enough to obscure whatever animal it was. Just as I was thinking that maybe it just blended well with the dirt, it changed direction, moving off the path. I ran after it without hesitation.

The unknown creature was leading me deeper into the park. The longer I ran the stronger the strange sensation on my side became. I started to hear the wind blowing in the distance. It sounded a lot more concentrated than wind should be. When I looked I could only barely make out the rustling of the leaves in the far distance to my left. It looked like it was snaking its way around through the trees rather than blowing straight the way a normal breeze would. It was far off, but even from here it I could hear it, almost like it was howling.

For a while it seemed like I was running parallel to it. Then I started noticing it getting closer and closer. I turned my head to look directly at it, but it was still too far to really see anything, mostly just the movements of the leaves in distant trees. Bushes and the sloping, uneven park ground obscured everything below that. Yet it continued getting closer, the sound getting louder. Then it clicked in my head. Whatever creature I was following, it was eventually going to make me cross paths with that wind.

Stop Running.

My legs froze mid-stride, and before I knew it I was down on the ground. I felt a tearing sensation in my chest causing my body temperature to drop drastically. My hand reached under my shirt, but it wasn't my cuts opening up again. I looked up and in the distance saw the creature disappearing ahead of me. It didn't really make sense, but I got the feeling that being separated from the animal was what had hurt me. Not that anything I did ever made much sense. Was that animal even really there? I got up and saw the wind thing still making its way around the park. That seemed real enough.

Get Away, Climb.

Climb? I looked around and saw a tree that had all of its low branches cut down. Not too high up from the ground, however, was a bump sticking out from the trunk. I could use it as a foot hold to grab onto a branch just low enough for me to reach. After that their seemed to be a good network of them leading...woah, really high up. This was a really tall tree. I looked back again at the wind. I needed to get away from it, I supposed. I guessed it could probably reach the tops of the smaller trees, and it wasn't like I had never climbed a tall tree before. Besides, I had decided this morning to listen to my instincts, hadn't I? So that was that, I started climbing up.

I wasn't sure how high I needed to go, so I decided just to break through the canopy of trees and assess my situation from there. The higher I got the less sure I became about how well some of the branches would hold my weight. This was one of the few times I was grateful for my thin frame.

There was still a lot of tree left when I finally broke past the surrounding trees. I looked out through the leaves, and almost forgot why I was climbing in the first place when I saw the view.

The park probably should have looked smaller since I could see all its parameters from here, but it just looked even bigger than I had ever thought it was. Only the few other really tall trees obstructed the view. The buildings that surrounded only about half of the park were a good ways off, and in between were leaves of almost every shade of green, showing off their new spring foliage.

I had to cut my marveling short, however, when I noticed the wind again in the corner of my eye. It was hard to tell, but it looked like I was just barely higher than it. I looked around and noticed a nice thick branch that seemed just out of reach for both me and the wind. I could get to it by using a really thin branch, but I looked down and realized that a fall from here would almost definitely kill me. Then I looked out at the wind again and saw that it was heading straight for me.

Right then, up I go.

I grabbed onto a branch above me to help take some of my weight as I lifted myself up onto the thin one. So far so good. I adjusted myself before putting all my weight on it, my arm still stretched out towards the other branch just in case. It seemed like it was going to hold, so I started moving onto the thicker branch.

I guess it was my lucky day. The thin branch didn't break until after I pushed off of it, and by then I was already mostly onto the thick branch. There was, though, that moment of shock where my leg fell through empty space and I thought I was going to die.

Using the energy burst from the adrenaline I hauled myself onto the sturdier branch and hung on for dear life for a good ten seconds. After that came a feeling of nausea as the consequences of what had just happened started to slowly sink in. I righted myself and looked around for another branch to help me down, but the only branch that looked strong enough was the one I had just left. The one I couldn't really get back to now. I had the horrible realization that I was now stuck in a tree

I could have screamed for help. I could have cursed or cried or beat the tree in anger. But climbing up this high had left me tired, so I just let out a long, loud, pitiful groan of frustration. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I quietly yelled at myself. Why did I have to be so damn stupid all the time?

