FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Part two of the Dragon's Love series, and I'M SORRY ABOUT THE DELAY! Now you can shut up and leave me alone about how long this took. The first part of the story, as I said then, was a near mirror of my life at the time of writing. Though my life has changed a bit now and this second part isn't accurate at all, it's still what I wish I could have seen. Ad I hope it's something you'll enjoy reading.

I promised yiff at the end of the last story. Sorry, but that's a broken promise. I've decided to take a little bit of a different direction with this story, and it'll branch off into a third story once I find the time/inclination to write it. In short, no yiff in this story either. There was going to be, but there isn't now. Wait for the next one, maybe. I'm not sure anymore if I'll be writing yiff at all here. My bad.

I hope you enjoy this story, and make sure that you've read Dragon's Love: A Love Revealed (which you can find here: http://yiffstar.com/index.php?pid=3995 ) if you want to know what's going on. The descriptions of the characters aren't going to be repeated, this story is a direct follow on from the first story.

• Faora pt 2

A Dragon's Love

Love Denied

I love you, Zac...

It was those words that stuck in the dragon's mind. Zac felt everything leave him, the beach around them, the sound of the surf crashing against the sand, even the speaker of the words, Jason, sitting beside him.

He sat silent for a moment. He'd suspected this, come to believe that Jason had fallen for him...but to have it confirmed to him, to actually KNOW it...that was something else. So many conflicting emotions and thoughts ran through him, despite the preparations he'd made beforehand. He was overwhelmed, blown completely away by the admission.

Jason sat there silently as well, his eyes flicking over Zac's frozen face. The fear and trepidation he'd felt before admitting his feelings were gone, replaced by a profound dread. No...he won't...he hates me...why did I...no... "Z-zac?"

The silence continued for another moment, before Zac finally broke it. "Jase..." he sighed quietly, his eyes looking back finally over the younger dragon, "Are you...you completely sure about this?"

Hesitating, Jason looked out towards the ocean, then down again. "I don't know," he admitted, "You can't ever be sure of anything..." His gaze came back up, the full tears now flowing down his face, "But I can be as sure as I can be of this."

Zac nodded slowly, the rest of his body still as he gazed past Jason, unable to look his friend in the eyes. He sat that way for a second, before locking his eyes once more on the other. Zac brought a hand up slowly, reaching out to brush the tears aside with a single finger, smiling softly to Jason. "Just as long as you're sure of yourself."

The sense of dread that had fallen like a cloak across his spirit started to gradually lift from Jason's mind, the gentle touch on his cheeks setting him more at ease. "S-so...you're all right with this?" he asked slowly, "You don't mind me...feeling like that? About you?"

The older dragon just gave a shake of his head and a quiet laugh. "I don't mind at all, Jase. I'm rather flattered, actually." Zac hesitated, then shrugged minutely. "But...don't expect me to return those feelings to you...Jase, our relationship is still "just friends"...all right?"

Though a fresh tear slid down Jason's face, he gave a slow nod. "I understand," he replied softly, "I understand well. I mean, I knew I couldn't expect you to just come out and tell me the same..." He looked down. "I'd hoped...but expected otherwise."

"I could say that I love you," Zac said, "But that would give a false impression. Jase, I love you like I love my friends...but no more than that. And besides...I'm not ready for any relationship right now, least of all with a male..."

Jason nodded and sighed. "Your last mate."

"Yeah...I couldn't even go looking with the intent of finding someone. It's just not an interest right now..." Zac shook his head softly. "And even if it WAS an interest now, I'm not sure I could...well, you know..."

"Have a male as a mate?" Jason finished, his head cocked slightly to the side. The dread was gone from his mind now, replaced with a dull ache from his heart, a quiet groan that rippled from his center throughout his body.

Zac just nodded. "Exactly...I don't think I could do that...and especially with you." He bowed his head, looking down at his hands. "I mean, we've been friends for so long...even if I was interested, would you want to risk what we have?"

All Jason could do was sigh. "I guess not," he admitted, the ache growing stronger, "But...it's not like I can just ignore how I feel." His eyes met Zac's and he felt a jolt of energy run through his body. "Everything's different now. We can't go back to the way things were, and I can't suppress my emotions any more."

With a sigh, Zac nodded again. "And I wouldn't ask you to, even if you could. I know what that feeling is like..." He smiled faintly in the darkness. "Look, I can barely see anything anymore. What's say we go back home, get some rest, and worry about this tomorrow or something?"

