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Tali'Zorah waltzed into Commander Shepard's quarters with a very smug Garrus Vakarian in tow. The young quarian woman was leading the turian by the hand, coming up from behind Shepard as the human spectre sat at his desk, going over mission reports.

"Oh, John~" Tali cooed.

John smiled as he recognized the voice of his lover, swiveling his chair around to face her. His smile vanished when he noticed Garrus standing behind Tali, snickering.

"What's going on, Tali?" John asked, scratching his perma-stubbled chin, looking at the pair with curiosity.

Tali's eyes narrowed at her soon-to-be-former human mate. He had no idea just how meek he was. Those little beady eyes, with that stupid smooth, ridge-less penis. So boring, and oh, so generic! His voice was boring, too. At least Garrus had a warbly voice that for some reason turned her on.

"I've come to the realization that you no longer please me!"

John shot up from his chair knocking it to the ground.

"Wat." He asked in monotone. It grated Tali's ears.

"You and your boring self are just too generic for me. The daughter of the migrant fleet needs someone more interesting! If you were a woman, however, I might've stayed with you. It would made you a hundred times more interesting than you are now, what with your generic, smooth penis and all. Keelah, maybe your voice would've carried some emotion, too."

John shook his head, unable to comprehend.

"I don't understand." again, monotone. No emotion whatsoever.

"I know you don't." Garrus cut in. "Maybe this will help."

Without another word, Garrus ripped Tali's entire suit off, exposing her sensitive, purple-skinned body to the world. A jet of her juices shot out of her pussy like a water hose, and didn't stop. It kept going and going, splattering all over the floor.

"This turns me on so much." Tali said as Garrus carried her over to the Commander's bed, her jet stream of juices still going strong, coating the walls.

Garrus smiled smugly at his superior officer, watching as the human did nothing.

'Generic, boring human male! Hah! You're a dime-a-dozen! A woman would be strong and interesting!' The turian thought.

Garrus threw Tali onto the bed sexily, his fringe and beak turning the quarian on, driving her to new heights of arousal. The jet-stream had now become a flowing river, white water rapids of Tali-juices flooding the room.

"Oh, Keelah! This makes me SOOOOO hawt! I don't care that Shepard saved my life, completed my pilgrimage for me, saved my life again, cleared my name of treason, saved my life AGAIN, saved my entire people, gave me an entire planet, and united a galaxy! Garrus is for better me, even though he was a jerk to me the first two times, what with the 'holding me responsible for the geth' and all! And then there's the fact that he would still be a whiny, failed C-Sec officer if not for Shepard's influence! But Garrus has a sexy voice and a penis that has ridges so I don't CARE!"

The Tali-sex-juice had now flooded the room up to John's knees. John still had not moved a muscle, simply staring as his supposedly best friend was finger-fucking his girlfriend in front of his eyes.

Garrus could barely get his fingers inside of Tali's velvet lips, as the resistance from the gushing fluids was almost too much. But the turian managed to work his way in about an inch, wiggling around in there for a few moments before pulling out.

"Wow." Garrus stated, a bit annoyed. He turned to look up at Tali. "How are you not dehydrated already?"

Tali shrugged before grabbing a hold of Garrus' pants, tugging them down around his waist. The turian cock sprang free from it's confines, exposed in all it's glory.

Tali stared at it, partly in worship.

It was magnificent!

Almost four, oops, I meant "twelve", inches long and ridges going down the entire, throbbing length.

"Just like my favorite dildo!" Tali squealed happily.

Garrus smiled with pride.

"Yep! Turians evolved light years away from everyone else but our males STILL managed to have our peens be just perfect for every female in the galaxy. Human women just LOVE us, you know!"

Meanwhile, Generic-Buzzcut-Human-Male-Marine Shepard stood and watched generic-ly with his generic, boring human eyes.

Tali-Sex-Juice level was now at his waist.

Garrus aimed his dildo, erm, his magnificent peen at Tali's over-flowed womanhood. The current was almost too strong for Garrus, nearly being dragged under and doomed to drown in vaginal fluid.

Mustering up all of his strength, Garrus thrust his hips forward, his ridged dick entering Tali's wide-set vagina. Immediately, Garrus convulsed in pleasure, his organism, uh, orgasm sending waves of... good feelings to every nerve in his body. Tali moaned as well, slashing around in her warm fluids, which were now up to John's stomach.

"OH, KEELAH." Tali said with her voice raised. Garrus pulled out after his one and only thrust, flopping down beside Tali, splashing into her juices.

"Garrus?" Tali asked, recovering from her supposedly immense orgasm.

"That's enough for me, Tali, I'll be back up in about a month." Garrus murmured, lazily waving her away, before slipping into the traditional turian post-sex hibernation period.

Tali turned to Shepard, smiling smugly at her former lover.

"You see? All you were able do in bed was go on for about five hours. With Garrus, it's an immediate orgasm. You couldn't do that, even if you tried you boring human male soldier who is less interesting and less emotive than female human soldiers.

"You're right Tali, I couldn't because I'm so boring and generic even though I united a galaxy but apparently, if you're a human, having a penis make you generic and boring an that makes me sad, kthnx bye."

And with that, Shepard drowned.

THE ENDlol!111!

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Meanwhile, in reality...

John Shepard glared at his sister, Jane, who at the moment was doubled over, laughing, as she clutched a data pad in one hand.

"That's not funny."

Jane continued to laugh, making John's anger grow exponentially.

Tali and Garrus stood nearby, next to John and Jane respectively. Both looked extremely uncomfortable, avoiding eye contact with the other.

"I said, that's not funny."

Tali placed a hand on John's shoulder, causing him to turn to her.

"John, it's fine. It's just a story."

Jane, having composed herself, wiped a tear from her eye as she got back up off the ground.

"She's right, John, It's just a story. Don't let it get to you."

John snorted, swiping the data pad away from his sister.

"Let me see that!"

John's eyes scanned over the contents a few times, curiosity overcoming him. He pressed a few buttons exploring the site.

"Just what the hell is all this bullshit!" John raged.

Tali attempted to console her human mate, as Jane snickered in the background. Garrus quickly elbowed her in the side.

"Ow! What was that for?" Jane asked as she rubbed her sore side.

"I didn't find it funny, either, Jane." Garrus said calmly before exiting the room.

"Oh, come on, Garrus! I was only kidding!" Jane called out as she followed Garrus out the door, leaving Tali and John alone in the room.

"There are, like, over 1000 stories for Jane and only 400 for me! That's fucking bullshit!" John scars were glowing red, a tell tale sign of his increasing rage.

"I know, John, I know." Tali said reassuringly.

John seemed to calm down, his eyes softening as he looked up at Tali's face plate.

"Hey... you wouldn't ever... do THAT to me, would you?" John asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Tali shook her head in disbelief.

With a sigh, the young quarian woman took a seat on her lover's lap, straddling her human.

"Never." She said with so much conviction, it surprised Shepard.

"Never?"

"Never."

John smiled up at his quarian girlfriend, his two hands finding themselves a comfortable spot on her hips.

"Oh, and for the record," Tali began, "You are totally NOT generic."

8 8 8

Fin.