I was going to have to pray someone passes by now, so that I could call them for help. Then they'll call the fire department to get me down, probably in front of a bunch of spectators, maybe even a small news station. I'll be grounded again, officially this time. Maybe even never be allowed to go to the park again. I'd still come, of course, but I would have to lie about it. Probably get caught. More grounding.

What was I even doing up here? I chased an animal around a park and got scared up a tree by the wind. I looked around to see if I could still see it worming its way around like a serpent, some indication that I wasn't completely psychotic. But there was nothing. Was the animal even there, or was that just a hallucination too?

The thought terrified me. Maybe I really was psychotic; I was seeing things and hearing things and listening to voices in my head. I had to take deep breathes and try to keep those thoughts at bay. It took maybe almost a full minute to get my head together, but eventually I managed to stopping thinking about it. Instead I focused again on how I was going to get down, which was also not a fun thing to think about. Really my only option was to wait for someone. I thought about what my family would say, what Max would say, even what Joseph would say if he ever found out. Then, since I had nothing better to do while I waited for someone to find me anyway, I thought about what had happened between us. And though it was probably a silly thing to think about in my current situation, it helped.

I wasn't hopeless, then, if someone like him could be interested in someone like me. The conversation didn't exactly go as well as I had always hoped the first time I got asked out would go, but still it was pretty exciting. What would he think if he saw me trapped up here? He might be a bit shocked and maybe less sure of how sane I was, but it wouldn't be enough to make him regret asking me out, right? Everyone has their own quirks. Though, this could be considered a bit extreme I guess. But maybe endearing or something too? I was stuck in a tree. Later can be the part when someone says I'm just like a kitten.

It wasn't endearing though, I knew that. It was just high maintenance and stupid. Still though, Joseph seemed like he might say something nice like that. I think anyway. I guess I didn't really know anything about him. We only talked for a few minutes. But that's how lots of people do it right? Talk a bit, flirt a little, then if it goes well set up a date and time to meet up afterwards. Not all the time, but that's one way to do it, isn't it? Though we didn't really flirt flirt. Except he did, I remembered. He said I had pretty hair, even if in the beginning he didn't seem all that taken with my appearance. But what did I expect him to do, ogle me? I was just projecting my own insecurities into it. Maybe I was just hoping for something different. Love at first sight or something like that. It was definitely crush at first sight. On my side anyway.

Why was I even doubting it? Current situation aside, this could be one of the greatest days of my life. I mean, getting asked out by someone who's nice and attractive is everyone's dream, isn't it? So then what was it?

Pretty hair. That might be it. It just seemed like such a superficial compliment, you know? And I know I really was not in a position to be critical of physical compliments tossed in my direction, but I always kind of hoped my hair wasn't the only part of me that looked nice. Not that he said it was, but I couldn't help feeling like maybe he was thinking it. Like the rest of me was just tolerable. But what then, did I think he just asked me out to get to my hair? That was ridiculous.

Maybe then it was because the whole thing was so...normal. Just, hey how are you, want to go out? Except for the fact that it all happened to me, the whole thing was pretty unremarkable. Awesome, but unremarkable. But then, we had only just met. The big, movie scene parts happen on the actual date, right? Joseph seemed great, and he essentially asked me out so he must like me to some degree. So then why did the whole thing just feel...off? Not in a bad way exactly. Just, not quite right. I guess I was just waiting for it to feel more special.

For me to feel more special.

But damn it, get it through you're head. This is how it works in real life. You meet someone, and then you try it out and see if you two belong together. The world doesn't stop spinning when you meet the right person. There's no choir of angels or sign from the universe when your should mate shows up. Is that what I was waiting for? To run into someone and have time just stop? A knight in shining armor to show up and get me down from oh my gosh I got myself stuck up in a stupid freaking tree!

...

...

"...stupid."

...It was really cold this high up, and every light breeze made it worse. I started breathing through my mouth when my nose started getting too sensitive to the air. It was a good thing I wasn't afraid of heights. I had to look down often to see if anyone was passing under the tree, but there was never anyone there.

The branch I had broken was caught low to the ground by other branches. If it fell maybe someone would notice and look up, but even for that I still needed someone to pass by first. To pass the time I made friends with a really big bug with wings that was sharing the branch with me. He was hunched over all the time, and sometimes he twitched in a way that looked like he was sighing, so I assumed he was probably depressed a lot. I tried making a few jokes but they didn't seem to really cheer him up.