Jason nodded and gave back a smile of his own. "You always were the practical one, Zac," he replied, standing slowly, popping the last of his cooling burger into his mouth and waving him forward.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The trip back to their apartment was a quiet one, neither of the dragons really saying much. For his part, Zac was concentrating on the road more than anything else, trying to use it as a temporary distraction to the words he'd heard.

Jason though, was quiet simply because there was nothing left to say. He had bared his soul, let his friend look deep into his heart only to find his own reflection...and had achieved nothing for it. Zac didn't love him the same way, and he wouldn't. Dammit...I should have just kept my mouth shut...

They finally pulled up and the pair strode out, Zac moving back to unlock the boot of the car and toss the keys to Jason as he removed the bags. Jason caught the keys with tired routine, unlocking the door and holding it open for the older dragon.

The two walked into the room slowly, and as Zac flicked on the lights, he had to keep the look of surprised fear well off his face. The sight of Jason beside him was almost enough to send his own composure flying.

The younger dragon's cheeks were stained with tears. His scales, normally a brilliant blue that Zac envied fiercely, were emotion-dulled to a quieter, almost blotchy shade. His eyes were absent of their usual spark, his wings drooped behind him.

Jason didn't even notice his friend's worried stare, just strode silently with shoulders slumped towards his room. Zac watched him go, fighting down the wave of guilt threatening to overpower him. Never, in all the time that he'd known Jason, had he ever seen his friend look so...beaten, so dead. It was like being told the sun would never rise again, something you laughed at because it would never happen.

But this was what he'd seen. Jason was hurt. Hurt badly. And even though Zac knew it wasn't his fault - and how could it have been? - that wave of guilt still rose up before him, sweeping the dragon away and wrenching a heavy sigh from his muzzle.

Turning his gaze away from Jason's door, Zac spun himself around and walked out on the balcony, burying the guilt as deep as he could. A salty sea breeze greeted him as he opened the balcony door, and the dragon closed his eyes to better feel the wind ripple across and through his scales. It wasn't much, but it was something that could help him feel at ease. Hey, he knew Jason enjoyed...

Zac opened his eyes again and shook his head, sighing once more as he looked to the sky. The stars were out tonight. Not living in a densely populated area meant that he often was given an unhindered view of the night sky. A simple pleasure that would be lost in years to come, as more people settled near the beach that Jason called home...

Snapping his head down, Zac growled at himself this time. Instantly, his guilt metamorphosed itself into anger with himself. Anger for not being what his friend needed, for being unable to help him, for not quite being enough. He lashed out at the balcony itself, beating the metal balustrade with his fists, feet and tail.

Finally he stopped, regaining control of himself as he felt all energy leave him. He slumped down into a crouch, burying his head in his hands. Why me? he thought, Why the hell would Jase want me?

He lifted his head up slowly as a new sound presented itself to him. Something he'd not heard in so many years, that it seemed almost alien to him. Something he'd never wanted to hear at all again in his life. The sound of Jason, in his room, crying.

The guilt rose up in him again, but this time, he didn't waste that energy on anger, at himself or anyone else. Zac stood up slowly and walked back inside, stopping in front of Jason's door and tapping at it quietly. "Jase? Can I come in?"

Suddenly he heard the muffled sound of his friend's sobbing cut off into an eerie silence. For a moment, Zac was worried something may have happened, before he head Jason speaking, his voice tired and flat. "Sure..."

Zac slowly opened the door, looking inside into the dimly lit room. All he could see, the only lit area of the whole room, was Jason's bed. He'd placed it there deliberately when they'd moved in, saying he wanted to sleep in the moonlight every night. Everything else in the room was lost to shadow, only the sheets, pillows, and Jason's curled form lit by pale, silver light.

The older dragon walked inside, closing the door behind him. He made his way over to Jason's bed and sat down on one of the bottom corners, faced away from his friend. For a long minute, silence reigned throughout the room, before Zac finally broke it. "I'm sorry."

Jason looked up immediately, tears shimmering in the light. He shook his head and sighed. "You've got nothing to apologise for, Zac..."

Zac turned slightly, looking at the shadow of his friend on the wall now, but still not directly at him. "I do. I wasn't here earlier. I was too pissed off at myself to come here for you. I'm sorry that I wasn't here for you earlier." Now, he turned around fully to face Jason. "I'm sorry, Jase."

The younger dragon gazed back for a moment, before nodding slowly. "All right..." he replied slowly, before looking down. "Was that the only reason you came here? To apologise?"

Pausing for a second, Zac fidgeted as he searched himself for an answer. "You know what? I actually don't know why I came here..." He slid closer to Jason, patting his friend's shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. He felt a little hurt when Jason flinched back form his touch, lifting his hand away with a sigh. "I guess I'm just...confused too."

A faint laugh was emitted from Jason as he shook his head. "Confused? You don't have to be confused, Zac. You know what you want. Hell, I not so vain I don't know it's not me." He looked up sadly. "I just need to get used to that fact. That the one I love won't love me the same way."

He looked down. "I was thinkin...maybe it's time for me to move out into my own place or something..." The dragon shrugged. "I mean, if I stay here...well, it's going to hurt being here now, living with you. I can't do it."

Zac, for his part, was shaking his head firmly. "Jase, no. You don't have to go anywhere. I mean, I may not love you that way, but you don't have to go...I don't want you to."

But Jason just shook his head. "No, Zac. I made up my mind. I'll start looking tomorrow." His glistening eyes flicked across to the window, a fresh tear streaming down the side of his face. "I can't stay here. I can't love you, I can't kiss you, and I can't hold you. If I can't have those things, why should I stay?"

Frowning with pain, Zac shook his head again. "You can stay here, you can love me, you can kiss me and you can hold me. I don't want you to go."

Jason just raised an eyeridge and frowned, his expression not one of pain but one of cold anger. "Don't do that to me, Zac," he growled, "Don't you dare tease me like that. I know you'd never do those for me."

For a moment, the two stared right at each other, neither one backing down. Finally, and making a move that even surprised him, Zac leaned over and pulled his friend's head to his for a gentle kiss.

Everything around them vanished in that moment, the world dropping away into velvet night as the two embraced, shining moonlight playing across blue scales. For a moment, time vanished, and there was only the two of them.

Zac pulled back, softly breaking the moment, leaving Jason frozen there with his eyes shut and surprise written across his face. Zac just sat back and waited, blushing furiously at the thought of what he'd just done.

Jason slowly opened his eyes, gazing into Zac's and sparkling with fresh tears. "Did I just imagine that you kissed me?" he asked softly, "Or did that really happen?"

Zac just nodded slowly, looking down. Jason watched him for a moment, before finally sliding over to his friend. Zac looked up and wrapped one arm around the younger dragon, laying Jason's head against his chest. Jason began to purr softly, listening to the sound of Zac's heartbeat as he sat there silently.

The two remained sitting there for a long time, just staring out the window. Finally, Jason pulled away and gave a quiet yawn. "I'm sorry. . .I just feel so tired. . ."

Zac just smiled and nodded. "I bet you are. You've had a long day." He smiled wider as he helped Jason into bed and watched the other get comfortable. He cocked his head to the side though, when Jason rolled over.

For a second, he just searched Zac's eyes. Looked deep into them, as if he could look through those windows to the soul and read what was beyond them. Finally, he quietly asked, "Would you...mind staying here? With me?"

The older dragon looked down for a second, thinking quickly. Jason needed him, needed to know that their friendship wasn't over. Needed to know that he understood what had happened. But...could he really do this? Sleep beside his friend, play into what he seemed to need so badly?

Seeing Zac's hesitation, Jason's gaze fell and he rolled back over again, moving to take up most of the bed once more. "It's all right, Zac," he said quietly, "I understand. Thanks anyway."

That guilt rose up in him again, Zac's cheeks burning with his shame. He needs me...and it doesn't have to lead to anything else... That thought, coupled with the pain-induced guilt, moved Zac to slide over and peel back the covers to his friend's bed. "Sorry, Jase. Just needed to think about it for a sec."

Jason looked up, appearing surprised again for a moment, before rolling over and offering a sizable amount of the bed. Zac climbed in slowly, pulling the sheets back up and over himself, before giving a smile as he saw the moon shining brightly through the window.

There was a sudden warmth at his side as Jason slid close, nuzzling into his stomach with a purr. Smiling wider, Zac wrapped his arm around him, scratching gently along his friend's wing membranes.

Giving a delighted giggle, Jason snuggled into him in response, draping one of his arms around Zac's waist. He held him tightly, as if he was afraid to let go. It occurred to him as he thought that, that he was afraid of exactly that. "Zac?"

He looked down, cocking his head to the side as his hand slid down away from Jason's wings. "Mmm? Something on your mind?"

Nodding, Jason sat up a little. "Yeah. What happens after this?" His head was tilted up as if to look at Zac, but his eyes wouldn't meed his friend's. "I mean...is this one of those 'once-in-a-lifetime' offers, or is it a 'buy now, and receive a free set of steak knives' kinda thing?"