The large cloud that had blocked out the sun earlier had come and gone, replaced by smaller ones scattered about the sky. It was clear this morning, but now it looked like it could start raining in just a few hours. Wonderful.

Hours passed by, then days, months. At one point while I was waiting the cloud moved, and two butterflies in the middle of a mating dance flew by me. After that the sun shined warmly for a bit. Then it was obscured by another cloud and two or three leaves above me detached from their branches and fell to the earth below. Finally, another cold gust of wind blew my hair into my face, making it official. In the many minutes that I had been up in this tree, all the seasons had gone by. I had been up in this tree for a year.

I started remembering the dread I had felt in the morning, and wondered if this was what it had been alluding to. I was probably going to die up here. But at least I had had some pretty good times. Spring flings, summer romances, the Halloween party. Just as I was fondly remembering the beautiful Christmas I shared with my insect companion my ears picked up a sound.

Leaves rustling.

There was a narrow gust of wind gliding above the trees heading towards me. At first I panicked, then noticed it looked like it was moving much slower than it had been earlier. In fact by the time it reached me it had fanned out and settled down into a simple breeze. It had just been a normal wind. The lower branches of my tree shook, dislodging the stuck branch and letting it finally fall to the earth below. Now maybe someone would-

Oh, but there was already someone there.

Someone with grey fur was looking at the branch. Well, goodbye dignity I thought to myself as I opened my mouth to yell.

Be Silent.

I almost bit my tongue off snapping my jaws shut. The instinct was met with rapidly growing frustration on my part. Was I supposed to just stay stuck up here then? But soon it didn't matter whether I was silent or not because the person who was looking at the branch looked up. When our eyes met, I saw sunshine.

Holy crudge it was him.

Damn, and I had almost gone a whole two days without thinking about him.

Could he recognize me up here? I guess my hair was a dead giveaway. He waved up at me and I waved back without thinking.

"Are you okay?" the Wolf called up.

"Yes," I called back, but the twigs around me quivered like chastising fingers and I quickly amended it by saying, "Sort of."

"Are you stuck?" Even if I couldn't quite make out his features I could still hear the smile in his voice. Damn him.

"...Sort of."

This is the part where he asks if I need any help getting down. I say no with an off-handed joke. Then maybe he pretends like he is going to leave and I say something like if insists on helping me down then I suppose it is only polite to accept his offer.

This is the part when he skips his lines.

"Okay, I'm coming up."

I wasn't sure I had heard him right until I saw him walking up to the base of the tree. "I don't think that's a good idea."

I saw rather than heard him give out a short chuckle, being too far up to actually make out the sound. "Hold on," he said before starting to climb the tree himself.

"Yeah," say something funny, "...that's...the plan." That was terrible.

"What?" he asked. I noticed the blackness of his hair, a feature I hadn't really paid attention to last time, and the way it contrasted with his bright yellow eyes even from all the way up here. I also noticed that he sounded tired already.

"Tried to make a joke. Didn't work." Why did I tell him that?

I had stopped looking at him, but I heard him grunting as he pulled himself onto another branch. "Your name's Alex right?"

"Yeah."

"What was it? The joke."

"You said 'Hold on' so I said 'that's the plan'." I looked down and saw that he wasn't as accustomed to climbing as I was. The tree had a good arrangement of branches making it a really easy tree to climb, and I wasn't so sure he would have been able to climb it at all if not for that fact. I also saw that he was wearing a black, tight, sleeveless and aptly named muscle shirt. But I didn't pay any attention to that.

"What?" he asked.

"You told me to hold on, so I said I 'that's the plan' because if I didn't hold on to something I would fall down."

I heard him give a heave as he lifted himself up another branch. "That's pretty good," he said before giving a loud exhale.

"You're already trying to help me, you don't have to try and make me feel better."

"Okay," he laughed a bit. "But it really wasn't that bad."

"Thanks," I replied, and to my own shock and surprise I laughed a little also. But then I noticed that he wasn't even close to the halfway point and yet he already had to stop to catch his breath. "Are you sure about this?" I asked, suddenly starting questioning how exactly this was going to work. He couldn't exactly just climb onto a nearby branch and expect me to jump into his arms without making him lose his balance and killing us both.