Raising an eyeridge, Zac reached around and gave the other's back a light slap. "I'm not letting you watch any Danoz Direct advertising for a month. What do you mean?"

Jason sighed heavily as he sat up straightened, pulling himself free of Zac's reassuring embrace. "I mean, after this. Will this ever happen again? Or is it just to facilitate me?" He shook his head. "I want this consistently, or not at all, Zac. I won't settle for a teaser."

Turning away back to the window, Zac gave a light shrug. "I can't answer that, Jase," he replied slowly after considering his response carefully, "I could say that I'd give you this whenever you wanted, but I can't make that promise. I don't know if I could. I could say I won't, but...you'd go. I really don't want you to."

Finally meeting his gaze, the younger dragon gave a frown. "You sound more like me right now than I do. You don't want me to go. Fine. But I can't stay." He slid away from Zac slowly, towards the edge of the bed. You can either work out a way to deal with life without me being here with you, or you can work out a way to love me." He turned to look back over his shoulder. "And you can't force love. So you stay here tonight. I'm gonna sleep on the couch, unless you vacate the room."

The sheer strength behind Jason's words forced them into his memory, imprinting them deep on himself. Before Jason could even stand up though, Zac was on his feet and moving towards the door. "Your room, you stay here. I'll...I'll see you in the morning."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Barely as soon as Zac had moved past the threshold of Jason's door, he both felt and heard it close behind him. Sighing heavily, he'd headed back to his room, sat down on his bed, and sunk into deep thought.

He was still there.

Tilting his head, the dragon gave the digital clock on his bedside table a quick glance. Two-seventeen in the morning. He'd been sitting there for the better half of the night. Sitting and thinking. And he finally thought he'd gotten somewhere.

Zac was blessed with a powerful memory. Most every little detail was locked away in his mind, once he'd seen something, heard something or done something, he'd remember it for a very long time. And for the whole time he sat there in the dark, he'd stretched his mind hard, searching through all of his memories, looking for Jason.

It wasn't all that hard, really. For the past five years, nearly every memory included Jason in some form or another. Every day, from the first time they'd met, to what had happened earlier that night, Jason was there.

He filtered through the memories, searching for specific feelings, emotions, events. Anything that could give him a clue as to how to proceed. And again, it wasn't as hard as he would have thought.

He'd often said that he loved Jason. That he was like a brother, that he was like family. Every one of their friends knew that they shared an unspeakable, unbreakable bond. And every one of them also knew that nothing could keep those two best friends apart.

Zac knew that he cared. He's always known that. That wasn't what he was looking for. He hadn't been looking for a friend, he hadn't been looking for a brother, or family. He'd been looking to see if he could find a time in his memory when he'd looked at Jason with attraction. And he'd found it.

It was only the previous morning. When he'd just finished breakfast, when Jason had come out of the shower just wearing his shorts. He'd caught himself idly noting how attractive he looked. How he would make some female very happy.

It was only now though, that he realised that maybe, just maybe, Jason didn't want to make some female happy. Or some male. That he wanted to make Zac happy. No one else. That thought had doubled him over every time it had come to him, but this time it didn't. Rather than the blinding pain and denial, Zac felt peaceful. He could accept this now, knew it.

Since his mate had left him, Jason had always been there for him, always supporting him every step of the painful way. Now that he knew what to look for, Zac could see several times when he'd looked at Jason with a longing, even if at the time he'd not known what it was. He'd figured it was jealousy for the other's kind nature, for his striking body. But it hadn't been a desire for those traits. It had been a desire for the dragon himself.

His newfound acceptance broke some barrier within him, destroyed the floodgates and released a wash of emotion through his body. He almost lost himself in the sudden awareness of it all, that first clear moment of understanding.

I...I love him too...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zac only slept for two hours, his body too full of sudden, emotion-charged energy to sit down and rest. The rest of the morning he spent on the balcony, watching the glow on the horizon over the ocean, watching the world curve away beneath him into golden light. There were no clouds in the sky, nothing to obstruct a perfect sunrise.

"You're up early."

The older dragon didn't even turn around, merely smiling as he gazed out. "I've been up for a while now. How about you?"

Jason stepped into the edge of his peripheral vision, gazing thoughtfully down at the water. "Didn't sleep at all."

"Well, we'll just have to fix that up then, won't we?" Zac said as he turned, smiling down at Jason. "Come on, you get back to bed. I'll wake you up later if I need you."

Tiredly, Jason looked up. "Someone's in a friendly mood today," he commented, and Zac could detect a trace of bitterness in his voice. "Forgive me if I don't feel the same. I'm sure you understand perfectly."