...into his arms...

Now was definitely not the time! And I had a Tiger waiting for me somewhere. But anyway, he didn't seem to have anything with him that would really help in this situation. I wondered if he had even thought this through.

"Yeah," he said, noticing I was watching him. He started climbing again. "Trust me. Don't worry." I guess I really didn't have a choice. We were silent for a while then, as he slowly made his way towards me. After a considerable amount of time I heard labored breathing closer than I had before, and looked down to see he was finally only a few branches below me. He seemed to have stopped to catch his breathe again, his legs straddling the branch he was on.

"You sure you're okay?" I asked him. Something about the question made him look up at me and he laughed.

"Yeah, just not used to climbing trees. You?"

"I climb trees all the time." That made him laugh again.

"I meant are you okay?"

"Oh, right....I've been better."

"Like the time you were bleeding to death, right?" he joked, still out of breath.

"So I've been worse off too."

"So what, this is middle ground for you?" he asked incredulously.

Now that I think of it, yeah, it kind of was. At least recently. "Pretty much, except for the ground part."

He laughed again. I was on fire today. "That was actually pretty good," he told me. I laughed in response and looked away. I didn't need him to notice the unwelcome grin that was stuck on my face.

"So..." he started. I looked again and saw him scanning the branches between us. I knew what he was thinking before he said anything. He was taller and thicker than me, and the branches looked too thin for him to go any higher. "I've got some bad news."

"Great." It was a good thing too since all this good news was really starting to get to me.

"I can't really get any closer to you," he explained.

"Yeah," I affirmed. He let out another sigh and leaned his back against the tree.

"Maybe you could try jumping towards me?" I wondered if that might really have been his plan all along. I let out single breathy laugh to let him know what I thought about that idea. "Well," he added, "we could try calling the fire department and having them bring a cherry picker or something." Choosing sounds over words again, I groaned. "Yeah I didn't think you'd like that. Unless you have a better idea?"

That was the better idea. I did not think there were any other real options. "You could climb down and bring back a rope." I suggested without much conviction. This time the Wolf groaned.

"Climb back down?" he sighed. "I should have thought this through more."

"I asked if you were sure about what you were doing." I reminded him.

"I was sure...at the time." Time...Time! Max!

"Do you know what time it is?" I asked him.

I heard the Wolf shift as he checked. "6:03." he answered. "Why?"

"My friend Max is supposed to come pick me up in the parking lot at 6:30." I explained.

"I think you might be late."

"Yeah." Could I trust Max not to call my mother when I don't show up? I really hoped so.

"Give me a few mintures," the Wolf called up to me. "Then maybe we can try the rope thing, or..."

Or call the fire department. I groaned once again to myself, at my stupidity. We managed to sit in silence for almost ten whole seconds.

Then our ears heard the crack.

"Alex!" the Wolf called to me, but I was already reaching for a branch in the opposite direction of him. It would allow me to reach another thick branch further up if I could reach it. And if it could support my weight. But when I tried to stand up we heard another crack and I froze. I heard the Wolf mumble profanities under his breath. "Don't move," he instructed me.

"There's another branch further up," I told him. "I might be able to reach it."

"Might?"

"I have to use a weaker branch to get to it; it might not hold me if I take too long."

"Don't risk it." I could hear the urgency in his voice, and I was reminded how far I had to fall. "I think you're going to have to jump," he told me. He sounded serious.

"That's a horrible idea." The steadiness of my voice surprised me.

"Look, you and me have a clear shot." For some reason I found the way he chose to word that sentence hilarious. Maybe it was just the fear and anxiety. "There's a good gap in the branches between us. If you jump down I can try and catch you." Try. He really did just say try, didn't he. Not will catch me, or even can catch me. Try. Perfect. At least he was honest. "I can do it." And he thought I could?

He was insane. "You're insane." I told him. Apparently fear does wonders for my conversational skills.

"I can catch you, trust me." I looked down again to see if he really was serious.

Instead what I saw were three bright yellow butterflies lazily opening and closing there wings while sitting on branches that, like the Wolf had said, were not at all in the way of a fall between myself and him. He was just off to the side so he could reach out and catch me if I fell through this little hole. The butterflies were all facing the opening, inviting me down. At the same time that I had this revelation a feeling I recognized as the dread from this morning accumulated rapidly throughout my body, carrying with it a clear message.