Zac winced at the jab, but didn't rise to the bait. Jason was still hurt. Probably a little angry, and looking for a fight to burn that emotion away. "It's what happens when I get a couple hours of sleep," he replied with a smile. "You know I go nuts with sleep deprivation."

Jason gave a derisive snort and shook his head. "What did you have to stay up worrying about?" he growled, looking back down at the water again, "Me, I had to consider what I was going to do today. Where to go when I leave. You had nothing to worry about."

Zac was silent, it taking a few moments for him to register what he'd heard. "You're...leaving today?" he asked, unable to keep a tremor from entering his voice.

The other nodded. "Yeah. I was thinking about it all night. I figure one of my friends can put me up for a while, then I can go look for my own place." He shook his head again. "There's no way I'm staying here now."

"So, that's it?" Zac asked, tears forming despite his best efforts to control them, "You're just...going? Turning your back on years of friendship after one day?"

Jason whirled to face Zac. "Yes. That's it. I'm just going." His gaze sharpened, cooling until his eyes appeared as deep pools of ice. "Turning my back on the years of love I've had for you." His eyes narrowed. "Because you couldn't open yourself to me. If the situation was reversed, would you be able to stay here now?"

After a short pause, Zac tried to say it. "The situation is reversed, Jase," he said quietly. "I was up all night and thinking...and I don't want you to go."

"And how is that a reversal? You don't love me. Chances are you never could, in the way I need you to." Growling to himself, Jason spun and headed back inside. "Anthony's picking me up in three hours. Don't touch my stuff, I'll pack it up myself."

Standing in silence, Zac watched him return to his room. His gaze lingered long after he lost sight of Jason, his body burning with pain, guilt and shame. Closing his eyes, the dragon sank into a crouch and buried his face in his hands. Behind him, a perfect sunrise bloomed.

It no longer held any meaning for him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jason's friend Anthony was a little late, though it proved to be fortuitous. He was still packing at nine in the morning when the tiger showed up, glaring daggers at Zac whenever he came into eye contact. For his part, Zac could only look down with shame.

The morning was drawing to a close when everything was finally packed away, only a third of Jason's belongings stashed away in Anthony's van. The other two-thirds weren't important, and the dragon had said he'd return for them in a few days.

The moment finally came, the one Zac had been dreading. He stood on the footpath outside, watching Anthony get into his car. Jason, still inside, was gathering the last box of his stuff to load. He'd thought he was ready, taking the whole morning to prepare himself for this goodbye, but his legs still shook, and unshed tears still welled up in his eyes.

Zac walked over to the van, standing at the driver's door and looking in at Anthony. The tiger growled darkly and twisted his head to look back. "What do you want, Zac?"

Zac's dull, dead voice was almost a perfect opposite to Anthony's dark snarl. "Nothing for me, Anthony," he replied quietly, "Just promise me that you'll take care of him. He's been through a lot."

"And whose fault was that now?" the tiger snarled back, punching the dashboard. "Yours. He told me all of it, Zac. Don't let me catch you talking to him again after today, unless he starts it. Else I'm going to beat the scales right off your hide, got it?"

The dragon didn't reply, merely turned away to see Jason carrying the last box towards the van. He placed it next to the others in the back and closed the door, walking over to Zac and standing still. "Well. This went well."

Zac couldn't help but smile back, though he felt like his body was being ripped apart. "Oh yeah, perfectly." He looked down. "Jase...I'm sorry..."

The younger dragon shook his head and immediately turned to walk around to the passenger side. Looking up, Zac called out. "Jason, wait. I-"

"Can it, Zac," Jason interrupted, sliding into the seat and slamming the door shut. "I don't feel like talking right now. I'll be back in a couple of days for the rest of my stuff. If you've got something to say, you can do it then."

Tilting his head up, Zac injected steel into his spine to hold himself up, watching silently as Anthony wound his window up, started the car, and drove off. He watched them go, the tears finally falling.

"Jason...I love you too...please don't go..."

Okay, so it's a little shorter than the last story, but hey, this had a lot more drama in it. I don't know when you can expect the next story from this series, but it'll be soon. Promise. I've got a fair bit of time on my hands these days, so I'll do my best to write a bit more often.

As always you can direct any comments to the forum, or my email address, [email protected] It'd be cool if you'd also hit the little button at the bottom, and score the story. Seriously, not just for me, for any story you read. Never underestimate the feedback a little number can give a writer, even if they aren't given a reason for it. Anyway, until next time, take care!