Don't Jump.

For that instant I knew jumping meant certain death. Sunshine eyes would miss and I would plummet through the branches to wind up a mangled mesh of flesh, fur, and broken bones on the floor. The butterflies aren't real I thought to myself. They're hallucinations. I had actually been about to listen to constructs of my imagination.

And then I thought of something else. My instincts and my hallucination were in direct conflict with each other. Which one was right? All my life, what did each do? Instincts have saved me. Today they stopped me from getting hit by a car. What about my hallucinations? They usually got me in trouble. That white leaf. That damn white leaf that led me down an alley and started so much of this craziness. My hallucinations were just that. Hallucinations. Products of a broken, dysfunctional and crazy mind. I didn't want to be crazy anymore.

"Alex?" I heard the Wolf call to me. He sounded concerned. Something about it took away some of the dread, letting me take a breath to steady myself. Technically, I also met Max because of my hallucinations, and they at least seemed to approve of the Wolf.

"It's up to you then," he said. "The branch or me, whichever one you think is safest." Why did his voice make me feel weird? It made some of the horribleness go away. It also made some of my instinct to not jump waver. I looked at my butterflies, still waiting for me to take the chance. Or maybe they were just butterflies, doing their butterfly thing. It didn't matter. I was insane anyway. I swung my legs over the branch, ready to fall feet first if I did decide to drop myself. The Wolf took my cue and repositioned himself, making sure his legs were wrapped tightly around the tree, ready to try and catch me. The plan was not to jump into his arms. It was to free fall down and hope he could get a hold of me as I past him. "I'm ready for you. Don't jump unless you're absolutely confident that I'll catch you."

"How confident are you?" I asked, mostly just to distract myself. My voice shook now more than I would have liked.

"I will catch you," he actually sounded really confident, which helped.

"It's up to you," I whispered, making sure the Wolf couldn't hear me. I was asking the butterflies. Perfectly synchronized, they lifted up there wings, then resolutely brought them down, showing me there sunshine-colored wings. Down it was

"Ready," I called down to him.

He nodded.

I pushed myself off the branch.

_ _

_ _

_This is the part when time slows down as I fall. The Wolf reaches out his hand as I close in on him. Then I reach out mine and our arms make contact, but our fingers are too slow. Milliseconds become minutes as I pass him, our arms brushing against each other, our fingers racing against gravity to get a grip. The pads of my fingers are finally able to feel his fur, but they're already past his elbows and I can feel our wrists beginning to touch, then the heels' of our palms But in this last moment his hand closes around my wrist and time catches up to us again as I stop falling. _

The contact burns, but I push it out of my mind as he pulls me up. His legs are still straddling the branch, and when I am up so are mine. But we are really close and he has practically pulled me into his chest. I can see the rise and fall of his body as he breathes and I instinctively lean back, but that doesn't do much. I look up at him and suddenly we are nose to nose, no sound save for our tired breathing as we try to catch our breaths. I smell his scent, strong from sweating. That and the proximity to his face made my face go bright red.

"Are you okay?" he asks finally. His breath is warm in the cold air.

"Yeah," I manage to reply, though the closeness is make me dizzy.

"That's good," he says as he looks into my eyes and I look into his. Our bodies creep closer together, then our lips...

This is the part when time doesn't really slow down all that much as I fall. The Wolf probably reaches out his hand as I close in on him, but in the blur of branches and leaves and sky all I can do is blindly flail my arms above me as an unintended yell comes out of my throat. I know I'm going to die so I close my eyes. One of my arms suddenly blooms into an explosion of pain, and I think I've broken it.

Then I stop falling, but I don't stop screaming. I look up and see that the Wolf has grabbed my exposed wrist as well as a chunk of my hair with one of his hands. The other arm is wrapped around the branch, trying to keep both of us from falling. My scalp probably hurts, but I cannot even begin to register that, or even that it appears that I've been saved.

I said Joseph's hand felt like it had been in an oven.

The Wolf's hand felt like the surface of the sun.

I think he was saying my fake name. I couldn't listen.

Then I heard the creaking of the branch, the one that was now supporting both our weights.

Then it broke.

We both fell.

I closed my eyes again.